Chapter 198

* * *

Huh… Is this a dream?

Standing before a field of blossoms in full bloom, Serpina thought to herself—could this really not be a dream? After all, there was no way someone like her could ever be granted such a picturesque scene.

But when she turned her head just slightly—

There he was, the white-haired man, smiling at her. A face she knew well. Swoen.

Since meeting him, she hadn’t had a single dream…until now. It felt like she’d been pulled back into one again.

Strangely enough, she could see herself from a third-person perspective.

Wearing a straw hat that blocked the sunlight and a pure white dress, she looked happier than anyone else—smiling as if she were the most beloved woman in the world. Her smile was so warm it made her forget when she’d last smiled like that.

In that moment, it seemed like happiness would last forever.

Swoen slowly rose from his seat.

He began walking forward with steady steps.

“Huh? What…?”

No matter how far she reached out…

She couldn’t touch him.

Her voice wouldn’t come out no matter how much she wanted to say something.

So many words lingered on the tip of her tongue, but her lips refused to part.

Don’t go.

Please don’t leave, Swoen.

If you go too, then I’ll… I’ll…

I won’t be loved by anyone anymore. I’ll only be hated by everyone and abandoned.

I don’t want that.

I hate it.

PLEASE! PLEASE… stay with me!

* * *

“…Ah…”

She snapped back to reality.

“What is going on, Lady Serpina…?”

“…Swoen?”

It was Swoen’s voice.

The same voice from the dream she just woke up from.

Serpina moved her hand slowly, starting to piece together what had happened.

Right. After being prescribed pain-relieving herbs, she entrusted herself to her attendants and fell asleep.

As awareness returned, so did the dull ache in her lower back.

“Swoen… don’t go…!”

With every ounce of strength left in her, she stretched out her hand and grabbed his wrist. He looked at her with concern.

“Have you awakened, my lord? You should rest—”

“NEVER… NEVER let me lose you…!”

That was all Serpina could think about. She didn’t want to lose this man. If she did, she’d regret it for the rest of her life.

“Swoen…”

“My lord…”

And so…

She revealed the truth she had buried deep within her heart—the real feelings she had never dared to express, fearing his hatred.

I know.

I know that your heart isn’t mine.

I know that the master you serve isn’t me.

But even knowing that…

I still feel like I’ll regret it if I don’t say this.

So…

“Swoen… please don’t leave…”

And with that, she spoke the words.

* * *

“My lord…?”

When Serpina gently turned toward him, pulling her body slightly, the blanket slid down, revealing her snow-white shoulder.

Before she gave me time to look away, she repeated the same plea:

“I beg you… Swoen, don’t leave…”

“…”

What does she mean by ‘don’t leave’?

Does she mean stay by her side right now?

Thinking along those lines, I sat closer in the nearby chair.

“I’m not going anywhere, my lord. I’ll stay here today.”

But…

It’s as if she’s trying to hold onto me tightly, gripping my arm harder while repeating:

“It’s not that…”

“…”

“Swoen… please stay by my side… I beg you…”

Don’t leave.

Stay by my side.

I understand the true meaning behind these words.

Did she already know?

That someday I would leave her side?

She always said it didn’t matter if she came second to me. That she’d do anything to keep me close. All those words… Were they really asking me not to leave her?

Serpina stopped pressing for an answer, understanding my hesitation.

Perhaps this wasn’t even a question seeking a response.

After some silence passed, I carefully changed the subject.

“How are your wounds feeling?”

“It’s not fatal, so I’m fine. Believe it or not, my life tends to be rather tenacious.”

The doctor said there’s nothing special they can do besides wrapping bandages and applying herbal medicine. This kind of treatment will take quite some time—weeks at best, months at worst.

Though we managed to save her life, even I can tell it’s not a light injury. It’ll likely take months.

She must know she won’t be able to properly handle state affairs in this condition…

Which naturally leads to the inevitable question.

“My lord, why did you do it?”

“…”

“Why did you throw yourself in front of Lady Iren instead?”

Serpina was intelligent. She understood the weight of her own life. To me, Lady Iren may be important, but from the perspective of the nation, the ruler’s existence is far more significant than a mere bodyguard. Such an action would’ve put General Iren in an extremely awkward position as well. Failing to protect her charge would’ve meant failure regardless of any justification.

And yet, she acted despite knowing it wouldn’t help either her or Iren.

Why?

Serpina slowly opened and closed her golden eyes, gripping my hand tightly.

“I didn’t want to hurt you.”

“…”

“I… Swoen, I didn’t want to cause you pain.”

“She means a lot to you, doesn’t she… If I had harmed her, I feared it might wound your heart.”

“And I realized that if I caused you irreversible harm… Without realizing it, my body moved on its own.”

“…”

“I know people dislike me. I thought I’d grown used to it. But… If I end up hurting you too, and you come to hate me like everyone else… I think I’d fall apart.”

“So… I threw myself in front. I hoped you wouldn’t feel sad. I hoped you wouldn’t hate me. I…”

—I feared you hating me.

Trembling, she confessed her deepest feelings. I gripped her hand firmly.

“My lord… There’s no reason for me to hate you.”

“Swoen…”

“Therefore…”

My voice faltered. I didn’t know what to say in situations like this.

I could speak freely to Iren. I could pour out everything in my heart without reservation. That hasn’t changed.

But Serpina is different.

Because I am someone who will eventually leave, speaking unnecessary words to her would only deceive her further. Thus, I lacked the courage to utter them.

It’s okay. Everything will be fine. I’ll continue to assist you.

Thank you for saving Lady Iren. I’ll never forget your kindness.

These comforting words circled in my mind, but I couldn’t bring myself to say them. I knew I didn’t have the right.

Then…

Her delicate hand slowly rose, brushing against my cheek with her palm.

“Don’t cry.”

“…”

Ah.

Only now did I realize tears were streaming down my face.

“Swoen… You tried to protect her for my sake, but why do you seem so pained?”

“My lord…”

“You did the right thing saving Iren… Otherwise, I wouldn’t have been able to face you again.”

Without saying a word, I held her hand tightly. Time passed as silent tears dripped onto my knees.

Eventually, Serpina began wiping away my tears…

And then, hesitantly…

She shared her innermost thoughts.

“Swoen…”

“Yes?”

Her story began.

“I… didn’t kill anyone.”

It might sound insignificant for an absolute ruler to say, but as a human being, it carried immense weight.

“I… haven’t killed anyone, Swoen.”

“…”

“Lord Algord… Lord Sidemid…”

At the mention of their names, memories of her past confession resurfaced.

“Of course, it was necessary. The most promising heir, Lord Algord, and the one who clashed with him the most, Lord Sidemid, were both eliminated by my hands.”

She stared directly into my eyes and declared: “I killed them all.”

“To secure the throne, purging was unavoidable. If there were no followers, then eliminating those who wouldn’t follow me and keeping only those loyal to me was simple. So, I cleared them out. Because I was destined to wear the crown.”

Afterward, she casually asked me, “Do you despise me?”

Now…

She trembled as she told me something entirely different.

That she hadn’t killed anyone.

I looked into her face.

Just as I had cried, she began crying too. Her golden eyes shimmered like a rippling lake.

“No one… I haven’t killed anyone. I… haven’t killed anyone…”

Someone who seemed invincible.

A woman who never allowed anyone to look down upon her.

Was sobbing uncontrollably, her beautiful face distorted by tears.

“Believe me, Swoen… I haven’t killed anyone…”

“…”

Her fragile voice pleaded repeatedly.

“I didn’t do it.”

“I haven’t killed anyone…”

She revealed truths long buried deep inside.

“It’s true…”

Listening to her quivering voice, I composed myself and reflected.

How uncharacteristic of her.

The Serpina I knew always explained things logically, providing convincing evidence. Yet now, she simply repeated over and over that she hadn’t done it, offering no details.

Lacking evidence, logic, or eloquence…

Ironically, her appeal was unmatched by even the most persuasive orator.

If Serpina truly hadn’t killed anyone, then whose misdeeds were attributed to her all this time? Had she been carrying the karma of others alone?

And crucially—why was she telling me this?

Though questions piled up, none of them mattered now.

What mattered was giving her the support she needed. Comforting her heart as she opened up.

“I believe you.”

Slowly, I met her gaze and spoke.

“I already said this before. I trust you, Lady Serpina. Nothing has changed. I believe you. I believe your words.”

She continued crying silently without responding. I quietly placed my hand on her face, ignoring protocol even as she didn’t resist.

After wiping away her tears, I took her hand once more.

It’s warm.

Even though she’s supposed to be a tyrant devoid of blood and tears, warmth flows through her veins. Perhaps she’s not the tyrant everyone claims. I believe her. I can’t help but believe her.

Leaning into the warmth radiating from her hand, I gradually realized something.

The yuzu fragrance filling the air doesn’t come from her—it arises from within my own heart.

What am I doing?

Why am I giving her so much of myself?

Burying rational questions deep within for now,

I instinctively rested my face against her hand.

And then,

in a bold act,

I vowed to protect Serpina forever.

Regrettably, there was no falsehood in that vow.