If there is something I wish for.
I wanted to step forward, showing my complete self just as I am, in front of people.
I wanted to greet and converse with the neighbors near my home, getting to know them.
I dreamed of a normal life, walking through bustling streets, exploring the city and entering many places.
But I couldn’t do that.
Naturally.
Everyone was too busy running away in terror at the sight of me.
I was known for not-so-great reasons, and they were merely kind and helpless citizens.
Those who faced me were clad in magic armor and drew brilliant weapons before me.
Feelings of contempt, as if looking at something evil, along with fear, tension, and dread always followed them.
If I closed my eyes for a moment and opened them again, all those things would already be buried in the ground.
Monsters and demons adorned the corpses, and the scent of life vanished from the land.
And I, in the center of it all, sat down, screaming, howling, and weeping pathetically.
Blaming my own powerlessness, caught in the grip of mental illness.
Really, truly like an idiot.
There were times I tried to die. Countless times I was pierced by blades and thrust through the heart. I twisted my body, bringing bullets upon myself.
The only thing that changed was my adaptation to pain.
Nothing else.
In the chilly night heading into midnight, I grab my sword once more.
It’s been a long time since my eyes turned bloodshot in face of destiny.
Hunting like a beast, I chase after my prey, smelling the scent of life.
“Ugh… Hah, – Urgh!”
Suddenly, blood bursts from my mouth.
Ragged breathing and a sticky pain reverberate in my brain.
Can’t you just let me go? Still, I’ve been hanging on as best as I could.
“Ugh -”
Yeah, well. That’s how it is.
The pounding of my heart gets so intense I nearly lose consciousness, and in the end, even my gaze gets captured by the man right in front of me.
My vision distorts.
Thud.
Scattered, radiant droplets fill the space.
“Ssssss… Hah.”
Like a beast, I yearn for them, reaching a brief moment of silence.
The thrill of reclaiming the warmth I longed for, and the pleasure of escaping from barren land weighs down on me.
In stark contrast, the screams ringing out from the empty darkness.
Even that is tinted by endless dopamine, staining my brain.
Such stimulation and processes all pass in the blink of an eye.
Again, emotions that plummet into despair color my screams.
“Ha, ha ha.”
Resignation, powerlessness, and forced laughter escape my red lips.
I’ve long since lost my reason amidst the familiar crumpling of my self.
As night falls, it intensifies further, and I’m left with no choice but to relieve all the desires I held back during the day.
These trembling hands, the nausea that makes me feel like I’m about to retch.
All of it seems to erode my existence.
For a moment, I turn my gaze and look at the countless walls surrounding me.
It feels vast and oppressive. The presence of the enormous buildings suggests that there’s no exit in sight.
“Ha.”
With a sigh escaping, I spit out the blood filling my mouth.
Is it really necessary to bind me with countless words?
Instinct, that single word should suffice.
The tragic instinct rooted in the fate of my kind.
And there, obediently, like a slave, I am bound in red chains.
Last week, a few days ago, yesterday, and even now. Nothing has changed.
I follow the flow of blood, sitting down on the ground in resignation.
What do you expect from me?
The red sea gave no answer.
“Hi, hihuh.”
With an empty breath, I swing my blade over and over. This disgusting body avoids the vital spots of this person, delivering agonizing pain.
As I grip this blood-soaked, pitiful figure and take a step forward, my body reacts instinctively, twisting my head.
And barely missing where my neck was, a massive spear rushes past.
“Welcome.”
“Please let that person go right now.”
Then, I guess so.
I kick the man who gently lets go of my hand away from me. And without looking back, I simply turn away.
“You found your way here well.”
As I glance around briefly, I see a colossal blood-red ring. The resonance of magic envelops the area, noticeably stronger than before.
And standing at the center, a faded girl tightly grips her sword, staring straight at me.
“You were full of things unknown.”
With a slightly stiff voice, I stop and look at her.
“Even at our first meeting, and when the gate opened, you could have killed me if you wanted to. You drove me to my death, yet with an incomprehensible smile, you always let me go.”
“…”
“Why? Did you perhaps think of me as entertainment? A toy to play with?”
Interest.
The type that began to form in Erica long ago.
She was different.
But my feelings toward her end today.
She will be completely demolished today.
She might die.
I think today I will exert more strength than usual.
I’ll shatter her until she screams, wails in pain, and collapses holding onto me.
I must do so for my own gain, and the outcome is all too evident.
At the end where she is driven to despair, she will not be able to resist the endless pain and moans.
Before colossal power, it must be so.
Yeah.
Like them, and like me.
“Of course.”
So I provoke her. Raise her emotions and press her psyche.
“It was a kind of entertainment for me.”
Making her do her very best, I encourage her actions steeped in rage, giving them legitimacy.
“It was quite a sight, seeing you glaring at me, covered in blood.”
And then I drop her back into despair. Thoroughly crushing any glimmer of hope.
She will finally collapse. Naturally, she must. And that logic hasn’t changed for even a moment.
“After just watching those who trembled and begged for their lives, gripping my pant leg…!”
“Orly!!”
As expected, she twisted into a shape of rage, truly,
Was beautiful.
The current shifts, and the wind blew towards me. With a shocking sound, Erica leaped from the ground, in an instant raising her sword in front of me. Clenching a knife in her mouth, she lowered her posture. The sword, carving a curve, split the air. The magical energy surged from behind and the surrounding buildings shattered under her strike.
As I raised my posture, I slashed her chest with my knife. A massive scar was etched, and red blood filled the air.
A groan erupted, and her stance crumbled. Instantly, I kicked my foot into her abdomen. Following her as she was bounced away, I gathered the scattered droplets with my scythe. Swinging it widely, at that moment, Erica opened her eyes and raised her sword. The strength dissipated, and the blade shattered.
As I aimed my knife at her, Erica clenched her hand. A single long stream formed in the air, and I felt the wind. A massive sword generated from the sky descended rapidly towards me, glinting.
I spread my wings and twisted my body. Barely evading the falling sword, I fluttered once more and soared high into the sky. I tossed my knife into the air and made a full turn. The knife, now sentient, deeply cut into my back. Blood sprayed out like a fountain, accumulating into the form of a devil wielding a scythe.
As Erica fell to the ground, she coughed, regaining her stance. As she reached her arm back, a spear filled with magical energy flowed into her hand.
With a distorted expression, she reached her hand out, spitting out blood. The spear rushed through the air towards me.
The devil let out a rancid scream and swung the scythe broadly. The spear shattered into pieces following the curve traced by the scythe. The air twisted, and a shockwave erupted. Erica was enveloped in an explosion and collided with a building wall.
The devil scattered once more into blood and gathered into my hand. The red double-edged knife formed and flew around me as I fell, aimed at her. It plunged into Erica’s chest at an angle. As I fell, I relied on my speed and swung the knife.
As my feet touched the ground, a straight line was drawn in the air. The building behind her cracked open, distorting the space.
A severed arm flew through the air.
Erica collapsed.
“Ugh, huh, ugh – huh.”
Thoroughly wrecked ground and cement, a fittingly dense blood poured forth from her.
“Ha, haah -”
A sound mixing nausea and pain lingered in the air before vanishing. The scent of life gradually faded, signaling death.
Somehow, the thin wind of magic attempted to stem the red waterfall of her arm, entering a stage of hemostasis.
Naturally, it wasn’t easy.
Her abdomen was mangled, severely damaged by the blade’s mark. A long scar was engraved in her chest, spreading poison throughout her body.
And she only lay on the ground, trembling, unable to utter a word except for groans.
Of course.
It’s the inevitable sequence of events.
When pushed to the limit, nothing holds meaning anymore.
Beliefs, will, everything crumbles, leaving only the instinct to live.
Fear and terror consume her body.
Screaming in a trembling tone, she clawed the floor and shed blood-tears.
“…”
I had been aware of this, but I also knew how this would end.
Unapproachable enormous power, insurmountably strong danger.
All who stood before me ended up like this. And this girl would be the same.
So I couldn’t understand.
The owner of this hand that caught me, trying to turn away.
This girl, trembling yet standing tall with a sword in hand.
Her uniform, a bit larger than her frame, fluttered around her.
Her fair skin and beautifully vivid pupils remained unchanged.
Yes, it was those eyes.
Then, and now.
Before the emotions tainted in black, I couldn’t grasp that color.
I wanted to grab her shoulders and ask right away.
Aren’t you scared? Isn’t it terrifying? Don’t you want to give up and just sit down?
The warning signals in my body have been ringing for a long time. Fainting would probably be more comfortable for her mind and body.
Naturally. That’s how it is.
And yet she met my gaze.
What, what on earth, created those faded eyes?
As a humble being, I couldn’t comprehend. As an ignorant person, I couldn’t accept it.
“Why.”
Why go that far?
“Why do you do that?”
“Ugh.”
My voice trembled even more. In the mystical and dreamy resonance of her words, I dropped my knife.
“Does it hurt? You want to live, right? Maybe it’s better to think you’d rather die. You could just crawl, now that I don’t know, because it’s so painful, agonizing, and sad, you could beg me to do something about it.”
My powerless voice echoed before fading.
“…How many times have I said this?”
After a long series of groans, her voice, soft as if murmuring, or maybe just like throwing into the air, was beautiful enough to be terrifying.
“I… said it.”
“What?”
“I said I would kill you…”
Kill? Me?
I stood there for quite a while until the blood pooling on the floor dried. Perhaps the air rushing into her lungs was too burdensome, for after a few seconds of silence, she once more fell over.
I should have known. No, she must have known.
It was a fight that never should have been founded. The difference was stark, and her defeat was an inevitable fate, a destined result.
And still, why?
As the blood-stained questions began to consume my mind one by one, she stood up once more.
I was finally permitted to part my trembling lips.
“Speak.”
“…Ugh, haah.”
“Speak, I said.”
Grabbing her shoulders, I lifted her face up to mine.
“Did you fight knowing you would lose? Why? Didn’t you know? There’s no way you didn’t know. You knew, so why?”
Her tattered arm shook, and her hair floated.
“Why do you keep standing? You’re exhausted. You’re tired. Your head aches and your heart hurts. If you just stay still, simply embrace the ground, maybe I would heal you myself.”
It was filled with questions. She had to fall. That was the only way.
Because she was weak. In front of that something she couldn’t fight against, it was only natural for the one who stood before it to succumb.
I had always been this way.
Always collapsing, always sinking. I never clutched anything at the bottom of the abyss.
My body, enfolded by instinct, carried out slaughter without a window for rebellion.
And I fell into despair.
It wasn’t just me.
Those who opposed me, those who catered to my whims, and those who feared me, they all were the same.
So I felt relieved. I found solace in emptiness. Even while crying, I laughed and soaked my body in blood.
“Ugh, haah, haah.”
But still,
But still, you didn’t.
Even as red blood covered your body and soiled you, with your ruined breath, and the scars and wounds tearing you apart.
You gripped the solid sword, and began to straighten your longs that were once kneeling.
“…I have to protect, my little sister.”
Her stance blossomed upright, and her face gradually lifted.
Her beautiful skin, stained with wounds and blood, became visible.
“…Because I have to protect her.”
Little sister.
The golden hair that had been gently swaying shone brilliantly.
The white and clear pupils, like processed gemstones, endlessly absorbed me.
The great sword was lifted.
Beautiful.
How noble it is, to endlessly sacrifice your body in order to hold onto something.
How stunning you look, holding that cold blade even while spitting blood.
In the face of the mental illness hitting my body, abandoning my self to instinct and collapsing, unlike me,
You, even at our first meeting, before my blade, before the punch of the golem, and even now.
You aimed a massive sword at me, radiating brilliant light even in profound despair.
It was dazzling. So much so it could blind me.
It was sweet and transcendent. So much I would gag.
“…Ah.”
The gleaming sword finally, sliced through the air towards me.
Ripping through clothes and piercing my skin, even until my heart was pierced,
I remained there, motionless, staring at you with a thrill as I vowed.
On the day my life ends.
I will surely,
Be killed by you.
