Chapter 187

As I spoke, I didn’t really think that Hwa-won would grant my request. It was strange to allow such a scene after that display. I didn’t even know why Hwa-won’s permission was needed for me to drink.

But oddly enough, Hwa-won surprisingly and readily agreed.

“Sure.”

“…Huh?”

“What.”

“Aren’t you going to stop me?”

“You’re not a kid, so why would I stop you?”

“No… um, never mind.”

Since she said it was fine, it would just be asking for trouble to say more. I should just stay quiet.

“You’re not just going to drink. Don’t you want something to eat?”

“Why are you being so unusually nice today?”

“I’ve always been sweet.”

“Shut up.”

We moved on as a joke, but there was still a sense of discomfort. Since I won’t be drinking alone, should I feed Hwa-won first and see how she reacts? By the way, what about snacks?

“Um… Should we have gopchang?”

“Are you a girl?”

“I’ve eaten gopchang before.”

“Okay, okay. Should we order makchang too?”

“Yeah.”

After deciding on the menu, Hwa-won opened the refrigerator and looked inside. Since Hwa-won had plenty of alcohol that she had bought already, there was no need to place a separate order.

“No soju, only beer.”

“Is beer even alcohol?”

“For a kid who gets drunk off one shot of soju, beer is definitely enough.”

“…Hmph.”

I couldn’t really argue because she was right.

Hwa-won slouched on the couch, looking tired. For some reason, I felt a little hesitant to sit next to her, so I took a seat at the dining table. An awkward silence fell between us. It was a strange atmosphere. It had been so long since it had just been the two of us that I wasn’t sure what to do.

Should I just escape for a moment?

“I’ll go wash up.”

“Yeah, okay.”

I left to wash my makeup off and naturally talked about what to eat. It was more about washing up first, anyway. Although everything had cooled down, I was still a bit conscious of the sweat I had broken out in at the amusement park.

As I took off my clothes one by one, I realized just how feminine what I was wearing was.

I had been in front of Hwa-won dressed like this until now. My face suddenly flushed a little. I felt shy, but it was more like a strange emotion. Hwa-won seemed indifferent, at least.

A sigh escaped me for no apparent reason.

I entered the bathroom, my skin feeling fresh and white, and when I wet my body with warm water, the tangled thoughts in my head started to clear a bit. Well, Hwa-won being strange wasn’t something new. I figured something must have happened in her home. If I think about it, Hwa-won had a habit of being overly nice when something bad happened.

Was something not going well… or something like that?

Suddenly, I remembered that there wasn’t much time left for Hwa-won. If she doesn’t find results during that time, she’ll be leaving for the U.S.

The moment I realized that, a strong thought took hold of me—this absolutely can’t happen.

Ham Yejin, Muk Ha-neul, I threw them away with my own hands. There were still other acquaintances and friends left, but there was something different about them. Ham Yejin and Muk Ha-neul were, in a different sense, the people who had penetrated the deepest into my life.

But now both of them were gone.

That left only Hwa-won.

What remains for me, what remembers me, is now only Hwa-won.

That shocking realization enveloped my mind. If Hwa-won leaves, I would be all alone. No matter who else might be around, that would forever be the case. Though she might return in a few years, by then, Hwa-won wouldn’t be someone who could be with me anymore.

I can’t lose Hwa-won.

She can’t go.

…But how?

Is there anything I can do? Even if I try to help Hwa-won, how? My and Hwa-won’s way of writing were completely different. Unless it was a discussion about thought, I couldn’t really help in any other way.

That said, I didn’t have the connections or power to help Hwa-won succeed. Hwa-won would refuse even if I suggested such things. Hwa-won had a pride stronger than I thought.

…My thoughts were still jumbled, with no answers in sight as my long shower came to an end. I took twice as long as usual. Whether it actually took a long time or not, the moment I stepped out, Hwa-won scolded me.

“Why did you take so long?”

“Ah, I’m sorry…”

“…Why didn’t you dry your hair?”

“Uh? I did…”

“Water’s dripping; how half-assed did you dry it?”

“Let’s live a little carelessly, okay? At this point, it’s all dry.”

“Stop talking nonsense.”

Hwa-won grabbed my wrist. Even though it was clearly a forceful action, her touch was gentle. I suddenly realized how big Hwa-won’s hands were. They looked twice as big as mine. It might not actually be that much, but feeling that way was the truth.

“Come on, sit down.”

Hwa-won pulled me along, sat me down, and began drying my hair again with a hairdryer.

“I can do it myself.”

“You said you wouldn’t.”

I changed the subject.

“You’re familiar with this. Have you dried your younger sister’s hair before?”

It was just an offhanded jab. I knew both of us were a little wary of one another, so there wouldn’t be any such occasions. Hwa-won had many girlfriends, so I could easily guess she’d gotten used to it through them. It was somewhat unrelated, but I felt a bit sour, so I made the joke.

However, seeing Hwa-won’s expression harden in the mirror, I realized I had made a mistake.

“…Sorry.”

“It’s fine. Just… sigh, I don’t know.”

“What happened with your younger sister?”

“We just had a little fight.”

That was interesting. Hwa-won didn’t often fight with girls. After all, she didn’t seem the type to even get into a quarrel. And yet, why was her younger sister not considered a girl?

“What’s going on?”

“I haven’t talked much about her. Didn’t I mention she doesn’t like me much?”

“Yeah.”

“She calls me ‘hobby.’”

“…What?”

Is that how siblings interact? No, still, isn’t that a bit extreme?

“She never speaks honorifics and whenever she sees me, she kicks up a fuss. She just keeps coming at me for no reason.”

“Have you scolded her?”

“Do you think they would listen? Dad said she’s just rude and irresponsible. No response at all.”

“That must be tough.”

“There were guests today, so we were talking in the reception room, and she was eavesdropping. Even still, I thought this was a bit too much, so I lightly scolded her, and then she started crying and throwing a fit.”

That was definitely something unacceptable. It was inconsiderate to both Hwa-won and the guests. Hwa-won must have had a rough time, especially with a sister like that.

But just listening to Hwa-won, her sister sounded really annoying, yet I felt a bit grateful. Thanks to her, I could chat with Hwa-won again, naturally gossiping about her sister. I don’t even know her name, but thanks.

Wait, was Hwa-won’s odd mood because of that? No, I didn’t think Hwa-won would be that affected by such a thing… There had to be something more. No, it was clear there was more.

“With that, I feel like your dad would give her a piece of his mind. Why not tell him?”

“Would he just kick me out?”

“Is it that serious? Wow…”

Hwa-won’s dad was a bit different from the image I had of him before. When she talked about him before, he had seemed like a cold businessman.

By this time, my hair was completely dry. Despite that, we were naturally shifting places and continuing our conversation. It felt routine. This normalcy, I hope it continues. It has to.

“Ah, they’re here. I’ll go get it.”

The food I ordered arrived at just the right moment.

While Hwa-won went to fetch it, I took out the alcohol from the fridge. I had two cans of beer for myself and some soju to offer Hwa-won.

Hwa-won returned with the food and saw what I had on the table.

“Why is there soju?”

“Aren’t you drinking?”

“Today, I’m only having beer.”

…That’s a big problem. There’s no way Hwa-won could get drunk off beer.

“Isn’t soju okay?”

“I’m not in the mood. I’ll just have beer lightly.”

I tried to suggest it again, but it didn’t work. Hwa-won put the soju bottles back into the fridge and pulled out more beer cans.

“Well then, should we drink?”

~

As expected, Hwa-won drank four cans of beer and didn’t get drunk at all. A beer wouldn’t touch her rational mind. I took small sips of my beer while watching her. It… wasn’t really that great.

“Honestly, it doesn’t taste good, right?”

“…It’s good.”

“Your expression looks completely weird.”

“Whatever.”

The gopchang was moderately enjoyable. Previously, I would have thought it was a bit greasy, but after this change, it tasted good. The beer was still lacking, but it was bearable when combined with the food.

However, I had just finished one can and already my head was mildly spinning, which was the problem.

“You okay? Your expression is strange.”

“Ah, I’m fine…”

Now there was only one can of beer left. I poured all of that into a beer glass. I needed to drink just this one, only this one.

“Drink it slowly. You might collapse again.”

“I won’t do that…”

I took another sip of beer. In that instant, my head suddenly became clear.

I heard Hwa-won’s voice trying to stop me, but it didn’t register.

I had a good idea. It was a bit hard to ask Hwa-won what was going on when she was sober. The reason I wanted to make her drunk was because of that, but thinking back, I didn’t necessarily have to get Hwa-won drunk.

I just needed to get drunk myself.

If I got drunk, I could ask Hwa-won what was going on without any risk. I asked while drinking, so what could she do?

At that point, it didn’t even occur to me that there’s no reason for Hwa-won to answer me just because I was drunk, and even if she did, if I forgot it because I was drunk, it would all be meaningless. Even if I thought about it, I probably wouldn’t worry too much about it.

And to get drunk, I needed to drink.

Thinking about it, the beer didn’t seem that bad.

So, I raised my beer glass and chugged all the remaining beer at once.

“Hey! Why are you downing it like that…!”

“Ahhh…”

Yeah.

Was that it?

“Ugh… My head hurts…”

That’s it.

“No, seriously… how did two cans of beer get me like this, how?”

“Hey!!!”

I shouted.

“Shut up.”

“You! What happened today?!”

“What’s going on? You’re drunk.”

“I’m not drunk!”

“Sure, sure.”

“Hwa-won! Spill it!”

“Is this really your drunk personality? You just lay there and fell asleep back in the day.”

“I don’t know!”

Hwa-won sighed. For some reason, that annoyed me.

“Say it, you idiot!”

“I feel like your mental age just dropped by around ten years…”

“I’m not an idiot.”

“You’re the idiot.”

“No, I’m not.”

Hwa-won didn’t seem to want to answer my questions. But what was I asking again?

“Hehehe…”

“You’re really laughing like an idiot.”

Hwa-won stood up and approached me. As she reached out to lift me, I didn’t resist. Instead, I stretched my hand out to respond to her. Hwa-won picked me up and carried me to my room.

“Just sleep.”

“I don’t want to…”

But disregarding my refusal, Hwa-won laid me down on the bed and covered me with a blanket. I didn’t want to let her leave just like that. I couldn’t let her go. I desperately clutched at the hem of Hwa-won’s clothes.

Hwa-won sighed again. You really sigh too much.

“Hey, what is it?”

“Don’t go…”

Yeah, I wanted to say that.

“Was it really the alcohol…?”

“Don’t go… don’t leave me alone…”

Don’t leave me alone, don’t abandon me.

“Okay, I’ll stay until you fall asleep.”

As I heard those words, for some reason, tears came out of my eyes without me realizing. I don’t know. I was just crying because I felt sad.

“Are you going to abandon me too?”

“…”

“Are you going to be gone when I wake up?”

My mother who abandoned me.

Ham Yejin, whom I abandoned.

Muk Ha-neul, who was abandoned by me.

But you can’t do that.

“Don’t go.”

“…Alright.”

I didn’t know what feelings Hwa-won had in her answer. I wouldn’t remember this.

Hwa-won sat on the floor, leaned against the bed, and held my hand.

“Just sleep. I’ll be here with you.”

That night, I didn’t dream at all.

~

The next morning, Hwa-won was sleeping on my bed, resting her head against the side.

Hwa-won kept her promise. I didn’t remember what that promise was, but I was tightly holding one of Hwa-won’s hands.

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