Chapter 185

I didn’t believe in the existence of a god.

If there really was a god who loved people, they wouldn’t ask you to give up all your wealth and dedicate it to them. I couldn’t understand why those who claimed to be representatives of the divine received that money and spent it on themselves. No matter how I thought about it, I couldn’t grasp why my family believed in such nonsensical stories.

I thought I had received nothing in the name of god. There was no “resting place” that I could lean on. Rather, it was the existence of god that had taken away the very places I could lean on.

I even thought about this: perhaps the reason I ultimately chose to live righteously was because I secretly believed in the existence of god.

In the end, when I finally ascended, I would have to say, “The only fault I had was not believing in you,” which would mean that god had to exist.

Maybe I had set up someone to resent in order to have a target for my hatred to survive.

Thus, when that being I met said, “You don’t have to believe in me,” I was perhaps truly despairing.

There was another being similar to me.

Someone who resented god, who chose differently than I had.

What would they want to say? “I’ve become like this because of you?” Maybe that’s it. They could have chosen to hurt somehow to give voice to their resentment.

If what you love is the world, then you would dare to destroy that loved one.

“It’s your fault.”

I could see someone screaming that as they looked up at the sky.

Slowly, the clouds began to move around the light at the center. It seemed like they were trying to avoid the light beam. On this land, the world I had seen just a moment ago was attempting to reappear.

“Because you didn’t help me, I chose this path.”

Hearing those words, I felt a certain emotion.

Pity. I found myself feeling sorry for the one supporting me.

She didn’t know everything. If she did, this world wouldn’t have turned out this way. She wasn’t a being who could do everything either; if she were, this world wouldn’t have turned out this way.

Thus, I still thought she wasn’t god.

There was no reason for someone who didn’t know everything to know everything. Just by being there was enough, yet because she simply helped us, she was being resented for her inability to help everyone.

I wanted to tell people that she wasn’t god. That wasn’t her wish, I was sure. The reason she sent me to this world was that she couldn’t come down herself. To protect this world somehow by lending me her strength.

Even knowing she couldn’t do that, she gave people hope. To let them know that it still had value, that they could still live in this world.

There is someone above who looks over you. Even if you think you’re alone in the world’s darkest place, in a place where no one knows you, that light above is watching you.

So please, live.

Don’t give up.

But not everyone can hear those words.

Ah, yes, now I think I might understand.

Why that being who lives by faith, the being called god by people, first sent down a saint.

Even in desperate situations, people could unite through faith. An unclear, unknown being sent down someone who could become light simply by existing.

Even knowing they couldn’t embrace everything, they still tried to hold onto it all. Even though they knew there were too many to hold, they sought to include even one more.

Looking at the white light before me, another memory came to mind.

—Please.

She said that. Because she was powerless. But she just wanted to help people. To me, who wanted to say that the only fault I had was not believing in her. To me, who said that it was strange for a decent nation to have an official religion simply because such a being existed.

That was a last gasp. She never screamed; she just looked at me softly and smiled. Yes, it was a last gasp.

Enduring ridiculous blame and nonsensical demands, it was the last breath of someone who simply wanted to protect those living in this world.

“……Seriously.”

I thought it was irrational and unreasonable.

Far more emotional and nonsensical than my determination to do good in denial of god.

It was nonsense to help others despite being powerless.

…How could I hate such a being? After seeing, feeling, and hearing all of that, how could I hate them?

I clasped my hands and knelt down.

I still couldn’t be a believer. I couldn’t regard a being like that as god. Where in this world is there a believer who pities god?

But at least,

Because I had realized such a thing, I felt I could help a little.

Just like in my past life, it would only be a small power to help others. Just by existing here as “Anna.” That alone.

If there was something I could do with that,

—I’m sorry, truly.

Was it even something I needed to apologize for? Really?

I wasn’t sure. I should have paid a bit more attention in theology class. There must have been something the priests had researched over the past decade or so.

I recalled all the phrases believers used to justify what god couldn’t do, but I thought none of those would align with what that being desired.

If so, what could I say—

Just one thought came to mind.

I smiled faintly.

And inwardly said.

—It’s okay.

*

The storm seemed to consume the light.

The light that had entered the eye of the typhoon merely created a faint shadow from within. Because the storm obscured the light, the brilliance that had first appeared was gradually fading as if it were being devoured.

It was an immensely terrifying sight for those who believed in the divine.

Ria knew that this was not a victory for magic. She had seen such a situation in the fallen world.

Inside the eye of the storm, it was calm. Despite the immense storm of magic raging, the blue sky was visible in its calmness. Thus, it was a kind of deception.

Was it then that it took people’s faith?

She knew that the circumstances of that world were different from this one. Unlike the place where people were treated as gods, here, the deity resided above, in a realm unreachable by anyone.

Yet the nature of faith likely wasn’t greatly different.

Ria stood up, wielding her sword. She saw knights around her also rise with their swords and charge forward.

A silver saint power appeared. It was the strength of Mari and her Anna.

The saint power possessed by individuals was virtually incomparable to the force poured out by magic.

Yet they didn’t fall, probably because Anna was praying.

Anna was fighting the storm. Against another power derived from faith.

Blood flowed from her hands. Anna’s face was nearly unrecognizable. The radiance that had once appeared like a mirage now resembled a true flame, the white light of the eclipsed sun rising.

Seeing Anna’s faint smile, Ria felt a chill.

She felt as if Anna might leave any moment— such a feeling.

If it were after everything ended, she would have severed the saint power with her sword directly. But that wasn’t what Anna desired.

Crack.

A sound of something splitting was heard as blood surged from Anna’s hand.

Ria hurriedly sat across from her, grasping her hand. The bleeding lessened a bit, but soon Ria felt a burning pain in her own hand.

“…Ugh!”

Anna must be enduring pain more than this.

—Anna.

Perhaps because she was holding Anna’s hand. Because she was close to the divine, Ria heard that faint sound.

—Please, keep Anna safe.

The voice spoke.

If that’s the case, she could have chosen someone else. Why did it have to be Anna? Someone who didn’t even want to believe in the divine.

While pondering those thoughts, Ria suddenly realized.

If Anna hadn’t been a saint, they wouldn’t have met like this.

Because Anna was in the convent. Because the church saw her as one of the potential next saints. They were able to meet. A fateful encounter that coincided randomly.

She never imagined they would get this close when they first met.

—What I can do, I can’t.

That voice sounded tormented.

It was the voice of someone who had to sacrifice someone else, or else couldn’t protect the world.

Long ago, the god sacrificed their child. Thus, they freed people from original sin and revealed love.

…But a being who speaks such words isn’t that kind of god.

A being who can’t do so much, who doesn’t know everything, who merely wants to help people.

I see.

For the first time, Ria could truly understand Anna’s words that “she isn’t god.”

She didn’t want to be sacrificed.

But there was no other way.

So at least, by the side of someone who wanted to protect Anna.

“…Really?”

Ria said with a twisted smile.

“So that’s the case.”

She couldn’t fully like the being. She couldn’t help but feel angered that Anna was in such a situation.

Still, she was thankful that they had met.

“But this isn’t a repayment for that gratitude.”

It was merely an act to protect Anna. She didn’t care what happened to anyone else.

Suddenly, Mari’s reminder not to make Anna into a god came to mind.

—That’s enough, that’s enough.

But the voice saying that seemed relieved by Ria’s words, causing her to chuckle a little.

Ria opened her eyes.

Blood was also seeping from Ria’s hand, which held Anna’s.

She released that hand and grasped the holy sword that Anna had created with her blood-covered hand.

There was a hint of Ria’s personal faith in that sword. No, perhaps it was an emotion a little different from faith. It was an emotion towards Anna.

Raising that sword, Ria swung it down towards the saint power above Anna.

Once more, a burning pain flared upon the back of Ria’s right hand. But it was bearable.

“…Ria?”

Anna looked up at Ria.

“I said it.”

Ria stated, lifting the most radiant holy sword yet.

The power received from the existence above, from a being that wasn’t god.

“It’s me who will protect you.”

She gently stroked the head of Anna, who had a slightly dazed expression.

Ria turned her body.

And stood with her back to Anna.