Chapter 177

Being intoxicated felt like entering a room and taking off a layer of your coat.

Words that couldn’t be spoken due to awkwardness were able to flow freely, unimpeded by emotional hesitations.

Yoonseul, who had realized this too early, held onto Nome and cried for a long time.

“Waaaaah…”

“Don’t cry. I’m not crying either.”

“Waaaah… It’s not too late even now, so please tell me it’s all made up…”

Nome made a troubled expression.

Having confided in Cheong-kyo once before, explaining herself a second time wasn’t too difficult.

However, listening to Yoonseul’s tragic life story with a blank expression from start to finish made it hard for her to keep her composure. Perhaps the strong alcohol had something to do with it.

“You shouldn’t cry. You can’t cry. Santa won’t give gifts to kids who cry.”

“…?”

“Are you still going to cry? Huh? Huh, huh, huh?”

“Sniff.”

“Are you really going to keep crying? If you cry, you really won’t get any gifts, you know?”

After a short verse of hesitation, Nome launched into a barrage of adorable antics.

Yoonseul, caught off guard and watching in astonishment, couldn’t help but laugh.

With her small face and twinkling eyes, who wouldn’t smile?

Moreover, when Nome kindly wiped away her tears, she bit her lip and nodded.

“Sniff. Aren’t you just too cute, Nome…?”

“Today, you can say I’m cute as much as you want. Somehow it doesn’t feel bad to hear it today.”

“You’re cute, cute, cute, cute, cute…!”

“Ugh… the smell of alcohol.”

“Hey, No Name…! You’re not that innocent either…! I’m just letting it go this once because it’s today. You definitely shouldn’t drink like this again…!”

Recently, Nome’s schedule could be described as murderous.

She was preparing for two competitions, dedicating ten hours a day to solving difficult problems, and even reviewing others’ scrims for enemy power analysis.

It was only recently that she finally had some time to spare, and Yoonseul rationalized that it was okay to allow her busy friend this brief deviation.

‘How did I ever think of being jealous of someone like her…’

Yoonseul couldn’t hide her sorrowful heart.

In a bid to show sympathy through actions rather than mere words for the poor girl, she continued to hold Nome close.

“So, noona.”

Nome slowly opened her mouth to start speaking.

“I think there’s no need for you to hide how hard it is for you.”

Her pupils had settled calmly compared to earlier.

The cutely playful demeanor brought about by intoxication shifted back to something more serious.

“I almost died yesterday. I can’t go home for a while. But why do you always pretend to be okay, like it’s nothing?”

Her behavior up until now was far from normal.

Regardless of who the culprit was, she responded dismissively, and while helping Nome with house chores, Yoonseul maintained a smiling expression.

Fear, anxiety, and terror from almost dying.

None of those feelings could be found in her.

“It’s really nothing.”

Yoonseul replied, her voice choked with emotion.

“What does it matter if I fall from the 13th floor…? People… People don’t know that. They only remember me as the person who caused Chae Na and the others to die.”

The public only sees what they want to see.

That was something Yoonseul had felt throughout her time living as Kariri.

No matter how loudly she cried out, that voice never reached everyone.

Yoonseul fumbled with her phone, showing her DMs.

Thousands of unread messages.

She pushed one in front of Nome.

“People tell me I’m ugly… want me to die… Messages like these come from all over the world, hundreds or even thousands a day… I know I’m shorter and uglier than Chae Na. Still, I thought I had my own charm. But when I keep getting stuff like this…”

Yoonseul began to cry profusely again.

“I feel like even I’m a really bad person…”

All of it only served to deepen her self-loathing and depression.

—

Just as I had shared my journey with her, Yoonseul recounted the circumstances that led her to become a Vtuber.

The reason she left her trainee life four years ago.

The company had not even given them time to practice dancing or singing.

“It was really hard back then. There was an idol group above us. The older girls were busy with schedules and always invested only in us…? Anyway, we got dragged into those meetings. So when people I met for the first time told me to dance, honestly, with no time to practice, how could I? Of course I failed… Each time, I was scolded harshly by the director and manager. Anyway, I hated it so I left.”

She explained that Kariri’s success was nothing but a series of coincidences.

She gained fame by appearing on a popular streamer’s broadcast and revealed that she was a girl.

After that, numerous videos were born from acts that contradicted her gender and age.

She happened to meet a celebrity, Kim Woo-joo, in an online game, and after collaborating with him, her follower count skyrocketed.

“I also want to do well. I want to be good at games like Nome… I want to speak well like Yong-cheol… I want to excel at everything… but I don’t have any skills.”

“But you sing well!”

“If I could sing well, wouldn’t I be a singer…!”

The words of someone with ambiguous talent.

Yoonseul poured out how she struggled to maintain Kariri’s popularity and keep viewers engaged.

In the early days of the broadcast, she memorized each of Adella’s lines, typing them up to correct Kariri’s speech.

She once did a no-sleep challenge and streamed for 40 hours straight, eventually collapsing and getting IV fluids. It seemed truly heartbreaking to hear that she had been diagnosed with high blood pressure due to lack of sleep.

In particular, she said the greatest stress came from not being talented at games.

“To be honest, I still don’t get it. What do people find entertaining about my stream? Why do they all laugh? Is it really that funny? Or are some people just forcing themselves to laugh along? In the community, they say I’m just annoying on stream and that I don’t show any effort or manners, and when I think about it, it all seems right…”

“Stop.”

“…”

“Honestly, don’t you feel like there’s a discrepancy in what you’re saying?”

Her words were drenched in negativity.

But dissecting her complaints point by point, it was clear she deserved success.

Yet, would arguing against her claims make her feel any better?

In the end, Yoonseul would create other reasons to recycle these gloomy thoughts.

“Yoonseul, can I have your hand for a moment?”

“Uh…?”

I placed her hand on my chest, under my clothes.

As if she had cold limbs, her icy hands felt like ice against my skin. I reflexively frowned but soon adapted to the temperature.

“Hey… what are you…!”

“I’m just asking in case— you don’t have any sort of attraction to kids, right?”

“Of course not! What do you think I am…!”

“Then that’s fine.”

I closed my eyes and slowly drew up my aura.

I transformed mana into aura by pulling from the concave area in the center of my chest.

Mana and aura are all probability overlap substances, but aura remains largely unexplained.

To make a robot walk up and down stairs, you need complicated control engineering, but for humans, it’s all done naturally according to the brain’s commands.

Thus, to learn various uses of aura, the only solution is through inductive exploration.

It’s said that some minority groups can accurately predict tomorrow’s weather with aura; in any case, its applications are truly limitless.

“Nome, your eyes… have turned golden.”

“If you know the method, you could definitely use it too! Aura can be utilized this way.”

“Then what you used to heal me back then was…”

“Yes, in a way, that was also a type of aura.”

I had used aura, not mana, to rush and treat Yoonseul’s burn.

However, unlike mana, there is a side effect of collapsing if you take in too much of someone else’s aura.

“I think your mind is currently ailing, noona. To be precise, there’s something wrong with the system that regulates your neurotransmitters in the brain. No matter what, it’s not because you did something wrong that you’re depressed.”

Depression, contrary to its connotation, does not simply mean feeling sad.

Simple reassurances such as “It will get better” or “It will pass soon” can have adverse effects, preventing one from escaping that sadness.

Instead of feeling sadness, it’s closer to a sense of emptiness and lethargy. Many people may struggle to accurately grasp their emotions due to their complex nature.

Because the neurotransmitters that convey mood do not function properly, signals diminish, leading to confusion next in line.

“Yoonseul, how are you feeling right now?”

A yellow light began to billow like fog.

The brightest point was where my chest met her hand.

In this manner, if someone comes close to the aura heart of another, they can resonate the aura to convey emotions.

I borrowed the buzz from the alcohol to recall the happiest moment—having a picnic on the hill behind the Einon Palace.

To say one never forgets means they can bring back the emotions felt back then.

“Uh… how do I describe this… It feels like something warm is rising inside me. And it’s warm.”

Yoonseul, now breathing faster than before, no longer held the same blankness from earlier. Instead, emotions of anticipation and joy reached me.

“Doesn’t that feel nice? I’m transmitting the feelings I’m experiencing right now to you.”

“Ah, yeah. It feels nice. Hehe, but Nome, your belly is really soft.”

“Eek! Don’t pet me; focus on the feelings…!”

Suddenly, Yoonseul began to wiggle her fingers inside my clothes.

She continued to pet me and even started to poke my stomach.

“Ugh, how cute! Tickle, tickle, tickle!”

“Eek…!”

I hurriedly pulled her hand away from my clothes.

She pouted, looking disappointed.

Why is she acting like this all of a sudden?

Reluctantly, I passed some aura to her again, placing pajamas between us.

Though it would be less efficient, I also had the right to protect the minimal integrity of my body.

“I fell for you when you sang in front of people that time. I think I find Kariri attractive too.”

“Really…?”

“And surprisingly, people don’t find perfect people approachable. They like those who are a bit awkward, like you, who work hard. And more than that, you’re just so fun to tease.”

Her viewers neither looked down upon nor idolized Kariri.

A balanced relationship where they matched their eye levels. She might not fully grasp how remarkable that is.

“Anyway, when you’re having a hard time or feeling low, I’ll always be here to hold your hand and listen. Touching your stomach might be a bit difficult, but if you keep getting aura treatments like today, won’t you feel better?”

Physical recovery and mental resonance must happen simultaneously.

Simply taking medication doesn’t solve everything, nor will it alleviate depression just by listening to worries.

“Can I keep touching you like today?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“Yay…!”

Yoonseul raised her arms towards the ceiling.

I’ll bear with it. She is still just a young girl.

“Ha… but can I really go back to streaming…?”

Yoonseul chuckled bitterly. Even in this chaos, her thoughts remained on streaming, proving her professionalism.

“Just take a break. When was the last time you took a break?”

“Um… last year? No, the year before? I can’t recall well.”

“What…? So you mean you streamed without a single day off?”

“Oh, something like that?”

“Is that even possible? What if you got sick? What about when you had to go out? There had to be unavoidable circumstances.”

“I had to do it no matter what. It’s only natural that a king would crash if they don’t look after their country for even a day. Oh, thinking back, I did stream on the day Chae Na’s passing was announced.”

Wasn’t it said that one practicing one kick a thousand times is scarier than one practicing a thousand different kicks once?

“I’ve changed my mind a bit. Noona, you would have succeeded no matter what kind of streaming you did.”

Yoonseul’s slightly loosened eyes sparkled with a hint of madness.

“How can Nome seem so adult-like? It’s so fascinating the more I see you.”

“If you’re going to say something like that, at least be consistent in your words and actions. Who pinches the cheeks of adults?”

“Hehe. You said I could touch you anytime, right?”

“Don’t distort what I said!”

“I’m only going to hear what I want to hear! What’s this; have you sobered up? What a pity; if you hadn’t sobered up, I would have wanted you to be more adorable.”

“I’m not drunk.”

“Hehe… Based on what you just said, it doesn’t seem that way. Alright then! Oh… should we take a selfie together for our memories?”

From our positions lying side by side, Yoonseul took out her phone.

“A seven-year-old drunk and an eighteen-year-old ultimate beautiful girl combo! This is truly precious!”

“Ha… do as you wish.”

“Whoa, what’s this?”

As she was continuously taking pictures, her gaze shifted to a notification.

“Genius girl aged seven… solving the seven great problems… Hey Nome, didn’t this expose you?”

“What?”

Already?

This can’t be good?