Chapter 176

It wasn’t that I disliked wielding a sword from the start.

Like everyone, you naturally grow interested in what you’re good at.

When people around you cheer you on, praise you, and encourage you…

…you somehow manage to pull it off.

However, can you really say you do it because you love and enjoy swordsmanship?

Pretending to like it is possible.

And if pretending eventually turns into genuine liking, well, that’s a blessing in itself.

Just because everyone else does it, doesn’t mean it’s natural for you to follow suit.

But when you fail to adapt to that mold, sooner or later you realize…

…this isn’t where I belong.

I didn’t choose this path out of passion.

I was just pushed into it, like setting a trap on a road and unknowingly stepping into it.

So then…

What do I truly want to do? What did I use to want?

What don’t I want to do?

What shouldn’t I do?

What must I accomplish?

…

From the moment we’re born, our freedom is stripped away.

That’s my final conclusion.

====

“Only with power can you refuse unjust demands.”

Out of the blue, Ellie confessed this to me during our rare reunion after so long.

“So, farewell for now.”

After being bedridden for a while due to some mysterious return orchestrated by my father in the Elven nation,

Ellie visited me under the guise of a hospital visit, but she felt even colder than before…

…colder? How do I know this compared to before?

“Let us look forward to meeting again in the future.”

Though many people came and went, for some reason, none of them left much of an impression.

They were all strangers I’d never seen before. Ellie, the imperial princess, was no different.

Still, the look in her eyes…

It left quite an impression on me back then.

But even that faded quickly.

After getting out of bed, my body was still weak, and recovery took a long time.

There was so much I didn’t know, so much I couldn’t recall, that I had to relearn everything.

Maybe…

Not showing how much I struggled was my biggest mistake.

Back then, I seemed to have enough sense not to burden others with my worries.

Our languages connected, after all.

Yeah.

For someone who was a complete novice, I adapted pretty well, I think.

I was young, too.

And the reason I could adapt so easily was that everyone around me kept praising me as amazing.

At the time, I accepted those praises as pride and self-esteem, letting myself be indoctrinated.

In hindsight, it wasn’t anyone’s fault.

We were all mistaken.

The overrated version of me turned out to be surprisingly ordinary.

And the ordinary me fell into the trap of overestimating myself thanks to their encouragement.

Even you, Father, and Mother…

Even His Majesty the Emperor… Everyone around me…

Until the event that completely flipped those evaluations upside down, I naively believed my life was guaranteed success and glory.

Yeah.

Back then, I blindly followed wherever others led me without knowing anything.

Such scenes and circumstances keep flashing through my mind endlessly.

Recalling them makes my legs go weak, my neck stiffens involuntarily—how pathetic, ugly, awkward, and chaotic… A fool. An idiot.

There’s no room for pride or self-respect here.

That’s why, maybe…

One of my futile wishes is…

…to erase every trace of my old self, my past, my very existence from this world entirely.

That’s also part of my lonely longing.

“Hmm…”

I struggle to cling to my fading consciousness.

My mind briefly became hazy.

I feel like I remembered something, but… it’s gone.

Breathing feels exhausting.

Like drowning underwater.

Before I know it, pitch-black darkness gathers around me, and above it, white light rages at the boundary.

Completely eradicating mana is impossible.

It’s akin to wiping out the entire world.

But absorbing it is possible.

No, I made it possible.

This is the fruit of a single obsession.

But reproducing it is another challenge.

It’s different from how mages use magic to neutralize mana.

This isn’t neutralization—it’s completely absorbing mana itself.

And it isolates a specific area into a void of mana absence.

Grandeous lacked a physical body, so he couldn’t construct stars within his flesh like me.

No matter how determined he was, it wouldn’t affect the world, nor would his will manifest materially.

That’s the realm of the living.

If the dead wish to invoke such effects, they must conform to the rules of mana.

…Which meant Grandeous was challenging the impossible.

So he devised an alternative.

But his limitations were clear.

Within his tangible reach, he could nullify or control all powers, but…

…beyond that range, it’s all futile.

The reason Grandeous failed to absorb my father’s dark and divine powers during their final battle was because…

Father understood his weakness and overwhelmed him with divine power, targeting the space he inhabited.

Even if Grandeous had reacted and responded, he judged it as merely a matter of time.

Back when I didn’t know these details, I foolishly concluded that Grandeous simply gave up.

That wasn’t the case.

Understanding the gap in levels and elemental advantages early on, Grandeous acknowledged defeat willingly.

There might’ve been other reasons too, like foreseeing the future and accepting it.

Also, having achieved all his goals, he gladly faced defeat.

He confessed this to me.

“…”

My mind is hazy.

Meanwhile, the world is silent.

Even though the world before my eyes resembles the end of days,

It’s eerily quiet, without a sound.

Am I unable to hear?

Or has it absorbed even the sound?

Grandeous said that in the heavens beyond the sky, where the moon resides, there is no sound in the universe.

…You don’t need to understand the principle; just accept it as fact, right? Why didn’t he explain it? Was it too complicated?

‘If that’s the case…’

My inability to hear might mean that, at least within my surrounding area, an environment akin to the universe—or something close to it—has been formed.

A dead star is called a black star.

We see stars because they emit light.

But what if the light neither escapes nor reaches us?

Then the star becomes a black star, a dark star, an invisible star.

So what is light?

What is the darkness created by blocked light?

Is absorbing light really that extraordinary?

Gravity.

The reason we can stand on the ground.

But if it’s too strong, we won’t be able to stand at all.

Beyond just standing, the structure of the world itself would collapse.

Space itself would break down.

Therefore, everything within that space would shatter effortlessly.

Hence,

This force we wield is inherently catastrophic and extremely dangerous.

It’s not destruction itself but brings about destructive consequences indiscriminately.

Grandeous didn’t intend to destroy the world.

Thus, he had to change his approach.

For example, limiting the surrounding area and absorbing all mana to create a void is, in a sense, a one-sided deal where the caster takes all the losses.

Therefore, if you want to handle this perilous force,

Your character, willpower, and mindset are crucial.

If mishandled, it could easily lead to the world’s demise.

Thus, it cannot be entrusted to just anyone.

Ultimately, my naivety, foolishness, lack of selfishness, and absurd patience—my tendencies to endure suffering—are the fundamental reasons I inherited this ability.

Things I wanted to avoid my whole life, things unnecessary, things I wished to erase or forget or turn away from—these ultimately granted me the qualification.

When I heard that, I was truly disheartened.

Isn’t this just my innate disposition?

Because I’m kind (stupid), I blame myself rather than hate others (because I’m weak).

And this innate nature of mine isn’t something that changes easily.

But at this moment,

Both the heavenly nature I’ve been given and the divine nature I’ve cultivated… both have vanished.

Even if I release Dominatus Pecata, everything will likely return to normal.

Is that why?

Despite my terrible physical condition and hazy consciousness,

I strangely feel a sense of liberation.

I am awake.

“Inside this place, any special powers, abilities, or authority are completely nullified.”

The military deity spoke.

It’s true.

Here, even the Demon King is unseen.

Any magical, ritualistic, or transcendent phenomena—all special elements—are utterly useless.

What remains is us.

Just us, firmly planted in the world.

“Keh!”

Ahrliman, taking the form of a massive snake, collapses on the ground, spitting out black blood.

The non-human entity shaped like a human grows weaker with each passing moment.

On the other hand, the military deity…

All avatars have disappeared, but the steel warrior, the boy, and the golden falchion remain intact.

These three are their core, essence, and true selves.

But even these haven’t fully discarded their transcendence yet.

Although creating a void space by absorbing mana is possible, it seems I can’t yet nullify the mana formed within their bodies or the phenomena manifested by it.

In a way, this is another form of darkness or black light.

Though it’s dozens of times more advanced.

“But my lord, thanks to your creation of this forced domain, you’re wandering near death while still alive. Your eyes are heavily shadowed by death. Was it necessary to endure this?”

The military deity asked me, standing precariously, with either sympathy or doubt, but immediately laughter erupted from elsewhere.

“Kek kek! With your rigid brain… Coolock! How much can you possibly understand?! Kikihi!”

“Do you know the truth then, failure?”

“Does knowing matter?! Accomplishing it is what matters! What do you take these achievements and great deeds for?!”

“…”

“Carriel! Now that it’s come to this, shatter this world! You should be capable of it now, right?!”

“You clearly don’t know him at all. He’s not the kind of venerable one to commit such misdeeds.”

“Whose mouth is talking? Listening to you makes me sick!”

Looks like they get along really well.

Their words align perfectly.

I suppress a sigh and struggle to speak.

“What do we, your creations, expect from you?”

“…”

While the military deity remained silent despite knowing, Ahrliman didn’t.

“We want many things. But there’s no compelling reason for you to grant them! Therefore, worship and serve us, and we’ll reward you accordingly! Isn’t that a reasonable trade?”

“The Lord of Light and Wisdom bestowed free will because He hoped you would serve Him and carry out His will, establishing light and goodness.”

“Why bear losses? I just want endless joy and entertainment! Why do things I dislike? Why not only do what I want?! If watching others suffer because I offload my dislikes onto them brings me joy, then why not embrace that as a source of pleasure? Though personally, I’m not interested in that.”

Long ago,

Who was it? Mother, perhaps?

She once asked what the difference between angels and demons was.

Back then, surprisingly, Mother didn’t give a high-minded or sophisticated explanation.

What did she say?

Demons are debt collectors, taxmen, and slave traders who offer rewards first and collect debts later.

Angels, on the other hand, are guides who show you the way forward.

The Lord wants us to progress on our own, remember?

“…”

Yeah.

This is also a matter of free will.

But in the Doctrine of Irene, this explanation is missing.

What the military deity says, what Bereratragena says, what Bahram Yashtr says—the Lord of Light and Wisdom speaks of these things.

The freedom to choose between good and evil.

The Doctrine of Irene doesn’t explicitly state this, but it forms the basis of all its doctrines.

The Demon King didn’t say otherwise.

If the Doctrine of Irene were compared to an animal,

It would be the offspring of all religions, devouring their blood and flesh.

Yet, there’s one reason it’s forgivable.

Love.

Love.

Love unconditionally.

Because this is the core, foundation, spirit, will, and doctrine,

It can be forgiven.

Pursuing better tomorrows by inheriting and building upon what’s good is the duty of life and intelligence-bearing civilizations.

…But.

Eventually, even this cannot escape pain and frustration.

Does the Doctrine of Irene rationalize human hardship and toil by introducing the concept of original sin, or is it merely a theory?

Or,

Is it just another form of bondage?

As long as we are born and live in this world, we have no freedom.

This is absolute.

No matter how much we cover our eyes and ears, we cannot escape this curse.

From the moment we’re born,

Fear and deep terror are instilled in us through the concept of death.

Thus, we’ve been bound by life and survival.

Suffering upon suffering.

The suffering of suffering.

Why does the Demon King, damn it, seek to know the secrets of the world’s creation?

Knowing so much and understanding so deeply, it must be puzzling.

And knowing too much bloats and weighs down the body.

…Ultimately, the answer is obvious.

But until confirmed, it’s uncertain.

Even if the disappointment and frustration upon confirmation are ridiculous,

Still, the desire to know, to chase knowledge and place wisdom at one’s feet—this is the unreasonable curse of those who seek.

During a rest, Zora told me about the fallen supreme deity Odin.

The curse of knowledge, she called it.

Reaching too deep and arriving too soon, he became unmatched and thus ended up nowhere.

He doubted everything and found no equal.

With only one eye, he saw only one thing.

Unreplaceably great and magnificent,

But ultimately, greatness trapped him.

If only he had been moderately stupid,

Perhaps the prophecy would have been wrong.

If only he hadn’t heard it,

Perhaps it would have resolved itself naturally.

“Let’s not overthink this. This isn’t an issue to approach that way… it’s not.”

I caught my breath, but my physical condition remained dire.

Seemingly fine on the surface, but not really.

Surprisingly, moving in this state felt familiar.

Since the Demon King had trained me from the beginning with this state in mind, using it as a baseline.

When strength and stamina support you, who can’t move?

Anyone can do what everyone else can; failing to do so just makes you an idiot.

Thus, when everyone falls, it’s time for willpower, endurance,

…and genuinely armed determination to throw oneself toward one’s goal.

But making foolish decisions that lead to one’s own death without proper preparation creates wise individuals.

Only then can one become a warrior who avoids pointless deaths,

Or a knight who doesn’t die embarrassingly or inevitably in failure.

I’m neither a warrior nor a knight,

But I’d like to borrow their strengths.

To do that, I at least need to mimic them.

“Let’s listen to the strongest guy here. Stop whining already.”

Currently, the sword in my hand is the one Ellie gave me.

Though the pitch-blackness no longer clings to the sword that fits snugly in my hand,

Thanks to decent maintenance, its condition remains excellent.

“Calling this cheating feels inappropriate given your current state, so we can’t really argue.”

“Unlike you guys who have your own forms, no matter how I look at it… this seems like a losing proposition for me?”

While the military deity nodded in agreement, Ahrliman was full of complaints.

“That’s why you’re the loser.”

“Kick! Cough! Even if it’s bad luck, I’ll gladly participate!”

Responding to the provocation, a dark figure stumbles but steadies itself.

Though it disperses like sand or ash in real-time,

“At this moment, how dare you act so arrogantly when you’re neither transcendent nor extraordinary? You’re nothing but a single bite for me! How dare you…!”

The dark figure swells, transforming into a colossal lizard-like shape.

Like a massive earth dragon flooding the ground.

“In one strike, I’ll finish you!”

“If you hadn’t roared so much, I might’ve considered sparing you.”

“That cursed mouth! Mouth! M-MOUTH!!!”

Ahrliman charges at Bereratragena.

Upon catching the golden falchion thrown back to the warrior, it transforms instantly into a giant sword.

Lifting it, the steel warrior meets the attack head-on.

However, unlike before, the warrior’s body is struck by Ahrliman’s massive form and sent flying.

“All your powers and abilities seem to have vanished. How bizarre. This is unprecedented.”

The boy, nonetheless, observes and thinks calmly amidst the chaos.

Just this level of disturbance can’t break his spirit and resolve.

He’s both a victor and someone driven by the determination to secure victory.

His unwavering spirit might very well be the origin of my own unyielding heart.

“…”

And I too,

Unable to move properly, prepare for potential confrontation while conserving as much stamina as possible in this standing position.

An inability to move doesn’t equate to defeat.

Defeat only exists if I accept it.

Excuses? Who cares about excuses?

I’m not a knight to gracefully accept defeat and acknowledge it willingly.

If I were,

…I wouldn’t have come this far.

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