Chapter 170

Morning came, and I couldn’t get up. Since I had slept for almost half the day yesterday, it was only natural that I fell asleep late into the night and woke up much later, already past noon. And I… felt absolutely terrible.

It wasn’t because of Yoon Sua. It wasn’t even because of Muk Ha-neul. It couldn’t be.

Yoon Sua was already gone. She left my house without leaving a single note, and it seemed she intended to end her story just as she had said she would.

I had already forgiven Yoon Sua, so there was no longer any connection between us. Forgiveness was like that—more cruel than hatred, yet warmer than love.

I had forgiven Yoon Sua. Had she forgiven me? If so, that wouldn’t be so bad. But in the end, I didn’t know. It was probably true that Yoon Sua felt guilt, but guilt and regret didn’t necessarily lead to the courage needed for forgiveness.

Forgiving someone you hate is truly a difficult thing.

As for Muk Ha-neul… there was a lot to think about. Too much to handle right away. So, when I was with Yoon Sua yesterday, I postponed thinking about it. It wasn’t the time yet.

And today, I didn’t have the luxury to think about Muk Ha-neul. There was no reason to. No reason at all.

The reason I felt so terrible was purely… because of my period. Damn it.

It had been half a year since I started menstruating, and it was still horrifying, disgusting, dirty, irritating, and just plain awful. The unpleasant feeling that this body could bear a child seemed to be eating away at my mind. The idea that if someone stuck their damn head between my legs, this belly would swell was so repulsive it made me laugh bitterly.

Thinking about my cycle, I should have put on a pad before falling back asleep early this morning. The problem was that, given my state, I didn’t even think of such an obvious thing (and the fact that I thought it was obvious pissed me off) and just went to sleep.

Of course, my panties, pajamas, and bedsheet were all soaked in blood. The smell was fucking awful.

From the hassle of having to wash the sheets again to the now-familiar but still unpleasant stickiness, dampness, and queasiness between my legs, my mood was absolutely dreadful. My vocabulary reached its limit. All I could think of were words like dreadful, disgusting, unpleasant, and dirty.

I needed to do the laundry, but I didn’t have the energy or the desire to do it right now. Honestly, I rarely ever felt like doing it anyway.

I just threw the laundry in front of the washing machine and changed into fresh clothes.

I put on a pad and new panties, and even the black pleated skirt I only wore during my period, just in case. Haha, seeing myself like this, it’s ridiculous to still think of myself as a man. No, I wasn’t a man anymore. I just wished I could be.

This damn mood, the stress and irritation, it was all tormenting me, and I wanted to grab someone, anyone, and vent all this stress. It didn’t matter who. I felt like calling someone right now and taking out my frustration on them.

At least my fever had gone down a bit. I still felt a slight fever, but it wasn’t bad enough to be a problem.

Still, it was hard to think straight. I was now a foolish human being ruled by female hormones. Maybe I wasn’t even human. There’s no such thing as a human whose gender changes. I’m not a fish, after all.

So maybe I’m a monster.

I can’t deny that.

Ah…

Well, what am I supposed to do about it? Stupid nonsense, thoughts, delusions, philosophy, dreams, reality… meaningless, worthless, pointless, parentless stories. A parentless child. A child abandoned in their youth.

I don’t need any of it.

I checked my phone. I saw a message from Muk Ha-neul and a few missed calls. Today was the day Muk Ha-neul was supposed to come help me, as we had discussed. She planned to stay over for a day.

I didn’t reply to her message saying she was on her way, but Muk Ha-neul would come. She would. It had been quite some time since that message, and now was the time. Muk Ha-neul should be arriving.

So, I didn’t need to check the intercom to know who was ringing the doorbell.

I ignored the doorbell and opened the door without looking at the intercom. Standing there was Muk Ha-neul, dressed in clothes suitable for indoors but still carefully styled to look pretty. She seemed surprised that the door opened immediately and looked around before speaking.

“Hello. Uh, but why did you just open the door?”

“Who else would be coming?”

“That’s not okay! From now on, always check the intercom first. You never know. What if it was someone dangerous?”

“Who could be more dangerous than you?”

“Wow, that’s harsh.”

Whether she thought it was a joke or not, Muk Ha-neul smiled prettily and laughed cheerfully.

Her face showed no trace of the truth Yoon Sua had spoken of.

Was it really true?

Was this really an act?

Could someone as kind and gentle-looking as Muk Ha-neul really have done such a thing?

Was all of this an act? Could that be possible?

If all of this was an act, you should have been an actress, not a writer.

“Come in.”

“Okay.”

Even at a glance, my attitude was sharper than usual, but during my period, I was always like this half the time. The other half… I’ll leave that uncommented.

So, Muk Ha-neul didn’t suspect my irritation at all. She didn’t find it strange. It was a natural situation. It had happened before.

The only difference was that Muk Ha-neul didn’t know the reason. Or maybe it was the same.

Muk Ha-neul placed her bag in the corner of the sofa and took off her thin coat. Then, as if she smelled something, she frowned slightly and looked around the room.

“Did something… spill?”

Disgusting.

“My sheets, clothes, and panties. I forgot to put on a pad and slept, so everything got soaked. I just threw them in front of the washing machine.”

“You forgot to put on a pad?”

“Yeah.”

“You should be more careful now. Washing sheets is such a hassle.”

“Right. You can do the laundry for me. I don’t feel like it.”

“Wow, do you think I’m your maid?”

“You said you like me, right? Shouldn’t you earn some points?”

“Why are you so sly today~”

Like you?

“How’s your fever? You seem better than last time.”

“It went up yesterday but went down. I’m fine now. I still feel a slight fever, though.”

At that, Muk Ha-neul naturally bowed her head and, without asking, pressed her forehead against mine.

“Hmm, you’re right. You do have a slight fever. You should rest a bit. You must have had a hard time yesterday. Were you okay alone? You should have called.”

That’s not important right now. Isn’t it?

“Muk Ha-neul.”

I called her. I took the hand of Muk Ha-neul, who was standing in front of me, and pulled her to the sofa. It might have been a bit forceful, but Muk Ha-neul followed willingly.

“Sit down for a bit. However you like.”

“Why all of a sudden?”

Muk Ha-neul tilted her head slightly at my sudden command but, seemingly not too bothered, sat down on the sofa in a comfortable position as I had said.

Yes, now our eye levels matched. Finally, at last, I could say we were even again.

It didn’t mean our eye levels were equal. I was looking down at Muk Ha-neul. She was looking up at me, and I was looking down at her. This was the correct situation, the original situation, the way it should be.

That was the eye level.

Without saying a word, I hugged Muk Ha-neul. She was startled but didn’t push me away.

“Eh, eh, eh, what, what’s this, all of a sudden?!”

“You like this kind of thing, don’t you?”

“I-I do, but!”

It’s too sudden…

“Silly.”

Her voice, creeping in, was cute. It reminded me of the innocent Muk Ha-neul from the past. Truly, it was unbelievable. I couldn’t imagine someone like her doing such a thing.

Muk Ha-neul hugged me back. We were holding each other.

My heart was beating very peacefully now.

“Hehe, will you give me an answer today?”

Muk Ha-neul asked with anticipation. But she probably didn’t really expect it. I said,

“Yeah.”

“I knew it was too much… huh? Huh?!”

“I’ll give you an answer. Today.”

“R-really?!”

Her surprised face showed no deceit. Only truth. Muk Ha-neul was truly kind, cute, and lovely. Too good for me. Too mismatched.

The Muk Ha-neul I had liked.

I let go of her hand. The hand that had been hugging Muk Ha-neul dropped, and in response, Muk Ha-neul also let go of me. Now we were facing each other again. I was still above.

Was she waiting for an answer? Staring at my face with tension, I told Muk Ha-neul,

“Close your eyes.”

I could hear her gulp. Muk Ha-neul closed her eyes without a word and trembled. Was she expecting a kiss?

…Well, it wouldn’t be too different.

Wait, I took a deep breath. I inhaled deeply, exhaled, and prepared myself.

I didn’t need preparation. I… raised my hand.

And I slapped Muk Ha-neul’s cheek.

With all the strength I could muster.