Chapter 162

This is a story before I became Kariri, the queen.

“I thought you were a useless brat from the beginning to the end. What did this wretched thing do to open its eyes wide like that?”

I at least thought that my mom wouldn’t betray me.

Mom, who used to protect me from Dad, who always drank and resorted to violence, now threw a ceramic bowl at my face.

The ceramic shattered into dozens of pieces, scattering across the floor.

Even as blood dripped from my forehead and cheek to my chin, I couldn’t bear to lift my head.

At that moment, the shards of the ceramic might have represented my heart.

I left home again.

As I told my mom, I decided to quit my trainee life and mutually terminated my contract with the agency.

The process was so smooth.

It must have all been a lie when they said my debut was imminent.

The shock hit me that the company never had any expectations for me from the start.

I ate a sausage bread for the first time in five years, and tears came to my eyes.

My first meal, sitting on a swing at the playground, looking at the sunset.

I wanted to believe that the reason my throat felt tight was because I shoved the bread into my mouth too hastily.

“Ugh… Huhuk… Hwaaaah…”

Five years have entirely disappeared…

What exactly do I have left?

Thighs that burst with veins from forcing myself to do splits,

A way to clean a full-length mirror nicely with glass cleaner,

Singing just barely passable, and the technique of making my dance lines look pretty?

I had no friends since I didn’t attend school, and now thinking about going back, I wondered what I could do with my lack of knowledge in mathematics, let alone magic studies.

I felt like a piece of garbage tossed into this world.

Like a worthless stone on the roadside.

At least stones don’t have any thoughts.

While I cling to the foolish idea that I might die every day.

Could it be because I’m a fool?

The doctor says no, but maybe so.

How could someone full of disqualifications become an idol?

At fourteen, there weren’t many places for a student like me to go, so I had no choice but to return home.

I’ve heard that there are things like runaway gangs, but I was too scared to go near them.

In the end, I locked the door in a house filled with shouting and covered myself with a blanket up to my head, logging into my secret hideout as always.

[Life is ruined, middle school student…]

I wrote about my story in detail, but there wasn’t much response.

There were plenty of people who had ruined their lives worse than I had.

Seeing them gave me a brief comfort of thinking, “I shouldn’t live like that,” but it couldn’t dispel the overwhelming depression that returned.

“I want to die…”

One day, a comment appeared.

– You really ruined your life, haha!

Who doesn’t know that?

I couldn’t even muster the strength to argue back and could only scroll down with dead eyes.

And when I refreshed the page,

– The easiest ways to recover from a ruined life: If you don’t do at least one of these, I suggest you just commit suicide.

1. Go all in on coins: The chance is less than 1%, but who knows, you might be the lucky one, haha!

2. Deep-sea fishing: A sturdy job that can’t be replaced by AI or robots, like a comforting bowl of soup!

3. Engaging part-time job: If a typical part-time job isn’t enough, maybe you just haven’t looked properly for one?

4. Enlistment: They pay well! At least as much as money goes! Overseas deployment is double pay!

5. VTuber: Those who have the looks or skills won’t come here anyway. If you want to start as a newbie, this is the only answer, haha!

“Tsk… It’s a regular post.”

There’s someone who consistently comments on these kinds of posts.

I have no idea what they must be feeling. Do they feel superior?

Normally, I wouldn’t even pay attention to such posts, but the word “VTuber” stood out to me.

When I was going through the harsh trainee life, I occasionally watched various VTuber streams online.

If it were me… could I succeed?

I couldn’t tell where such vague confidence came from.

Then, when I opened the app to look for various VTuber videos on VTube,

[VTube Recommended Video: (Documentary) Honey Badgers Have No Natural Enemies!]

A title that was entirely opposite to my fragile self unfolded.

Yes, this is it.

* * *

The character Kariri had played its part splendidly as a substitute for Yoonseul.

The character created by Yoonseul had a strong inner self and an unrestrained personality.

But since last year, after Chae Na’s death, that had become a hollow statement.

During the time I was Kariri, I experienced panic attacks repeatedly, even during virtual reality sessions.

And today, as I escaped from the scream,

I wanted to say it was unavoidable, but I couldn’t.

“…”

Only the clattering of dishes on the kitchen table echoed quietly.

The lights were all off in the living room and the bedroom.

Relying on the light from a small bulb, the siblings were having dinner.

However, my younger brother SoolTaeyang didn’t like the heavy atmosphere and put down his chopsticks with a clatter.

“I won’t go home today.”

“Why?”

“How can I go when your condition is like this?”

“It’s… okay, I’ve been through worse.”

“Today it was particularly bad. Don’t you think so?”

“…”

The red veins were prominent in Yoonseul’s swollen, red eyes.

“Then I’ll call Mom.”

She was separated from her parents. This was Yoonseul’s home.

She couldn’t stand the sight of the house where the constant fighting between her parents caused dishes, golf clubs, and occasionally knives to fly around.

Her brother, a second-year middle school student, SoolTaeyang, often came over to enjoy a sense of freedom in Yoonseul’s home.

“What did Mom say?”

“She cursed.”

“What about my things?”

“I went straight from the academy, so I can just go to school from here tomorrow.”

“You do whatever you want. Aren’t you going to eat dinner?”

“Yeah. You cook too poorly.”

“I… I made you something, and this is how you treat me?”

“Yeah, self-service, thanks for the effort.”

“You do the dishes!”

Yoonseul glared.

SoolTaeyang, who was trying to enjoy his leisure time lying on the sofa, had no choice but to slip on rubber gloves.

In a house completely belonging to Yoonseul, Taeyang was merely a subordinate.

“Why hasn’t the rich sister bought a dishwasher for the house?”

“I keep thinking I should buy one… Ugh, it’s all too bothersome.”

“Is ordering too much hassle? You should try to overcome that lethargy.”

Taeyang sincerely gave that advice, but Yoonseul pretended not to hear.

She had no interest in anything unrelated to her main work.

Using a capsule is dangerous for someone with panic disorder, but for Yoonseul’s depression treatment, nothing was as fitting as VR, so Taeyang couldn’t say much.

“Why lie, saying you’re sick and then disconnect? Why did you have to tell such a lie?”

The doorbell or delivery…

Adding unnecessary words only made the situation escalate.

If she couldn’t play because she was sick, everyone would understand.

“Kariri never gets sick.”

“Ha, are you role-playing again?”

“And try experiencing a situation like this… My head goes blank, and I can’t think of anything. I did my best…!”

On the TV that Taeyang turned on, No Name’s broadcast was still streaming.

Yoonseul lay upside down on the sofa, her black hair draping down to the floor in a strange position.

Due to Kariri’s sudden breakdown, the scream was canceled, and it was now time for each of them to receive feedback from the coach.

No Name was quietly playing ranked games, whether she had already taught everything or had nothing more to teach.

“How about No Name? Isn’t she super cool?”

From the kitchen, SoolTaeyang proudly spoke.

Every time he came to Yoonseul’s house, he always brought up how No Name crushed the pro players or that he was the ‘long text writer’ in No Name’s chat room; he never failed to mention her.

“Yeah. How can someone like that even exist?”

Despite being forced to watch the stream under her brother’s persuasion, she surprisingly found it refreshing and even innovative.

Everyone must have similar thoughts, but it made her wonder, is that really a 14-year-old?

When she heard that her song featured as the opening theme for No Name’s broadcast, she was taken aback.

“Do you have any plans to quit the broadcast…?”

“Are you crazy…? Hey, even the allowance I give you… I earn it all from broadcasting!”

“Got it! Sorry, Jebi!”

“Ugh… Let’s just not engage.”

SoolTaeyang mimicked the words Kariri often used. He was more mature than other kids his age.

Yoonseul suddenly thought that perhaps he was intentionally trying to lift the mood.

Just as she was thinking that, Taeyang, who finished washing the dishes, came over and kicked the precariously balanced Yoonseul off the sofa, taking her spot.

“Move. This is my seat.”

Thud—

“Seriously, SoolTaeyang…! Do you want to die?!”

“I don’t want to die.”

How could he be mature? If he were like this, sending him home might have been better.

“Where are you going? Aren’t you watching the broadcast anymore?”

“Yeah. I’m going to sleep.”

“Already? Today, you absolutely cannot check stuff like the community, got it?”

“I won’t look…!”

Returning to her room, Yoonseul let out a deep sigh and turned on her phone.

Despite her brother’s advice, she couldn’t stop ego-surfing by searching her name.

This had become a sort of ritual for the character Kariri.

Though she had a rough idea of what to expect, the flood of negative emotions from people was overwhelming for an individual to bear.

“Ugh…”

Kariri had already frequently disconnected without notice.

She didn’t do it often, but the panic symptoms that sometimes came upon her meant that there was a limit to pushing the concept.

Lying this way wouldn’t help her sleep, even with insomnia medication.

Still, until now, it was more comfortable being Kariri than being Yoonseul, so she got back into the capsule.

Because if it was a honey badger, she would never get hurt.

[NoName sent an invitation. (2/3)]

But what is this?

[Kariri: What’s up? Did you want to see me again?]

[NoName: Do you want to go to the amusement park together?]

[Kariri: ?]

An amusement park.

Yoonseul frowned at No Name’s sudden suggestion.

Is she talking about the VR space?

But why now of all times?

[Kariri: Are you streaming?]

[NoName: No.]

[Kariri: Who’s the other person?]

[NoName: Adella.]