On the very day when everyone gathered, I could tell that people were sensitive to me calling someone by name or specific titles. Even just calling names made others pay attention, so it was impossible not to notice.
Despite this, I felt somewhat relieved knowing that Hayang wouldn’t be jealous. I thought other people weren’t as particular, but Hayang had a particularly gentle and soft personality, which made me feel she would be okay with it to some extent.
This thought gradually changed to “Hayang doesn’t get jealous.”
Even when I saw her slightly pouty expression, feeling something wasn’t quite right, I didn’t panic or get surprised. Instead, I felt glad to learn about an unexpected aspect of her feelings.
“Are you really bothered by this?”
I asked without removing the smile, but she didn’t answer, averting her gaze.
“Really?”
I reached out and grabbed Hayang’s hand on the table. She flinched and looked at me, her eyes trembling as she realized her pouting had been noticed.
“I expected members would call each other by names, but seeing it…”
“What did you see?”
“…It felt like something was taken away.”
I could guess what she was thinking. Until recently, we had mostly used code names rather than names among members, and even after becoming friends only a few months ago, it still felt more natural to use code names instead of names.
Very few people called each other by names, and I was one of them.
“I can’t not call names.”
“I know. But feeling this way isn’t my choice.”
Hayang couldn’t rationally accept that simply calling her name made her upset. However, sometimes feelings come regardless of thoughts, and this was one of those moments.
“I thought only I was called affectionately.”
Being called by name wasn’t the only reason for her pouting. Unintentionally, I tend to show affection in my tone when calling my girlfriends.
Of course, it makes sense since I consider these people dear and, above all, significant others. It wouldn’t make sense if I didn’t show affection when calling my girlfriends’ names.
However, their opinions might differ. Until now, I called them with affection, but now there’s someone else sharing that experience.
Not entirely happily, though.
Reflecting on it, I understood why they reacted sensitively when I called names during our gathering. Still, I hoped it wouldn’t lead to arguments.
Hayang seemed still upset, sitting silently with a sullen look. The act of calling each other was proof for them that we were together.
If she disliked me calling others’ names, I could compensate by calling her more.
Releasing her hand, I stood up, and her gaze followed me. I slowly walked behind her chair and hugged her from the back.
“But only you call me ‘self.'”
Not just names, we have nicknames. Calling each other ‘self’ could be considered a nickname. And since no one else does it, it feels like a unique identity for her.
I noticed a smile forming on her lips, and she placed her hand on mine.
“Really?”
“Of course. I won’t lie anymore.”
Hayang, who was feeling strange moments ago, quickly became happy. Holding her close, I felt her warmth.
“Self.”
“Yes?”
As I quietly held her warmth, she softly called me. Closing my eyes, I replied softly.
“…We won’t go anywhere, right?”
Surprised by the sudden question, I opened my eyes. I noticed the smile on Hayang’s face had disappeared.
Did she feel something? No, the feelings she experienced during my absence for a month were now evident in our alone time.
“Are you scared?”
She seemed to fear losing me. Carefully asking, she nodded and slowly opened her trembling lips.
“For a month without you, I was too scared… What will I do without you?”
At the gathering, none of the members openly showed their states. As I met them one by one, I realized they weren’t doing well.
I thought Hayang would be fine, but that was only because I believed she wouldn’t be much affected by the poly relationship.
Over the past month, Hayang probably wasn’t doing well either. I realized this as I met each of them individually.
“Everywhere in the house feels like you’re there, and even when I’m still, I hear your voice… But then I realize you’re nowhere.”
Holding her while listening to her trembling voice, I loosened my embrace and moved to sit beside her.
Our eyes met as she lifted her head, tears streaming down her clear blue eyes.
“Will you stay? Promise you’ll stay by my side?”
Spending time with Hayang and getting used to her, I forgot one thing: she’s highly sensitive about her existence.
She deeply pondered her worth whenever she interacted with others, feeling worthless if she couldn’t prove her value.
Her absence was a significant pain for her, who was filling a void in her heart while with me. Without me, she was lost.
While I anticipated tough times for everyone, meeting them and understanding their emotions revealed their struggles were far worse than I imagined.
Slowly lifting my head, I approached her and kissed her.
“Aah!”
Startled by the sudden kiss, Hayang froze. Gently stroking her cheek, I deepened the kiss.
“Mmm… Ah.”
As we kissed deeply, hot breath escaped between our lips. When we finally parted, I noticed her blushing cheeks.
“Self…”
“I won’t go anywhere. I won’t leave.”
Hayang’s lips trembled as she held back tears, then wiped them and spread her arms wide.
Without needing words, I knew she wanted a hug. I embraced her without hesitation. The warmth I felt from behind was new and different.
When I came home, I hugged Hayang; just now, I held her; now, we hugged each other.
The warmth of each hug never got old, making my heart warm and comfortable every time.
Hayang, who quickly stopped crying, laughed while hugging me. Suddenly, I realized that healing through these moments with her felt different.
Until now, I felt healed by her presence. In reality, she was also healed through me.
I felt again how much she needed me and how much I needed her.
Simultaneously, I sensed this for others too. Each meeting brought similar feelings, indicating how much they valued me.
We embraced, healing each other, and moved to the bedroom. We chose the bedroom not for sex, but because it was where we spent most of our time, making us feel more at ease.
Hayang sat on the bed and held my hand tightly. Unlike usual, she showed a different side today, like a sister.
“What should I say? Today feels a bit different.”
Noticing a slight change in atmosphere, Hayang smiled.
“That’s because I always thought of you as younger. You feel different from the others.”
“On Earth, you’re still 25, so it’s okay to treat you like a younger sibling. That’s fine too.”
“Do you think it’s fine?”
“Yeah.”
Neither of us stopped smiling. Leaning foreheads together, we kissed again.
“Surely, you’ll realize I’m less mature over time.”
“Okay, I’ll do as you wish. But will you accept it when I act spoiled sometimes?”
“When did you start acting spoiled?”
We talked, and whenever there was a pause, we kissed. I suppressed the urge to lie down and make love immediately.
Then, Hayang’s voice softened.
“Self.”
I immediately understood she had something important to say and listened intently.
“…Should I join Spacystro?”
Her shocking statement left me speechless. I stared at her with a blank expression, unable to find words.
Hayang knew I wouldn’t understand her right away and raised her voice.
“No, I’m just considering it. I’m not planning to join right away. What do you think?”
Hayang wouldn’t joke about such serious matters. She must have her reasons for bringing this up.
“May I ask why?”
My job was to listen carefully, not just stare blankly at her.
“If I join Spacystro, we can stay together.”
That’s true. Whether Spacystro succeeds or fails, if she joins, we won’t be separated.
Still, I worried about her position. She’s a hyper-human affiliated with the Earth Defense Union, and Spacystro is their enemy.
I appreciated her wanting to stay with me, but I couldn’t let her give up everything she’s carried for me.
Moreover, their main goal—changing the perception of hyper-humans—hasn’t been achieved yet.
“I’d be happy if you join, but let’s think more. There’s no rush to decide.”
Later, even if all relationships are exposed, joining Spacystro won’t be an issue.
For now, being adversaries might offer more opportunities. Once we accomplish enough, I can convince her to join Spacystro.
“Okay. I understand.”
Seeing my positive response, Hayang smiled, and I smiled back.
Meeting Hayang, despite the tension, didn’t make me worry.
Feeling tense while thinking about what to do was inevitable, and there were times I felt less tense or more tense than when meeting her.
Yet, I didn’t worry about what might happen. Now, however, the moment to worry had arrived. I was going to meet SuA, whose unpredictable actions were hard to foresee.
I climbed to the top floor penthouse and stood in front of the door, entering the password.
I had told her repeatedly not to ring the bell but to enter directly with the password, so I skipped the bell.
The door unlocked with the familiar sound, and I removed my shoes in the entrance. Seeing the garbage properly sorted gave me comfort as I passed through the hallway to the living room.
The TV was still showing a game, and SuA lay on the sofa playing. Recognizing her familiar figure, I approached slowly. The game ended, and sensing my presence, SuA turned her head.
“Hey, hi.”
I awkwardly waved and greeted her. SuA narrowed her eyes and said,
“Damn bastard.”
Though I expected to hear harsh words, it was still a shock.
