Chapter 157

“Ria, there’s something I want to seriously ask you.”

“Uh, go ahead and ask.”

“I’ve never had friends until now, so I didn’t really get it—”

……

Ria turned her head towards me with a somewhat dazed expression.

“Oh, I mean, Ria, you’re my friend, of course. I have friends in the association too. What I mean is, this is about before I met you.”

Ria knew at least that much. The number of people on my side in the church wasn’t that many.

Usually, those with deep faith were on my side. It couldn’t be helped. Wasn’t I the one who went around saying I didn’t believe in God? Ordinary people dislike me, and those with some level of faith doubt whether I could really be a Saint Candidate, but those who have seen my Saint Power don’t hate me outright.

The problem is, these deeply faithful people can’t see me as a friend. Can those who believe in God consider someone chosen by Him as a ‘friend’ without any reluctance?

It’s practically impossible if you think about it.

“Uh, yeah.”

Even if she knew, hearing it come from my mouth was probably a little shocking.

Had I never shared such thoughts with Ria? Hmm.

Even after pondering, I realized I had said so many random things in front of Ria that I couldn’t quite recall accurately.

…I really do feel at ease with Ria.

Whether it’s because I like her or because I feel comfortable with her to the point of liking her, I can’t really tell.

Usually, wouldn’t one care more in front of someone they like?

…No, maybe it’s the opposite. I might be at ease precisely because I’ve given up on trying hard in that regard.

Balancing on the edge of the bed, I crossed my legs and started to bounce my toes, anyway, I continued the conversation.

“So, I really don’t know, which is why I’m asking.”

I fixed my gaze on Ria as I spoke.

“Is it common for friends to be this close?”

This was genuinely a curiosity that prompted me to ask.

I had no idea about friendships between girls. I did have male friends, as I graduated from an all-boys high school, so all my friends were guys.

Needless to say, we didn’t hug each other. Do we even touch each other often? Maybe just a light tap.

We might put an arm around each other, but it can’t be ‘lying together on a bed’. Honestly, claims of not being gay in a context filled with male characters exuding that kind of vibe could only be feasible in stories.

So, even knowing that Ria didn’t feel that way, I had no choice but to ask once more. In the world I lived in, such behaviors seemed fit for ‘yuri’ after all.

…It’s often the case in harem stories that female protagonists have a vaguely yuri atmosphere among themselves. If aiming for male readers, having pretty heroines all in one scene could be appealing.

Even knowing this world wasn’t entirely a ‘novel’, I couldn’t help but be aware of such settings.

Because—

“Uh, well, it’s pretty normal, right?”

—there’s only one reason for that, isn’t there?

If this kindness isn’t directed solely at me, then that’s the reason.

If I were to ask if Ria thought it was okay for me to be connected with another man other than Siyoon, the answer would still boil down to a single reason.

It’s simply that I’m narrow-minded. I’m a reasonably rational and heteronormal human being, but I can’t just suppress my instinct to be emotional.

“Is it really normal?”

I tilted my head with the most natural expression I could muster. Trying my best not to show that I was being jealous.

It’s not that this is embarrassing, but it would look really weird if a guy were jealous of his guy friend. No matter what, I want to remain just a friend at worst.

But still, I don’t want to see Ria being close to another girl. If they’re a guy, then it’s unavoidable since that would be someone Ria likes, but a girl… if by a small chance, Ria got involved with another girl.

I’d be left thinking I had an opportunity but blew it.

“So, if I were to be close with other girlfriends, it wouldn’t be strange?”

But no matter how much I tried to act, I couldn’t completely hide the jealousy. And as long as I had feelings for the other person, I’d secretly wish they would feel even a smidgen of the same.

Even though I realized that was quite illogical, it was unreasonable.

Isn’t that just how humans are?

Well, if I think about those feelings, it’s partially rational too. I need to know where Ria has drawn her ‘line’ so I know how far I can go.

If I inch closer to the line, I’ll know whether to reach beyond it or shy away.

……

Ria had fallen into a daze once again.

“So, for instance, with Glaria—”

“No.”

But before I could finish my sentence, Ria had shot me a glare.

“That’s not okay.”

“Why? She’s a close friend, right?”

Are we really that close? Honestly, I’m not sure.

But still, there were times when Ria and I would sneak food together in the middle of the night, getting caught up and sharing snacks together. Of course, now that I wasn’t starving, it was usually just vegetables or fruit.

We were living in the same convent, having somewhat of a conversation now and then, helping each other out. Wouldn’t that be considered a good friendship?

“No, absolutely not.”

“Why not?”

As I tilted my head the other way, Ria stood up seriously.

Then she came over to sit next to me with a thud.

“That’s… I mean, that’s something you can only do with incredibly close friends.”

“Incredibly….”

“Right. Incredibly. So, you could say you trust each other with your lives?”

“How many friends like that are there in the world?”

“Exactly. There aren’t many friends like that. So, it’s not something you can just do with anyone.”

Ria’s answer left me with even more questions.

“So, that means if there aren’t many friends who are that close, there are also barely any people willing to go that far, right?”

“Isn’t that right?”

“…Then where do people learn that it’s okay to do that among close friendships?”

Doesn’t it seem logically inconsistent?

Friendship is, in fact, a more ambiguous and complicated relationship than that of lovers. ‘Let’s be friends from today!’ can’t just happen in a snap. Conversely, relationships can be declared just by saying ‘Let’s date from today!’

This means it’s already quite challenging to determine who is the ‘closest friend’. If you ask whether a friend you’ve been through school with for ten years is closer than a comrade who’s faced life and death for two years on the battlefield, many people would probably say, ‘I can’t decide.’

So deciding on friendships is almost impossible; who’s going to inform you about ‘how far you can go’?

“Well, that’s….”

Ria looked like she was in trouble.

…More than that, the more I hear her answers, the more I feel like those connections aren’t exactly normal.

“So, what I’m saying is.”

Ria finally gathered her thoughts, her serious expression returning.

“Look, if I asked you for a guarantee, what would you do?”

“You would give it, right, since you’re Ria?”

“…Normally, wouldn’t that be something you can’t just do?”

“If you think Ria needs to put her life on the line, then that means things must be pretty serious.”

“……”

“Well, it wouldn’t be an ordinary bank, right? They wouldn’t approve a loan just because they saw Ria’s name and family name. So, if borrowing, that would mean there are significant issues there.”

“No, in that case, you should refuse even more.”

“Hmm, I don’t know.”

I fell into thought for a moment.

“I am pretty, right?”

“…Is this really the right timing to say something like that?”

“So someone in that loaning company might think, ‘If I could use her for something, I might recover even the principal.’”

“……”

Wait a minute.

At this point, I should’ve scoffed and said, ‘Isn’t your evaluation of yourself too high?’

But I could see Ria’s face stiffening a bit, so I decided to change the topic.

“If you think of selling your Saint Power for money, wouldn’t you easily cover the principal? Someone who’s rich would want to live for a long time without any trouble or illness.”

“No, no. Wait a minute.”

Ria interrupted me.

“What we’re discussing here isn’t whether you could pay back such money or not. I’m asking whether you could accept what I’m suggesting in such a situation.”

“So I’m saying I’d accept,”

“……huh?”

“Even if it came to that, I’d still say I’d accept it.”

“…Are you serious? You’re… in a position to know well about those higher beings. And yet, still…”

“If you push me into such a situation, then you’d be in a similar situation too, Ria.”

“For the sake of helping me, you’re saying you’d make such a choice?”

“Yes.”

“Why? How could you make such a decision without a second thought?”

“It’s not without thought though. It would feel terrible.”

Indeed, I hate that situation.

To hug someone I truly despise would be a must. Isn’t it saying that Ria would be in a situation where it would be her lives at stake? I would most likely wish I could die right then.

But the thought of Ria being forced into the arms of someone else is even worse. To say, I hate that more than dying. If somehow I could be caught up in that scenario and allow Ria to escape, I’d probably make that choice.

“But Ria, you’d definitely save me in that awful situation.”

That’s right.

If Ria really made such a choice, it would mean she had no other options. And I know she would definitely come back to save me. So, that’s how I can believe in such choices that Ria makes.

“……”

Ria had sealed her lips.

For a while, she didn’t say anything at all.

“Above all, I also know that you’d solve the situation before it even gets that far.”

I would help too. Logically and emotionally, a circumstance like that is not ideal at all.

Choosing a circumstance where both of us could be assuredly happy is, no matter how I think about it, the most correct choice.

“So, what about it?”

I returned to the beginning of the topic and asked.

“So, what’s the reason we can exist like this?”

“Ah, yeah.”

It seemed Ria had remembered then, as she nodded and stammered.

“So, um, you would go so far as to make such choices for me, right?”

“Exactly?”

“That’s our ‘line’.”

“Our line…”

“It’s okay for you and okay for me. Well… I didn’t know your line went that far, but anyway, it means that hugging each other or sleeping side by side on the same bed isn’t a deal at all.”

“Is it really like that?”

I tilted my head.

Even if I pretended not to know and acted oblivious, I was honestly glad.

So, it means I could hug Ria.

Of course, the line Ria refers to seems looser than what I remember as a friend. Guarantees and physical contact are two entirely different stories.

…And it’s also true that I could give that answer because I couldn’t just see Ria as a friend alone.

Fortunately, Ria seems okay with my response.

“Well, since there’s no big TV here, if we want to watch a movie together, there’s no choice but to do it this way.”

There’s a way to sit side by side in chairs by placing it on the desk, but I didn’t think Ria would come up with that, so I just nodded.

I prefer to watch on the bed.

Because being able to bury my face in Ria’s shoulder when I nod off is quite appealing.

“That’s it, right?”

Ria replied like that and paused for a bit.

The one who broke the silence first was Ria.

“So, should we watch a movie today too?”

“Shall we?”

I smiled and nodded in response to Ria’s proposal.

**

“……”

Today too, Anna fell asleep before Ria.

At least I managed to watch the movie until the end, but I couldn’t endure the ending credits.

I closed the tablet and quietly stared at Anna’s sleeping face.

That expression was peaceful. Unlike the utterly messy words we had exchanged two hours prior.

No, more so, maybe it was because Anna, pure-hearted as she is, could mention such things without hesitation.

…

No, that can’t be all there is.

Even though it was called a guarantee, it was no different from asking whether one could stake their life on it.

And if it were Anna, I felt like she would have readily replied to that question as well.

“Because if it meant Ria dying, it’s better for me to die,” she’d probably say.

Ria feared that.

That emotion, perhaps it resembles the way I felt when I first met Anna. The naive Saint who knew nothing of the world’s evils and simply could not stand to end up used in this grim world.

Now, a tiny emotion had intertwined with that, but I doubted it would become a significant problem in her role as a knight.

The actual issue is that when Ria must protect someone, she felt joy upon hearing someone say they’d give their life for her.

“…Seriously, me. Why do I believe this knight?”

As Ria muttered this, she gently tucked away the hair that had slipped onto Anna’s face.

She thought as much that it was more important to proceed with emotions when protecting someone than pure logic.

But, perhaps, Ria thought that it isn’t always like that.