Two days ago, when I tried to wrap up the moment of meeting A for the first time in a month, no one at the scene seemed willing to leave their seats.
Among them, only one person stood up first. Green got up from his seat, and the atmosphere flowed as if everything was completely wrapped up, prompting others to prepare to leave as well.
Outside with the members, in the silence without conversation, Green headed towards the subway after returning near his house. He saw his reflection in the glass window of a store on the way home.
Even in the days when he didn’t know that everyone was still dating A, Green envied the other members’ ability to attract boyfriends with charms that he couldn’t possess.
Looking at his reflection in the glass window, he thought:
‘I look shabby.’
He didn’t have Red’s lively and strong personality, nor did he have Pink’s beauty or overflowing confidence. He lacked Blue’s caring nature and ability to take care of everyone, and he wasn’t like Yellow, who was tall and stylish.
The girl in the glass window felt plain and shabby compared to the other members.
Even during the moments when they were all gathered at A’s place, Green felt this way. He felt that he lacked what the other members had.
While everyone was discussing polygamy or exclusivity, Green was trying to find reasons why he belonged there by comparing himself to the other members.
And after thinking deeply until yesterday, she couldn’t find any reason, and thus concluded that she didn’t fit with A.
“If you’re anxious, I’ll do whatever it takes to reassure you. So…”
He slowly released the hug and looked into her eyes. Tears were welling up, almost ready to spill.
“Don’t hurt yourself.”
Finally, she let out the tears she had been holding back.
“Ugh, huuu… sob! I’m sorry… I’m really sorry.”
She apologized while sobbing, seemingly because she felt bad about hurting herself and causing me worry, or maybe because she still felt she didn’t belong.
“I’ll make sure no one hurts you.”
Holding her again, I covered her trembling shoulders with my hands. It wouldn’t be an immediate end to Milky Way’s unease, but I felt a duty to somehow resolve her anxiety.
“Am I… your older brother?”
I was surprised to hear this unexpected statement from Milky Way, who was sobbing into me.
Her trembling voice, thrown out with uncertainty, was something she often said to me before.
Back then, I interpreted it as meaning ‘mine’ in the context of lovers, but now her words sounded different.
It seemed as though Milky Way wanted to become entirely mine, my possession.
I never wanted to treat anyone like an object, and that hadn’t changed.
But at this moment, the desire to never let go of Milky Way felt stronger than ever, and I realized for the first time, “This is possessiveness.”
Milky Way was waiting for my response, and I overlapped my lips with hers, waiting for her lips.
Feeling the gentle touch of her lips, I held her tighter, determined not to give her away to anyone else.
“Mmm… hmm, hng.”
We exchanged a passionate kiss, and when our lips parted, I looked at her.
“You’re mine. I won’t give you to anyone else.”
Only then did a smile spread across Milky Way’s face, and she nestled into my embrace.
“Yes.”
I hugged her tightly, burying her face in my chest.
Milky Way had been living with constant anxiety since we first met, and she would surely continue to feel uneasy in places beyond my sight. If thinking of her as mine could alleviate her anxiety, I would make sure no one could touch her.
I held her tightly, not letting go, and waited long enough for her to calm down.
As her trembling subsided and her breathing steadied, I tried to loosen the hug, but Milky Way clung to me even tighter.
“Do you want to stay like this a bit longer?”
“…Is that okay?”
“Of course.”
Since Milky Way had just stated that she was mine, she didn’t seem to want to let go of me. Watching her nestle her face into my chest, I couldn’t help but smile and gently stroke her back.
“Are you feeling better now?”
“Yes. I’m fine.”
I checked Milky Way’s state, wondering if she might still be scared or anxious. Since she said she was fine, I felt a little less worried.
“…But I don’t want to let go.”
“We have to go home tonight, right?”
“Then I’ll stay like this until then.”
With us so close that we could feel each other’s body heat, I savored the moment as Milky Way’s warmth returned.
“Shall we talk like this?”
Milky Way nodded. She had been thinking about whether being with me was acceptable rather than worrying about polygamy or exclusivity. For now, being together made things a bit better, and we could work on resolving issues gradually.
Now, I needed to understand Milky Way’s thoughts. While a definitive answer wasn’t required, I needed to know which side she leaned towards—polygamy or exclusivity.
“Did you have a specific preference between polygamy and exclusivity?”
After calming down a bit, Milky Way started to consider which option was better rather than whether she was included. The silent Milky Way eventually spoke up, having sorted out her thoughts.
We would continue discussions with others, and although it wouldn’t be easy, I was particularly nervous about hearing Milky Way’s response.
“I don’t mind either way.”
Her resolute answer, unlike an indecisive one, was clear and firm.
If she had said she needed more time to think, that would have been fine, but a firm answer like this was somewhat confusing.
“Well… if I had to choose one…”
“If I had to choose one…”
Milky Way’s dilemma returned. I watched her contemplate while she sat in my lap, occasionally looking up at me.
If Milky Way chose exclusivity, I couldn’t deny or reject that opinion, but it would complicate matters further.
Even if polygamy meant fewer worries, there would still be complexities.
I waited anxiously for her answer, and seeing my nervousness, Milky Way smiled.
“I prefer everyone being together.”
Thankfully, Milky Way chose polygamy. But that wasn’t the end; I also needed to understand her reasoning.
If I simply said, “Okay, I get it,” unforeseen situations could arise later, leading to confusion.
“Can I ask why?”
“That way, you wouldn’t have to be as stressed, and if I monopolized you, I’d have to fight with others.”
There was already an assumption of conflict if she chose exclusivity.
“There’s no need to fight…”
My concern was that their fights might turn physical, though Milky Way wouldn’t actually resort to violence.
“I’m yours, so if someone tries to take you, I’d fight to keep you.”
Certain. Milky Way wanted to stay with me, even if it meant fighting.
The idea of wanting to keep me and being prepared to fight for it felt somewhat off.
“Actually, if I can’t monopolize you, I’m not sure what will happen in the future. But if we all meet together, I know I can spend time with you.”
Hearing this, I understood her perspective. She chose polygamy to secure some of her presence, allowing her to feel like she belonged.
“Looks like I’ll have to convince Yubin and SuA too.”
Though I favored polygamy, ignoring those who didn’t share that view wasn’t an option. Yet, telling Yubin and SuA to choose polygamy directly was an odd request.
Especially with SuA, saying that would likely provoke her.
“Blue didn’t say anything?”
Milky Way seemed curious about Hayang’s decision to change her stance on polygamy.
I was also curious about Hayang’s opinion. There must be a reason for her change, and I didn’t yet know it.
Yura, who firmly supported polygamy, didn’t cause much worry. Still, I wondered why she was the first to agree.
“Yes. I plan to ask Hayang tomorrow.”
“What about tomorrow?”
“Tomorrow, I’ll visit Yura.”
The order of visits wasn’t a priority. From the start, there was no hierarchy among HunterKiller members, and the order was based on whose opinions I wanted to hear first.
Milky Way hadn’t spoken much when we last met two days ago, so I visited her first. Yura was chosen because she expressed her opinion most strongly among the members.
Hayang wasn’t as concerning as expected. Despite being the smallest in size, she was mentally the strongest member.
I visited SuA last because I was afraid. Her unpredictable actions could result in sudden aggression.
Even if I couldn’t avoid a confrontation, talking to her after discussing with others might prevent a fight.
All this was based on my assumptions, and reality might differ once I visited.
“…Shouldn’t you stay over tonight?”
Considering I planned to visit Hayang tomorrow, staying at her place tonight seemed reasonable. Milky Way, sitting on me, tempted me by moving her hips.
I asked if she should stay because I knew what might happen if she stayed at her place. However, my opinion on intimacy was surprisingly firm.
“Sorry, it’s not possible today.”
“Huh? Why?”
Disappointment showed on Milky Way’s face, thinking I would stay. I tried to explain with a smile, hoping she would understand.
“I haven’t fully sorted out my feelings yet. So, I want to hold back until I do.”
Without fully understanding everyone’s thoughts or knowing how to act, I didn’t want to succumb to instinct and hold Milky Way, or anyone else, impulsively.
Sex is a mutual physical exchange. It’s not something done alone or solely based on one’s opinion.
Previously, I held them for pleasure, but each time, my thoughts and actions toward them were clear.
Now, with many considerations, I might not be able to focus on Milky Way even if I held her. Last month, when tired, I thought about one while holding another, making me want to be more certain.
When I would finally sort out my thoughts was uncertain. It might take longer than expected, and by then, the person beside me might be gone.
I didn’t want to hold someone with unresolved feelings. Because they were precious to me, I wanted to experience them fully, not just for short-term pleasure.
“I understand.”
Though she didn’t fully grasp it, her intent was clear. Milky Way, showing signs of disappointment, soon smiled and answered brightly.
“I’ll hold you so tight it brings tears to your eyes when the time comes.”
“…”
I whispered a warning in her ear, and Milky Way’s face flushed instantly. She buried her face back into my chest.
Regardless of the reason, I was grateful to Milky Way for choosing polygamy to ease my burden and held her tighter.
The next day, as planned, I visited Yura’s house.
Yura said she would skip her part-time job today, so I came early.
Walking familiar paths, I found the familiar building and stood in front of the familiar door.
Pressing the doorbell, I heard a response through the intercom, “Come in.” After entering the password, I opened the door and went inside.
Yura’s house hadn’t changed since last month. However, before I could notice the unchanged interior, I saw Yura standing across from the entrance.
Wearing a long apron and holding a sharp pair of scissors, Yura smiled at me.
“Did you come?”
The first thing that came to mind when I saw her holding the scissors with an enigmatic smile was,
“What is this? Is she going to cut me up?”
