Chapter 145

“Then I need to talk to Seol-guk alone for a moment.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I want to share some important notes about Han-bom.”

“That’s too much!”

After Han-bom tried to add chili powder to her jjajangmyeon and prevented her, Ham Yejin made such a remark and bid farewell to Han-bom. Of course, this wasn’t a conversation that was pre-arranged with me.

Earlier, with Han-bom at the table, we couldn’t engage in conversation, so it was clear this was a continuation of that.

Returning home, I found myself hesitating as if it wasn’t my own house, prompting Ham Yejin to sigh and take my hand, leading me to the dining table.

Facing each other, it was naturally Ham Yejin who spoke first.

“Wait, you said your younger sibling is staying at your place.”

“That’s right.”

“Is it related to that?”

“There’s nothing going on, I told you.”

“Do you know this?”

“Pardon?”

“When Seol-guk lies, he has a habit of shaking his legs.”

“Is that… is that really true?”

“It’s a lie, but it seems like that’s actually true.”

…How could I fall for such a simple bluff? Still, I didn’t want to open my mouth about this matter.

This situation wasn’t my ending, but it was enough to conclude a short play. I was slightly bruised, but I had finished everything on my own. I solved the problem without anyone’s help, and so the story ended there.

It hadn’t ended, but endings do come. I didn’t want to serialize a story that had already been completed within me.

There is no lie in my monologue.

I was calm.

“Are you really planning to… not say anything?”

“There was nothing at all.”

“Is that what you’re calling it?”

In that moment, Ham Yejin rose from her chair and approached me. It was an unexpected movement. Naturally, Ham Yejin, who stood up, was much taller than me sitting down. That large frame pushed me back momentarily. It wasn’t my will. My body doesn’t always move according to my will, after all.

“…What’s going on?”

“Wait, wait a moment. It’s all over, and there’s nothing more to resolve. You don’t need to worry…”

“Can I ask your younger sibling about it?”

“…Stop it.”

“So you are in the wrong.”

“Please stop. This isn’t a request.”

I truly, truly didn’t want to.

“I will tell you what it is, if you promise not to do anything.”

“I can’t make that promise.”

“Then I won’t tell you. And if you go to that kid and ask, I won’t see you again, Ham Yejin.”

What was Jae-Ah saying? It wasn’t like that. As I had already said many times, I didn’t care what happened with Jae-Ah. Whether she went to a juvenile center or got beaten to death by Professor Seo, I was indifferent.

“I’ve ended this. I resolved it, and even if there are aftereffects, that’s my burden to bear. In this matter, I was not an unilateral victim, and thus I could not step back. So I don’t want to rekindle something that has already finished. Promise me.”

“…I promise.”

Ham Yejin answered with an expression that showed she really didn’t want to. That was enough. She wasn’t someone who would not keep her word.

I summarized everything that had happened and shared it with her. By the end, Ham Yejin’s expression had hardened, but she listened to the story until the end.

“And that’s it. I don’t plan on doing anything further. If there’s something that needs to be continued, then it’s something that kid must do, not me. Whatever they do is none of my business.”

“…I will keep my promise. But…”

“There’s no ‘but.’”

Standing up, Ham Yejin lowered her body. And from a position lower than my eye level, she approached me. This time, I didn’t step back. Thanks to this, I could realize what I was afraid of. What I feared was a physique that overshadowed me.

And now, Ham Yejin looked small.

“Don’t turn away from the pain.”

“I’m not turning away. I am in pain. I was hurt, and I am still wounded now. This will not turn into a scar. Still, I faced that wound myself.”

This was the last ‘me’ I held onto.

“So, no matter how much I appreciate Ham Yejin, I cannot tolerate you touching this wound. I will hurt enough on my own, and I won’t stop.”

And that was my pride.

Lowering her gaze, Ham Yejin held both of my hands and bowed her head as if in prayer.

Then, that was her own way of showing respect.

~

Days passed.

On Christmas Eve, it snowed.

December 24.

Coincidentally, it was the same as my home’s password. I didn’t know what that might signify.

My Christmas holiday was supposed to pass without anything happening. I received messages from a few acquaintances asking how I was, and I responded. I had nothing special to do on Christmas. Just that kind of talk.

Spending Christmas alone wasn’t too unfamiliar. It had always been that way. Hwa-won naturally spent it with a girl, and I had no friends apart from Hwa-won.

Things were a bit different now, though.

I heard that Ham Yejin had something to do. I worried, thinking she was working on a day like this, but she said it was a personal matter. Did she have a boyfriend or something?

Muk Ha-neul said she really wanted to come and contacted me several times, but she said she couldn’t go out because of house chores.

Im Mi-ra still hadn’t contacted me, and Seo Eun-a said she was spending Christmas with her family. There was no mention of Jae-Ah at all.

I hadn’t spoken much with Hwa-won. Well, it was Hwa-won, so he surely had a pile of people to spend time with, girlfriend or not.

For reference, Han-bom, who had become my neighbor, wasn’t home. Did she go to meet her boyfriend? It wouldn’t be strange if she had about four boyfriends.

So today, I was truly completely alone, free. The term “chill in the side” is often used, but it didn’t apply to me. It was a world where I was comfortable being alone.

It had always been that way. Alone, solo, free, and unrestricted.

It was the best.

But why was I imagining where the people around me had gone? It was a funny sight that made me let out a hollow laugh.

I bought a cake, one that I never usually ate. A cake for Christmas… it was a lazily conceived idea, but I couldn’t have bought a turkey. Ah, was that for Thanksgiving? I felt like we ate it at Christmas too.

Avoiding the sugar crafts made in the shape of Santa Claus and Christmas trees, I cut a piece of the cake. It was surprisingly delicious. After eating one piece, I felt full and stopped.

There were still over three hours left of Christmas Eve. Unlike usual, I was pondering how to kill time when the doorbell rang.

Who could it be? Without realizing it, I quickly walked to check the intercom. There was…

“Have you been well?”

“…I’ve been fine, somewhat.”

It was Hwa-won.

“What brings you here? You’re visiting me on Christmas?”

He always hung out with girls.

“Did you not have a girlfriend to warm your side today?”

“What are you messing around with?”

Hwa-won knocked on my head lightly. Of course, it was a controlled hit, so it didn’t hurt.

“No, it’s just that it’s always been this way. Has there ever been a year you didn’t spend Christmas with a girl?”

“I came here to rescue your miserable life of spending Christmas alone. And look, I brought a girl with me now.”

That bad joke didn’t actually bother me.

“Are you looking to get hit again?”

“Sure. Want to try?”

“Just a little.”

“Oh really? Should I just go?”

I knew he was saying that casually, but I was momentarily flustered and quickly changed my mind.

“Do you want to have some cake?”

“You buy cake too?”

“I got it as a gift.”

I lied.

“Well, at least we need to find some joy. If there’s no meal, we can eat cake!”

Fortunately, Hwa-won didn’t catch my lie. Hwa-won quickly devoured two pieces of the cake that I had left a slice of behind and turned to me.

“Hey, do you still have meat here?”

“Did I eat everything by myself?”

“I just wondered since the others come often. What about the eel?”

“I don’t even know how to cook it, so it’s still there.”

“Isn’t it just grilling it?”

“I don’t know.”

As Hwa-won passed by me to go to the refrigerator, I felt his big physique brush against mine. It wasn’t enormous, but it was pretty substantial.

And that body would certainly be more than enough to overshadow me.

The moment I realized it, I felt nervous, but I didn’t flinch.

I didn’t step back either.

Hwa-won didn’t notice my peculiar state. Because there was nothing strange about me.

Ah, I see.

You are…

You are, I see.

“Why are you making such a weird face?”

“It’s nothing special.”

Hwa-won took out the meat. He told me to stay put and started moving here and there.

It wasn’t something grand. He just grilled some meat. He heated up some rice, too, talking about how beef is perfect just by grilling it.

“Alright, let’s eat.”

“I’m full.”

“Who said anything? I’m eating it all by myself.”

Hwa-won really didn’t care and started his meal. With just rice, kimchi, and meat, he ate well. He had eaten two pieces of cake earlier.

“So are you going to stay here the whole day?”

“Are you trying to kick me out now? Then I’d freeze to death on the street.”

“Isn’t it kind of weird to spend Christmas at a gay friend’s house?”

“Now that we’re not friends, it’s fine.”

“Such reckless talk.”

It seemed like Hwa-won was indeed planning to stay here the whole day.

After the meal was finished, Hwa-won immediately laid down on the sofa.

“If you lie down right after eating, you’ll turn to a cow.”

“Are you my mother? I might become one, you know. Mooo~”

“Geez.”

Hwa-won laid his head at the side of the sofa while I sat beside him. With nowhere to cast my gaze, I stared into the air. Really, if only there was a TV, it would have been nice. Just to zone out.

As I sat still, Hwa-won soon began to breathe evenly. What a ridiculous thing to do, coming to someone’s house for Christmas, only to eat and sleep.

As I carefully observed Hwa-won’s sleeping face, I could see a trace of fatigue. It seemed like year-end was indeed busy. Probably after today, things would get busier again. Unlike me.

Looking at Hwa-won’s peaceful asleep face, which bore signs of exhaustion, I leaned back against the sofa. I too soon began to feel sleepy.

My eyes gradually began to close.

Yeah.

It snowed on Christmas Eve.