Chapter 144

Ria couldn’t quite grasp what to call that emotion.

Anger? If it was anger, then who was it directed at?

Up until now, she had never thought deeply about the existence of God.

She hadn’t considered the idea that there was no God. After hearing Anna’s story, her religious views had been gradually changing, but not believing in a being above, even if it wasn’t omnipotent, seemed far too simplistic.

A being that loves people. Thus, a being that grants power.

…Perhaps that was why it was the being that sent Anna away.

She sympathized with all those intentions.

Yet, even so, she couldn’t fully accept His intentions.

—Surely, may that devotion be rewarded. May it not be a futile effort…

God said so.

Devotion is rewarded. A futile effort is not.

It’s nice and all, but what am I supposed to do?

From Ria’s perspective, Anna’s actions seemed like they were shackled by something. Anna, who always claimed she didn’t believe in the concept of God, thought that the being above, who wasn’t omniscient nor omnipotent, looked down and wanted to help people, was far more dedicated to the world than Ria, the daughter of a hero.

Anna, who had no intention of becoming a saint herself.

If there was a God, then why did that being send Anna here?

Was it truly as a sacrifice to eradicate the evil of this world?

In ancient times, the saints of the religions that people believed in had disciples following them, always teaching while knowing they would die.

Ria was afraid of playing such a role. To remain until the end, to be a witness for Anna, transmitting the gospel to the world.

…Such gospels, if that being above wanted, could be spread. But she didn’t want to lose Anna.

“…Is that so?”

Princess Paina replied to Anna.

“You’ve heard about my situation, haven’t you?”

Paina’s gaze turned to the maid behind her. The maid flinched slightly but didn’t avoid her gaze.

Ria felt envious of that maid.

If only someone could beg and stop Anna from sacrificing herself, she would want that to happen.

But where would she pray like that?

“Princess.”

Anna opened her mouth.

“You want to live, right?”

Don’t you?

Ria questioned internally.

If it were Anna, she would certainly answer yes. This was a matter related to Anna’s beliefs.

For the sake of saving people, she could believe in a God or, conversely, choose not to believe in one.

Surely, she would include herself in that too.

But at the same time, for Anna, her own life held less value than others’ lives.

Her own discomfort, displeasure, pain, injuries… all of those things were things she could endure as long as it was “for saving others.”

Perhaps even her own self.

“…”

Paina remained silent.

Anna quietly waited for an answer.

“What if I say no?”

“…”

“And what if I don’t want to be attached to life anymore?”

Paina looked out the window.

Outside, there was lush greenery. Of course, apart from the river, it was a desert, so there wasn’t a sight of distant blue mountains like back in Korea.

“If I survive, I would end up connecting with my younger brother.”

“Maybe so.”

Anna replied to Paina’s words.

As if she were trying to persuade her. It seemed like she wanted to save someone who claimed to have no attachment to life.

When Ria spoke, she merely asked for a favor.

“And what if I have no desire to connect with my brother?”

At those words, Anna’s eyes widened.

“Then what happens? After marriage, if I don’t have children with my brother, that would be a problem. It wouldn’t be right for me to love someone else.”

“…”

After a moment’s thought, Anna spoke.

“If you have no attachment to life, then why have you behaved like this until now?”

Upon hearing that, Paina paused for a moment before opening her mouth.

“Because there was someone I wanted to live for.”

Paina spoke softly.

“And I just wanted to answer that wish as much as I could.”

Paina, who wasn’t particularly brilliant since childhood. She wasn’t inferior to others, but if you combined the information she received, her individual capabilities were average.

However, her magic power was innate.

To the extent that demons could be reborn by using her body as a sacrifice.

“…”

Completely opposite of Anna. And because of that, she stood on a similar position.

But there was one thing that was fundamentally different.

At the very least, Paina had someone who could help her. A being that loved people so much, that being above.

And a being that sacrificed itself to bear that being’s meaning.

It felt unfair.

Ria thought so.

There was no one to help those who wanted to help others. Everyone just wanted to receive help from that person.

She began to understand the meaning behind the Pope’s words.

“Princess.”

After a while of sorting out her thoughts, Anna spoke.

“Then, what if someone you wanted to live for was risking their life to save you?”

Paina and Ria both looked at Anna.

Anna spoke quietly.

“Coming to find us and saying such things is truly a life-risking action. If we had heard about you and reported to the King, both you and she who concealed that fact wouldn’t be safe, of course.”

It could have been a desperate act.

After all, the princess would die like this.

However, if the maid had kept her mouth shut, the story could change slightly.

Eventually, only the princess would die.

The maid would simply continue living in the royal palace as before—eventually marrying someone that was determined and living in peace.

So, she spoke, risking all that.

She had no intention of wanting to live to that extent.

But what about Anna?

What about me?

What should I say to you?

Ria still couldn’t figure it out. Surely Ria must have said things like that to Anna.

Yet, why does Anna go to such lengths to care for others?

“…”

Paina stared at Anna for a moment before looking at the maid kneeling behind her.

“…Please, Princess…”

“Pertia.”

Paina gently called the name.

“I’ve been indebted to you since childhood. Even though you were younger than me, you’ve helped me so much until now.”

“Princess…”

“Do you wish for me to live?”

“…Yes, I wish for you to keep living.”

“If I live and become my brother’s wife, I’ll have to live my whole life in that position. I won’t be permitted to love anyone else. My brother will surely dedicate himself to me, but I’ll also have to take that dedication as my duty.”

“Even so, I wish for you to live.”

“Pertia, I might be unhappy. I’ll live without any shortcomings but I won’t be completely happy.”

“But there will be people who feel happy watching you.”

“Pertia…”

“Princess, I know this sounds selfish. But…”

The maid, Pertia, knelt and clenched her fist tightly.

“But there must be someone for whom your existence is the meaning of life. Just by knowing that you’re alive in this world, even those who can’t find happiness can continue to live.”

Pertia, who was saying these words, was sobbing.

Paina observed Pertia for a while.

The ears that had been raised straight seemed to have drooped a little.

“…”

Paina then looked back up at Anna.

“To be honest, no matter what methods are used, it will only lead to disaster. The best method would be to breathe your last on that altar, as you always have.”

“But until now, I haven’t been there.”

Anna said.

Right. Until now, Anna had not been there.

Someone with such abilities. Someone who, with those abilities, could sacrifice their life without expecting anything in return.

“…Is that so.”

Paina once again looked at Pertia.

And then, she took a small breath.

“If that’s the case…”

With a slightly hesitant voice, Paina spoke.

“Then, please, if it’s your wish, I ask.”

That voice was trembling.

*

“…Anna.”

“Yes, Ria.”

Anna’s response was filled with strength. There was no trace of the hesitation she had right after arguing with Ria.

Is helping others really that good? Claiming she doesn’t want to all the time.

Ria felt once again that her heart might break.

Should I kneel like that maid did?

Should I try that?

“…Let me say this again, I…”

Anna’s steps halted.

Dressed in her white robes, Anna slowly turned around to look at Ria.

Her expression was not smiling at all.

“…Anna.”

“Ria, I won’t say not to worry.”

Anna thought for a moment before speaking.

“But I’m not fighting to die either.”

“…”

“Wanting to save someone doesn’t equate to wanting to die.”

No.

Sometimes it can mean the same thing.

“Most importantly, Ria.”

Anna slightly raised her gaze to Ria. One hand was placed over her chest.

“That fight was a battle that was bound to come sooner or later.”

Recalling the time when she first met Anna.

Anna always wanted to smash fate.

Yet, Ria approached Anna and gave her a push.

She told her to stay safe in the church since it would be safe.

…I see, Ria thought.

She had no idea what would happen if Anna wasn’t there. She didn’t want to know either. The world could collapse or slowly become a land where not even a single life could survive, stained by magic.

Everything beyond that gate could become tainted by magic, a world where all life is denied.

Yet strangely, Ria didn’t want to see Anna sacrifice herself.

“Someday, we would have faced each other and would have had to fight. Ria, can I make a selfish request?”

“…What request?”

“Even if I tell you not to follow me, you would inevitably follow me.”

“…”

“And even if I tell you not to help, you would remain by my side.”

“…So?”

Ria’s heart felt a bit annoyed.

It was a natural thing to guess.

Yet at the same time, it felt as if her thoughts had been read.

“Ria, please.”

Anna extended her hand and took Ria’s.

“Please don’t fight to save me. Fight to live.”

“…”

Ria narrowed her eyes and glared at Anna.

However, Anna’s words weren’t finished.

“Instead, as long as you’re alive, I will definitely survive.”

“…You.”

“Ria is my knight, right? So, as long as the knight is alive, I must try to live because I’m being protected. Doing our best, that’s what it means to help each other.”

Her words made no sense. A saint surviving because a knight survives, isn’t that failing to fulfill the knight’s duty?

But Ria instantly realized that Anna was sincere about that.

Anna was smiling. She seemed relieved that Ria was listening and hadn’t abruptly refused. Ria could now recognize the expressions of Anna she had seen over the past few months.

As long as Ria exists in this world, Anna does not want to die.

And that was also a kind of restraint.

A gentle restraint placed on both her body and Anna’s by Anna.

A compromise to delineate their lines.

“…Alright.”

Ria replied.

“If that’s the condition.”

Anna laughed at Ria’s words.

That laugh was a charming smile that seemed somewhat playful for a saint.

*

Ah, thank goodness.

At least Ria understood this part.

She thought this after listening to Paina and Pertia’s conversation a little earlier. The relationship where one person can live because the other is alive.

A relationship that makes you think you’d do anything.

…Yeah.

I’m serious.

At minimum, I hope Ria gets to live happily in this world for a long, long time.

As for the stories about being childhood friends and whatnot—that’s a separate story, but in any case, right now, Ria’s life is far more important.

For Ria to survive, there can’t be demons in this world. At least, while I’m alive, I must ensure this world is made safe.

If not, then at least for a lifetime.

This is also the shackles I place on myself.

Perhaps because of these shackles, I will not be able to move in this position anymore. I’ll remain there for a long time, praying and living just like the Pope said.

At least then, Ria can be safe.

Ria smiled at me.

Her face showed that her anguish had eased, looking a bit more at ease.

That was enough.

I thought so.