Chapter 142

Venus thought to himself.

That’s not it.

Caught in the reality of things, he couldn’t help but drift into deep contemplation.

Regardless of how murky and chaotic a life may be,

if that life had even the slightest semblance of order…

The past is nostalgic.

The present is complicated.

And the future is terrifying.

He gets lost in a dreamlike haze.

Is this wandering or aimless drifting?

Maybe my pace is slower than others.

Could the path and direction I’m heading towards be wrong?

Eventually, I can’t even think about such things anymore.

…Only to find myself just blindly walking forward with all the strength I have left.

There will come a time when I’ll have to ask myself:

Am I moving forward correctly?

And how much further must I walk to reach my destination?

What if…

All of this was a useless attempt?

If my time, effort, will, and hopes all turned out to be meaningless like bubbles?

Once the wind passes, everything vanishes without a trace.

Could it be something like that?

That unseen future, fear, and anxiety.

Even if you try to block out the world with your hands, the seeds planted in your mind grow slowly, nourished by anxiety.

They flourish.

Someone says:

“If only I were fine, nothing in this world could ever deceive me.”

But that statement is a lie.

As long as we’re born as frail humans, being battered by storms and collapsing is natural.

All that remains is the will to resist until the day we die.

Until our final breath, we burn that fighting spirit.

Even that depends on what we’re born with.

Even the strongest rocks can crumble.

No matter how solid iron is, it bends and breaks under enough force.

‘For how long?’

How long must I struggle?

How long must I stand against it?

When. When.

How long must I fight, get hurt, feel pain, scream, swallow tears, and suppress cries?

…How long must I flail about?

Is there an end to this fight?

Does it end even after death?

In the end…

Perhaps this world is fundamentally wrong.

Or maybe it wasn’t created for any purpose at all.

Then what are we, thrown into such a world?

Why…

…were we pushed into this living hell?

Anyone who calls this a blessing is truly a cursed existence.

Anyone who calls this grace deserves to die as a wicked person.

If that’s the case…

Isn’t all the evil, curses, nightmares, misfortunes, and sufferings in this world actually blessings? Isn’t it all grace?

…Are we supposed to accept that silently?

“Ugh!”

The darkness fades,

and light arrives.

Vast light engulfs the crimson flames spreading across the world,

gradually expanding its domain.

Is this grace? Is this a blessing?

Or another form of malevolence?

Whether it’s light or darkness, they both consume each other and expand their territories while eradicating anything that isn’t them.

This is ultimately how the world is structured.

It’s wrong.

Terribly off course.

But… am I the one who’s off?

There are those who live in a world like this.

There are plenty who bow their heads to the flow of such a world.

If this isn’t wrong…

Then why isn’t it wrong?

Were we born to bow our heads, bend our necks, submit, serve, and be used as slaves?

And those who talk about grace and blessings…

Do they really believe that living humbly, pitifully, and basely is true life?

Isn’t that wrong?

I’m not saying I want to dominate and crush everyone.

Why do we have to accept and embrace submission and subjugation?

For what? For whose sake?

‘How can I change this?’

Light overwhelms.

The explosive power surging within,

the immense strength swelling as if to tear apart my entire body, gradually subsides.

Like pouring cold water over heated iron,

everything calms down.

Blood gushes up.

My vision becomes a chaotic scene of light and red.

Sounds don’t register properly; strange noises buzz like tinnitus, distorted by the harsh wind.

My heart hardens.

Or perhaps it’s breaking.

“What am I supposed to do?”

What more am I supposed to do here?

Am I destined to keep losing?

Is this my final destination, pretending to be some king among weaklings?

What was the reason for instilling in me the desire to change the world?

To overcome through willpower and desperate struggles?

Or to crash and burn by colliding head-on?

“It’s so unfair…”

I didn’t ask for much.

I already know that I’m different from others and that what I desire might not be normal.

Still, this gap is a bit too extreme, right?

There were countless times I wanted to give up.

But my nature wouldn’t allow it.

Do you think I didn’t suffer?

I suffered more than anyone.

It was painful, hateful, and oppressive.

I hated myself, and wherever I went, absurdity and injustice reigned.

Was it just me seeing these things? Or is the state of the world truly like this?

After making me unable to overlook it,

they threw me into such a world without offering any solutions or alternatives.

…Is there even a god?

“What do you want me to do?”

Tell me.

What do you expect me to do here?

I can’t see any answers.

Still, you’re telling me to struggle pointlessly throughout my life, clinging to cheap consolations?

Of course, maybe while saving others and protecting them from danger,

I might gain some small comfort, though I don’t know.

…But that alone doesn’t quench my thirst.

To the traveler dying of thirst, what he needs now is just a sip of water.

Even if a grand feast is prepared,

…what I’ve always needed, from the past until now, is just a single drink of water.

‘Even if I sell my body, mind, and soul to the devil, and it still doesn’t work…’

What should I do now?

Effort?

Endless effort?

Then what about the opponent? Are they just sitting around doing nothing?

Or should I pray for them to die and claim victory by default?

Isn’t there a way?

The conclusion is merely shedding the facade of victory and defeat.

…Why should I be the one to give up? Why only me? What great sin did I commit?

Why…?

“…”

The intensity of the light grows,

and finally, all the raging flames surrounding me… have subsided.

An unknown silence arrives with the fading light.

Ultimately, this wretched stillness makes me feel even more miserable.

“Haa…”

Beyond despair, I now feel utterly desolate.

So disheartened that I can’t even contemplate resignation.

“…Haa…”

Suddenly, I remember.

Childhood.

Back then, I didn’t know what lay ahead.

I was looking at his broad back, dark and towering.

Maybe, unknowingly, I’ve been chasing after him all this time.

I can’t replace him.

But there’s someone who can take his place, right before my eyes.

…Do I really need to push myself?

It wasn’t me.

I didn’t need to push myself.

Then isn’t this enough already?

It might have been an absurdly short life for someone else,

but for me…

…it was an infinitely long journey.

The past no longer matters.

The present has collapsed.

The future… can no longer be seen.

Isn’t that enough?

“…Anyway.”

Since I’ve begged from the devil,

there won’t be any hope left for my future.

A call comes.

All my strength drains away in response to that mysterious summons.

…Yeah.

I’ve done enough, so let’s stop here.

Anything beyond this point would be meaningless anyway.

…

Through the rising foam,

a tiny droplet slowly emerges into the dark space.

Observing it and examining its contents,

someone eventually looks at it with half-interest, half-boredom,

reaching out a long finger absentmindedly.

The droplet is too fragile; it would burst instantly upon contact.

Knowing this, they don’t hesitate.

Dully, clumsily,

just as their fingertip is about to touch the curved surface of the droplet,

tch,

something firmly grabs their hand.

A dark figure.

“Aah…”

Finally.

We’ve reached this point.

When the figure turns away from the droplet,

there he is, beside it.

In the dark silhouette,

a pair of vivid golden eyes shine brightly.

Pale and emotionless, completely unreadable,

showing no trace of feeling—so indifferent.

It’s impossible to tell what emotions or thoughts drove him to intervene…

…she couldn’t tell.

But…

His intentions aren’t entirely unfathomable.

I’ve watched him and his surroundings for a very long time.

“Come here, Carriel.”

In the bright yet shadowy space,

she murmurs softly.

“I’m ready whenever.”

If you want to seize your destiny,

if you wish to capture the ideal you desire,

“Come here and prove your faith to me.”

I will wait.

With futile joy,

holding onto a sorrowful and youthful mindset,

I will continue waiting.

“Now… there’s really not much time left.”

With that voice, the world begins to blur.

The sounds fade and become hazy.

…

That’s how I felt.

It feels like falling, collapsing,

breaking—but no,

it’s fading out. Yeah, fading into the ground is the right description.

In that fleeting yet eternal moment,

Carriel, who had just emitted brilliant radiance, gazes at the scene where fiery red flames still swirl around.

Let me correct that.

Not quite.

From the pitch-black darkness emerged a dazzling brilliance.

The radiant sword light between gold and white—

he scattered it once more.

‘I…’

I didn’t take on this burden to discard and let go.

Therefore, this process shouldn’t lead to someone’s frustration, despair, or resignation.

Even if it seems like the right path.

I will use my strength to reject it.

I am not one to obey.

I am not a servant, a subjugator, or a faithful follower like the figure in front of me.

What I pursue might be similar to him.

I came here driven by rebellion and minor resistance from start to finish.

Thus, my aspirations are rebellion, resentment, and sorrow.

Born from frustration and despair.

I peeled away the hardened layers of resignation covering my whole body,

painstakingly shaving them off with a blade, drop by drop.

Such a me cannot fall into someone else’s unreasonable despair.

I…

…chose to wield a sword to change the unjust and illogical reality,

regardless of talent.

The sword itself didn’t matter.

But I deliberately chose it because…

Because father held a sword.

Because knights were expected to wield swords.

It might have been inefficient and forced, but there was no avoiding it.

Ultimately, it was what I wanted.

The light flickers,

then instantly engulfs the heavens and earth.

The faint glimpse of the future I saw earlier.

Maybe a possible future.

Unlike the improbable future that was bound to happen,

this is without pity or mercy.

Instantaneous.

Without giving time to think or deliberate,

it swallowed everything around, surpassing even the royal palace,

filling the inner walls of the fortress.

It’s a pillar of light descending from the sky.

Perhaps a miracle. A divine phenomenon.

In the blink of an eye,

a great wonder descended upon the land.

It arrived.

Truly… a divine miracle and heavenly punishment alike.

---