Chapter 136

136. Pickles and Sore Throat (1)

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Imperial Palace. The Imperial Prince’s office.

One of the prince’s advisors stood by his side, holding today’s stack of newspapers.

“Good day, Your Highness.”

“Hmm? What is it this time?”

“I thought you might find this interesting—today’s papers say Professor Asterix has invented a new painkiller and cured the Sacred Maiden’s illness, which is all everyone in Chang’an is talking about!”

“Is that so?”

“It’s not just academic circles—it’s all over the markets too.”

The prince frowned thoughtfully before letting out a sly chuckle, as if mocking the news.

“These newspapers these days… This is old news from months ago. It wasn’t a painkiller but an antiseptic, and it wasn’t the Sacred Maiden he treated—it was the Imperial Princess.”

Advisor Conrad shook his head.

“No, my lord.”

“What do you mean ‘no’?”

The prince furrowed his brow.

What is he getting at? Though the prince wasn’t one to ignore his subordinate’s words, he also made no effort to hide his growing unease.

“Asterix developed an antiseptic and treated the princess—that much is true. But the newspaper claims he created a painkiller and healed the Sacred Maiden, which is clearly wrong.”

At least, that’s what the prince believed.

Unfortunately…

Conrad spoke again.

“In fact, sir, Asterix really did treat someone else recently—a new case involving the Sacred Maiden—and developed a new medicine.”

The prince slowly blinked, like an owl suffering from a migraine. Conrad nervously gauged his master’s mood.

“Why the long face?”

“Just… I keep hearing this arrogant genius’s reputation inflating again.”

Another achievement by Professor Asterix? Surely impossible, right?

Of course it sounds far-fetched—but Asterix had pulled off near-miracles before. This could very well be real.

Regrettably…

Conrad continued.

“Among the common folk, there’s even a rumor spreading that Professor Asterix helped a paraplegic walk again. Strategically speaking, maintaining good relations with him and publicly acknowledging his contributions would benefit the palace politically…”

The prince massaged his temples.

“Certainly sounds great on paper… but for some reason, it leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Like watching someone eat cake nonstop for a year right in front of me.”

Conrad pondered how best to phrase his response to calm his lord.

Not exactly advice worth giving here…

“Geniuses often come across as arrogant and hard to deal with, don’t they? Sometimes that’s part of the package.”

There wasn’t much more to add.

“Conrad.”

“Yes, my lord?”

“Draft a letter to this guy. Something along the lines of congratulating him on curing the Sacred Maiden and developing a new drug.”

Conrad nodded.

“Annoying brat.”

“Think positively, my lord. This just means our empire has such talented individuals, doesn’t it?”

Truthfully, there was nothing they could do about it. Conrad understood why the prince reacted this way.

It’s because of the princess issue, isn’t it? Hard to see Asterix in a good light under those circumstances. Still, not really Conrad’s problem to worry about.

****

A strange letter arrived.

-To Professor Asterix,

-We have heard reports of your miraculous treatment of the empire’s Sacred Maiden. On behalf of myself and the imperial family, we commend your great accomplishment.

-I will ensure the people of the empire learn of your achievements. Furthermore,

-If there is anything you desire in return for this service, both the palace and the church will do our utmost to assist you.

-Signed,

The Imperial Prince

Huh. Is the prince delirious or something?

Even with my eyes closed, it’s obvious this was hastily written by some underling at his command. There’s no way the prince would speak—or write—to me like this.

Maybe someone held a knife to his throat? Regardless, that’s irrelevant now.

I folded the letter and slipped it into my pocket for later consideration.

Time for outpatient rounds again. Wonder what kind of bizarre patient awaits me today?

****

Today’s first patient.

A young man entered, leaning heavily on Teacher Amy. As soon as he walked in, an unusual smell followed, and his gait was clearly abnormal.

Well, duh—if he can’t walk properly, he’d need support. Amy helped him sit down in front of me.

Ideally, patients like this should probably lie down on a bed instead…

But he still seems capable of walking somewhat. I quickly scanned his features: muscles appeared contracted, and his expression looked pained.

“Hello, patient. How may I assist you?”

“My name is Eric. I couldn’t help it… Suddenly, my head felt like it was splitting apart, and I couldn’t walk properly, so I rushed here—”

His speech was incredibly halting.

I tried to identify the strange odor coming from him. If I could pinpoint it, I might figure out what’s wrong…

Salty and sour scents. Not typical human body odors, but I couldn’t place it.

Dozens of potential tests came to mind, but there wasn’t much I could immediately perform. First, I checked his pulse.

Pulse is detectable in the neck but absent in the wrist—an abnormally low heart rate. Pupil reflexes seemed normal when I shone light into his eyes.

This is urgent.

I tapped his elbow with a pen—

“Ow!”

He still reacts to pain, but deep tendon reflexes seem diminished. Decreased consciousness, loss of reflexes—whatever this is, it’s serious.

My conclusion came swiftly.

I grabbed the patient.

“To the bed! Let’s get you on the bed!”

“Eh…?”

Is it his brain malfunctioning, or is there an issue with his tongue or mouth muscles?

Loss of deep tendon reflexes points to the same underlying problem—we don’t know yet if it’s muscular or neurological damage.

I assisted the patient onto the bed with Amy’s help. We needed to start treatment fast, but first, we had to identify the illness.

“Teacher Amy.”

“Yes?”

“What’s that smell?”

She hesitated briefly.

“Uh…”

“Hurry up! He might pass out any second!”

“I don’t know, professor.”

Such useless graduate students…

While Amy stalled, I figured out the source of the smell.

I locked eyes with the patient.

There’s only one disease that causes sudden loss of deep tendon reflexes, impaired consciousness, muscle contractions, and pain—all linked to excessive pickle consumption.

“Patient, you’ve likely eaten too many pickles—or maybe an entire jar of pickle brine.”

The peculiar smell radiating from him matched pickle brine. Amy stared at me like I’d lost my mind.

“How can what he ate possibly matter when his mental state is fluctuating and his entire body is seizing?”

Excellent attitude. A true caregiver must voice concerns when they believe something is amiss.

That said…

Though Amy’s concern was valid, her reasoning was flawed. I shook my head.

“Teacher Amy, have you ever eaten an entire jar of pickles?”

“No.”

“So how would you know what happens if someone does?”

This happens.

“Huh?”

“Go fetch a large bucket of drinking water as quickly as possible.”

Amy scratched her head but sprinted off to grab the water anyway. Eating an entire jar of pickles results in…

“Did you consume an entire jar of pickles, patient?”

“Yes.”

Clearly nodding yes.

Pickle brine is several times saltier than blood or cellular fluid. Sea water is roughly three times saltier than blood, so let’s estimate it at three times. Swallowing an entire jar leads to…

Extreme osmotic pressure draws water from the body into the stomach.

As water rapidly exits the body, muscles contract, sodium levels in the blood rise, and disrupted electrolyte balance causes nerve dysfunction.

This is the result.

—I wanted to explain all that, but doing so might cause the patient to collapse. I’ll save the detailed explanation for later when we have time.

Ironically, the treatment for hypernatremia is simply 0.9% saline solution.

You might wonder why we’re adding salt to someone who already has too much sodium in their system.

However, injecting pure water directly into the bloodstream during hypernatremia could be…

Disastrous.

You’d essentially be creating a corpse. Restoring blood pressure with physiological saline is the safest option.

I connected an IV line to the patient’s arm.

Amy returned with the bucket.

“The patient will recover soon. Drink fresh water whenever you remember, and from now on, please eat pickles in moderation…”

Well, expect to spend the next day glued to the bathroom. Can’t be helped.

“Professor! Another emergency patient!”

****

Phew. That first patient flew by like lightning. Cases like that are exhausting.

Who would’ve guessed someone could eat an entire jar of pickles? Yet, the world truly has its fair share of unpredictable people.

Today’s second patient.

This one looked visibly unwell upon entering. I narrowed my eyes. Numerous alarming signs were immediately apparent.

Unfortunately, this patient required immediate attention as well.

“How did you end up here?”

“I woke up feeling a bit stiff in my throat, running a fever, and feeling dizzy. But honestly, I don’t feel that bad.”

By the way, the nurse measured this patient’s temperature earlier—it was 40°C.

Seems like his judgment is impaired. Coupled with complaints of throat stiffness and dizziness…

The primary diagnosis to consider is…

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