Chapter 114

I’ve experienced way too much.

Even if it was all but an illusion…

The things I’ve gone through will never truly disappear.

However, maybe because those times were so long…

I almost forgot my original purpose.

-But reminding yourself is actually quite simple.

Humans, life forms… are slaves to their memories.

-If you keep refreshing the worst memories, you can’t forget them even if you want to.

She called it extreme treatment, but it definitely worked.

It wasn’t something I relied on from the start.

But as a human, due to endless time and trials…

My initial goal gradually became vague or blurry.

And as if predicting that, the Demon King properly reminded me of it.

Thanks to him, even now I relive the emotions, regrets, anger, and powerlessness from back then like a waking nightmare.

At the same time…

Through Alesia and small memories with Louilin.

I could vividly recall them too.

Ultimately, these memories have become my driving force now.

Also, this world’s injustices—where just existing brings pain, where breathing feels cursed—are overwhelming sometimes.

Of course, the opposite happens too.

There are moments when I’m lost in tranquil silence, and peace feels more comfortable than ever.

In those moments, all worries and anguish seem meaningless.

Which one is the real me?

The answer is simple.

All of it is me.

Me? All these things happening inside me—it’s so diverse and colorful.

Chaos and order.

Peace and discord.

They endlessly collide, circulate, exchange, merge, and scatter over and over.

This is how nature shows various phenomena.

And in societies of intelligent beings, including humans, countless phenomena manifest similarly.

“…”

It feels like I’m about to be devoured.

But we’ve already been consumed.

By reason and natural laws.

By rules and principles.

What I fundamentally base myself on…

This vast universe beyond comprehension, expanding endlessly at every moment…

Even the sun we see pales in comparison to its grandeur.

Though honestly, I still don’t understand what anything really means.

I struggle just to comprehend what I’ve heard.

Somehow, I feel everything deeply in my heart and soul, but intellectually, I can’t fully grasp it yet.

-That’s fine for now. Ignorance is bliss sometimes.

Because dipping your ankles in seawater is different from submerging your whole head.

-For now, this much is enough.

So saying, I let go of any further doubts or questions.

As my body matured, understanding and absorption changed gradually.

I could do things I couldn’t before.

Things I didn’t know naturally came to light.

Maybe because my vision broadened…

Everything I saw, heard, and felt became far more refined compared to before.

Still, I’m adapting.

A newborn baby can’t fly or walk right away.

It’s similar to that.

The natural flow.

To grow bigger.

To jump higher.

Preparation is necessary.

-Enjoy wandering with direction.

The Demon King said:

Your earnestness depends on the experiences you’ve had.

It depends on how your heart receives them.

On whether your consciousness keeps them alive.

And ultimately, on your will to overcome them.

Among those…

-Not a single aspect is lacking.

The pain and joy you’ve experienced.

Everything you enjoy and reject.

-That’s your right.

====

“T-T-This?! Are you really giving THIS to ME?!”

The day before leaving the Water User’s valley,

we held a small feast in an open field.

We roasted a wild boar hanging from a spit

and shared fruit wine brewed by Aiseus.

When Ariestetis offered his guitar as a farewell gift,

the commotion was intense.

“I can get another one once I leave, but you can’t, right?”

“But… well, yes, but…”

He went on and on.

“If someone offers, it’s polite to accept.”

With that, Lance Ruse dismissed the fuss, and Ariestetis took the guitar seriously, trembling as if he’d been given a sacred sword.

“It’s been almost two years. In such a short time, you’ve changed beyond recognition.”

“…”

Carriel himself noticed it too.

People say he’s grown taller, but he doesn’t feel it much.

His build has become slightly sturdier compared to before, but he doesn’t mind either.

Compared to physical types, he’ll always seem frail, but since he doesn’t rely on muscles or bones anymore, there’s no need to obsess over it.

Nor does he feel particularly proud of having bulging muscles.

“To next time, I’ll give you a taste.”

“…Alright.”

Reurik, ever since battling Carriel, has shown relentless competitiveness.

Even during spars with Aiseus, he wasn’t this persistent. Why is that?

“Haha!”

Mayer, sitting in a corner drinking from a wineskin, seemed to view all this as unnecessary formalities, remaining absorbed in his own world.

Always drunk but never without his sword.

His blood might as well be liquor, but his body resembles a rusty blade—inelegant yet capable.

Still, one of the few who can match Aiseus in skill.

Technically, Reurik and Ariestetis’ true teacher isn’t Lance Ruse but Mayer.

“…”

Perhaps he’s naturally gifted.

Drinking endlessly while seemingly losing focus yet growing stronger daily… It doesn’t make sense no matter how you think about it.

Especially considering how being close to alcohol usually signifies both physical and mental instability.

Back when Carriel was a model student unable to escape mediocrity, seeing someone like Mayer made him oddly reflective.

Like students in the academy who sleep all day yet ace exams.

Or those who party constantly but shine brilliantly when needed.

Compared to them, Carriel could only feel deprivation and inferiority.

Thinking about it now, perhaps his current self is also an unreasonable extreme.

Thus, Carriel neither underestimates nor overestimates himself.

Let alone boasts or brags.

At his age, most would flaunt their achievements, but…

He lacks the motivation.

It’s worse now than before.

Time flows, after all.

These nearly two years here feel like ten in his perception.

How long have I immersed myself in illusions?

Even while training physically, he remained half-immersed in illusions.

Yet, there’s a limit to what you can achieve through such practice.

Working hard and endlessly doesn’t necessarily improve skills.

Unaware, the Demon King pointed this out clearly.

And…

“Isn’t it obvious that no matter how hard you train, it’s insufficient?”

“…”

After thinking for a moment, Carriel replied.

“No, I was told.”

“That makes sense.”

Lance Ruse nodded, satisfied his curiosity was resolved, then added…

“But how did you know the timing?”

“Timing?”

“Strictly speaking, you could’ve trained here for a few more years without issue. Why choose to leave now?”

“Well…”

Because I heard there’s nothing left to gain here.

From whom?

…The Demon King.

Here, amidst nature’s abundant energy, his body developed accordingly but leaned toward imbalance.

Since the Demon King embodies cold energy, this time around, he needs to balance it with fiery energy.

Mentioning yin-yang harmony initially confused him, but recalling Grandeous’ teachings clarified it somewhat.

[Swallow the flame like a devouring fire, freeze water like icy breath.]

This refers to yin-yang balance, which aligns with the magic theory magi discuss regarding heat and cold, making it easier to understand.

“Initially, your spirit couldn’t keep up with your body, but now it’s reversed. Your body has reached perfection, but your spirit lags behind.”

“Is that so?”

“Yes. Ideally, I’d advise patience and long-term perspective, but since you have plans, leaving now must be your decision, correct?”

“…”

“Strengthen your resolve. At your current level, you’re already unmatched anywhere.”

Exaggerated praise, perhaps.

Over-the-top compliments, maybe.

Even the Water User here presents a challenge Carriel can’t easily predict victory against.

Yet even he says…

“Your father is living calamity. Even I can’t face him.”

“…”

Meaning, the Golden Beast posed such a threat to the higher-ups that they deemed only someone of that caliber capable of defeating it. Thus, they brought it into existence in this era. Or perhaps…

An even greater trial awaits later, though I can’t foresee it.”

“…”

If that’s true.

Why was Carriel born, and why has he come this far?

“…”

Carriel knows.

He fought countless battles against the construct of his father created by the Demon King in dreams.

Serious as it gets, he hasn’t won even once.

The Golden Beast.

Assuming the Demon King’s prime was during that battle…

His father, still an active warrior, remains an insurmountable barrier.

Like a towering wall reaching the heavens.

Yet, the Demon King claims…

Now, he’s likely stronger than back then.

Possessing only a Sacred Sword without relics, he’s probably stronger now than when facing the Demon King.

By this point, it’s awe-inspiring.

How could there be room for arrogance or satisfaction?

Always feeling inadequate.

“Aiming high is a good thing.”

Lance Ruse threw in a remark that strangely hit home.

“However, don’t get too fixated on it. Mountains are mountains. Whether you see them as obstacles blocking your path or scenic views to admire depends entirely on your mindset.”

“Yes, I reflect on it often.”

The biggest stumbling block ultimately comes from within.

No one labeled it as such.

I merely perceived it that way.

Thus, removing it…

Depends on my mindset.

“…”

Even if I decide to change my perspective, the fact that it blocks my path remains undeniable.

But there’s no need to scare myself beforehand.

Fear growing into terror over time will only make things harder.

Then, Aiseus interjected.

“Enough seriousness. Let’s lighten the mood. How about a song while we’re at it?”

Shaking her wooden cup, she encouraged everyone, and Lance Ruse excused himself with a laugh.

“…”

Carriel effortlessly received the guitar again from Ariestetis.

“This is the first time I’ve seen you smile.”

Aiseus chuckled while moving away, and Minette, who had been focused on roasting meat and flames, turned her attention here.

“Haa!”

Ariestetis clutched her cheeks eagerly, and despite the pressure or expectations, Carriel felt none after so much repetition.

“…”

Did Aiseus suggest stirring excitement?

Then…

Going beyond plucking strings casually.

This time, he wanted to play the guitar differently.

Flicking fingers, sweeping wrists.

Plucking, tapping, strumming, striking.

Even using the guitar body as a percussion instrument, hitting it with palms and backs of hands.

Striking the strings aggressively.

“Woooww!!!”

Less about the music itself, more about the performance, the act.

Focused on that.

Continuing the performance.

Rather than evoking emotions, direct sensations.

Showy movements and rhythms.

Drawing eyes like captivating songs.

Making it more of a spectacle to watch and enjoy, raising excitement.

Continuing until the end as his final performance here.

The night deepens, yet the burning fire and surrounding forest keep the area bright.

Like huddling around the forest’s warm heart as a heater.

The smell of roasting meat, initially unpleasant, now smells savory and aromatic.

Sparks flying from the flames feel nostalgic.

Ultimately, this is but a fleeting moment of joy.

Who cares?

If I can rest even briefly.

That’s satisfying enough.

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