Chapter 113

Posted by Kuze, ? Views, Released on February 8, 2025

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A small brass incense burner, entirely made of yellow copper.

The base is wide like a round table, but the central pillar that supports it is slender, resembling the stem of a flower or plant. As it rises upward, it expands again into a rounded cup-like shape.

Inside, it was hollow like a bowl meant to hold something, though not very deep.

First, they spread a faint ash-colored floor material and leveled it out flat.

On this flattened surface, they piled up a powdered form of fragrant wood, gathering it into a small mound resembling a hillock. At the peak of this hillock, they placed a flame seed to ignite the fire.

As soon as the powder caught fire from above, it began to smolder, slowly releasing a thick smoke accompanied by a soothing aroma.

Finally, when the lid of the copper incense burner was placed back on top, it created a scene where the scent seemed to rise through the petals of a flower.

“Hmm… Your determined gaze suggests you’ve already set your mind.”

“…”

Gajeff, who had taken up residence in the cave, lit the incense burner upon the late arrival of his guest and handed over a decoction brewed from herbs.

Receiving it, Carriel gazed steadily at the dense herb residues floating in the small wooden bowl.

“Don’t eat that part together.”

“…”

Though the hot water made it hard to gulp down all at once, he was also told not to separate or consume the residues individually, so his drinking pace became even slower. Since there was no particular need to hurriedly ingest it, Carriel calmly moistened his lips, tongue, and teeth while gently warming his throat.

“So, have you decided where you’re heading?”

“I’m still considering that.”

It wouldn’t make sense to head straight to the empire. And yet, there’s nowhere else to go either. He thought about staying locked up here until he felt certain…

“I plan to visit the place Minette needs to go first.”

“Is that so?”

Gajeff didn’t bother asking further. Even after spending such a long time here, the number of faces he’d seen and the chances for serious conversations like this could be counted on one hand. It might have been because Carriel himself lacked leisure time.

“The food I offered last time was quite satisfying. It definitely helped with my recovery.”

“Are you bringing up something from a year ago now? Don’t do that. When an adult gives you something, just silently appreciate it in the moment. If you express gratitude for every meal, when will you sleep or hunt? Or find a mate?”

“…”

Although he was an Aquarian, his build was far from ordinary. Not quite Giant Clan-level, but compared to humans and most other races, his stature was undeniably imposing.

For generations, Aquarians have held self-control and restraint as their core belief, almost akin to a religious doctrine. This led them to value formality, etiquette, and various traditions more than humans did.

Through such strict control, they aimed to maintain harmony and suppress unnecessary conflicts. However, the stronger the Aquarian, the harder it was to restrain their emotions, impulses, and instincts.

Originally…

Even among fellow Aquarians, some questioned why equal treatment and recognition as individuals were necessary.

Why should we achieve harmony with nature? Why respect it?

In Gajeff’s case, being a Lokian—a deer species—he was relatively accommodating towards such ideas.

But that doesn’t mean he was naturally peace-loving or environmentally friendly.

“Since we’re on the topic… When do you plan to find a mate?”

“Me? Is that necessary? I doubt there’s anyone who can handle me.”

He seems aware of his own overwhelming nature.

“There were opportunities. One even caused issues because she wasn’t of my race… Anyway, I have no plans for now. But what about you? Aren’t the ones following you already worked up? Abandoning them like this is irresponsible. A man abandoning a woman is worse than failing to provide for her. Other men might take interest if you don’t claim them. Neglecting someone you’ve claimed goes beyond irresponsibility—it’s criminal behavior.”

“…”

Worked up? And neglecting someone you’ve claimed is a crime? The expression was exaggerated and crude, but fundamentally flawed overall.

“I don’t have that kind of relationship with them.”

“So what? Whether you poke around and mess with them or not, the result is the same—having kids. Do you have any objections? Or do they?”

“…That’s not what I mean.”

“She’s prime quality as a female. If I were human, leaving them alone would have been a sin. Young ones, both male and female, suffer less when born young. Having children is secondary; raising them takes much more effort. Hunting daily for food, protecting and nurturing territory, driving off competitors, teaching survival skills until they can stand on their own… Humans already have short lifespans and fewer offspring, so ideally, you should have at least two or three before hitting your twenties.”

“…”

“Isn’t it normal for someone your age to already have a couple of kids? Back in your father’s day, we were too busy fighting against that damn Demon King and his followers to have much leisure time… But even then, everyone managed to pair up somehow.”

“…”

This conversation is starting to blur between preaching and idle chatter.

“And Ariesteretis seems to be struggling to control her rising urges toward you. Don’t let her wait too long.”

“But I already said it’s not like that!”

“What do you mean ‘not like that’? It’s a man’s duty to fulfill a woman’s wishes when she desires him. What’s so difficult? Just comfort her, maybe add some water, and it’ll be over in minutes. Why complicate things?”

“…Does what you mean by ‘fulfill’ only refer to mating?”

“Mating leads to becoming mates. Then, whether it’s two, three, or four, dedicating yourselves mutually allows everyone to live meaningfully and happily. How great is that? Trust isn’t built from the heart but through physical intimacy. Did you think heroes and warriors always got along well? The Emperor and your father once pointed swords and daggers at each other’s hearts over the Sacred Sword… This is actually a pretty famous story, didn’t you know?”

“…”

Close friends, perhaps even brothers? Shocking, indeed.

Rather…

Following his logic, wandering around and sowing wild oats irresponsibly would make life rather convenient, wouldn’t it?

Or maybe, since many people lived that way, doctrines were established to prevent such licentiousness. Otherwise, human society would descend into utter chaos.

Carriel himself followed Irene’s Doctrine, which emphasized committing fully to one woman, specifically after marriage.

Not that he was bound by such restrictions.

Still…

“I don’t have the spare time right now.”

“You create time when needed. If both parties want it, what’s stopping you? Why throughout history have males and females gone crazy trying to get together? Because it feels good, that’s why. This is a blessing from the gods. Plants, insects, beasts, humans—all equally share the right to produce life. Now tell me, am I wrong?”

“…”

Why has the topic suddenly veered here? Reflecting on it, mentioning this subject might’ve been his biggest mistake.

Recalling how Gajeff initially treated him and Aiseus as a married couple when they first met… It was incredibly perplexing. If they weren’t married, then were they just using each other for pleasure? And if they eventually had a child, wouldn’t they end up getting married anyway? His brain nearly imploded thinking about it.

“Just try it and see.”

“…Fine.”

Though indifferent about love or romantic relationships, as a person and a man, Carriel wasn’t entirely devoid of awareness in that area.

“…”

Liking someone means making yourself vulnerable. It also makes you susceptible to betrayal.

Especially for someone who’d had his heart pierced by those he trusted—be it family, comrades, or allies—it wasn’t easy to open up.

And when such an outcome eventually came, he didn’t want to feel disappointed.

“Back in the day, you were such a nice guy. When you were younger, you used to propose to any pretty girl you saw, saying ‘Let’s get married!’ You even asked older women to be your lover! Remember?”

“Did…did I really do that?”

“I clearly remember. You must have completely forgotten. You were outrageous back then, indiscriminate of races.”

“…”

Is this a headache or dizziness? His head started hurting and spinning slightly.

“You even told Aceletra that if you had nowhere else to go, you could live beside her, right? Isn’t that why she’s attached to you now?”

“…”

“Wasn’t it?”

Why does it feel like he’s confronting an unforeseen situation, puffing heavily through his nose? There’s a foreboding sense that a misunderstanding is solidifying into something else entirely.

Maybe it’s already too late.

“Females are getting angry because males keep acting clueless. Haven’t you been slapped?”

“…No, but my neck almost got cut by a sword once.”

“But I truly…”

“It’s none of my business.”

Just how sociable was I in the past? This goes beyond mere sociability. Was I really kidnapped as a hostage? Or did I willingly travel to explore other countries legally?

“…”

That sounds plausible. Based on the information I’ve gathered so far, it makes sense.

“Well, let’s stop here. Clearly, you’re not concerned about that, and I’m not particularly interested either.”

“…”

Finally, it’s over.

The topic was somewhat awkward, leaving the medicine unfinished. Though it had cooled enough to drink easily, the absence of warmth dulled its rich fragrance, making the bitterness more pronounced.

“Why are you so desperately striving to enhance your power? I debated whether to ask, but since I recently ventured outside, I picked up some rumors.”

“…”

“What entanglement has led to you being falsely accused?”

“A false accusation, huh…”

“Could it be because of that young lady with the Demon King’s powers?”

“…Explaining it won’t be simple, and even if I did, the story would be lengthy. Moreover, I can’t guarantee the details.”

“What’s so complicated? So you’re still incapable of handling a single female. To become a true male, you should experience it at least once.”

“…”

“Ask Arathra or Minette. They’d probably agree without hesitation.”

“What exactly are you asking me to do?” The gist is understood, but discussing it so casually… Is it because he’s not human, or is this just his personality?

“Doing that won’t change who you are.”

Initially…

Whether you do it or not, it doesn’t matter much now.

Desires or urges…

Perhaps the greatest flaw is their complete absence.

Though originating from dreams and consciousness—an illusory world akin to reality—I’ve spent more of my existence in that dreamlike state of consciousness.

Is that why…

“As your mind and spirit align with nature, your emotions grow fainter, but… If you think that’s real, you’re mistaken.”

Nature is…

“Overflowing with profound emotions. Including desires and lusts.”

“…”

“But unlike us living beings, they aren’t diverse.”

Wait, that’s not right…

“Some plants here survive by parasitizing others due to lack of sunlight or by eating living organisms.”

And some plants…

“…If I die, so shall you.” They burn entire forests.

“Pardon?”

“I’m not lying. Such plants exist.”

This is what nature is.

“While we express diverse desires and emotions, they flow in one direction. Hard to explain, but they too feel joy, sorrow, fear, just like us.”

“…”

“However, these beings, bound by their nature, transform their temperament and ecology over hundreds or thousands of cycles of life and death. Even weeds and grasses of old could evolve into entities capable of withering giant trees or summoning pests to weaken competitors.”

See this…

“This is life. Dead beings, however, remain silent. Does rock look dead to you? Living rock and dead rock differ in vitality and strength. Dead rock crumbles easily, but living rock is strong and resilient.”

“…Sounds hard to believe.”

“With your current understanding, you should be able to discern this. Perhaps you’ve overlooked it because it falls outside your interests.”

“…”

“Live vibrantly. If you wish to live.”

Even while moving toward death…

“Don’t deny your existence. Wouldn’t it be better to someday reflect positively on having been born?”

“…”

Good advice. Words deeply resonating within his chest.

But…

There’s something you don’t know.

“…”

I’m not suppressing or eliminating my emotions. In fact, it’s precisely because my emotions are so abundant that I’ve managed to endure until now. Only because these emotions are fundamentally tied to anger.

I’m not killing my emotions.

I’m merely…

…killing my anger.

To prevent unleashing this emotion on innocent people.

To avoid making mistakes due to it.

I…

“Thank you for the good words.”

“Hmph, your face says otherwise.”

While exhaling forcefully, Gajeff looked slightly regretful or wistful, his large eyes gleaming softly. Being similar yet different from humans, his expressions occasionally confuse.

…But looking with the heart instead of the eyes…

Everything becomes crystal clear.

“No, I genuinely appreciate it.”

There isn’t a trace of falsehood in these words.

Yet, despite expressing gratitude…

The advice, encouragement, concern, and comfort won’t seep into my heart like timely rain.

Will there ever come a day when it does?

I don’t know.

Trusting someone, leaning on them, entrusting myself…

If only it were that simple.

“…”

If I collapse once…

Would I ever be able to rise again? Regain strength?