Chapter 112

I didn’t take long to calm down. During this short time, Kang Hye-won stayed by my side without saying a word.

After I calmed down, I measured my size and my height as well. The statement that I had grown seemed not to be a lie; I had indeed grown a little since before.

“148 cm.”

“You’re 2 cm taller…”

If only I had grown a lot more in height, it might have been somewhat comforting.

When we came out of the dressing room together, Hwa-won hadn’t said anything despite the time that had passed. She was already sitting in front of the computer, looking at something.

“Oppa, are you watching something erotic?”

“I’m looking at clothes. I picked out a few; what do you think?”

Ignoring Hye-won’s unfunny joke, Hwa-won asked me. Hwa-won had already chosen quite a number of clothes, but buying this many was a bit excessive, even if they were cheap.

Most importantly, it was a point where I realized that my body was slowly growing. I didn’t want to waste clothes I couldn’t wear later because I had outgrown them.

“There are too many. And if they don’t fit later, I might have to throw them away.”

“I know, I’m not saying you should buy everything. Just pick out something appropriate. You can even wear a size bigger.”

The clothes Hwa-won had picked out were similar to what I had worn before; they could match both men and women pretty well. Since we were here to buy winter clothes, everything was indeed winter wear, and there were no particularly flashy items or clothes that looked too childish. There were also a few hats.

“I think all of them are fine; isn’t there really a need to try them on?”

“You have to try them on to see how they fit.”

“Right. Even if they look fine on the outside, there might be some parts that don’t fit when worn.”

“If that’s the case…”

Since I had no particular objection to the clothes, I gave the okay sign.

Kang Hye-won said that some of the clothes were in storage, but more than half were here and could be tried on. Since it was a bit much to go grab them alone, I went with Hwa-won.

Left alone, I stroked my chest with my hand. It didn’t feel overly suffocating after all. But I wasn’t completely comfortable either. I inevitably saw my body every time I showered, but during those moments, I didn’t notice any significant changes indicating that I had grown.

Yet, something was changing. Although it wasn’t visible in just a day or two.

After about 10 minutes, the two of them returned with two boxes of clothes. It seemed a bit much for just half of what they had chosen.

“It’s the volume that makes it seem like a lot.”

Well, I suppose it made sense considering they were winter clothes.

First, I looked at the hats we had brought. There really wasn’t much to choose from. They said that usually, this kind of hat isn’t left in such places, so among the few I picked, there was only one here.

The hat itself felt similar to the one I had worn before. It was the one Hwa-won referred to as a beanie. Unlike the last one, it was white and had a more classic design with a downward angle on the brim.

“Why white?”

“Even if you’re not trying to hide, it’s not like you’re aiming to stand out. The black one you’re wearing doesn’t cover your head completely, making it more noticeable.”

“Really?”

That was an unexpected downside. The hat I received from Ham Yejin had covered my head completely, whereas the one I bought didn’t do that at all.

In the end, the hat was decided just like that. Now it was time to change into the clothes. The so-called fashion show… which, of course, wasn’t a particularly fun atmosphere for me. Only Kang Hye-won kept grinning, and she had been like that for a while.

As I was about to try on clothes without much thought, Kang Hye-won and Hwa-won assigned me to wear a combination of upper and lower outfits. I tried on several outfits like that. Although I wasn’t knowledgeable about matching clothes, the appearance did look quite good, as Hwa-won had said.

Given my body, no matter how I looked, I didn’t appear like an adult, but it was good enough not to look childish.

“They’re all cute.”

“Don’t say cute.”

“I’m sorry!”

Hye-won’s tone was still somewhat annoying, but I couldn’t really throw any comments at her. Considering her attitude earlier and her remarks, it was shameless even to say that. Even though I felt bad about being called cute, I couldn’t deny it.

Regardless of that assessment, both Hwa-won and I concluded that everything was fine. Compared to the clothes I had been wearing, the size was a bit larger, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. Now it was time to try on the outerwear.

“It seems a bit big.”

“I specifically brought it two sizes larger. Outerwear tends to cost a bit more, and you have to wear it next year too; if you buy it exactly your size, it won’t fit quickly.”

It was a reasonable argument, but it still seemed a bit big. However, since it wasn’t uncomfortable or unwearable, I ultimately accepted it.

There were five coats brought, two brown and red coats, a light, thin black padded jacket, and two red and black padded jackets.

Since it was outerwear, checking it out was quick. I quickly decided on the thin padded jacket since it was light and intended for casual wear, but I was a bit torn about the coats and padded jackets.

“Should I go with brown or black?”

“I think red is better.”

“Why?”

“It looks cuter.”

“Not really. The red padding has white fringes on the hood, so it might make my head less noticeable.”

It was a similar discussion to before. When I wore the white hat and red padded jacket, my hair color didn’t stand out much. It didn’t immediately catch the eye. The only problem was.

“…Isn’t it a bit big?”

The bigger padded jacket oddly made it seem like a kid was forcing themselves into adult-sized clothes. Even though I wasn’t strictly at the level of looking like a small child, it didn’t feel right.

Wasn’t it right?

Judging now was a bit difficult. Perhaps I was overreacting, or on the other side, I was being overly optimistic. Expecting rational judgments from myself these days was rather unrealistic.

“It is a bit big. But this size is still within an acceptable range. Outerwear is generally worn larger.”

“If that’s the case, there’s nothing I can do.”

Compared to the model photos posted on the shopping site, I looked quite short. The photos weren’t taken by adult models either. I wanted to grow up a little faster. I didn’t think I’d find myself thinking this again, a thought I used to have in elementary school.

Still, both coats didn’t look that big. Since the red padding was prominent, it was decided that the coat would be brown.

“Are you going to wear that out?”

“No, I’ll just wear what I was originally wearing. I’ll just wear the hat right away.”

After finishing the shopping, we stepped outside, and it was already dark. The cold weather made the days shorter. It was almost time for dinner.

Kang Hye-won naturally joined us. We had dinner together at a hot pot restaurant that she recommended. During the meal, I shared my number with Kang Hye-won. She chattered throughout dinner, and thanks to that, I learned various tidbits about her.

Once the meal ended, the moon hung in the night sky. Now there really wasn’t much reason to stay together anymore. Hwa-won probably had plans tomorrow and couldn’t stay long. She suggested she drive Kang Hye-won home, and Kang Hye-won didn’t refuse. Thanks to that, Hwa-won continued to chatter in the car.

“Then see you later~.”

After Kang Hye-won got out, only the two of us remained, and the conversation fell silent again. Thanks to Kang Hye-won, it hadn’t been obvious, but since coming in and out of the dressing room, our conversation hadn’t been extensive. I kept looking at my phone, while Hwa-won focused on driving.

In the meantime, a small vibration buzzed through my phone. It was a message from Kang Hye-won. It hadn’t even been an hour since we exchanged numbers.

[I’ll bring the clothes next week~ I’ve also put various types of underwear and socks; you don’t have to pay for this as it’s a gift. If you need anything else, please contact me.] [Feel free to contact me even if you don’t need anything~]

Ham Yejin was like the sun, and Muk Ha-neul was like the night sky.

My mother’s letters were like the cold night sea.

Kang Hye-won resembled nothing. Her feet were planted firmly on the ground. She was neither a sun that shone light nor a night sky that brought rest, nor was she the cold night sea filled with ghosts from the past.

To me, she was just an ordinary good person that held no special significance. She had started working without going to university and mentioned that her grades weren’t great. The reason she liked me was simply that she thought I was cute, a nonsensical reason, and her tendency to talk was a natural extension of how she spoke to her younger siblings.

Unlike Ham Yejin, who formed a relationship with me based on guilt, or Muk Ha-neul, who had feelings for me, she wasn’t my mother either.

This goodwill was neither noble nor beautiful. It was the very ordinary regard of a foolish, silly girl that I had despised.

Yet now, the fact that I was thankful for it wasn’t so bad. Perhaps this meant that I had also grown.

[Thank you.]

The car stopped, and my house came into view. Both Hwa-won and I got out. An awkward atmosphere lingered.

“Hey.”

Still, I didn’t have the courage to speak first, so Hwa-won was the one to break the ice.

“Yeah.”

“If you really need the letter, I’ll give it to you.”

Hwa-won brought up the story of the letter she had hidden. It wasn’t that I had forgotten about it. It was something I couldn’t forget.

However, my thoughts had changed since the first time Hwa-won hid that letter. It wasn’t that anything particularly significant had happened; I just viewed it from a slightly more genuine perspective.

I shook my head.

“It’s fine. You keep it.”

“Are you sure?”

“Even if I have it, there’s nothing I can do with it, and right now, I just don’t want to see it.”

I wasn’t sure if this was the right answer.

“I don’t want to do it that way, but I’ll try to do it that way.”

“…That’s.”

I couldn’t forget it. I couldn’t erase it. I would continue to hate it and suffer from it.

“Someone said. Forgive and forget. It’s not easy, but that’s a path that would be better for me. It would be the greatest revenge.”

You told me not to forgive. You took away my right to forgive you.

“Someone else said. Don’t forgive, keep resenting. It’s not worth it.”

Someone said that my forgiveness could be the ultimate revenge.

“I don’t really know. I don’t know what’s right or wrong, and I don’t know what I should do.”

This wasn’t something I learned today. I had been realizing this quite often lately.

“Both seem too difficult for me, so I just intend to live as I have been.”

Sadness and pain evaporate. They don’t entirely disappear, but in the end, they leave behind faint marks, and yet they do fade.

Yes, perhaps there will come a day when I can smile looking at those marks.

“I’ll just put it off. Not thinking about it, not bringing it up, not feeling sad.”

So when that mark becomes a scar, I’ll smile when I see it.

“There’s still plenty of time left.”

I didn’t know whether that was a positive or negative notion or even what kind of time it was.

“If I try to forget, I can certainly forget.”

Just like how you took me to the department store for that.

After hearing those words, Hwa-won smiled with a face that seemed to be hiding a deep disinterest, like she was forcing a smile.