“Ah……”
It was early morning.
As soon as I woke up, I furrowed my brows at a headache that felt like my head was splitting.
At the same time, memories of last night started flooding back, vivid and too clear to dismiss as a nightmare.
The more I tried to forget, the more intense they became.
The Holy Maiden’s resilience allowed me no blessing of forgetfulness.
“Crazy…”
I covered my face with both hands.
Last night.
I left the church and wandered aimlessly.
I walked and walked.
I might have been dazed.
If I had someone to rely on, I would have unconsciously sought that person out.
But the Duke was too far away, and I didn’t know where the Leopard lived, and I didn’t want to go home because I wouldn’t know what expression to make upon seeing Tia.
Perhaps that’s why I seemed to be wandering the streets without a soul.
When I came to my senses, the surroundings had turned completely dark.
My soles ached, and my throat felt scratchy from probably breathing through my mouth the whole time.
That’s when it started.
The cursed voice began to echo in my ears.
‘It’s all Tia’s fault. You know it, right? You know.’
‘If it weren’t for Tia, you could have gone back.’
‘If only you had aborted when she was in your womb. Then part of your soul would have been absorbed back. Tsk tsk.’
It was the voice of that chilling woman.
The evil spirit whispered in my ear, relentlessly spewing horrible words.
Everything was Tia’s fault.
That I couldn’t go back was Tia’s blame.
“Shut up, please!”
That couldn’t be right.
Tia was not at fault at all.
Even while desperately denying it with my mouth, I felt a bit scared.
That deep down, perhaps I thought the same.
What if the evil spirit doesn’t even exist?
What if it’s just an illusion created by my weak mind?
What if my unconscious was simply transmitting the voice from deep within me without filtering?
Thinking that, the terrifying voice began to sound eerily similar to my own.
It was all Tia’s fault.
I had become unhappy because of Tia.
Perhaps that was my honest feeling.
Just thinking that made me feel infinitely disgusting about myself.
Tears began to flow.
I cried continuously until I was exhausted and couldn’t cry anymore.
By the time I could hardly produce a proper voice and only emitted strange sounds in gasps.
I turned around at the sound of a carriage stopping behind me.
“Get in.”
It was the steward.
I took his hand and stood up, climbing into the carriage.
The sight of him sitting on the coachman’s seat skillfully driving the horses was unfamiliar and surprised me a little.
The entire way back to the villa, he didn’t ask me anything.
Nor did I say anything.
When the carriage came to a stop, I composed myself as much as I could before opening the door.
I thought I had stepped out with a face like usual.
Of course, no one would think that nothing had happened to me who returned at this time without saying a word.
I was grateful that my comrades were concerned about me.
Grateful, but at that moment, I had neither the time nor strength to respond.
I had no choice but to ignore all of my comrades’ worried gazes and return straight to my room.
For now, I just wanted to collapse and sleep without worrying about anything else.
I dragged my heavy body and managed to prepare for bed with effort.
As I lay down, my gaze inadvertently fell towards Tia’s bed.
The cute and lovely one, sleeping with an angelic face just like any other day.
Should I go over and give her a light hug before sleeping?
That thought crossed my mind in that instant.
“Because of you.”
The voice returned.
The woman’s voice, chilling from being worn out.
It whispered into my ear vividly.
“If it weren’t for you. If you had just not existed……”
But at some point.
I realized that my mouth was moving and froze in place.
It was not anyone else’s voice.
It was my own.
The sound emitted from my throat felt eerily similar to the evil spirit’s voice in my head.
“Cough…”
“Ah.”
And then, hearing Tia’s pained moan, I relaxed my whole body.
My hands were tightening around Tia’s neck.
With both hands, I was trying to strangle her to death, forcefully and hard.
My mind suddenly cleared.
In an attempt to grasp the situation, I rolled my bloodshot eyes as silence lingered.
Regret and guilt washed over me belatedly.
“Ah, I’m sorry. I’m sorry, our daughter. I’m sorry. Mommy is sorry. Mommy did something wrong. I messed up…… hic. I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry……”
What have I done?
The thought made tears, which I thought had dried up, pour out again.
It was too late to regret.
It was useless to apologize.
Knowing everything, I kept pouring out words of remorse.
But the one directly involved wasn’t listening.
It was to ease my mind, to calm my guilt.
What wrong did Tia do?
Tia had done nothing.
The one at fault was that damned lizard bastard.
And yet, I was venting my anger on the wrong child.
Resentment in my heart was borderline acceptable.
At least I hadn’t shown that to Tia.
But last night, I had gone through with it.
I had revealed the shameful hatred I had for Tia that I had been desperately trying to hide.
“Garbage brat.”
With no strength or mental fortitude, I was hopelessly unable to live without blaming others.
A parasite that couldn’t survive without clinging to others.
That was me.
Claiming to be a pitiful wretch lamenting misfortune, but selfish enough to think Tia had done nothing wrong.
I felt utterly ashamed, as if my true self had been completely exposed.
Thus, I fell asleep, my freshly washed face stained with tears again.
“Mmm……”
“Ah. You’re awake?”
I stopped reminiscing at the sound of Tia stirring in her sleep and came to my senses.
Her voice, which had sounded completely different during the night, was all better by morning.
I was shocked at how calm I looked myself.
Last night felt like a dream.
I really wish it had been.
“Why, why are you like this?”
“……”
Tia propped herself up and locked her gaze onto me, sitting still for a moment.
She rubbed her eyes and looked again, then hurriedly got off the bed and walked over to me.
Perhaps still groggy, Tia staggered as she approached and wrapped her arms around my waist tightly.
“I had a nightmare, Mommy.”
“What, what kind of dream?”
“Mmm, no. I’m okay now, so it’s fine. I love you, Mommy.”
“I love you too, Tia. A lot, a lot. I really love you……”
My throat was quite choked up.
Last night’s incident was taken as a nightmare.
I felt horrifically relieved to see that she hadn’t completely woken up.
“Do you have to go to school? Go wash up. I’ll prepare breakfast.”
“Mmm!”
I let go of Tia and busily started getting ready for school.
Cooking breakfast, ironing Tia’s uniform……
I was so busy that there was no room to think about other things.
For a moment, I forgot the aching in my heart and moved about busily.
“I’m all washed up!”
“You didn’t wash your hair!”
“Mmm, how did you know……? But it won’t show if I wear a hat anyway!”
“The smell will linger. Do you want me to wash it for you?”
“I’ll do it myself!”
Seeing Tia’s cute back as she rushed back to the bathroom, I couldn’t help but smile.
“Tia! You’re going to be late! There’s no time for breakfast!”
“Bread! Just grab some bread and go!”
“Mmm!”
“Have a good time! Study hard today! Make sure to get along with your friends!”
Tia dashed off towards the carriage, and the uproar that had occurred calmed down.
I waved goodbye with a smile as Tia departed.
As soon as the carriage disappeared from my sight, the smile vanished from my face.
“Let’s forget it.”
Right. Let’s pretend last night never happened.
Let’s say it was all just a scary nightmare for Tia.
That settles it.
Keeping it all bottled up won’t do me any good.
I decided to bury all my ugly deeds deep in my heart.
By now, my comrades must all be in the kitchen preparing breakfast.
I needed to join them.
Just as I was about to rush to work, I was caught by a deep voice.
“Stop.”
“W-what…?”
It was the steward.
He had a seemingly angry expression.
He always had that expression, but today he looked particularly furious.
I grew slightly tense and faced him.
The hand holding my skirt trembled slightly.
“What is it?”
“I won’t say much. Cut ties with any romantic relationships. I cannot allow unhealthy associations that interfere with work performance. This is stipulated in the contract, and the employee is obliged to comply with the employer’s requests…”
“I-it’s not because of a man.”
“Yes. Naturally, it wouldn’t be. How could it be otherwise? But remember this. If such an incident occurs again, I will have no alternative. While the Duke’s command is still valid, I can’t fire you, but as the manager entrusted with full authority over this villa, I can impose a wage deduction.”
“I understand. I will keep that in mind. I won’t let this happen again.”
“I hope it’s not just empty words.”
“……”
The steward shot me a glare before passing by.
Even the steward couldn’t help it.
No matter how valid the Duke’s separate command was, favoring a specific individual would complicate the villa’s operations significantly.
I understand.
I was even grateful that it ended just with a warning.
“Ah, steward.”
“……?”
Come to think of it, there was still an unresolved mystery.
I hurriedly called the steward back.
As his fierce gaze turned towards me, I felt my breath momentarily catch.
Before he could give me an annoyed look and turn back, I hurriedly spoke.
“Um, um. How did you find me last night?”
“Tsk……”
The steward clicked his tongue loud enough for me to hear.
Then, he revealed an obviously annoyed expression and replied.
“I couldn’t find you. I just rummaged through various places in town. Then, I suddenly recalled something the coachman said. He mentioned there was a shop you frequently visited, so I headed there, and you were sitting nearby.”
“Ah…… What shop was that?”
“I don’t remember the name. I believe it was an ice cream shop. Is that answer sufficing? I have to go now; I’m busy.”
“……”
The steward disappeared back inside the building.
The ice cream shop I often visited.
Every time I passed by that place, Tia’s joyful face upon tasting ice cream for the first time would come to mind, making me stop.
No wonder even amidst my aimless wandering, I ended up unconsciously walking familiar paths.
I had been lingering around there……
A bitter feeling stirred within me.
