Chapter 110

Dessert came out.

We didn’t, of course, take pictures like other girls. Hwa-won devoured a madeleine in one bite, and I immediately took a bite of the cake.

“It’s delicious.”

This was said by Hwa-won, not me.

“How about you? Is it good?”

“It’s tasty, but a bit too sweet.”

It’s not that I’ve never had chocolate cake before, but it was my first time with a cake named Sachertorte. It was delicious, but it was sweeter than I expected, which made it a bit overwhelming. At least when eaten with vanilla ice cream, the chocolate flavor was somewhat neutralized, making it more palatable.

Neither Hwa-won nor I are the type to savor desserts, but since we weren’t quite hungry yet, our eating speed inevitably slowed down.

During that time, we exchanged pointless conversation. Mainly, Hwa-won spoke first rather than me. She brought up topics she had little interest in and also things she didn’t know much about.

There weren’t many topics that piqued my interest. It was only natural since I had few elements that intrigued me, and I was just a rather unremarkable human in terms of hobbies.

Even the web novels, comics, and games that I had recently found some enjoyment in had somehow been interrupted. It wasn’t because I was too busy or had no leisure time; it was simply because I had dived into these things all at once and quickly lost interest.

Most importantly, the two of us didn’t usually converse this much. Recently, we had had quite a few conversations, but previously, we didn’t feel the compulsion to talk constantly when we were together.

It wasn’t that we weren’t talking at all, but it meant we weren’t trying to fill the silence as if we were broadcasting something.

Therefore, the fact that we were now continuously talking felt somewhat different.

The reason was easy to guess.

This conversation was a bit awkward, sometimes uncomfortable, filled with apologies and gratitude.

At first, I was just listening or chiming in, but I then began to bring up topics too.

I even talked about L.O.I., which I hadn’t accessed a single time since meeting Ji Kang-hyeon. I explained that it wasn’t because I was struggling or lacked the leisure to do so; it was just that I had rushed into it initially and quickly lost interest.

I spoke about web novels I enjoyed reading, albeit not on a regular basis, and comics I had read in Jae-Ah’s room.

Hwa-won also spoke a bit about her family, whom she usually didn’t talk much about, and mentioned a competition she was entering. She said there was still quite a bit of time left, so she planned to look at more submissions, but she had already completed her manuscript.

She also mentioned that she occasionally conversed with her fiancée through messenger, and talked about a senior from swimming. Speaking of which, wasn’t this guy engaged but still meeting girls? It wasn’t at all my business, and I wasn’t particularly curious. However, as a friend, I felt a bit worried and asked. Since we were friends, it was something I could ask about.

“Are you still seeing your swimming senior even though you’re engaged?”

“I haven’t seen her recently, but I’m still in touch.”

“What about the girl who was at your place when I visited before?”

“Hye-won? We don’t usually meet that often. I used to call her when I was bored, but I haven’t had time for that lately.”

“Doesn’t she reach out first?”

“She’s a bit of an airhead, but she’s not the clingy type. Oh, when I say airhead, I’m not talking about her hair color, of course.”

“Is that a joke?”

I pointed to my own head.

“It’s a bit much to say it out loud in a place like this.”

That was true. Although there didn’t seem to be anyone paying attention here, there were still quite a few girls around and we were outside. I stretched out my hand to touch my head, or more precisely, the hat covering my head.

It was a conversation that started as an escape and became an obsession, yet it was still enjoyable.

The process of finding topics of conversation didn’t allow me the time to wallow in despair, and Hwa-won’s efforts to keep talking, ensuring I had no chance to focus on other things, drew a slight chuckle from me.

We spent quite a while there, even after finishing dessert. When we stepped outside, the sky was still bright. Although there was still a lot of time left before nightfall, I began to feel like it was time to part ways.

Our trip to the orphanage was also complete. We had shared a meal together, enjoyed dessert even if I couldn’t buy clothes, and now there was no real reason to be together any longer. Although the situation had changed, we hadn’t met to hang out just for fun, and we had done everything we could do together.

I didn’t know what Hwa-won was thinking. We continued talking right up until the moment we got into the car in the parking lot, but once inside, we fell silent for a moment.

Then Hwa-won started the ignition. It was a moment after a brief pause. Just as she was about to say something, I grabbed Hwa-won’s arm. She seemed taken aback.

Then she spoke.

“Clothes…”

“What?”

“Clothes, since we’re out, should we go look for more? Not here, but to a cheaper place.”

I wasn’t sure why I had grabbed Hwa-won’s arm. I just didn’t want to part ways right then. It wasn’t a matter of some clingy or sweet, disgusting feelings.

It was simply that this brief silence reminded me of the fear of what was to come.

I was afraid of going home like this, saying goodbye to Hwa-won, and being left alone. Maybe Hwa-won could stay with me a while longer. But what if she didn’t?

Even if we could keep talking through messages, the words written on the smartphone wouldn’t be enough to break my thoughts.

I had cried over print, laughed over it, found comfort in it, loved it, and poured out everything through it.

Now, none of that was easy. What I needed now was not print. I needed something living, something alive, something I could focus on.

That something had to tie me together.

Or, it could unravel the knot.

If it couldn’t be unraveled, then it should be cut loose.

Hwa-won briefly took out her smartphone without a word and tapped on it. Her silence was a bit unsettling, but after a short while, she spoke.

“Let’s go.”

And she started the car. We began to chat again about trivial things, as if nothing had happened just moments before.

The place we were going was a clothing store that Hwa-won knew about. Naturally, I worried about the price, but this time, Hwa-won reassured me.

Since we were on our way to buy clothes, we casually started discussing fashion, a topic I usually didn’t care about. Even to someone like me, Hwa-won had a good fashion sense. Initially, she seemed hesitant to bring it up, worried I might dislike it, but now that I seemed unbothered, she continued talking.

She mentioned what kind of clothes would have suited the original me, and which ones looked good now, covering all sorts of topics. I wasn’t really knowledgeable about it, so I just listened passively. Even if I didn’t know much, Hwa-won wouldn’t recommend overly feminine clothes, and with my limited understanding, I could distinguish that much.

“By the way, let’s change that hat.”

“Why?”

“It looks really bad. The original is good, so anything you put on will look fine, but the bucket hat you wore before was much better. This cap is not it.”

“Is that what the hat is called?”

“I guess that’s what people usually call it. I don’t know if it has an official name.”

“That was a gift from Ham Yejin.”

“That’s why it looks a bit fancy. That hat alone might cost as much as a decent padded jacket.”

“…No way.”

Suddenly, I became concerned because of Hwa-won’s words. Could it be that I had been wearing a gold nugget on my head all this time? If I had known, I would never have accepted it.

“…But considering I’m living rent-free, I can’t really complain.”

“Rent-free? What do you mean?”

“The place I live in now is owned by Ham Yejin, and I’m living there rent-free. I don’t know who, but apparently, it was inherited.”

“Wasn’t it provided by the government?”

“I thought so too, but until I got sick, the welfare system wasn’t really well established back then. I couldn’t get proper support, and Ham Yejin helped me a lot. They said support is supposed to be expanded in the future, but when that will happen is anyone’s guess.”

“That sounds tough.”

After briefly diverging into another topic, we soon returned to the original discussion. While rambling about clothes, Hwa-won asked me what kind of clothes I liked. Usually, I would have just said anything was fine, but since she asked, I didn’t want to interrupt her flow. Moreover, I was worried that if I picked something too feminine, it would lead to awkwardness, so for the first time, I genuinely thought about what kind of clothes I preferred.

“I dislike clothes that are too feminine. I also don’t like clothes that are too childish.”

In the end, that was about the extent of my response. Even with such vague input, Hwa-won didn’t complain and continued to ask.

“That’s good enough. But I feel like I wouldn’t want clothes that are too mature or too masculine either. Let’s compromise somewhere in between. If you wear clothes that are too mature, they’ll make you look even younger, and masculine clothes just won’t suit you.”

I nodded at her words. It didn’t take long for a strange thought to emerge. Why were we naturally talking about clothes right now? After all, I only needed some winter clothes, and I wasn’t planning to buy enough to match a proper fashion.

“But I was only planning to buy winter clothes?”

“That place is cheap, so it’s okay. Let’s get several outfits while we’re at it. Plus, you don’t have many clothes anyway; you’re just rotating through what you’ve already worn, right? And you said you didn’t want to wear those clothes you received? Spend some money.”

“Where on earth are we going that’s that cheap? Are we heading to Dongdaemun or something?”

“Places like that exist.”

As more time passed, the car came to a stop. Hwa-won took me inside a building that didn’t look like a clothing store. We took the elevator and got off on the third floor, leading us into an office. The interior was more spacious than I had anticipated, and just as we entered, a woman came out from inside.

I didn’t recognize her, but I had a vague memory of seeing her before. The moment the woman saw Hwa-won, she hugged her and kissed her on the cheek. Hwa-won didn’t seem to reject it.

…What?

With a bright smile, the woman said. Hwa-won responded adequately with a smile of her own.

“Oppa, why are you here after so long?”

“You can’t just show up like this, Hye-won.”

The name Hye-won brought back the conversation we had moments ago. A blurry memory began to sharpen.

When I was still a guy, the last time I visited Hwa-won’s place, she was the girl who had been sleeping with Hwa-won.