Chapter 11

It felt so real that the illusion, which didn’t feel like reality, came in an instant.

“Huh? What’s wrong? Are you hurt?”

“…No. It just feels like it’s been a long time since we last met.”

“What are you talking about? We hung out just yesterday.”

“Right… I wonder what it is. My memory’s still fine, though.”

In the illusion, Hans looked like his childhood self.

Of course, that made sense.

The last time I saw him was when I was 14, so the hallucination must be based on that memory.

He was young, and so was I standing in front of him.

I opened my palm in front of my eyes.

It was small. Very small.

Even now, my hands aren’t particularly big, but back then, I had a doll-like body.

Pale, thin, small, and pretty.

I was healthier back then, so I probably looked better too.

I… no, it wasn’t me yet. I shouldn’t call it that way since it was before I possessed her.

The princess lowered her hand, which she had just opened.

Hans, who had been staring at her intently, was slowly starting to look puzzled.

It was understandable since this wasn’t a side of her he usually saw.

The princess of that time didn’t let herself be dragged around by him.

You could say that a calm response like the one just now was unimaginable.

Rather, she was an unbroken princess, endlessly sharp.

She would pour out hysterical emotions at him, as befitting a princess.

Her fluctuating moods made her act violently toward him, who always stayed by her side.

He would listen quietly with an awkward expression, only to approach her the next day as if nothing had happened.

It wasn’t that he had let it go.

He must have stored it all away inside.

What did the princess do, failing to be kind to her first friend?

Each of those attitudes piled up, and the result couldn’t have been positive.

The 14-year-old Hans, with his puzzled expression, twisted and swirled, returning to the past along with the mansion.

My room at 8 years old.

Hans’ mother having tea time with my mother.

The princess was crouching on the floor, and he was bowing his head toward her, smiling.

That was their first meeting.

“Hello. You’re Princess Remia Adelian, right?”

“…Who are you?”

“I’m Hans DiCardi. I want to be friends with you, Princess!”

Hans and the princess met because of their mothers’ friendship.

He was the second son of a count, and she was the eldest daughter of a duke, so the difference in status was clear. But it seemed the princess’s mother wanted to give her daughter, who preferred to be alone, a friend.

Of course, Hans must have been instructed by his parents.

He must have been told never to upset the princess or act rudely toward her.

It was only natural, given her status as his superior.

After all, only the royal family held a higher status than the duke’s family.

That’s why Hans was extremely polite and kind from the very first meeting.

An 8-year-old boy, trying to gauge my mood, smiling warmly and speaking kindly, no matter how I treated him.

At the time, I didn’t think much of it, but looking back now, he really put in a lot of effort before we became close.

Ah, there I go again.

I don’t know.

I’ll just go with what comes to mind.

Anyway, young me and he kept getting entangled, and even though I pushed him away at first, I gradually started to open up.

“Princess, how about this flower? I picked it from the mountain behind the mansion because I thought it would suit you.”

“…It’s not great.”

“Ah, I’ll bring something else next time!”

“I said it’s fine.”

“Princess~ Want to go out and play? You must be bored staying in your room all the time.”

“I’m not bored. You’re the most annoying thing here, so why don’t you just leave?”

“That’s harsh. But I don’t want to upset you, so I’ll go. Ah, call me if you miss me!”

“…Hmph.”

“Princess. Is there anything you’d like for your birthday? I’ve been thinking about it, but you always say you don’t like the usual gifts… I’m at a loss.”

“I don’t like anything you give.”

“Ugh, that’s not helpful!”

“…Just give me anything. You always just talk anyway.”

“…Huh? It was like that?”

“I don’t know.”

To the lonely princess, who pushed everyone away and only properly talked to her parents, the persistent approach of a peer, no matter how much she rejected him, was quite a shock.

At first, she found it annoying, but at some point, she started to feel a sense of familiarity, and as that piled up, her young heart began to hold feelings for him, the only boy she knew.

Plus, Hans was handsome and kind. It was the cherry on top.

As I maintained my relationship with Hans, other relationships formed through him.

Kristina and Raymond.

My frenemies.

“This is Kristina Heston. And this red-haired punk is Raymond!”

“Who are you calling a punk?”

“You are, dyeing your hair as a priest. Ah, nice to meet you, Princess. I’m Kristina. I don’t particularly want to be friends, but nice to meet you~”

“Hey! Be polite!”

One day, introduced by Hans, they were each uniquely quirky, so they fit well with me.

Of course, it wasn’t a relationship where we treated each other kindly.

At the very least, we could call each other ‘frenemies,’ bickering but feeling a sense of closeness.

Even with Hans, who had a somewhat stiff and hierarchical relationship, the distance gradually closed as we hung out with them.

Having already held feelings for him, I welcomed this change.

In fact, I even made the first effort to close the distance, something I had never done before.

Of course, being the princess, I stumbled several times.

But the effort bore fruit, and on my 12th birthday, I achieved a fairly encouraging result.

A few years ago, I remembered what he had said to me.

The question of what I wanted for my birthday came to mind.

At the time, I didn’t have an answer, but now, I knew exactly what I wanted, and there was only one person in the world who could give it to me.

I mustered my courage.

“Hans. There’s something I want.”

“Huh? This is a first…? Just tell me.”

“Call me by my name.”

“…What?”

Hans’ flustered voice felt a bit distant.

Even after all these years, it felt like proof that he still saw me as distant.

But if I backed down now, there would be no next time.

As a princess, I was destined for a political marriage.

If I didn’t share my feelings with him as soon as possible, the chance would disappear entirely.

If that was the case, not taking even this first step meant there was no hope.

Thinking that, I raised my voice.

“Princess is fine for now. Call me Remia.”

“Can… can I really do that?”

Fortunately, the reaction was positive.

The tragedy of falling before even starting didn’t step out of my imagination.

But it wasn’t enough.

I wanted a closer relationship.

To become…

I unknowingly added a word.

It was an impulsive act, but it was that desperate.

“…Let go of the words.”

“Huh? What? No, that’s…”

“Think of it as a gift, and let it go.”

Hans’s eyes wavered.

It seemed like he was calculating intensely in his head.

Was it really okay? Would I be scolded for acting without thinking? Was it just a joke?

There was a silence of several seconds.

During that time, I endlessly regretted my impulsive action.

Blood rushed to my face, and I couldn’t even imagine what expression I was making.

If I had received an awkward reply from him, my regret would have intensified, but thankfully, that didn’t happen.

“…Ah. Okay. Take care… Remia.”

Hans, looking slightly embarrassed with a faint blush, called my name.

At that moment, I truly became friends with him.

“…Yeah. Hans.”

Now, all that’s left is to become lovers.

Only a happy future remains.

At least, that’s what I thought.

Pushing forward, I finally took a step back and realized how big my dreams were.

In reality, the next few years were incredibly happy.

Even though I couldn’t shake off the public’s perception of me as a villainess with an uncertain future.

I gradually stepped out of my room, mingling with three friends.

My relationship with Hans progressed steadily, and I became certain that he had feelings for me too.

A joyful, peaceful, and happy daily life continued.

And, as always, everything flipped in an instant.

It was the night three days before my 14th birthday.

I had promised to meet Hans at midnight, so I cautiously left my bedroom.

Using the invisibility potion Hans gave me, it was easy to evade the guards.

He was already waiting in the garden, as if it were natural.

I took his hand, smiling, and led him into the mansion.

Hiding my excitement, I slowly walked down the corridor when I noticed a light in a small meeting room that was usually unused.

Coincidentally, my father and his vassals were inside.

Coincidentally, as we were about to pass by, the door opened, and they walked out.

Coincidentally, there were no visitors, so the security was lax.

Coincidentally, they were discussing treason.

When coincidences pile up like this, it’s no longer a coincidence.

I didn’t want to know.

I really didn’t want to know.

At 14, I was young.

At that age, everyone thinks they’re grown up, but objectively and subjectively, I was clearly still a child.

Mentally immature, even compared to younger kids, and overly dependent on those around me, especially Hans.

Hearing the news that everything around me would change drastically in a week, it was natural for me to panic.

Hans and I fled in a daze.

Only when we reached a place where we were sure no one could see us did we catch our breath and look at each other.

“Wh-what do we do… Sniff. Hans… Father, Mother… Sniff, sob… If this continues…”

I cried into Hans’s arms.

I was terrified.

If the rebellion failed, it was obvious what would happen to me.

Hans quickly composed himself and comforted me.

He held me close and gently rubbed my back.

His warm, soft hand trailed down my spine.

“Don’t worry. Everything will be fine.

The Duke wouldn’t proceed carelessly, right?

And you, you’re strong.”

Looking back, it was a bit of an odd thing to say, but at the time, I nodded.

Hans couldn’t be wrong.

Hans would surely protect me.

“Let’s not meet for a while.

If we act suspiciously, it could cause problems.

Don’t tell anyone about today, okay?”

So, without a doubt, I nodded and let him go.

I returned to my room and buried myself under the covers.

I didn’t tell anyone, not even my father, that Hans and I had overheard.

Hans said everything would be fine if I did that.

It was a mistake.

A stupid mistake.

Among the five families my father mentioned, Hans’s family wasn’t one of them.

Yet, I blindly believed.

That Hans would surely keep his mouth shut.

That Kristina’s family and Raymond’s family, all involved in this, would never tell anyone.

My baseless trust was, of course, betrayed.

The next day, the royal guards stormed in.

In the mansion where my parents had left, I fled in a hurry with two friends.

“It’s because of you.”

“You might be useful.”

I fell into an uncontrollable swamp of despair.

I know it was my fault.

Hans made a rational choice for himself.

It was none other than myself who plunged me into the swamp.

I know.

I know, but.

I think I’ll never forget Hans DiCardi.

Even if I die.

Never.

***

I cried in the endless nightmare of repeating memories.

It’s too vivid.

What kind of hallucinogen did they use…?

The memories of the princess, which I usually suppress, visually appearing was truly unbearable.

Hans, who had become a trauma. My parents, who had become objects of love and hate.

Kristina, who protected me until the end and died. Raymond, who silently followed and cursed me at the last moment.

The people of Adelian who died because of me. The people of the organization that ultimately created ‘me.’

The traces of the past, barely buried deep in my mind, danced before my eyes, disappearing and reappearing.

I’d rather have the omnipotent experience from earlier.

At least that felt good.

In this horrific experience, I intermittently lost my mind.

“Ah, are you coming to?

The reaction was more intense than expected, but thankfully, ugh───!?”

Right after the hallucination subsided, I picked up a thick textbook from the desk and slammed it onto Ariana’s head.

I couldn’t suppress the surging emotions.

Absolutely not.