Chapter 109

Chapter 82 Distrust

“But, little Syr, I have to tell you.” Carlos’ smile faded as his expression turned serious, “I saw the battlefield that day. The captured city guards… those who are still alive suffered mostly from frostbite, and none of their wounds were fatal… You held back, didn’t you?”

I nodded.

“Yes, I think… they were innocent. They were just following orders, so…”

“So you tried to spare them?”

“…They also have families…”

“But have you ever thought about this?” Carlos twisted my face towards him, “Have you ever thought about how the number of city guards that day was ten times that of Lafayette’s men? If because of your mercy and hesitation, he got hurt or even lost his life… what would you do then?”

“……”

“In fact, you could have dealt with them more quickly, right?”

“…But, if that happened, they would all die…”

“What if Lafayette died?”

“What would you do? Would you kill all the city guards present to avenge him?”

“You would, wouldn’t you.”

“So, in that case, what’s the point of your mercy?”

At this moment, Carlos was quite aggressive.

His gaze towards me was sharp like an eagle’s, and I couldn’t bear to look directly into his eyes.

“At the last moment, you were facing those two heretics of the Door of Truth, weren’t you? Those city guards were facing Lafayette and his guards alone?”

“If the reinforcements hadn’t come. If the people of the Door of Truth were a bit stronger, if the battle had lasted longer, do you think Lafayette’s chances of dying in battle would be high? Think about it yourself.”

In the next moment, his tone became stern.

“Sylvia, who do you think you are? The savior of this world?!”

“…Don’t be angry with me…”

“You’re not. So please cherish the people around you. Mercy is good, and I really like this about you, but at the same time, I don’t want you to become weak because of it. This time, I can only say you were lucky enough not to encounter the truly terrifying people of the Door of Truth, so things went smoothly. But next time, you may not be so lucky.

“If you can’t make a decisive move when necessary, it might lead to a greater tragedy… Can you understand what I’m saying?”

“…I can.”

“I’m not inciting you to kill.”

I obediently nodded.

“Mm-hmm, I know.”

“You’re very smart, so I hope there won’t be similar situations next time.”

“Mm-hmm.”

“Another ‘mm-hmm’ and you’ll be a fool.”

“Mm-hmm… uh, I’m not.”

“You are a Knight of the Papal States, not one of those indecisive fools.”

“Alright.”

“There are times when bloodshed is the only solution. And you didn’t even kill those assassins, did you?”

“…I killed… them, right?”

Carlos smiled again.

“Okay, that’s what I came to talk to you about.”

Then he stood up. It was only then that I realized he had been sitting on my bed all along.

“The Duke said he wants you to stay until after Christmas… and coincidentally, I have some unfinished business here, so we can leave then.”

“Alright.”

Carlos waved at me.

“I’m leaving.”

“Go away quickly!”

He turned and left.

Afterwards, I spent a long time pondering in the room, the more I thought, the more grateful I felt.

I knew he was right. I had indeed made a mistake. If because of my indecision, Lafayette had met with an accident… I would never forgive myself.

Under such a mindset, I might have done things I dare not imagine.

I didn’t know what was wrong with me at that time, but

That kind of emotion quietly welled up from my heart without me noticing. Later, when I realized it, there was a moment when I was very scared.

My power is too great.

Yes, I clearly recognized this. Therefore, for a long time, apart from the “devouring” necessary for daily sustenance, I did not use the chaotic power of the Abyss again, and even practice had long since stopped. Because the more I understood it, the more fearful I became of its destructive force.

This is a purely destructive power. If controlled properly, everything is fine, but if it gets out of control…

Then I would fall back into the Abyss.

An unfathomable abyss.

…………

Time flew by quickly.

In a month, I only saw Carlos once.

After that was the preparation for the year-end banquet.

As the birthday of the deity approached, the lady and the maids began to busy themselves with preparations.

There were many things to buy. In the Valen Empire, people usually eat a type of chicken called short-haired chicken on the deity’s birthday. The lady had someone buy live ones from a distant town and set up a makeshift chicken coop in the backyard. These few days, I was responsible for taking care of them.

I did it just for fun because these chickens were interestingly shaped, with ostrich-like bodies and duck-like faces.

Their behavior was also amusing, making people laugh with every move they made. Goat cheese would sometimes fly down from the sky to tease them.

Sometimes I would help the lady decorate the banquet hall—since we hadn’t thought about doing these things before, no large rooms were built when constructing Suntel Castle. So the lady ordered the person who designed the castle to be found, and they decided to knock down the walls of several council halls on the first floor and rebuild a grand hall.

This made the work very heavy. It wasn’t until four days before the deity’s birthday that the reconstruction of the hall was barely completed, leaving very little time for decorating. Those few days, whether it was the lady or the servants, everyone was busy like headless chickens, and even I stopped training and other activities, rolling up my sleeves to help.

Lafayette and Hoover directed the hunters and guards to transport the supplies bought by the servants into the castle car by car.

Finally, on the night before the deity’s birthday, everything was ready.

…………

January 16, 1187 AD

Early in the morning, the lady came to my room dressed neatly.

“Get up, Pepi—”

After some shaking, I rubbed my eyes and slowly opened them.

“…Hmm… It’s dawned…?”

“Not yet.”

“…Then I’ll sleep a bit more…”

And I closed my eyes again. The lady pushed me again.

“Get up! Today you need to wear formal attire. I will apply your makeup.”

“Mmm~” I quickly turned over, pushing away the lady’s hand, humming, “…I don’t want to wear formal attire…”

“You have to. Hurry up! Many guests have already arrived, and you need to receive more people. There’s no time left.”

“…Then… I won’t dress up…”

The lady chuckled lightly.

“If you don’t dress up, are you planning to go out looking like a monkey’s behind!”

“Pfft—”

I couldn’t hold back my laughter, opening my dark eyes, pupils spinning, then fixing them on the lady’s face.

“I’m not a monkey’s behind. Hehe!”

“If you don’t dress up, you won’t look like a monkey’s behind!”

“I’m not!”

Bang bang bang—!

At this moment, a loud knocking sounded outside, almost as if they were pounding on the door. Both the lady and I were startled. For a moment, I thought something had happened, but I heard Pasifal’s voice from outside.

“Pepi! Are you up yet!”

“Pepi!”

“Hurry, I have something to tell you…”