Chapter 103

A quiet bathroom. The sound of water gently splashing echoed softly.

The scent of incense wafting into my nose calmed my mind. The warm water touching my skin gave me a drowsy sense of relief, easing my tension.

“…”

“Were you very embarrassed, Tina?”

At the low, soothing voice, I flinched. I buried my head deeply, trying to hide my flushed face, fidgeting with my fingers as I mumbled.

“Can you even call that… a proper question?”

Viviana laughed silently. Feeling her gaze piercing through me from behind, I lowered my head even further.

Viviana gently lifted my wet hair and began softly combing through it.

I was currently in the bathtub. To be precise, I was sitting on Viviana’s lap. Held in her arms, no less.

The bathtub was deep and wide. There was enough space for two people. But no matter how spacious it was, my situation didn’t change.

“The bathtub is this big, do we really have to sit so close?”

I muttered in slight protest.

“Yes. I feel uneasy if you’re too far away.”

Uneasy? Why?

…Could it be because she’s afraid I might hurt myself?

Even so, there’s no need to stick this close, right? I wanted to twist around to check Viviana’s expression, but I didn’t have the courage to lift my head.

Already, I felt like I was going to die of shame after fainting in front of her earlier, but Viviana seemed to be enjoying this situation.

She hummed a soft tune as she carefully combed through my wet hair.

For a while, I just fiddled with my fingers, boiling inside. After hesitating for a long time, I finally closed my eyes tightly and spoke in a trembling voice.

“Viviana… do you not find me disgusting?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Even as an adult, I can’t even control my bladder… Don’t you find me disgusting?”

If I were Viviana, I would have looked at me with contempt. Sharing the same space with such a beastly, ugly human would have been unpleasant.

“Absolutely not.”

But Viviana cut me off firmly.

“In fact, I like you even more.”

“Liar… You must be thinking—”

“It’s not a lie, Tina.”

She interrupted me, whispering affectionately.

“I love you.”

I froze, staring at her. Viviana looked down at me with unwavering eyes.

There was no hatred, no contempt. Only deep affection and tenderness.

I couldn’t believe it.

Surely, she must be trying to shake my heart, to scheme something by taking advantage of my vulnerability.

There’s no way she could say such things without some ulterior motive.

Given what I’ve done, there’s no way she could truly love me. No, she shouldn’t love me.

I used Viviana.

From the very beginning. I used her power to suppress Mardian, used her presence to climb higher in the social circle.

I manipulated her guilt to drive her to the battlefield, and while she fought risking her life to protect the Empire, I never once thought of her. No, it’s more accurate to say I didn’t even remember her.

Even if she had died on the battlefield, would I have felt guilt? Probably not.

Because the only thing that mattered to me was always myself.

In this world, if you don’t use others, you’ll be used. Showing affection to someone who isn’t family is foolish.

I didn’t want to be a fool. So, I had no choice but to treat others as fools.

I didn’t want to be abandoned. So, the best course was to never rely on anyone from the start.

Thinking and acting only for myself. That was the way I learned to avoid getting hurt.

Even after possessing this body, I lived only for my own benefit and mood. My choices led Viviana, Lillian, Artasha, and even Mardian to ruin.

And yet, she still says she loves me. She says she’ll stay by my side, despite my selfishness and ugliness.

I couldn’t believe it.

No, I shouldn’t believe it.

I’m not the foolish, naive person I used to be, easily swayed by the world.

I looked at Viviana. My reflection in her deep purple eyes was cold and stiff.

Pulling up the poison deeply rooted in my heart, I spat out sharp words.

“Viviana, you must just like my appearance.”

Her eyes wavered for a moment.

“What?”

I forced a bitter smile onto my lips.

“Let’s be honest. Someone like you, who has everything, has only one reason to like someone as incompetent and ugly as me, right?”

I poked her chest with my finger as I spoke.

“It’s because of my pretty face, isn’t it?”

Viviana stared at me without a word. I pressed on, more harshly.

“Humans instinctively pursue beauty. It just so happens that I have a delicate body that triggers protective instincts and a face that catches your eye.”

I deliberately paused, waiting for her reaction.

What expression would she make? What would she say?

But Viviana continued to look at me without change. Her eyes held no contempt, no hostility.

‘…Don’t believe it.’

I am someone who can never be loved. Even my own mother, who gave birth to me, didn’t love me. There’s no way someone as radiant as Viviana could love me.

It would be easier to believe she sees me as a tool for her desires.

I took a deep breath. I tried to speak calmly, but the moment I opened my lips, bitter words poured out.

“Viviana, what you want from me is just that. It’s driven by human instinctual sexual desire.”

I rejected the pity and affection in her eyes.

I didn’t believe it. I shouldn’t believe it.

The only thing I ever received from the person I loved most in the world was contempt and disgust. I didn’t want to return to those hellish days.

I looked at her, pausing, but couldn’t stop myself from continuing.

“Do you know? My father used to say he loved my mother more than anyone in the world every day.”

This wasn’t Tina Blanchard’s story. It was mine.

I didn’t need to tell this story, but I couldn’t stop.

Like water pouring out of a cracked jar, once the words started, they flowed endlessly.

“But as my mother aged, as wrinkles appeared and she lost her beauty, my father soon found another younger woman.”

The screams of my mother when she was abandoned, the air in the room filled with her hollow cries. The resentment she directed at me when she had nowhere else to turn. The painful wounds she inflicted on me.

The fragments of daily abuse and violence swirled in my head.

It was hard to even breathe. But I didn’t close my mouth. I just forced myself to meet Viviana’s gaze and continued.

“That’s what love is, in the end.”

My voice was bitter, and at the end, I had no strength left to speak.

“If love were real,”

I clenched my teeth and whispered.

“My mother wouldn’t have been so broken.”

The words wouldn’t stop. The emotions I had suppressed began to burst out, pouring out uncontrollably.

“If love were real, my mother wouldn’t have abused me every day…!”

The pain rising from within me climbed up my throat. Something inside me was screaming. I tried to suppress it again and again, but the emotions that had broken free showed no sign of stopping.

“If love were real, I wouldn’t have ended up killing my mother!”

As the words ended, the space around me seemed to freeze. But that didn’t matter to me. I couldn’t bear it anymore.

Disgusting.

With my emotions exploding to the top of my head, I pushed Viviana away with all my strength. Her touch, her gaze, her affection—everything was disgusting.

I jumped out of the bathtub, and like a curse, the same words repeated.

“Disgusting, disgusting, disgusting, disgusting!”

I screamed, tearing at my hair.

“Disgusting! Disgusting! Disgusting! Disgusting! Disgusting!”

My voice grew louder, echoing in the bathroom. My reflection in the bathroom mirror showed me screaming like a madwoman.

An ugly, distorted face. It felt like I was looking at my mother from my past life.

“In the end, human love is just a lump of ugly sexual desire.”

I took a step closer to Viviana. The water between us rippled gently.

“So, please don’t say things like you love me or that you’ll always be with me, Viviana.”

Viviana looked at me without a word.

“If you want my body, if you’re attracted to this face, I’ll give it to you.”

I grabbed her hand. I tried to hide the trembling of my fingertips, but Viviana’s warmth made the slight tremble even more noticeable.

“In return… kill me.”

“…”

Viviana still didn’t answer. She just looked at me without any reaction.

I swallowed my trembling breath and continued.

“If you promise to kill me, I’ll fulfill your desires…”

But I couldn’t finish the sentence. I had to stop. Viviana’s eyes, that deep purple light, looked too sorrowful.

I blinked blankly at her.

Why are you making that face?

I’m offering you my body and everything, so why are you looking at me like that?

Viviana slowly closed her eyes, then quietly stood up with me.

“I already suspected that you’re not the real Tina Blanchard.”

Her words left me speechless for a moment.

“You told Baron Blanchard yourself, didn’t you?”

Yes. I did.

I had revealed my true identity. I had pushed Artasha into despair worse than hell, driving her to ruin.

“Let me ask you one thing. When we first met, were you already the person you are now?”

I closed my mouth. Instead of answering, I turned away, trying to steady my breath, but Viviana’s gaze persistently followed.

“…What does it matter?”

“So it’s true.”

A short, confident answer came back. And for a while, the room was engulfed in heavy silence.

The faint sound of dripping water could be heard.

After a long silence, Viviana broke the quiet and spoke.

“Do you know how your mother… no, how Baron Blanchard is doing now?”

“I don’t care.”

“She’s lying in bed every day. She vomits blood frequently, and her body is only getting weaker.”

Of course.

To Artasha, Tina Blanchard was her only reason to live. The thing that gnawed at her nights, the reason she kept going, the reason she stayed in this world—it was all Tina.

But now, that Tina is gone. There’s no longer any reason for her to hold on in this world.

She’s just… slowly and painfully collapsing.

If there’s any reason for her to live in this reality, it’s probably revenge. The hatred to tear apart the one who stole her daughter’s body and denied her life.

“Tina. If what you say is true, then love is all fake. In that case, the wise Baron Blanchard has no reason to love you anymore. It’s all fake.”

“Stop stating the obvious…!”

“Artasha misses you.”

Viviana firmly grasped my shoulders with both hands.

I tried to push her away, but her hands didn’t budge.

“…What?”

Viviana looked at me with burning eyes, piercing through me as she spoke again.

“Not Tina Blanchard, but you. She misses you.”

“Don’t lie.”

My voice trembled. It wasn’t confidence, but more like desperate denial.

“Of course, Artasha refuses to admit it. She’s trying her hardest to hate you.”

Viviana’s tone was quiet, but the conviction in her voice was unshakable.

“But I know. I, who have been by her side, know.”

She paused for a moment, then continued in a slightly lower voice.

“She can never resent you.”

That couldn’t be.

I’m the one who killed her daughter.

I’m a sinner who committed an unforgivable crime, unworthy of forgiveness.

Forgiveness? That’s impossible.

It must be a lie.

“Do you think I’d believe that?”

My voice turned cold. But I couldn’t deny the tremor at the end of my words.

“If she still loves you.”

Viviana’s voice held no hesitation.

“Even knowing you’re the one who took her daughter, she still loves you.”

When had Viviana’s face gotten so close? At a distance where her breath could reach me, she continued quietly.

“What will you do then?”

What will I do?

I repeated it in my mind. But the answer was all too clear.

Nothing will change.

Even if Artasha still misses me. Even if she loves me, the one who took her daughter and pushed her into endless ruin.

Even if the devotion I always envied, the heart that only belonged to Tina Blanchard… turns toward me instead of Tina.

Nothing will change.

It’s useless.

I’m the murderer who killed her daughter.

This sin is engraved deep in my soul. It’s an unforgivable crime. Even seeking forgiveness is blasphemous.

This sin will stay with me forever. While I live, and even in the time after death in hell. My sin will continue to weigh on me.

It was all my own choice.

So, nothing will change…

Nothing will…

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