Chapter 10

“…More meaningless nonsense.

Just grant me a wish.

I’ll beg for it. Forever and always.”

I chuckled softly and clasped my hands together, interlacing my fingers.

Pretending to pray.

It’s not like I’m talking to anyone in particular.

As always, I was just lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, talking to myself.

If I had to specify who I was addressing, it’d probably be whatever being—be it a demon, a god, or a human—that shoved me into this body.

If this phenomenon isn’t just a delusion, it means there’s someone out there who made us this way.

Since they’ve shown this level of divine power, it wouldn’t hurt to make a wish, right?

Of course, I don’t expect it to be granted.

Mostly because I still think this is all someone’s delusion.

And whoever has this kind of twisted taste probably isn’t exactly normal.

“Rationalization, delusions, and now pseudo-religion.

Wow, I’m really following the classic bad route, huh.”

I don’t know.

It’ll work out somehow.

I closed my eyes again.

Even though it was almost time to go to school, for some reason, I couldn’t muster any strength in my body.

Lately, even though I’ve been sleeping almost all day, I keep feeling drowsy.

Even the Princess probably knows that staying awake would just drain my mental energy.

But I still have to attend class.

Well, not so much class as…

“Yeah, I have to endure torture today. Today’s dose, huh.”

……

…I’ll pass.

Let’s skip today.

I’ll just sleep and deal with twice the pain tomorrow.

If they have even a shred of conscience, they’ll let me off for one day.

Of course, I knew that wouldn’t happen.

With a hollow laugh, I escaped into my dreams.

When I open my eyes, I hope to wake up from the dream as if nothing happened.

Like I did on my first day at the Academy.

Repeating and praying endlessly.

***

As expected, my prediction wasn’t wrong in a good way.

The moment I woke up, I left my room like a doll, devoid of any emotion, and now I was surrounded by the usual group after the morning assembly.

At the forefront, Ariana wore a look of concern for me.

Of course, unlike Sena, I knew her expression was artificial, so I wasn’t tormented by pity.

“It feels like it’s been a while, Princess.

I heard you were sick yesterday… Are you feeling better now?”

I wonder how this conversation even started.

Did Sena make excuses for me again?

I don’t know, but I feel like telling her to mind her own business.

I forced a bitter smile and opened my mouth.

“…Of course, I’m fine.”

Even if I weren’t, I’d still be here.

“That’s a relief! We’re testing something different today, so it’d be a problem if you weren’t feeling well.”

With a picture-perfect smile, she brightly laughed and reached out to a noble boy standing beside her.

He handed her a long box.

“Ah, if you’re still experiencing any symptoms, please let me know beforehand.

We’ll need to adjust the mixture.”

“Adjust the mixture…?”

Ariana pulled out a strangely colored syringe from the box.

A bad feeling crept up on me, and when I asked, she spun the syringe once and cheerfully replied.

“Yes! You won’t feel any pain today.

We can’t hit someone who just recovered, after all.”

So, I won’t feel pain, huh.

This time, they’re planning to pierce my soft skin with that hollow needle and inject some suspicious drug?

It was obvious.

A stimulant, an aphrodisiac, or a hallucinogen.

Something like that.

“Instead, we’ve prepared this.

It’s called a hallucinogen!”

She proudly held up the syringe.

The blue liquid inside sloshed around.

I was right, wasn’t I?

I hated how familiar I’d become with this to the point of predicting it.

***

You might think it’s always been this way, but the history of drugs really does go way back.

Even in Sumer, considered humanity’s first civilization, traces of opium processing have been found.

Humans, weapons, poaching, drugs.

Among the four major black market items, drugs are said to be the most profitable because once you start, you can never stop.

Anyway, for various reasons, drugs have been passed down through the hands of those driven by greed for money and pleasure.

And, every human has a desire for money and pleasure.

That’s why, despite countless efforts, drugs can never be eradicated.

Even the most devout person can be ruined by a single dose.

This world isn’t much different.

Drugs are still treated as a social evil, and even the current Emperor detests them.

My mother, the Empress Dowager, was a severe drug addict, after all.

The problem is that this society is incredibly outdated.

There’s no proper regulation of drugs.

Of course, commoners caught with drugs would be executed on the spot, but it seems they don’t see the need to control nobles who use them as a lucrative business or for fleeting pleasure.

Thanks to that, most Academy students can easily obtain addictive substances.

You can always come up with a reason.

Ariana, who’s now rolling up my sleeve to find a vein, is no exception.

Given her family’s status, procuring drugs for torture would’ve been a piece of cake.

After all, few tortures are as despair-inducing as giving someone drugs and then cutting them off.

She carefully examined the crease of my left arm, running her fingers over it a few times.

It seemed she couldn’t see it well, as a slight frown crossed her face.

“Your veins are thin.

I thought they’d be more visible since your skin is so pale.”

“Can’t you just stick it in?

Do you really need to find a vein?”

“It’s not that strong of a hallucinogen.

If we used something too potent on your first time, you might break completely, Princess.”

I’m already broken.

You’re the ones who broke me, and now you’re worried about that?

Is this how you’d look at a long-lasting toy?

Well, it’s only been four days, so it’d be a waste to break me now.

After all, it’s not easy to find a noble guinea pig you can manipulate at will.

I quietly watched the group as they started chatting among themselves.

Since I didn’t resist or even react, they didn’t bother tying me up like last time.

A wise decision.

Even if they’d left the room, I wouldn’t have run away.

I just blankly stared at the syringe Ariana was holding.

It wouldn’t be bad to speculate on the effects of the drug I was about to receive.

I’ve never seen a drug with such a mesmerizing blue hue in real life.

Maybe it’s something unique to this world, infused with magic.

When I think of hallucinogens, LSD comes to mind first, but I’ve never tried it, so I’m not sure.

I’ve heard some accounts from users, though. Let me try to recall.

Highly activated imagination, fantastical imagery, flowing scenes, intense and bizarre patterns, ever-changing colors.

A few words flashed through my mind.

Not bad.

As you can see, I was remarkably calm.

There wasn’t any particular reason for it.

Who knows, maybe it’ll be a good experience.

After all, drugs are supposed to bring pleasure.

Sure, after getting addicted, cutting off the drugs would bring immense pain, but that’s probably not going to happen anytime soon.

At the very least, there’d be a month-long gap.

So, there’s no need to panic prematurely.

In fact, the withdrawal symptoms might suppress the Princess’s vague aversion to suicide.

After all, they’d be gifting me the escape of pleasure in my broken state.

It might even push me back toward reality.

“Ah, found it.

Sorry to keep you waiting, Princess.

Let’s begin now!”

“…….”

“You should greet me, no?”

“…Please take care of me.”

“Of course! I’ll do my best.”

Ariana, holding my forearm, gently curved the corners of her eyes.

In her gaze, there was a faint hint of anticipation mixed with something else.

Sometimes, it seems like that kid is looking forward to seeing how the other person will react when they’re being tortured.

This time, can I fulfill that expectation?

Honestly, after Sena left, it feels like something in my head has been let go, leaving it empty, so I don’t feel much excitement right now.

I hope this experience makes things a little different.

I’m not in a particularly pleasant state either.

The sensation of becoming a doll is always unpleasant, no matter when you feel it.

Thinking that, I stared at the approaching drill at the end of the cylinder.

It soon pierced my pale, paper-like skin and entered inside.

After a sharp pain, I felt the cold metal brushing against the wound.

Ariana saw the drill fully inserted and pressed the piston firmly.

Slowly, a lukewarm liquid flowed through the drill into my bloodstream.

Strangely, I could feel the drug flowing through my veins.

Is this the beginning?

They say the effects of LSD kick in about 50 minutes after dosing, but what about this?

I couldn’t tell if my heart was racing from excitement or fear.

Maybe Ariana’s personality has rubbed off on me.

On the side being tortured.

“…You’re too tense. The effects will kick in soon, so just relax──────────────────────────────────────────────────────

Suddenly, Ariana’s voice started to stretch endlessly, as if time had slowed down.

…Already?

I blinked in surprise, but her state remained the same.

Instead, strange sounds filled my ears, swirling around me.

“──”────”■■■?”────────!?”■■,■■■■■■■■?”────.”■■■■■■■■■.”────────────”■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■.”──”■■■■■,■■■■■■■!”────────────────”■■.”────!!!?!”■”────■■■────■■■■■■────■■■────■■■■■■────■■■■■■■■■────────────────────────────────

Murmurs.

Who is it? What on earth.

My panicked vision moved quickly.

Faces. I caught the expressions of those surrounding me.

Strangely, they were glowing.

Grotesque, glowing masks.

Since when did this place become a masquerade ball?

If there’s a mask like that, I want one too.

Slowly, excitement began to rise in my limbs.

It was so strong that it felt almost like numbness.

My head, body, arms, and legs grew cold and numb.

It felt like I was no longer myself.

But it was different from the sensation of becoming a doll.

It was more like shedding the shackles of the flesh and being reborn as something new.

I was thirsty.

Gasping breaths escaped.

I felt suffocated, as if I were underwater.

No, it was water. The classroom was suddenly filled with water.

I began to feel a little scared.

My mind alternated between moments of confusion and clear judgment.

The sensation of tightening and loosening was dizzying.

They said it was weak, but how is this a weak hallucination?

The time around me twisted endlessly.

Ariana stretched out her previous words eternally, while simultaneously reciting what she had said minutes ago, backward, vertically, and into the future.

The crowd surrounding me began to absorb the thousands of words Ariana was spewing, inserting their own thoughts unfiltered into their heads.

It became a sword, a hand, and even my eyes.

Space and time merged into one and flowed together.

Hearing became sight, sight became hearing, and smell became touch.

Touch was the perfect sense that unified all of them.

I heard, saw, smelled, and felt.

The euphoria of the air touching my spirit was as vivid as a drill piercing my crown.

I was being crushed by fear and going mad.

The worst part was being unable to stop while clearly aware of the situation.

Occasionally, the sensation of my body and ‘me’ separating was both exhilarating and like death.

In those moments, I thought I had died.

My ‘self’ floated somewhere in space, and I saw my dead body slumped in the chair.

The ‘other self’ left in my body wandered the room in sorrow, and I clearly saw and recognized it.

In that moment, I was two.

The extreme fear peaked and then gradually subsided.

As two became three, and three became four, I realized that the ‘me’ who cared about such things had already disappeared to the far reaches of the universe.

Now, I could enjoy the unprecedented colors and shapes of the drama unfolding behind my closed eyes.

Like a kaleidoscope, the ever-changing, fantastical images surged into me, alternating, shifting, opening and closing, then wrapping around me in circles and spirals, exploding into fountains of color, rearranging, and endlessly mixing fluidly.

Like turning pages, like the curtain rising on a play.

The transformation of the world, completely overlaying the reality that ‘sight’ had shown me, was like an experience of omniscience, omnipotence, and omnipresence.

The world was being recreated.

The sound of doors opening and closing, footsteps, and murmurs, all with clear visual and material existence, swirling in the void, was worth witnessing just for the moment of transformation.

All sounds, smells, life and death, form and void, created endlessly changing images with their own consistent forms and colors.

It was will.

The will of existence to exist.

In this moment, I felt the value of God’s existence as existence itself.

Above all, I was deeply moved by the fact that I existed among that existence.

This is the discovery of the century, something no one has ever realized before.

I have broken through the wall.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Lost in euphoria, I suddenly felt a strange sensation.

Even though I had already lost the sensation of my body, I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was piercing my arm and flowing in.

Before I could think, the world changed.

The sense of omnipotence faded, the joy disappeared, and reason returned.

I couldn’t hide the emptiness from the落差.

But the hallucination up until then was indeed unusually strong.

Even the vivid LSD experiences I had heard about weren’t this intense.

There must have been some mistake, so they must have given me a sedative or something.

Thinking that, I lingered in the pleasure of the moment.

It didn’t take long to realize that was a huge mistake.

In an instant, the surroundings changed.

The familiar Adelian mansion appeared.

At its center, I stood with someone.

He was in front of me.

“Remia? What are you doing?”

“…Hans.”

It seems the real hallucination is just beginning.

A dreadful sense of foreboding surged, as if a terrible nightmare was about to unfold.