Luke was in such a bewildered state that he couldn’t collect his thoughts.
He couldn’t even understand why he had acted that way.
It was as if he felt himself becoming something different.
The sensation of being unable to control his own body was so alien to him.
Of course, he knew well what the Hyun’s tail was.
In the past, having to kill many demons and Hyun, it was only natural for him to learn about their weaknesses.
Moreover, tails are sensitive since they are rich in nerves and lack essential internal organs, making them suitable areas for torture, alongside fingers.
Though he had never personally tortured anyone, he wasn’t so naive as to be unaware of the historical acts that had occurred.
“I’m really sorry. I… I… did something terrible…!”
Luke’s voice shook with a mix of emotions.
There was some guilt, but the primary feeling was fear from not being able to control his own body.
Having spent his life perfecting his control as a Mage, this experience was essentially like a surge of magic.
He couldn’t even control the impulse to ‘grab something fluttering.’
‘Why? In my past life, I would never have been overwhelmed by such childish impulses. The only thing that has changed is my physical body… If I can’t govern these impulses with my will, there’s a possibility I won’t be able to control “magic backlash” while handling circles. What has happened to my body?’
So the crucial point was this.
‘As a Mage, I could not control what was happening in my own body.’
He finally realized that this change in himself was more complicated than he had initially thought.
Cold sweat trickled down as his body became damp, and reflexively, he stiffened and hunched his shoulders.
His heart tightened painfully.
For Luke, feeling fear regarding his own body for the first time was perhaps a natural response.
However, Lua’s thoughts regarding Luke’s excessively fearful reaction were somewhat different.
“Oh no, did I trigger something by yelling? What should I do?”
The pain felt in his tail quickly subsided.
It wasn’t like he had been stomped or cut; it was only a strong grip akin to a child’s strength. His surprise outweighed the pain.
His scream had been a primal response born out of confusion and shock.
She recalled the explanation she had heard from Yerna regarding her deductive reasoning about Luke.
He had an unfortunate past so severe that a child might struggle to endure it, but had lost his memories due to the effects of the circle engraved on his chest, and seemed to want to become a Mage by thinking of himself as “Luke Irushi” from a fairy tale.
“He didn’t seem like such a problematic child when I first met him…”
That was a misunderstanding.
A typical child wouldn’t react with this level of fear.
Perhaps he had a trauma related to loud noises in the past.
“As someone aiming to be a child counselor, what am I doing?”
She couldn’t help but raise her voice at an unstable child due to her inability to hold back her frustration.
Thinking that her screaming had triggered the child’s trauma, Lua hurried to soothe Luke.
“Hey, I’m really okay, it was unavoidable.”
“Unavoidable? What do you mean by that?”
“Your ears are cat-like, right? So maybe that instinct remains.”
Yerna had not specifically revealed that Luke had undergone the Hyun transformation.
Because, stating that he had undergone a Hyun transformation would likely lead to reactions like, “If that’s the case, there must be something mentally wrong with him.”
Yerna, despite Siena’s recommendation for an interview, didn’t want to stir unnecessary troubles.
From her point of view, Luke didn’t seem like he needed to reveal that he had undergone the transformation.
However, she mentioned that he might have an unfortunate past.
That degree of explanation was deemed sufficient.
Thus, Luke’s peculiar form seemed to Lua like just a “half-Hyun with quite peculiarly expressed genes.”
“This is instinct…”
“Don’t worry. As you grow, that instinct will fade away. I, too, used to carry a ball in my mouth or run around the house when I was little! It’s a natural thing!”
Young Hyun were generally far more chaotic than human children.
So when Lua initially saw Luke, she thought he was quite strange, but it appeared that wasn’t entirely the case.
Instinct.
Hyun, who are somewhat closer to animals, had instincts during their childhood.
They grew up like that.
“Is that so?”
Having realized the reason for his inability to control his body through Lua’s explanation, Luke felt a little more at ease.
‘So this is the “instinct” inscribed within a Hyun’s body. I understand now why Hyun Mages are so rare.’
If they have to confront these instincts during childhood and face the challenges of practicing magic from a late starting line, then it is only natural that their achievements come much later than others.
The brain tends to become fixed in thought patterns as one ages, losing its flexibility.
Numerous “experiences” impose constraints on imagination.
Magic is about breaking free from the original mold.
Therefore, it wouldn’t suit a Hyun, who must struggle against instincts that hinder their growth in dealing with circles, to accumulate realization as a Mage since childhood.
Though he had speculated about this vaguely, experiencing it firsthand made him understand even better.
There weren’t many records about the lifestyle of Hyun, who had been enemies of humans 5,000 years ago.
Having inadvertently validated his long-standing curiosity and speculations, Luke could push away some of his fear.
He asked Luke, “So when does this instinct get better?”
Lua made a thoughtful sound and flapped her ears.
Seeing that, Luke wondered if he was doing the same thing and fiddled with his own ears.
“It varies by person, so I can’t give a definitive answer; everyone matures at different times. Usually, it gets better after puberty.”
“Is that so?”
Luke found himself perplexed by this.
Did he possess puberty in this body as well?
Of course, Luke had also experienced that period.
Wanting to show superiority over others led to motivation and ultimately personal growth.
But what about now?
Having become so old, and having lived a sufficient life as a human, would he experience that phase again?
He was skeptical.
He had long passed the age when he should have matured.
Moreover, he did not want to wait any longer.
The circle was already revolving in his heart, and if he couldn’t control it, he would surely die.
He required an immediate method to control his instincts.
“Is there any way? I don’t want to find myself in a situation where I can’t control my body like just now.”
“Oh, I can give you some advice on that.”
“Advice?”
Lua calmly asked.
“How much do you normally express your instincts?”
“Not at all. I don’t want to.”
She shook her head and overly wiggled her fingers.
“Then that’s not good. Instinct, the more you suppress it, the more it bounces back, like a spring! If you appropriately express your instincts, it’s good for stress relief, and you can also control sudden impulses like just now!”
“Is that so…”
Luke thought he didn’t quite understand what a spring was but managed to grasp the concept that it was an expression of something bouncing.
‘Instincts, how incongruent they are with being a Mage.’
The actual physical instinct, not a mechanical calculation based on ‘experience.’
For Luke, who had never experienced instincts his entire life, it felt overly unfamiliar.
“So, what should I do in my daily life?”
“Well, there are various things. The cat-Hyuns I’ve seen often climb into boxes or play with mobile toys… You shouldn’t just read books, but also experience many things!”
“I understand. Thank you for the advice.”
‘Maybe I should do some other actions rather than just studying magic.’
Luke considered his body to be extremely troublesome.
———
Once the series of conversations concluded, Lua laid out the items she had taken from her bag on the desk.
What sprawled across the desk were a white sketchbook and colorful colored pencils.
There was nothing quite as effective as drawing for understanding a child’s inner psychology.
Lua gently asked Luke, “Do you like to draw?”
“Drawing…”
Luke thought for a moment.
In the past, all Mages had some understanding of drawing.
The primary ingredients for Mages to invoke phenomena were ‘imagination’ and ‘will.’ To understand and manage those phenomena additionally required insight and observation.
Though he was not a lifelong artist acquainted with drawing, he could draw above average.
“I’m not unable to draw. But why?”
The concept of “art therapy” was unfamiliar to Luke, causing him to tilt his head.
To him, drawing wasn’t a means of igniting artistic passion but something he only did when there was a ‘need’ for design or records.
“Just for fun! And also, drawing helps some children suppress their instincts!”
“Is that so?”
The idea that it can suppress instincts intrigued Luke slightly.
Drawing, huh.
But as Luke held the colored pencils, he felt his mind go blank in front of the white blank page.
“But I don’t know what to draw.”
Having drawn only out of ‘necessity’ every time, he pondered what to draw, but nothing came to mind.
Lua lightly said in response to his blankness, “Think easily! A house, a place you want to go, flowers, or people you want to see…”
“Ah.”
A house, a place he wanted to go, flowers, a person he wanted to see.
Suddenly, an idea sparked in Luke’s mind.
“I think I’ve thought of something I want to draw.”
“Really?”
Luke immediately began to sketch.
The sound of the colored pencils scratching the paper filled the air.
With that sound, Luke began to fill the sketchbook with lines.
Lua smiled happily, watching Luke concentrate on his drawing.
“Luke, what are you drawing?”
“Maybe a person I want to see…”
Renie Arinseia.
Even dragons, beings of immortality, can crumble after a thousand years, so how long could she last, having the spirit of a human?
Though 5,000 years had passed, if it was her whom he had seen with his own eyes…
Being recognized as the only mortal immortal permitted by the gods, with such a will, he thought she could overcome any crisis.
But the weight of 5,000 years was overwhelming.
Now, remembering her was just a matter of fairy tales or a corner of history.
Even that would mostly be remembered as ‘Immortal King’ Renie Arinseia.
Luke realized.
No one left in this world remembered “Rene,” not even a single soul.
Ah, Rene.
The girl who loved to hum songs in front of the campfire.
He wanted to capture her truly smiling face.
Before even he himself forgets her.
After some time passed, as not to disturb Luke, who was reading in front of him, Lua set her book down upon hearing the sound of colored pencils stop scratching and looked at Luke.
“That took quite a while, didn’t it?”
“Oh, did I keep you waiting? I’m sorry. I didn’t want to draw it carelessly.”
Reading the wistful ‘longing’ from Luke’s expression, Lua smiled slightly at the corners of her mouth.
“It’s alright. We have plenty of time anyway—! Can I take a look?”
“… I’m a bit shy since it’s my first time drawing a portrait… So please don’t laugh.”
Nodding bashfully, as Luke set down the sketchbook, Lua froze.
What was drawn was the face of a girl with bright red hair and emerald eyes, smiling radiantly.
However, the unusual thing was perhaps how it took on a form that greatly exceeded Lua’s expectations.
‘Did a child really draw this?’
She had anticipated it to be at most a child’s level, but it was nothing like that.
However, it was definitely drawn by Luke.
He had been in the same room all along, and the sound of colored pencils scratching the sketchbook had been continuous.
But this…
There was no way she had expected such a result.
“W-Who is this person?”
“Renie Arinseia.”
“Wow… You drew it really well…!”
Lua continued to marvel at the sketchbook.
‘He draws better than I do…’
That said, the fact that the person he wanted to see this vividly was Renie Arinseia made Lua think he must be a huge fan of the Arinseia story.
