Chapter 1

1.

They lived happily ever after.

Or so they say.

Whose fairytale is this anyway?

The nine knights who saved the world and their hero.

The leader of the Knights of Glory and the Holy Maiden.

And me, their one and only son born amidst countless blessings.

But maybe I was just born at the wrong time.

Unlike everyone’s expectations, I’m an extremely ordinary human being.

That’s my original sin.

====

Rank 10.

Not a high rank.

But not exactly a low one either.

“Mr. Carriel hasn’t changed a bit.”

Through the wind came the idle chatter of a gatekeeper.

“The great father and such an unworthy son? The dad’s a dragon while the kid’s a lizard? Wasn’t that how it was put?”

“You… why don’t you shut your mouth already?”

“Why? What did I say that’s wrong?”

“Even so, he’s still the young master. Are you insane? That’s a disrespectful thing to say out loud!”

It hasn’t even been a day yet, but somehow the news has already reached the main house.

With a sigh, I climbed over the wall and entered through the back door of the residence.

“What a waste of time.”

While smoothing out my long hair that’s grown for quite some time now, I lingered in the corner of the room for a moment.

-Knock knock.

“Master, Master? Have you returned?”

“…Why?”

“To bring you to Mistress when she arrives…”

“I got it.”

I immediately opened the door and started walking down the corridor.

“Hold on! Wait! Wardrobe check!”

“…It’s fine already?”

I adjusted my long hair which almost covers my eyes with my hand.

“Don’t follow me.”

“…Ah.”

I could feel her standing there like a nail hammered into the middle of the corridor, but I deliberately ignored her.

Why bother dragging her along if all she’ll hear are unpleasant things? What glory is there to enjoy?

“…”

After catching my breath at a distance from the reception room, I calmly moved toward my destination.

“I humbly enter.”

Since the door wasn’t closed, I announced my presence instead of knocking.

“Come in.”

“Yes.”

Upon entering the reception room, a woman dressed in a pure white dress was seated.

Her noticeably swollen abdomen caught my eye.

I naturally lowered my chin and fixed my gaze on the carpet laid on the floor.

“…I’ve heard the news.”

“…”

“It seems my efforts were insufficient.”

“…”

Insufficient, huh.

Nowadays, I’m so used to hearing it that it doesn’t even faze me anymore.

Yeah, that’s normal.

So… why does it always feel strange every time this happens?

My heart feels like it’s about to explode.

It feels like my lungs are collapsing.

A deep discomfort as if a needle is being forcefully shoved into my lower abdomen.

I barely restrain myself from biting my lips hard with my molars.

“I apologize for my incompetence.”

“…Why do you keep doing things you shouldn’t?”

“…”

“You’re definitely the kind of child who can succeed. Where is your mind wandering off to?”

“…”

“Why don’t you answer? Is it because you lack words? Or… because you don’t agree?”

I feel suffocated.

“…No.”

“I sense emotion in your voice. Are you feeling wronged, Carriel?”

“Not at all… that’s not true.”

“Are you lying to your own mother right now?”

And then…

“…Why didn’t you take care of your hair growing this long? I clearly remember telling you to trim it regularly. Was my memory incorrect?”

“…No.”

“Then, are you defying me now?”

“…”

“Why won’t you answer again?”

I’m losing it.

Cold sweat trickles down.

My mind feels hazy, and my consciousness turns blank.

Maybe it’s nothing serious.

But… there’s never been a moment when I’ve felt as insignificant as this.

I don’t know why.

Because I gave up thinking about it a long time ago.

This is just a time to endure and persevere.

For no reason, for nothing… just…

“Are you saying my words aren’t reasonable?!”

She raises her voice.

I flinch slightly but try my best to steady my breathing without showing any outward signs.

With clenched teeth and lips bitten tight.

To prevent grinding my teeth, I tightly close my mouth.

And focus on taking a deep breath for a moment.

“You were undoubtedly a blessing sent by the world. To us, you are something irreplaceable…”

However.

The words don’t continue further.

I don’t know why.

Never thought about it either.

To begin with, it’s none of my business anyway.

She’s just saying whatever she wants.

“You’re the child of Ruelde and I, Hermine. Why won’t you make just a little effort…?”

“…”

“Do you not want to answer?”

The sermon continues.

There’s nothing to say.

Even if I said something, it wouldn’t get through.

Whatever I say would just be an excuse.

No, maybe it really is just an excuse.

“…Alright. Go rest.”

Lowering my head, I walked out the door without turning my back or lifting my head.

“Master…”

“I told you not to follow. Tch. Forget it.”

Annoyance bubbles up, but no matter how quietly I mutter here, it will all be picked up by her ears.

Silently, I returned to my room via the corridor.

“…”

Here, I can’t even play an instrument.

In order to relieve this suffocation, I intend to go out tonight as usual.

-Knock knock

“…Why?”

“Master, Mr. Ruelde is coming home today…”

“Agh damn it…”

I suppressed the urge to swear.

“Time is rotting away.”

Still, I kept it within my mouth.

Probably because his return is near due to the upcoming childbirth.

Until then, Mother would travel around doing missionary work and charitable activities.

“Haa.”

Keeerrrk.

Something inside my temples makes an unfamiliar metallic friction sound.

No.

Maybe it’s coming from somewhere around my chest.

====

“Huh? Rank 10? Top 10 in the school? That’s pretty good. I couldn’t achieve that back in my days.”

“Ruel.”

“Ah, but it’s true, right?”

While letting the cheerful voice pass through one ear, I focused on eating.

At a pace neither too fast nor too slow.

I have to finish all this before I can leave this place.

On the rectangular table were items that would normally make one’s mouth water, but I only concentrated on what was in front of me.

“Still, when things don’t go well or you’re having a tough time? I had those moments too. But hey, everyone goes through that. So don’t blame yourself or get too disappointed.”

“Ruel. Carriel is our son.”

“Pfft, who doesn’t know that?”

“And please don’t forget that people around us have high expectations for him too. The children of His Majesty and Melin, the children of Bariel—they’re all meeting everyone’s expectations.”

“Well, that…”

“Remember, at Carriel’s age, you defeated the Marquen.”

“Grrr.”

A brief pause in speech signifies a change in the subject.

“Carriel. Are you listening properly?”

“…Yes.”

“Sword.”

The man’s voice interjected between the conversation.

“When you speak, you should look at the person you’re talking to. I don’t mind, but isn’t your mother speaking to you?”

“…”

Suppressing the urge to sigh, I slightly turned my head.

“They say the eyes are the windows to the soul. Sword.”

“…So?”

“Right now, your eyes don’t reflect either me or your mother—not even a single thing properly.”

“…”

So what am I supposed to do about that?

“There’s no need to give up or despair to this extent. Haven’t I told you repeatedly that academy grades aren’t that important?”

“I know.”

“If you know, why do you have that look? Are you that upset about losing to your friends?”

“…”

You always do this.

Without knowing anything.

“All of this is because your heart is weak. If you focus more on mental and physical training, you can surely become someone like me. Never give up. Even I faced times when my heart grew weak and it was tough, but it all depends on determination. Look at me—I saved the world, didn’t I?”

I didn’t sit here to listen to a sermon.

“…I’ve finished eating.”

Putting down the utensils, I lightly wiped the corners of my mouth with a napkin and stood up from my seat.

“Carriel! While your father is speaking, what kind of manners are those…?!”

“Aah! Honey! It’s okay! He’s going through a sensitive phase, so we need to understand him!”

What exactly are you understanding?

An impulse to unleash a few choice words rises, but I pretend not to hear and leave the spot.

Nothing will change anyway.

Just wasting time until I quietly disappear.

If existing itself is a sin, then disappearing would be better.

Fear is fleeting.

Eventually, that will be accepted as the best choice.

“…”

Anyway, there’s a new sibling coming, so they’ll probably fill the void automatically.

I don’t expect anything.

I don’t trust anything.

I don’t dream anymore.

I don’t want to be any unhappier than I already am.

“Back then…”

Back then, though faint, during my early childhood, the world didn’t seem this blurry.

When did it start feeling so impenetrable that I can’t see even a step ahead?

Because I’m not a genius?

Lack talent?

Didn’t put in enough effort?

Lack motivation?

Somewhere along the way…

I just stopped wanting to do anything.

All I wish for now is…

…to just leave me alone.

It feels like I’m suffocating.

Please, let me breathe just a little…

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