On a serene and peaceful winter day, the exact date is forgotten, but I remember that it snowed.
As our precious little sister Aris celebrated her just-turned four birthday, our family was enjoying a warm moment together in the room.
Remi, holding Aris tightly in her small arms, looked somewhat uncomfortable, yet both were smiling at each other, clearly happy.
Mom was sitting in a rocking chair, busy with her knitting.
And Dad was joyfully chatting with me at the round table.
It was a rare day for the whole family to be gathered together.
“Anna, what do you think is the most essential ability for a king?”
Suddenly, Dad threw me a question.
A vague question, I asked him back to confirm my understanding.
“Are you asking about the virtues that a king must possess?”
“Well, you could say that.”
Abilities, virtues.
I racked my brain to understand the intention behind the question.
Tap tap, I knocked on the table. But it wasn’t going to give me any answers. It’s not like there were words written on it. I knew well enough that there was no magic mirror like in fairy tales that could answer my questions.
I looked at Dad’s face for any clue, but he was just gazing back at me with a gentle smile.
What could it be?
Many answers flashed through my mind.
From diplomacy to networking and social skills, or perhaps intelligence that encompasses them all, I narrowed down my contenders for answers.
But none of them made it past my lips. Each had its own reason, and they could all be considered right answers.
At the same time, all could also be wrong.
I remained silent, just feeling agitated and restless.
Was it fear of getting it wrong, or maybe I just didn’t want to share my crude opinion with Dad?
Soon, silence enveloped the room. It wasn’t a chilling silence, but a warm stillness with the sound of logs crackling in the fireplace. Parental hope waiting for their little one to respond, not reprimanding anyone.
And who broke that silence—
None other than Remi.
“Me! Me! I know!”
“Ooh, yes, our Remi. Do you know the correct answer?”
“Yes!”
With one arm stretched out, Remi shouted that she had the answer. Aris, who was tucked against her, raised her arm and followed suit, mimicking her sister.
Mom, watching this, couldn’t help but laugh, saying she couldn’t stop them.
“It’s strength!”
“Oh-ho..?”
“Yep! With super strong strength, you can just whoosh defeat them!”
Strength. Individual might.
It was one of the options I considered, but I dismissed it, thinking personal power wouldn’t help in ruling a country much.
With a whoosh sound, Remi happily waved her hands, feeling she had answered correctly. Aris watched and copied her again.
Don’t imitate that, Aris… goody-goody, goody-goody.
Goody-goody?
Yep, that’s right. Don’t follow Remi.
Remi asked, “Goody-goody?”
Yep.
I ignored Remi’s anger directed at me. I prayed fervently to the heavens that Aris wouldn’t grow up causing the same kinds of troubles as Remi.
Dad, listening to this, was only laughing without saying a word.
Wasn’t that the answer?
One option had been eliminated. But I still knew nothing. It felt like playing a game of twenty questions with only one allowed. How could I possibly guess?
I could glean nothing from Dad’s enigmatic expression.
Ultimately, unable to keep it in anymore, I went with what I thought was the most fitting answer.
“I think it’s intelligence.”
“Hoho, that’s not a bad answer.”
Intelligence. It was also a vague response. It simply included a vast range of options.
I looked at Dad nervously, but he just smiled saying there was no right answer after all~ with his arms wide open.
He only wanted to know our thoughts and the reasons behind them.
So there wasn’t a correct answer.
I felt rather foolish for being so tense.
“Oh! Remi, you got it right too.”
“Hehe~ See, I’m great! Right, Aris?”
“Yep!”
Remi, with her head down, received a gentle pat from Aris.
You did well, Unnie~ So cool~
Yep! I worked hard! Hehe~
Every time I saw that, I felt a strange sensation.
Since the day Aris was born, Remi never thought to leave her side. They ate together, bathed together, and it felt like anyone watching would think she was raising her own beloved child.
Yet Aris, who grew up next to hyperactive Remi, had matured curiously. Although Remi was four years older than Aris, somehow it felt like Aris was the one taking care of Remi.
A mystery in my heart left unsolved.
“So, Aris, what do you think?”
“Um~?”
Suddenly, Dad directed the question at Aris, who was snuggled up with Remi. Aris only tilted her head, looking at Dad.
Mom scolded lightly, noticing.
It was too difficult a question for a four-year-old child.
“Dear, how could Aris possibly know that?”
“Haha… I just asked.”
“Ugh…”
Aris cupped her head in her hands, starting to hum in thought.
Watching her was exceedingly cute; the most important ability for a king might just be giving birth to a child like Aris. I found myself having such ridiculous thoughts.
My precious little sister, who warms my heart.
She truly is my pride and joy.
“—It’s kindness!”
“…?!”
Aris raised her hands high and declared. Dad’s eyes widened in surprise at her words. Mom had paused her knitting and looked intently at Aris.
Remi was… well, just as usual, holding Aris and laughing happily.
“Why do you think so?”
Dad inquired about the reason.
Was it just my imagination?
It felt like Dad’s voice had lowered just a little.
The reason. When Remi and I answered, he hadn’t asked us separately.
It was as if he could guess our rationale without saying a word; that smile Dad had shown us faded away.
He was gazing at Aris with a serious expression, as if truly wanting to know the reason.
I silently watched the two, feeling a strange atmosphere.
And Aris, in response, said—
“Because, Dad isn’t strong, and he isn’t smart!”
Cough Cough, “A-A-Aris..?”
With a big smile, she threw out her sharp-tongued remark.
The king of a nation, Dad wore an expression of confusion unbefitting of his status as he asked Aris again.
“Mom, who married you, is so unfortunate… Mom is just too nice…”
“Well done, my daughter! I love you!”
“I love you too! Mom!”
Mom, hearing this, pumped her fists together and cheered Aris on. She should have turned the flowers down when he offered them, calling him a corpse of a man with a good-looking face and personality that she couldn’t understand why she liked him.
Mom promised to give Aris a snack later, and Remi was just as thrilled as if it were happening to her.
Well, Aris’s snacks would mostly end up going to Remi anyway.
But hey, Mom… looks like you had a lot built up…
Everyone burst into laughter and enjoyed themselves, except for Dad.
Dad gazed at Mom with a sorrowful look in his eyes. His signature look, as Mom would say, were those sad deer-like eyes. Seeing those made me want to tease him even more.
“—But Dad is definitely a great king!”
Aris continued amidst this atmosphere.
Unlike me, who was hesitating with my answer, her tone was filled with unwavering confidence.
Unlike me.
“Dad is definitely not strong, not clever, always bullied by Mom…”
“Can’t you just stop that? It seems to be getting worse. Is Dad hurting?”
“Quiet, dear. Before you get hit in front of the children.”
The Good King.
In front of us, Dad seemed to be tied down by Mom, but objectively speaking, Marco Akaia, my father, was undoubtedly a man worthy of being called the current king.
Of course, there would be some who disagreed.
But to many citizens, he was dearly loved— the king I wanted to resemble.
Why couldn’t I recognize the answer right beside me?
“Battles are fought by soldiers. Governance is done by lords or nobles. Baking is done by bakers, and building is done by carpenters!”
“…….Ari..s?”
I turned to Aris.
The innocent phrasing of a four-year-old.
Yet, in those words, I couldn’t shake off the feeling that they were infused with wisdom and knowledge that I couldn’t dare to judge.
“—So what should a king do?”
Realizing this, I found myself questioning Aris.
What tone did my voice take?
Was it desperate, or—
I couldn’t quite remember well.
Turning ten next month, Anna Akaia, six years older than four-year-old Aris— my awkward struggle.
“Governance, politics, war, diplomacy— a king who just leaves everything to others, what should he do?”
“…..Anna sister?”
Remi called out to me, sensing something odd. But at that moment, such words didn’t register in my ears.
I just wanted to know.
Aris, having heard my question, looked at me with a thin smile.
And then Aris began to explain, as if teaching me—
“To watch them and see if they’re doing well.”
In a soft voice, she shared the reasoning.
“If they make a mistake, then you scold them and share the punishment together.”
“I’m sorry I can’t lead.”
“When you receive punishment alone, it’s tough, but when you share it, it’s not so hard, right?”
“Taking on responsibility together.”
“I think that’s— kindness.”
Silence filled the room as I gathered my thoughts. Dad had left to attend to his duties, and Remi and Aris went outside to play.
Even Mom had excused herself, leaving me alone in the room.
I stared blankly at the ceiling.
Whether Aris’s answer was what Dad desired, I couldn’t tell.
He never revealed his thoughts.
But I had accepted the truth.
Aris herself…
Was more suited to be a king.
—
“My head…. hurts…”
It felt as if a giant needle was piercing through my brain.
Conflicting emotions collided within my heart, spiraling into chaos.
Self-loathing, gloom, regret— emotions that wouldn’t help at all in life tugged at my feet.
Jealousy, envy, greed— ugly feelings harming my body pushed at my back.
Where were they all leading me?
To hell?
Ah, yes, that seems about right.
Outside, raging winds swept through, as Aris continued to knock on the door without any signs of leaving.
Knock knock.
Over and over,
Knock knock.
Knockknockknockknockknockknockknockknockknockknockknockknockknockknockknockknockknock.
“—Anna sis… let’s play together!”
“……I hate you…”
“I’m sorry…!”
“I’m sorry…”
“So—”
“Again…!”
BANG.
“—SHUT UP!!!!”
I slammed my hands down on the desk. My hands instantly flushed red. The pain passed, and I began to feel heat radiating.
As my hands hit down, the knocking from outside ceased.
An empty room, now filled with silence.
I thought it had quieted down, yet guards rushed in, quickly opening the door as if it were an emergency.
Why does everyone keep bothering me…!?
What wrong have I done!!?
“Your Highness…. what’s happening at this hour…”
“It’s nothing… go away.”
“Your Highness….”
“—I said go away!! Are you ignoring what I said!?”
The guard stared at me for a few seconds before silently closing the door and exiting.
The cold night air that slipped through the crack of the door brushed past me.
“…..My head hurts.”
Dizzy.
Gripping my throbbing head, I grabbed the desk and walked towards my bed.
Outside the door the guards had opened, no one was standing there.
Not Aris, not Remi, no one.
Yeah, how could there be?
Right now, it was the dead of night, when nobody roamed.
“Help me…. please….”
I felt like I was slowly turning into something unrecognizable.
It hurts.
I feel overwhelmed.
It’s hard.
Someone… help me.
“…Aris—”
Aris…
