I ran away without looking back.
I didn’t know where my footsteps were heading, what I was running from, or what I was so afraid of, but still, I ran.
All that filled my mind was the thought that I had to escape from this place.
Tap, tap!
“No….!! Noooooooooo──────!!!!!”
“Alice!? K, Saelli! I’m leaving the bodyguards to you! Got it?”
“H-Hold on?! Y-You!?”
I ran.
Even when I heard someone calling out to me desperately from behind.
Screaming in a way I’d never done before.
Rolling comically in the dark snow piled up by the roadside.
My hat dancing with the wind, finally feeling it give way and flop back.
“No─────────!!!”
I dashed away, avoiding the reaching hands of those around me.
Legs, run.
Faster, faster.
Even if my muscles melted away, my cartilage wore out.
It’s fine if it consumes everything of me. So please, please take me to a place where no one exists.
Save me.
“Hah, hah.”
I weaved through the winding alleyways.
Charging through narrow paths barely wide enough for two people to walk side by side, not even looking ahead.
Of course, I bumped into several people passing by, but apologies I would usually spit out felt like obstacles holding my legs back, so I couldn’t say anything.
Continuing like that, my feet slipped on the icy paths hidden in the snow.
I collided with someone swaying with their hands in their sleeves and fell together.
And that was—
—Thud!
“—Ugh!?”
“……!”
The woman in the green robe passing by was no exception.
Ignoring the girl who fell back from the sudden impact, I used the cut end of my severed arm to push off the ground, scratching the rough wall with my fingertips as I quickly got back on my feet.
Drip, drip.
What dripped onto the snow could be tears flowing down my cheeks.
Or blood trickling down from my fingertips due to gravity.
If not that, then perhaps the last bit of reason I had left.
The red trail on the white snow would know its identity.
“…..Ah…Ah….”
I urged my unwilling legs to keep up my aimless escape.
Shivering with fear like a sheep being chased by wolves.
I ran, I ran away.
“…Cough!? W-Who are you?”
“─A! I’m so sorry! We’re a bit busy right now!! We’ll compensate later!!! Bye for now!”
“…!! W-Wait!! H-Hahn!!”
My head hurts.
The pain felt like someone was rummaging through my head, and I grabbed my head with one hand.
Even if my senses were dulled, even if hearing and seeing were the only normal functions of my body, the discomfort that felt like this brain was being squeezed and the strange sensation crawling all over my body wouldn’t leave me alone.
Holding back the surge of nausea, I ran towards the bright light at the end of the alley that connected to the main road.
The end of my escape, finally arrived.
“….Hah, hah.”
Suddenly blinded by the bright scenery, my eyes instinctively began to close.
The light reflecting off the pure white snow felt like it was scorching my eyes.
In my misty sight that couldn’t see properly, a broad road filled with people and carriages came into view.
It was like a massive wave.
“───Ah.”
I stopped in my tracks and slowly began to make my way to the center.
A hunting dog loses its usefulness after the hunt.
If it can no longer even guard the house due to injury or age, even more so.
No matter how much glory it had achieved, waiting for an old dog is neither a cozy bedding nor abundant food.
The final act is only to endure all sorts of abuse and a lonely death on the cold snowy field.
The ideal world the old dog dreamed of was nowhere to be found.
It was a pitiful existence that had no choice but to succumb to fate.
“………”
Everything I’ve done until now was to atone.
It was a kind of punishment I imposed on myself, ensuring I would never commit the same sin again.
Even if I had no memories of directly stealing happiness, that abstract and unquantifiable something from others.
I definitely had memories of taking away specific things associated with happiness, like a good school, good friends, material wealth, a warm home, and a high status that brought superiority.
They blamed me for that.
I simply accepted those words.
Thus began my atonement.
Sometimes I became a kind passerby helping others, and at other times, a teacher for someone.
A few times, I was a parent, and on other occasions, a child born from a poor parent.
As a friend, a comrade.
As a superior, and as a subordinate.
They who should have originally been trapped at the bottom, where no light shines.
They who should have been twisted and frail, tossed around by the blowing winds and flowing muck.
So that they could bloom brightly, feeling proud of the achievements their lives and efforts had made.
And….be happy.
The conclusion of that devoted tale would be my death, as I didn’t want to be a burden to them.
Closing my eyes while listening to their laments and wails at facing my fading spirit, the despair that would soon be shaken off, and the last words of sturdy people rising again from it.
I deceived myself that their actions affirming my existence were the greatest joy I could experience.
Yes.
That was my only value and.
My only reason for existence.
Remi Akaia.
Anna Akaia.
Therefore, there was no reason for me to exist beside them, already complete.
In the end.
I had become a being of no use.
Thud, thud.
One step at a time, I moved forward.
“—Huh? Who’s that child over there?”
“…Eek!? W-Wait! That kid’s all covered in blood!! W-Where did they come from?”
“………”
It’s not that I never felt happiness.
When I was beside those who treasured me, I felt like I was floating in the sky with joy.
I wanted to live beside them too.
I was a person too.
Even if it was just a brief moment.
I knew that enjoying happiness only made my sins weigh heavier.
Still, I accepted all that as an excuse to strengthen them, eating the unjust price.
Love was both a poison and a weakness to me.
All of these things may have been a preordained course.
Thud, thud.
I looked up at the sky once and then lowered my head to the ground.
“….Huh, huh? Where is that child going…to, right now?”
“──Hey!! Stop! Don’t let that child go over there!!”
“Huh? What? What did you say!?”
“………”
But now that even those flimsy excuses had faded away.
When those already complete ones appeared before my eyes, and I thought I wanted to live together with them and share the happiness.
I was undeniably right here.
I had brazenly sought happiness without repenting my sins.
I ignored the difference between paying for sins and atoning.
Believing that if I was punished, all sins would disappear.
I truly realized how shamelessly rubbish I was.
Snicker.
A laugh that isn’t from the heart, just to make others comfortable.
“Hehe.”
They say the most meaningless death is from a traffic accident.
Oddly enough, I’ve never died in a traffic accident while living all this time.
Yeah.
That really fits my style of death the most.
The very desire for a luxurious death was the problem.
“Get out of the way!! Get out, now!!”
“Kid! Come back there!!”
“──No.”
As I grasped the reins of words tightly, I saw the driver trying to stop the carriage by any means.
But given the speed it had already gathered and the crowd surrounding it, the chances of changing course were near impossible now.
Not colliding with me was almost impossible.
Suicide is a courageous way to confess that one’s life had no value.
For the family desperately trying to build one, it would be a bolt from the blue, but I regretted not sneaking into a river and waiting for death.
But truly, truly sorry.
Right now, I just wanted to clear my confused head.
And quietly, rest.
“It’s already too late.”
“Whoa-whoa-whoa!? Kid!! M-Move!! If you don’t want to die, move!!”
The heavy carriage coming towards me quickly.
Two horses flaunting their size and weight.
Underneath, I was about to meet a terrible death that could not even recognize my original form.
I threw myself into it—
Thud!
“──Saveeeeeeee!!”
“…!!”
A sudden shock.
My body rolled on the road with someone who caught me.
