Sin should be hated, but do not hate the person.
In the endless cycle of reincarnation, the adults who had met countless times, glowing brilliantly, murmur these words together.
Well, of course the tones differ, but generally, the content is similar to what was just said.
Well, sure.
That’s undoubtedly a good saying.
But how can one hate sin, when the entity that commits it is none other than a person?
Rather, sin is just a concept defined; a mere victim that does nothing wrong.
Isn’t it rather sin that we shouldn’t hate?
But people hate people.
Because sin has no substance, making it hard to hate.
People exist right before our eyes, making it easy to hate.
Even if the cost of hating another only leads to loving oneself less in the end.
Even if in the end, at the end of that rotting and burning hate, only hollow emptiness remains.
People are not allowed to reign in their growing hatred.
Those who strive to erase the unerasable.
Those trying to forget the unforgettable.
Isn’t it truly pitiful?
Occasionally.
No, perhaps always.
We hate because we cannot understand others, and we cannot understand others because we hate.
We must understand why the other chose such actions, why it couldn’t be helped, what spurred them on.
Otherwise, that cycle of hate will infinitely revolve, each grasping at the other’s tail.
Like a single Ouroboros, hate will not die but eternally remain beside us.
In the end, even if that outcome leads to consuming oneself, it will not cease the act.
Clinging to survival until the end, it will torment us.
Therefore, I decided to stop.
Knock, knock, knock.
“Uh, I understand.”
…Ah!
…Let’s go back… to our home…
Really, everyone.
There’s no helping it.
Like a sudden accident that no one expected.
A disaster that appears in an instant without any warning, sweeping everything away.
A day that would fit the word ordinary perfectly, where hearts pressed together to share the sound of each other’s hearts, creating new memories and joyfully concluding.
That day became a day that would forever be remembered in a different meaning.
First, the neck torn out, writhing in pain but unable to even scream.
With pieces of flesh detached one by one from living beings by sharp beaks and teeth.
An utterly miserable scene that forcefully extends life, leaving the dignity of life abandoned on the ground.
Truly, it was a hell descended upon the world.
Only the harmony of breaking bones and tearing flesh was the only sound that could fill the silence.
When everyone fell into panic before it, a handful of brave and reckless folks, seizing the chance while attention shifted, tried to break through the encirclement and escape.
They ended up nothing more than cold chunks of meat right before our eyes, without any twist of fate.
While the hundred or so villagers, who could only watch the situation, merely waited for their turn like pigs in a slaughterhouse, wishing for their impending death to be devoid of pain.
Yeah.
There was nowhere to be found any reflection or apology towards Alice, whom they pushed to death.
Only sinners who cared only for their own safety existed here.
The destination of betrayers, Cocytus.
The deepest pit of hell it was.
“Hahn, are you listening to me?”
……….
“If you’re listening, could you open the door?”
Thud, thud, thud.
Soft yet strong.
The knocking reverberated at regular intervals, mirroring the demeanor of its initiator.
The flimsy door made of thin planks, crudely constructed, shook as if it was just like me, who couldn’t decide anything and was tossed around without purpose.
The gap between the door and the wall continuously widened and narrowed with its movements, and the streams of light entering from that gap, the only source of brightness in the pitch black room, thickened and thinned accordingly.
The light, tinted with red, indicating whether it was morning or evening, grew steadily closer, as if I could reach out and touch it.
In the shaft of light, dust particles danced around, oblivious to what had transpired, flying freely.
Knowing nothing at all.
Boldly.
I had no choice but to cover my eyes with both arms as even that little bit of brilliance overwhelmed me.
Only then did complete darkness come to me.
As if to say that this was the place where I was meant to exist all along, while a bright place was not where I belonged, it slowly enveloped me.
That fact was too pitiful for me.
“…It’s already the second day, Hahn. If you keep this up, you’ll really die.”
……….
“….Please, can’t you come out?”
Rumi’s voice, sounding concerned for my body.
When I heard those words, the first thing that came to my mind was that I wished I could just sleep like this and die.
No, perhaps that too would be a luxury for me.
Miserably, more disgracefully than anything, painfully.
That’s how I must die.
“…I’ve left a few potatoes in front of you… I’m heading out now.”
………
Her dragging footsteps, not like her at all, gradually receded.
Anticipation for a new life soared like a tall building.
But the pain and shock of falling from that height was unspeakably immense.
It felt like dominoes.
The relationships I thought I had solidly built were always set to collapse from the very start, tumbling down with the slightest touch.
Even if I spread my arms to protect them from being touched, anxiously watching for the slightest breeze, they would laugh in my face and knock it all down.
Thud, thud, thud.
The creation I had painstakingly built over many years.
But the time it took for those dominoes to fall was far too short compared to the effort put in.
But still, it was okay.
I could endure it.
Though I no longer expected the bonds with others to last, always crumbling, I still had a wonderful refuge to escape to, to evade the root cause of that disaster.
I am not at fault.
All of this, it’s their wrongdoings.
If I hadn’t been born into this crazy world, everything would have gone well.
I would have made friends, traveled happily with family, and fallen in love with someone I liked.
So, I thought.
Thus, when I realized that the arrow I had shot was returning back to me, not to anyone else—
When I realized that I was the one who shattered the relationship and wounded the other—
I despaired.
…Unnie…
…….─!!!
Crack.
At the sound of the voice brushing past my head, I plunged my head into the straw strewn on the floor.
Curled up, I closed my eyes, covered my ears, and rejected everything.
But my fingers, deeply embedded in my ears, could not block out the weak voice ringing in my head.
Rather, its force only grew louder whenever I pressed my ears harder or screamed.
Ah…
Ah…
That’s right.
I am a sinner.
I am a betrayer!
I am trash!!
I opened my mouth and screamed.
Muttering incessantly about my sins.
To escape the crushing guilt weighing me down.
Wanting to be forgiven, even just a little for my sins.
But in this space where even the victim to be forgiven does not exist, what meaning does it hold to ramble on?
An apology, a recompense, should be offered to the victim.
…Alice…
Slowly, I raised my head from the straw.
The red sunlight that had entered through the narrow gap had long since vanished, leaving only darkness in my dilated pupils.
As I strained to pull the door, a sharp and irritating sound distinct to unhinged hinges reached my ears.
Feeling something bump against my outstretched foot, I heard something tumble down.
…Ah.
Potatoes, seemingly real, rolled chaotically from the toppled basket.
Roll, roll, the potatoes scattered over the dirt floor.
I picked one decidedly covered in dirt and brought it to my mouth.
Biting down hard on the cold potato, its earthy bitter taste overwhelmed any flavor.
…I must go…
Yeah.
I had to go.
I tossed away the potato I was eating. Woof, woof, I heard the sound of a dog from the neighboring house joyfully munching on something.
They sure are eating well.
According to Rumi, it had been two days, now it’s night, so maybe three days?
Having just sat in that long gap, my legs began to tremble before even entering the forest, protesting their limits.
I grabbed a suitably long wooden stick around and began to walk, using it as a support.
Clack, clack.
I walked, leaning on the stick, step by step.
Crossing the boundary of the village, passing over the wooden fence.
I walked through the swamp, where decayed fallen leaves rose to my knees.
I passed the prickly wilderness of withered wild raspberry vines due to the cold.
Leaving behind the charred remains of the oak, as if struck by lightning.
Clack, clack.
Facing the cold wind head-on, I walked forward, propping myself up with a bleeding hand.
I endured, held on, and endured again.
This pain was but a tickle compared to the suffering I had received up until now.
This wound couldn’t even begin to compare to the wounds I had inflicted on Alice.
How long did I walk?
…Ah.
Familiar trees came into view.
I walked up to one and leaned against it, collapsing right there.
That sunny spot where I once enjoyed taking naps now held only a chilling coldness.
I stared at the moon, hidden behind clouds, and closed my eyes.
Naturally, I saw nothing.
…Ha ha.
And slowly, my eyes began to close.
Ah, I really hate this.
I hate it.
Dying like this might be better.
Slowly, painfully, in the cold—
For me…
Truly…
It really…
Fits well…
In the…
Darkness…
…Really… Unnie, they say you’ll catch a cold if you sleep here…
Like back then.
A small voice that awakens me.
