Chapter 110

Only darkness was visible.

I decided to just keep walking aimlessly. It wouldn’t be much different from my life anyway. A life where I walk in the direction I’m looking, even though I can’t see ahead, because I can’t stop.

I walked, stopped, and walked again, repeating steps without knowing the direction.

There were those who walked with me along the way, but in the end, it was nothing more than a fleeting connection.

“Raul. I acknowledge and trust everything about you except your way with words.”

“Raul. I’m always grateful to you. Except when I feel like exploding during our conversations.”

“…Your mouth is definitely trash-tier. But still, there’s no one like you. Since I’ve acknowledged you, you can consider it an honor for the family.”

“Raul. My proud other half. I understand. The sadness within you. The kindness beyond your clumsy words. And the wounds embedded deep inside you.”

There were friends too. Those who could shine even without me. If it weren’t for them, I would’ve died long ago. I couldn’t even contribute a little to their brilliance.

“Raul. My son. People worry about you because you’re not sociable… but don’t worry too much. You’ll become a greater adult than this father of yours.”

“Hey, you raccoon. Let me tell you something. In war, you’re the most useless among your peers. But in hunting, you’ll be a more effective beast than me.”

“Ufufufu. I heard you were His Majesty’s friend, so I thought some scoundrel was after the crumbs… but you’re quite the material for a family head. Hmm~ I like you. Very much. To such a friend, I’ll give a special gift♬.”

It wasn’t like there were no adults who acknowledged me.

But all that acknowledgment and connection didn’t suit my wretched self. Rather, their brilliance seemed to illuminate the wretchedness I hid in the darkness.

I, who am not his son, am not a Verze. I, who let my friend die, am not a hero. I, who cannot pursue the family’s interests, am not a family head.

Then… what am I? I’m just a half-wit who fits the shadow cast by the tree in that garden.

“…Idiot.”

It was a voice I missed. A voice I vaguely tried to recall in my mind every day.

“Other half…?”

“No, I said idiot.”

I raised my head.

I saw her back.

The figure I drew and erased every day. The figure I wished to see every day, praying to a god who wouldn’t answer. The back I couldn’t help but love.

“Layla……”

I decided to chase after Layla, standing on the horizon.

If I could just grab her hand one last time, I wouldn’t mind dying. I would give everything I had. Even if I had to burn in hell for eternity, I would smile and turn to charcoal.

If I could just be the dust scattered by her side, I was ready to give up this filthy life countless times.

“Let me die by your side. Layla…!”

“…You really were a clueless fool.”

Even running at full speed, I couldn’t catch that mirage-like back. The more I took a step closer, she moved ten steps away, to the point where I resented her.

Layla was overwhelmingly fast, to the point where even the Demon King praised her. It was only natural that a dull and slow person like me couldn’t catch up.

But I wanted to say that such logic was useless. I wanted to ignore that logic and meet her. I wanted to tell that logic to go to hell and grab her hand.

“Didn’t we swear? That we were each other’s other half…! So why…!!!”

“I was relieved when the weeds started disappearing bit by bit… but this isn’t it. I wanted you to think of yourself… but I didn’t tell you to become a fool who gives up everything.”

“What are you talking about…?”

“Deaf and dumb fool. Even though we talked every day, you didn’t notice a thing.”

“Why do you keep saying things I don’t understand…!!!”

“It’s not time yet. For a dramatic reunion… it’s not time yet.”

Layla’s figure began to disappear like sand blown by the wind.

Even though I tried to run as fast as I could, I was still dull and slow.

“Layla…!!!”

“Forget your feelings for me. And… be happy with Camilla.”

And just like that, she disappeared like a mirage.

I hadn’t even touched her yet. I hadn’t even seen her lovely face yet.

How can I be happy when you’re not by my side? All I have by my side are three things: the brilliance that illuminates my wretched self, the malice that betrays me, and the pebbles that now hold no value to me.

How can I be happy like this?

Something hot welled up. I couldn’t suppress that emotion. Weak as I was, I couldn’t resist the flow of that heat.

“Layla! Don’t be selfish! You’re my other half! No matter what happens, you have to affirm me!!! No matter the circumstances, you have to support my decisions!!! Even my desire to die, you have to say it’s right!!!”

I felt like I had become a child. Yes, like a three-year-old, I only pushed forward with my own will.

What do I care about others’ perceptions? Layla was right in front of me. The gazes of people, most of whom were trash, were worse than the rotting guts of a beast.

So, like a child, immersed in primal emotions, I shouted at the top of my lungs.

“Why are you leaving me again!! I’m trying to live to honor your memory!!! I’m struggling to live by plastering over all the values of the world!!!!!!”

Why am I getting angry at her?

I don’t even get angry at those who throw stones at me.

Why am I getting angry at my other half?

What is this sharp pain tormenting my chest?

“Why won’t you acknowledge my efforts, Layla!!!!!!!”

But no answer came.

I knelt down. I succumbed to this frustration and the harsh reality.

As I meaninglessly stared at the ground, only the overgrown weeds came into view.

“What am I… why…”

It doesn’t matter anymore.

No matter how I disappear, it doesn’t matter anymore. Even if my reunion with Layla is just a bubble, what value does anything in this world have…

“…That’s not the man I love~.”

Something heavy and dull kicked my chin.

As I floated into the air, that incomprehensible woman came into view.

“I didn’t expect you to disturb me even in my own mind.”

I faced her directly, showing my discomfort without filter.

“It’s not like it’s been that long. Your Majesty.”

“Could you call me by my real name, Arisa?”

“We’re not that close, and I’m not in the mood to do so. I don’t even hate you anymore. All that’s left towards you is incomprehensible mystery.”

“Rejoice. Your feelings towards me have improved, so how can this not be good news.”

No, now I just feel more annoyed.

It’s like a bug disturbing your sleep.

I don’t even know what kind of bug it is, but I just want it to disappear.

“My reunion with Layla turned into a bubble… and all I get is a reunion with you.”

“I wanted a more dramatic reunion too, you know? Reuniting just a few days after parting… it’s like reuniting with a close friend. I hate it too. I’m a girl who loves romance, after all.”

“Let me tell you something. Only a madman would call a woman hundreds of years old a girl. And if that’s the case, wouldn’t it have been better if you hadn’t come?”

“I told you. I’m a girl who loves romantic things.”

The Queen laughed as she grabbed my collar.

“You’re my romance. What meaning does the order of time have in front of you?”

“…….You’re unbelievable. I have no feelings to give you.”

“Yes. I know. I’m well aware of your feelings towards me. I’m surprisingly quick to grasp the situation. That’s why… that’s why I came. To bring forward the chance to love you, even if just a little.”

And the hand that held me began to glow faintly.

“To atone, even just a little.”

“What are you talking about with all this nonsense…”

Today, it seems like I’m only hearing things I can’t understand.

“You can’t die yet. I want to remain a mystery in your heart for a long time. I can’t let your flame extinguish like this. Because it’s a flame as hot as my love.”

This is why I hate the Queen.

This way of speaking without considering the listener is disgusting. Why does she speak based on her own understanding without thinking about the listener?

Doesn’t it occur to her that the listener might feel frustrated?

“So, if only that flame can keep burning.”

“Wait…!”

The light enveloping the Queen’s hand began to burn her.

Her shell turned into white smoke and rose, and her existence began to fade.

“I can give up as many remnants of my soul as needed. Even if I can’t see you within you. Because your flame will keep burning. I know that even without seeing it. Just because I don’t see it doesn’t mean the fire disappears.”

Even as she burned and disappeared, she held my hands and smiled brightly, as if she were dying.

“So, keep living. Don’t give up. Live more passionately than my love.”

“……”

She kissed my forehead, not caring that she was disappearing.

“I like you.”

“I love you.”

“Be my lover.”

Before I could even respond, she disappeared in a white flame, satisfied.

And her white flame became a dazzling light, lifting my heavy eyelids.

“Raul…?”

Hot tears wet my cheeks.

They were not mine, but my mother’s tears.

“What is this…”

The necklace I was wearing lost its light and shattered into pieces, and my mother… no, the Countess suddenly hugged me.

And I wanted to give up on understanding all these situations.