Chapter 92

After that, Latri gave birth to Raul in pain. It wasn’t just the pain of childbirth, but a mix of shame, anger, hatred, and many other emotions.

It was an unwanted pregnancy and an undesired birth. During the pregnancy, she had wished countless times for the child to disappear. Each time, Arthur Berze would look at her with pity, never blaming her.

Seeing the child’s face after birth didn’t suddenly fill her with love. Instead, her hatred and anger only grew.

There were many times when, without realizing it, she tried to strangle the child in his sleep. Each time, Arthur Berze would rush in and desperately stop her.

“The child has done no wrong. And I don’t want you to become someone who kills their own flesh and blood. Please…”

Every time, Latri would collapse to the ground and scream. She begged to be allowed to kill the child, believing it would make everything complete.

“No, nothing will be complete. All that will remain is a cold corpse and a heartless person.”

Arthur Berze was both warm and cold. Perhaps Raul learned his temperament from him.

“But… just maybe… if only that child weren’t here…”

“…You are living in the reality of the remaining 9,999 possibilities, not that one.”

“Even so, I can’t love that child…”

“Sigh… How can I blame you? It’s not your weakness, but the cruelty of this world.”

Arthur Berze sent Latri back to her room and then gently stroked Raul’s cheek as he laughed.

“I’m sorry. My inadequacy has caused you such suffering.”

Every night, he had to drag his tired body, exhausted from work, to guard Raul’s cradle. His already frail health began to deteriorate from that point on.

Watching this scene from afar through a vision, Latri groaned in pain. She knew her husband’s health had worsened since then, but she hadn’t realized it was connected to her erratic behavior.

“This wasn’t my intention…”

“Tragedies are tragic precisely because they are unintended.”

At the crow’s mocking words, Latri covered her ears. But the voice echoing in her head was impossible to block.

“I can understand your madness. I’m also a woman… no, setting that aside, objectively speaking, it’s understandable. You did nothing wrong in that situation.”

The crow perched on Latri’s shoulder and continued to speak in a somber voice.

“But your son also did nothing wrong. He was just swayed by someone stronger, like you were. To your son, you were…”

“Stop it. Stop… please stop…”

“Not much different from the King of the Barbarians.”

At that moment, the icy walls in Latri’s heart began to crack.

“It’s not over yet. Not yet… not yet… You still have more to see. This is far from enough.”

“I’ll give you anything, just please stop… I…”

“Shut up.”

—

Raul as a child wasn’t particularly bright, but he wasn’t gloomy either.

He enjoyed playing in the garden with the butler and maid, catching insects, and had a natural talent for throwing stones to hunt birds.

Latri wasn’t fond of Raul, but she didn’t stop him from playing outside.

Her husband’s persuasion that the child was innocent regardless of his birth had some effect, and the memories of that day were somewhat forgotten due to her husband’s love.

But the moment she let her guard down, Latri saw something.

Raul approached the gardener’s daughter, who was working, and played a prank on her. It was a bit dangerous and mischievous, but the kind of prank children his age often play.

However, the moment she saw that scene, the nightmare buried in Latri’s memories resurfaced.

The face of the man who had taken her sword and mocked her began to appear in Raul.

“…”

Latri ran to the garden and grabbed Raul’s wrist as he played with the sickle.

Thinking Latri was angry because Raul was playing with a blade, the gardener’s daughter bowed her head and tried to take the sickle from Raul.

“I’m sorry. The young master often plays such pranks… I’ll make sure it doesn’t happen again…”

“Step back.”

Latri wasn’t in her right mind.

She saw the face of that hateful man in the child she was holding.

She saw the man who had mocked her in the child playing a prank.

Everything about Raul felt like fragments of that man.

The nightmare of that day felt too vivid.

“…Monster.”

“Mother…?”

“Why were you born? Why? If only you hadn’t been born, I wouldn’t have to remember that day. Why were you born? Why? Why does a monster like you exist? If only you weren’t here, everything would be complete. If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t have become like this. I… I… If only you had died in my womb… I could have lived pitying you, occasionally mourning you… Why were you born…? Why…? Why are you alive, tormenting me…?”

Just as she was about to hit Raul, her husband’s plea to not hate their son came to mind.

Legally and in the eyes of society, Raul was their child, so he begged her to at least be a rational parent, even if she couldn’t love him.

But she decided to use the “rationality” she had endured as a pardon for what was to come.

“I… I’m sorry…”

A sharp sound echoed.

And it continued to repeat. The gardener’s daughter, who had been caring for Raul, pleaded with her to stop, but Latri didn’t listen.

The sound of the child’s skin being torn continued to echo.

It was the seed of that disgusting thing. It was clear that if not properly bound by rationality, he would become trash worse than his father. Therefore, correcting his behavior now was also rational.

Latri decided to think that way. With that, even the faint guilt she had left disappeared.

“Mother…”

The blood flowing from Raul’s face stained Latri’s hand.

Seeing that blood, Latri remembered again. The day her purity was defiled, the blood that stained the white cloth.

“…Ah.”

The nightmare that had only shown its head now fully revealed itself.

The terrible nightmare of that day overwhelmed her body and mind.

She wanted to cut away that nightmare. Latri wanted to cut away all those nightmares and breathe properly.

“I’m suffering…”

She wanted to breathe.

“I can’t breathe…”

She really just wanted to breathe.

“Why do I have to suffer such a nightmare…?”

Latri slowly picked up the sickle embedded in the ground.

To chase away all the nightmares and breathe properly.

To cut away the evidence of the nightmare before her eyes.

“It’s all because of you… you.”

She spoke to Raul, to the man she saw beyond Raul’s face, and to the cold reality that had driven her to this point.

All that was left was to swing the sickle and kill them all.

Soon, red blood spurted.

What the sickle pierced was not Raul, the evidence of the nightmare, but the gardener’s daughter Raul had been playing with.

“Madam… the young master was just…”

The blood dripped onto Raul’s face.

What shattered Raul’s fragile heart wasn’t his own blood, but the scorching blood of another.

“The young master was just playing a prank… please…”

Raul hurriedly tried to care for her.

But what could a five-year-old child do?

Latri, who had stabbed an innocent person, froze, and Raul could only cry and shake her. They said nothing until Arthur Berze, alerted by the commotion, rushed in.

After that day, Raul began to hate himself. Even though it wasn’t his fault, he blamed himself for the tragedy.

After that day, Latri became even harsher in imposing rationality on Raul.

Raul wished that such a tragedy would never happen again.

Latri believed Raul had to endure the same rationality she had.

And the misalignment between the two contributed to shaping the Raul of today.

“Raul…”

Arthur Berze stood between the two, torn, and had to ponder deeply.

He wanted to fill the emptiness in both their hearts.

So he gave Latri another child. He thought that having a child she could fully love might change something.

He tried his best to be a good father to Raul. He thought that might change Raul too.

Unaware that it would become the worst choice in the future, he tirelessly worked.

—

“…….What a masterpiece. Why don’t you say something?”

“I didn’t mean to… I really… really… just…”

“Why are you stammering? Why don’t you coldly snap back like you always do?”

From a third-person perspective, she was truly horrifying. The part of herself she had buried as a nightmare was no different from Raul’s nightmare. No, it must have been a nightmare.

The sight of a mother swinging a sickle must have been as terrifying and horrifying to that small child as the nightmare she had experienced.

Because she knew nightmares well, she understood the nightmare Raul must have experienced.

“Raul…”

The crack in her frozen heart grew larger and larger.