Chapter 89

Unknown emotions swirled between the two.

Neither could name the emotions, but they understood their nature well.

Like the icy waters of the Arctic, they were cold and turbulent, sharp and focused solely on what lay ahead. At least, that was the emotion Latri felt.

Like water pooled in a corner of the desert, it was calm and on the verge of drying up. Dull and fixated on the past. At least, that was the emotion Raul felt.

“……”

“……”

The two remained silent, yet they could read the emotions in each other’s eyes.

Because they could read each other’s emotions, they couldn’t understand one another.

They knew each other’s hearts well, yet at the same time, they didn’t. They could only grasp the surface, never reaching the essence or the cause.

“Do you resent me?”

“At first, I did.”

Raul fidgeted with the gem on his cane, as if something bothered him.

“Now, I feel that even that time is a waste. Even if I pour my emotions into it, nothing will be resolved. Anger or resentment is a clear waste of time and emotion.”

“You’re calling me a waste.”

“If it was unpleasant to hear, I apologize. I don’t have the skill to sugarcoat uncomfortable truths.”

“Your skill with words has also improved remarkably.”

“How could there be any skill in a mouth that couldn’t even sway the heart of its own flesh and blood?”

The Arctic water, trying to seep in, dried up under the desert’s heat.

As always, the sun’s relentless heat was stronger than the wind pushing the waves.

“To think I’ve become so hated. Even setting aside the anger from back then, this is a bit surprising.”

When the topic of that past anger came up, Raul once again fidgeted with the gem on his cane.

The emotion of wanting to strangle Latri, who had mercilessly severed the only connection he trusted and relied on, hadn’t completely cooled.

He had merely buried the heat of that anger for a while. Raul was still immature and didn’t know how to completely kill that emotion.

“It’s not that I’ve come to hate you.”

“I’m curious what you mean by that.”

“It’s just that the reason to endure has disappeared.”

The debt Raul owed to his father, the former Count, was by no means small.

He could never forget the sweetness of the candy secretly shared with him in the dead of night.

Thus, just as the debt was not small and the candy was sweet, Latri’s betrayal was fatal.

It was unbearable and too vast to kill.

“My emotions were probably like this from the start. It’s just that the debt I owed to the former Count was suppressing them. Isn’t it only natural for them to surface once the weight is gone?”

Raul wasn’t originally a man of many words.

Even now, he was miraculously restraining himself from saying what he truly wanted to say.

The amount of long-buried emotions couldn’t possibly be just this much.

“Yes. It’s only natural that you hate me. I have no intention of denying that.”

Latri knew that well too.

She was also the protagonist of the memories Raul had endured. The protagonist of a play couldn’t possibly forget its contents.

And having played a similar role herself, she understood that resentment all too well.

“I wasn’t much different from you. No, you at least had her. I had nothing.”

Her childhood wasn’t much different from Raul’s.

The prestigious knight’s family was strict and cruel. The family had predetermined her path, and a life that would end if she didn’t follow it.

She too knew the misery Raul had endured.

And for her, that misery wasn’t a tragedy with special meaning—it was just ordinary growing pains.

“…I won’t say there were no personal feelings in my abuse of you. I won’t lie and say there was no venting of past grievances. And I won’t hypocritically claim it was for your sake.”

“It’s not very desirable to state the obvious either.”

“Come back.”

“…I’m sorry, but I don’t understand the Countess’s statement right now.”

“I said come back. Not to this dreary, coffin-like village, but to the position of family head where you rightfully belong.”

The prestige of the Berze family was by no means ordinary. It was a prestigious family with a long history within the empire, and its finances, once poor, had become prosperous thanks to Arthur Berze and Raul Berze.

It was a seat coveted by all the collateral relatives, a seat that could be said to be made of gold.

And Raul was the master of that golden throne.

“I refuse. I refuse and refuse again. I have no desire to return to that seat. Moreover, I am not a person suited for that seat.”

But like gold, it was hard and cold.

The reason gold is used for tableware is that it doesn’t cause any chemical reactions. The taste of the food inside never changes, and it adds a touch of splendor.

Raul was the same. Inside, he couldn’t change, and he had to live repeating the same taste in that eternally splendid tableware.

That dreadful golden hell was not something he could desire.

Raul had never slept comfortably. The hard golden throne was not suitable for sleeping.

Raul had never eaten a comfortable meal. The delicacies eaten while sitting in such an uncomfortable seat were no better than plain barley porridge.

Raul had never been able to live as himself. What people saw was not him but the golden throne, and he was not Raul Berze but the head of the Berze family.

It was a hell so dreadful that he might have taken his own life if not for his friends.

“I would rather die than return. If I ever return, it will only be as a corpse in a coffin.”

“What…?”

Latri couldn’t understand.

Raul had been an obedient child. Though he had once vented his emotions, his essence was that of a submissive creature who followed orders dutifully. Like her, he shouldn’t have been able to defy his parents’ words.

But Raul was now rebelling. Unlike the excitement of that time, it was clear that his emotions had cooled, yet he had outright dismissed her command, which was also a request.

For a moment, Latri recalled the faces of those who might have made Raul this way.

The Minister of War, who had turned a submissive lamb into a rabid raccoon and tiger; Layla, who had been his first friend; the Emperor, who had taught him all sorts of bad things; the Empress, who had taught him how to speak harshly;

And Kyle and Camilla, who had clung to Raul’s side.

She thought all of them had ruined Raul.

“Those insolent things have ruined you.”

Latri herself had nothing like that. Thus, the variables in Raul’s life were the rightful objects of resentment, the blemishes.

If not for those blemishes, Raul would have grown up like her.

If not for those variables, Raul would have obediently returned when told to.

“…Please don’t insult them.”

But to Raul, they were his benefactors.

The Minister of War was indeed a scumbag, but he was the one who had perfected Raul’s strength.

Layla was, without a doubt, a treasure. She had told him, “You are my other half.”

The Empress was always a friend who affirmed him. When he had slaughtered the giants in anger over Layla’s death, she had told him, “You were not wrong.”

The Emperor had tried to teach him drinking and smoking, but he was the first to deny Raul’s obedience. He was the one who had told him to tell his family to go to hell and suggested he take a rest.

Kyle was a loyal and good subordinate. He always took care of errands and meal preparations and accompanied Raul on any arduous journey.

And Camilla… he wasn’t sure. She was a good friend and the best comrade, but recently, she had become a woman who stirred up an indescribable pleasantness.

“My treasures, if you defile them any further, I won’t hold back.”

“Just for that? You dare to commit filial impiety again? I’m a bit surprised.”

“Please consider first that there’s no one to stop me today, Countess.”

Raul gripped the gem on his cane tightly, suppressing his impulses as much as possible.

At the same time, he tried his best to use polite words to stop her rudeness.

If he didn’t, it was obvious what he would do.

“Fine. I understand well why you can’t return. The biggest reason is Layla… that young lady you often associated with, right?”

“……. Please stop.”

Raul gripped his cane with all his might, desperately suppressing his impulse.

“She certainly seems sufficient to captivate a man’s heart. Yes. I may not understand a man’s heart well, but I do understand that desire.”

“Please, no more…”

The moment she defined his heart as desire, Raul almost lashed out without realizing it.

“If you want, I can find women who look similar. As the family head, having a few mistresses wouldn’t be a big flaw.”

“…What did you just say?”

“I said I can find substitutes. Substitutes who look like that young lady, Layla.”

In that instant, Raul couldn’t hold back and was about to swing his cane.

But before Raul’s cane could land, Camilla, swift as lightning, stepped in front of Raul and slapped Latri across the face.

“…Leave right now. Before I kill you.”

Raul, too, froze upon seeing Camilla so enraged for the first time.

Latri, with a look of disbelief, touched her reddened cheek and stared at Camilla.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

“I just saved your life. Don’t get the wrong idea. I didn’t want to save you; I just didn’t want to burden the heart of the person I love with something disgusting.”

At this bombshell, even Kyle and Rizel, watching from afar, froze.

“Since I saved your life, it’s mine now. So leave.”

Camilla’s spear, charged with lightning, began to glow bluish-white.

“Before I tear that disgusting mouth of yours apart.”

“Camilla.”

Raul, thinking this was his matter, tried to step in front of Camilla.

“…No, don’t respond.”

“But this is…”

“She’s not worth it.”

Raul quietly agreed with Camilla’s words and coldly turned his back.

“My feelings are the same as Camilla’s.”

“Raul.”

“Please never come back. Without knowing each other’s feelings, well-being, or even life or death. That’s how I want to live from now on.”

Without giving her a single glance, Raul returned to the village.

For the first time, tasting her son’s adolescence, Latri could only stand dumbfounded, watching his retreating figure.