Chapter 72

“Camilla.”

…What is it? This indifferent voice.

“Camilla Argos.”

Yet, at the same time, it was a soothing voice that gave a sense of stability.

And it was also a voice I couldn’t help but love.

“Raul…?”

A face so beautiful it could make one think of a goddess. Long, unkempt black hair, an expression and voice devoid of ambition. Yet, at the same time, a fool warmer and deeper in affection than anyone else.

Raul Berze. The man I’ve had a long-standing crush on, the current address of my unspoken feelings.

“Forgetting the name of the man you love. That’s a bit disappointing.”

“The man I love…?”

“It seems you’ve even forgotten that we’re lovers. Did you drink too much last night?”

Was that so…? I couldn’t remember well. Trying to recall only brought a nagging headache.

But was that really important? What I always dreamed of was right in front of my eyes.

“Let’s get up. The sun is already high.”

“…I think I can get up if you hold my hand.”

“Even though I know you’re suffering from a hangover, let’s get up, beast.”

And then came a voice devoid of any courtesy.

“Older Brother…?”

“Well, this is rare. You actually called me ‘Older Brother’ correctly.”

“You’re not dead…?”

I was sure that guy’s head had fallen off…

“It seems you’ve taken more than just alcohol. As you can see, I’m perfectly fine.”

Older Brother’s neck was properly attached to his body. There was no trace of any wound or sword mark.

“That’s a relief… Really, a relief…”

No one died. What I dreamed of is in my arms. Yes, this must be reality. It’s the world where those who deserved to die lived, and those who worked hard died, that’s the strange one. That world was just a nightmare.

No matter what anyone says, this is reality. Yes. What I remember must be just a nightmare. A terrible nightmare that will someday disappear completely from my memory.

“Sigh… Getting drunk when your wedding is near. Your debauchery just makes me sigh.”

“What…?”

“You even forgot that the wedding is tomorrow? Your brain has really dropped to the level of a beast.”

Wedding… Wedding… Wedding…

“W-wedding…?”

Then Raul showed me the ring on his finger with a puzzled expression.

“Didn’t we exchange engagement rings like this?”

So, am I…?

“Hmm, uhh, uhhh…?”

So, am I now married to Raul?

“Camilla?”

“This is the best…”

—

How much time had passed? Through conversation, I could roughly understand what had happened.

After five years of dating, Raul and I were about to get married. And Older Brother was to officiate the wedding.

“……What’s wrong, Camilla?”

And even Penelope, walking on two legs perfectly fine. Everything was strange. Strangely ideal. Like a dream where everything was just happiness, with no rough edges. Only ideal things could be seen, with no bad points.

“Something’s off…”

“Where?”

I confided everything to Penelope. The sense of incongruity I felt, the discrepancy with what I vaguely remembered, and the nagging headache I was feeling… Everything.

Penelope is smart, so she must know something. She would surely give a clear answer.

“Is that really important?”

“What…?”

“Why not just think of it as a nightmare and move on? What’s important is now, right? What does that matter? It’s better to just let go of such trivial things.”

Was the Penelope I knew the type to say such things…? I don’t know. The more I tried to recall the past, the more a murky sense of stability and a throbbing headache paralyzed my thoughts.

“…I don’t know. What is this?”

I’m happy. That much is obvious. This murky sense of stability, my relationship with Raul, the fact that Older Brother is alive, the peaceful current situation—it was all too happy.

“Now, now, tomorrow’s bride, don’t do this here and go rest early.”

“……Maybe.”

Still, I didn’t want to let go of this happiness. Even if this happiness was inexplicable, I didn’t want to let it go. I didn’t want to give up this happiness I had gained.

Returning home, that damn father greeted me.

“Hey, you’re back, my daughter.”

“…Do you think you have the right to call me that?”

“That’s a bit disappointing to hear. There are fathers who love their daughters more than me… well, not many, damn it. Honestly, I admit I have nothing to say about that part.”

Because Older Brother and I resembled our mother, Father kept us at a distance. It wasn’t exactly abuse. Rather, he distanced himself out of fear of emotionally abusing us because we reminded him of Mother.

Still, I couldn’t acknowledge this man as my father.

“…Still, you’re not planning to walk down the aisle alone, are you?”

“I have no choice.”

“I’m sorry. Truly.”

“What…?”

“For neglecting you. I’m truly sorry.”

It was an apology I had wanted to hear.

That shameless trash would never utter such an apology. Startled by the apology Older Brother and I had long given up on, I dropped the spear I was holding.

“So, let me be a father from now on. I don’t want to be a bad grandfather.”

“…Are you serious?”

It was what I wanted to hear.

All I wanted were such simple things.

I wanted to hear Older Brother’s complaints, Father’s apology, Raul’s calm voice. That was all I wanted.

“…I’ll be watching. How you, as a father, will act.”

“This is continuously disappointing. I’m Heron Argos. The strongest warrior, Heron Argos. Can’t I even be the best dad?”

“Tell me what my favorite food is, you old geezer.”

“……Rabbit meat?”

“That’s some other family’s daughter, you old playboy.”

“Damn, was I wrong…?”

Actually, it was the correct answer. But I didn’t want to admit it.

Is it okay to be this happy? As I piled happiness upon happiness, I began to fear it might collapse.

It’s contradictory. Becoming happy made me anxious instead. It might sound like I’m bragging. It might sound unbearably arrogant. But please understand. I’ve never been this happy before.

With that pleasant anxiety, I lay down on the bed, and sleep came easily without relying on alcohol. I had to tightly hold onto the piled-up happiness, fearing it might collapse.

—

The next day.

For some reason, the complicated wedding process began to proceed smoothly. As if time had been fast-forwarded.

After putting on the wedding dress and makeup, I started to feel unusually excited. My chest swelled, and a pleasant anxiety about what would happen next filled me.

“You look beautiful, Camilla.”

“Why the roundabout way of saying it? I thought you’d say something like ‘You’re dressed unusually…’ to burst my bubble.”

“You’re so beautiful that I forgot to say that.”

Is it okay to be this happy? Because of this happiness, nothing else seemed to matter. The sense of incongruity, the discrepancy, the headache—all of it seemed unimportant.

“Let’s go.”

I grabbed Raul’s hand.

“…Was your hand always this cold?”

“I don’t know. I never really paid attention to whether my own hands were warm or not.”

Holding Raul’s hand, we entered the venue, and many people congratulated us.

But again, a small sense of incongruity wormed its way up like a snake through the dirt. I couldn’t see a certain annoying face. I couldn’t remember who it was.

But what does it matter in the face of this happiness?

Holding Raul’s hand, we moved forward, and Older Brother, smiling subtly, opened his mouth.

“Let us give thanks to the parents of both families and the goddess for making this holy occasion possible.”

After finishing a long speech, Older Brother asked us a question.

“Does the groom swear to love the bride forever?”

“Yes. At all times.”

“Does the bride swear to love and obey the groom forever?”

“I don’t know about obeying, but I can swear to love.”

“You ignorant beast… No. I misspoke. Let me ask again. As a hero who protected this glorious empire, does the groom swear to protect the bride with the same resolve as when he protected the nation?”

“Yes.”

…Something was off.

I couldn’t ignore this small sense of incongruity.

“……Officiant. No, Older Brother.”

“Bride. This is an important ceremony. Personal matters…”

“Isn’t it time for you to be on duty? Considering your usual schedule, today should be the day for inspecting post-war recovery work.”

“Such trivial matters are less important than this ceremony, so I canceled and came. Is there a problem, Bride?”

“Ah.”

It felt like my mind was clearing.

“That person wouldn’t do this.”

“Bride…?”

“Don’t open your mouth. Don’t insult that fool with that voice anymore.”

I summoned a spear and swung it, piercing Older Brother’s neck.

“…This is really disgusting. Hearing words that fool would never say, cutting off that fool’s head, this damn dream.”

“Camilla!”

This time, it was Father.

“What are you doing! What on earth are you doing!”

“Thinking about it, I should have felt the incongruity then. You would never apologize.”

“At this glorious empire’s wedding of the century, what are you…!”

This time, I swung the spear, separating Father’s upper and lower body.

“Those people are only saying things they would never say. Must be a lack of research.”

How pitiful.

No matter how much it was an illusion, it felt dirty.

“…Camilla.”

“Raul.”

I now knew this was an illusion.

But I couldn’t give up on Raul, who loved me. Even if this was an illusion.

“Let’s run away, Camilla.”

“Where to?”

“To a place where no one can catch us. A place where we can only think of and love each other.”

It was a sentence that sent shivers down my spine.

At the same time, it was also a line he would never say.

Knowing that, I mustered the courage to squeeze out a voice.

“Raul.”

To ask a question that was almost taboo and the most painful.

“What about Layla?”

Then Raul,

Raul, who would never answer like this, gave me this reply.

“I forgot. Holding onto a woman from the past is a waste of time.”

“Ah… I see.”

And with that exchange, my spear pierced Raul’s heart.

“Don’t defile anything anymore. My sorrow, my anger… and…”

As the false world shattered, I could open my eyes.

“The pain of my ugly love.”

I was jealous of Layla. I loved Raul, who loved Layla. I wanted to take him away.

So I was unhappy and in pain. It was sinful to covet Raul, who grieved over Layla’s loss.

That’s why it felt dirty. To arbitrarily justify my ugliness. To distort the surrounding characters to beautify my ugliness.

To dare defile Raul’s love to make my love pure. To selfishly try to make me happy. To try to take away my sorrow and pain.

I couldn’t forgive it.

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