Chapter 38

Camilla looked at me with an expression that seemed to say she was in a bad mood.

“What are you doing…?”

“As you can see, I’m trying to smile.”

“Can you stop? Raul smiling is as unsettling as Rizel being quick-witted.”

“…Is it that ugly?”

“You look like someone who ate a poisonous mushroom and now has serious facial muscle issues.”

I stopped forcing the smile and started seriously pondering. How can I smile?

“How can I smile?”

“Only clowns smile when they’re not happy.”

“Indeed. So I need to become happy.”

It was a difficult topic. It’s not that I’ve never been happy, but I’m clueless about how to become happy. I was just a baby bird being fed happiness by others.

“Maybe I should ask Master, who’s always smiling. Following his example might give me the answer.”

“That guy’s just drunk. Do you want to drink and crawl around on all fours fighting stray dogs like him?”

“…I’d rather not give up my human dignity.”

Thinking about it, I didn’t want to become like Master.

“I genuinely want to smile, but I can’t see a way. I guess it’s because I’ve lived a life far removed from laughter.”

Killing someone would be a hundred times easier. It’s just lifting the corners of your mouth and making a sound—why is it so hard?

Trying to force a smile in the muddied depths of my heart was just troublesome.

Moreover, I’m not exactly a skilled gardener.

“That’s why I came to you, Camilla.”

“What…?”

“You might be able to make me smile.”

“W-w-what are you saying all of a sudden…!”

I adjusted my cane and spoke.

“In life-and-death battles, people often burst into laughter. I think if I push myself hard enough, I might be able to smile too.”

Unlike the Demon King, who ended up wailing, most…

“Ah~.”

In an instant, a fist charged with electricity struck my solar plexus.

I could have dodged it, but I took it as a signal to fight and let it hit me.

I flew through the stone wall behind me, crashing into it about 10 meters away, but that was it.

“…I made sure not to cause any internal injuries, so don’t worry.”

“Thanks for the consideration.”

“No need. I’m about to cut you down now.”

“That would be a bit troublesome.”

Camilla loved fighting, so I thought she’d be pleased, but that seemed to be a miscalculation.

“Um… Count Raul…?”

As I was preparing for the spar, someone approached me.

“You are…?”

“I’m Neil. Neil Pihen. The one who was rude to you before, sir.”

That spiky hair and the distinctive hooked nose… It was definitely him. Though he had lost so much weight that I almost didn’t recognize him.

“You’ve lost a lot of weight.”

“Working under Lady Camilla has been… tough.”

“……. That’s not something you should do while sober.”

Having served her before after losing a bet, I knew what he meant.

She had no concept of living skills. And her room, devoid of any sense of organization, was always a mess.

Her own brother once cursed her, saying, “Even beasts clean their nests. You’re worse than a beast.”

“Haha…”

“By the way, you’re not going to bother Cecilia anymore, are you?”

“Do you think I have time for that when I’m barely surviving? I’m too busy trying to stay alive to think about women…”

“That’s commendable.”

“It’s not commendable; it’s more like I’m on the brink of death…”

“Consider it punishment. She stopped me from taking measures against you, so you should be grateful.”

He looked at me with a mix of curiosity and fear.

“What kind of measures were you going to take…?”

“I was going to call a friend in the Imperial Military Police. He’s currently a colonel there…”

“Thank you for sparing me!!!!!”

His loud shout almost burst my eardrums.

“I’ll reflect on my actions and live as a new person…!!!”

It’s true that the Imperial Military Police are known for torturing corrupt officers, but there was no need to be that scared.

At worst, they’d burn your feet alive, dip your hands in boiling oil, or make you swallow a few live mice.

“Still, preparing her meals must be quite a task.”

“Yes…”

“She’s as picky as she is demanding. Despite her own cooking skills being so bad even a beast would refuse it.”

Just then, a spear charged with electricity narrowly grazed my nose. Close enough to singe the tip of my nose hairs.

“Listening to you, it sounds like I’m being treated like a sack of potatoes.”

Camilla retrieved her spear with a chilling smile.

“I only spoke the truth. Your cooking once knocked out a wild beast with just the smell.”

“Raul… people… don’t always have to blurt out the truth… sometimes they should just shut up…!”

Camilla kicked off the ground and flew at me, kicking my solar plexus again.

Thanks to that, the fortress wall the soldiers had just repaired was destroyed, and I was sent flying into the distant forest.

“Learn some tact, please.”

“…Your brute strength is starting to resemble Master’s.”

“……. Don’t compare me to that strong beast.”

Being a parent doesn’t seem easy. Seeing how much she’s hated, it’s clear. Though she probably doesn’t care.

If what Mother showed me was hatred, what Master showed his children was neglect. Camilla didn’t even have her first conversation with Master until she was eight.

Though our personalities differ, Camilla and I grew up in similar environments. I had Father and Rizel, but Camilla didn’t even have that.

“I misspoke.”

“Anyway, I’m still surprised. What made you suddenly decide to try smiling? You’ve been living with a scowl for years.”

“I want to keep a promise, even if it’s late. That’s all.”

“I don’t really get it, but…”

Camilla suddenly approached me and patted my head. Her touch was like a giant gently stroking a small chick.

“Good boy. Should I give you some milk?”

“First, I’m a year older than you. Second, I have no interest in seeing a woman’s breasts unless she’s my lover. Third, you haven’t given birth, so…”

“That’s enough. You always take jokes too seriously.”

“I recommend not making jokes that could be sexually offensive. I can handle it, but others might not…”

“I won’t.”

Camilla’s face was slightly red.

“I only make those jokes with you, you dense idiot.”

“…So you’re saying.”

“Yes.”

“You think of me that closely? I’m glad. That you feel close enough to make such jokes without hesitation…”

“Stop deflecting. You know exactly what I’m saying.”

I was caught.

If even Camilla noticed, I must have been really bad at lying this time.

She knew. That she liked me. That she wanted my body, heart, and seed. There was no way she didn’t know.

I’m not oblivious. But I deceived myself and looked away.

The result was bound to be tragic. I never looked at trees I couldn’t climb. That’s why I always cut them down and buried them—that’s the kind of person I am.

“…I have less than a year to live, Camilla. That’s why I want to break off the engagement.”

“Even if you were healthy, what would change? You wouldn’t touch that brat even if you were married, saying you respect her.”

“Jumping to conclusions based on hypotheticals is quite foolish.”

“Tell me. Do you think you could have a child with that brat? Did you even plan to marry her?”

Her words were as sharp as her spear.

I could deflect a spear, but not those words.

They pierced my heart and struck a nerve.

“How would you feel if something you wanted was thrown in the trash and used carelessly?”

“…… Not good, I suppose.”

“Exactly! And that brat…!”

Camilla seemed to hate my fiancée.

“Don’t hate her too much.”

“Why not? If you die, I’ll chop her limbs off.”

“…Camilla.”

When I lowered my voice, she started to calm down.

This was one of Camilla’s strengths—she was quick to understand in such moments.

“I always said I wanted to breathe.”

It was a thought I often had while at the mansion.

Even though my respiratory system worked fine, I still felt that way.

I didn’t even know what “wanting to breathe” meant, but I vaguely wished for it. The expression just naturally came to mind to describe my feelings.

“Now I think I understand a little what that expression means. Even if it’s just for the time I have left, I want to be happy, even just a little.”

“…It’s not too much.”

“If I can become happy and smile, if I can love, then I think…”

I looked into Camilla’s eyes and said.

“I could love a woman without hesitation.”

“…You’re cruel.”

“And that would be the most efficient way.”

But Camilla teased me with a laugh.

“But you’re so grim by nature that if you smile, people might get scared. Especially kids—they’d probably run away in fear.”

“There’s no guarantee of that.”

“If you want, we can make a bet. If you can smile properly later and the kids aren’t scared, you win. If they cry and run away, I win.”

And so, another pointless bet was added to our history.

“Meaningless.”

“Scared?”

“Not really. What do you plan to do if I win?”

“If you win, I’ll tie my hair in pigtails like a little girl and call you ‘oppa’ all day. How about that?”

“Interesting. If you win, I’ll be your slave for a day. A slave who can do anything you ask.”

And so, the bet that would lead to our mutual destruction began.

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