Chapter 17

The rumor that I had inappropriate behavior with Cecilia by the riverside spread like wildfire.

Annoyed to no end by the rumor, Cecilia eventually pounded on the Lord’s Mansion door so hard that, considering the door’s strength and Cecilia’s physical power, I had no choice but to open it.

“Lord, may I have a word with you?”

“Come in. And fix the dented door yourself.”

“…Excuse me.”

As Cecilia stepped inside the mansion, she looked around and seemed slightly surprised by the noticeably cleaner interior.

“I didn’t notice when I came to get medicine, but it’s visibly cleaner now.”

“My maid worked quite hard. Of course, she also cursed me with words I’d never heard before.”

“…I have no words for that part.”

“I wasn’t expecting an apology, though.”

I seated her by the dining table and resumed cooking the unfinished meal.

“I was about to have lunch. Have you eaten yet?”

“I’ve been too busy to eat anything today.”

“Then you’ll join me. It’s just a little more effort.”

“You’re cooking yourself…? What about the maid or the coachman…?”

“They went grocery shopping. If they’re not here, it makes sense for me to cook, doesn’t it?”

“That’s unexpected. I thought nobles disliked such things.”

I didn’t particularly enjoy cooking, but I had basic knowledge.

In the past, I often hunted with friends behind our master’s back and cooked the game myself.

“…Thinking about it now, I miss those times.”

“Huh?”

“It was just a mutter. Don’t mind it.”

Yes. It was just a meaningless wish, like a mutter with no purpose.

I knew better than anyone that time couldn’t be turned back, so I could confidently say that.

I prayed to God thousands, no, tens of thousands of times, but He never wound my clock back. That’s why I defined that wish as meaningless.

“It’s done. Eat before it gets cold.”

What I made was quail sauté, a plain omelet, and a simple salad.

Honestly, it was a simple dish even my maid could make, and the taste was just average, but I didn’t feel the need to put in more effort.

“Then I’ll gratefully accept.”

“That’s an excessive thanks for just a meal.”

I cut a piece of quail and ate it, but it was bland.

It was still bland. I seasoned it as usual, but it was bland, so my brow furrowed slightly.

“…It’s delicious.”

“Is that so? It’s nice to hear that.”

“The slightly salty taste is quite excellent.”

Cecilia must have a preference for bland food. Otherwise, she wouldn’t find this bland dish salty.

While she ate it with relish, I forced myself to wash down the bland food with water.

I must have followed the recipe from back then, but I could no longer taste the nostalgia of those times.

That fact almost made me a little sad, but I skillfully killed that sadness too.

“By the way, what did you want to talk about?”

“…Do you know about the rumors circulating in the village lately?”

The coachman had come to me to ask about the truth of some rumors, so I knew the details well.

“The rumor about you and me having se…”

“There’s no need to say more.”

“Anyway, the rumor is spreading.”

I took a few gold coins from my pocket and handed them to her.

“What’s this money for…?”

“It’s a token of apology. You must have felt bad being associated with such a rumor with a terrible person like me. Also, for the damage to your reputation…”

“…You once asked if you could define yourself as a person. Yes, you are undoubtedly a person. But!”

She stood up abruptly and slammed the table so hard it made a loud bang.

Then she approached me, glaring with fiery eyes, staring into my hollow ones.

“Why on earth do you have so little self-esteem! I can’t sense any self-respect at all! Your attitude of not caring whether you live or die is extremely uncomfortable!”

“Let me ask, is this a protest against me?”

“Yes, it is! How can the village’s representative have so little self-esteem! I see no self-love, no self-respect, no will to live! You must know that such an attitude isn’t good!”

I couldn’t understand her words.

So, it took me some time to analyze and accept them.

And that time naturally led to silence, and I broke the 30-second silence I had created.

“I wonder why you’re blaming me.”

“Huh…?”

“Those who lose their eyes and can’t see, those who lose their hands and can’t hold weapons, those who lose their legs and can’t walk properly. No one blames their bodies for being weak.”

Cecilia seemed to have guessed what I was about to say and flinched slightly.

“But the lack of heart is blamed for its weakness. I truly can’t understand that.”

The eyes of my heart have gone blind. That’s why everything feels pale now.

The hands of my heart have been cut off. That’s why I can’t embrace anything now.

The legs of my heart no longer exist. That’s why I can’t easily approach anyone now.

“The body and heart aren’t that different. Why does everyone think the heart’s wounds heal so easily?”

“I’m sorry. I overstepped again. I keep spouting nonsense without knowing anything…”

Why am I doing this? Cecilia hasn’t done anything wrong to me.

Why am I pushing her like this, as if scolding her?

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to blame you.”

While she hesitated, I tried to recall the reason I unknowingly scolded her.

But no clear reason came to mind. It was as if I subconsciously didn’t want to recall it.

“Just that I hope you can clarify your likes and dislikes a bit more. An ambiguous attitude might cause problems when handling tasks later.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Since we’re on the topic, may I ask if there’s anything you like?”

“Nothing comes to mind right now.”

My friends’ faces came to mind, but they weren’t something I liked—they were like my spine.

They were the ones who kept me standing straight, became a part of me, and kept me centered.

“Then I guess there’s nothing you dislike.”

“…I do have dislikes. In fact, that might be quite clear.”

“Huh?”

I slightly disliked my master, in a human way.

I detested people who only talked nicely but didn’t practice it themselves and forced it on others.

I also hated those who encouraged courage while taking advantage behind the scenes.

But more than anything.

“I hate dragons and giants more than anything.”

Seeing my eyes, Cecilia started to step back slowly.

“If God asked me what I wanted to be reincarnated as in my next life.”

No matter how much I killed my emotions, I couldn’t kill the feelings I had towards them. No, I didn’t kill them. Those feelings must never be killed.

“I would say without hesitation to let me be born as a germ that could annihilate all giants and dragons in this world. A germ that would make them suffer in agony for as long as possible.”

She looked somewhat troubled.

“I’m sorry. I got carried away with personal talk. Anyway, don’t worry too much about the rumor. I’ll handle it.”

“…Yes. I’ll also try to clear up the misunderstanding.”

Lately, I’ve been failing to kill my emotions more often.

Emotions that I could easily kill when I was at the main house are becoming more stubborn.

“Then I’ll take my leave now.”

“I’ll see you out.”

I escorted her to the main gate, and she politely accepted my gesture.

The only problem was that my maid hadn’t cleared the front gate.

Because of that, Cecilia tripped on a protruding stone, and I tried to catch her to prevent her from getting hurt, but we both ended up falling.

“Are you okay? It’s my carelessness…”

“I’m fine, but…”

The problem was that the eyes of the people standing outside the gate turned towards us.

In trying to catch her head and waist, I ended up in a compromising position, and people only saw the result, not the situation.

She quickly pushed me away and stood up, but she couldn’t shake off the misunderstanding-filled gazes around her.

“I know what you’re all imagining, but it’s a misunderstanding!”

But the gazes directed at her didn’t change at all.

If anything, her frantic explanation only fueled the misunderstanding.

And since my explanation wouldn’t be much different, I decided to sit quietly and maintain my silence.

“Lord, say something! Everyone’s misunderstanding!”

“…There’s no need to explain, is there?”

Forced explanations would only deepen the misunderstanding.

“Your words are only making the misunderstanding worse!”

Her face turned red as she scolded me, but I couldn’t guess the cause of her anger.

A misunderstanding had arisen, but it was already done. Moreover, getting angry wouldn’t change anything.

“But I can’t exactly tell them what happened inside.”

I couldn’t possibly tell people about the embarrassing words I blurted out without killing my emotions.

“Why do you keep fueling the misunderstanding…!”

Meanwhile, the old man who had given me bread earlier approached and asked Cecilia.

“So… you said you’d solve the rumor… was your method to turn it into truth…?”

“No, it’s not!”

Cecilia started explaining pointlessly to the people, but no one seemed to be listening.

And the gazes of those who weren’t listening turned towards me.

“Hmm…”

But I’m not good with words, and even if I explained well, the result wouldn’t be much different from Cecilia’s.

So, to avoid further misunderstanding, I quietly opened the door and returned to the mansion.

That night, the Empress and Emperor sighed deeply upon hearing my story.

Even though they were in the middle of a conversation via a magical tool, they silently took out a bottle of strong liquor and started drinking.

“I consider not entrusting you with diplomacy as one of my life’s greatest achievements.”

“Raul… go apologize to that woman tomorrow.”

“…I don’t understand the meaning, but I’ll do so.”

Then, after finishing the bottle, the Empress asked me a question.

“By the way, Raul. You said it’s become a bit harder to kill your emotions lately?”

“…Yes. It’s not that I can’t kill them. It’s just that the speed at which I kill them has slowed down a bit.”

“That’s desirable.”

The Empress found my dilemma desirable.

“But why do you keep shutting your mouth when an explanation is needed?”

“…That is.”

I hesitated a bit.

Killing emotions has become a bit clumsier.

“My fiancée said my words bothered her. She said it would be better if I became mute. She’s a wise woman, so I thought it would be wise to follow her advice.”

She asked me to keep my mouth shut unless necessary because my words only irritated her.

And since I’m not good with words, I thought it would be better to remain silent rather than irritate others.

So, I stayed silent. I didn’t want to irritate them with my words.

“Sigh…”

Then, with a clinking sound, the Empress shattered a glass bottle and created a weapon that could be called a deadly weapon.

“Is there a plague turning people into glass-shoving, punch-throwing bitches…?”

“Empress…?”

“Her Majesty the Empress…?”

Our night was thus painted with silence.

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