Chapter 3

After barely stopping the fight with threats and force from others, I crouched down again, trying to retreat into my own little darkness.

“Today, you’re one of the main figures of the banquet. What do you think you’re doing here like this?”

The woman with sky-blue hair comforting me was a young lady from a ducal family and one of the heroes who slaughtered countless demon armies on the battlefield.

“Lady Camilla Argos. Although you are a monster who piles mountains of corpses with a spear, please restrain yourself. Biologically, you are still a woman, so you should understand the Count’s situation. The Count is currently menstruating…”

The one making such a nonsensical joke was the Emperor of this Empire, a hero who beheaded renowned demon swordsmen on the battlefield.

“Your Majesty, that remark is seriously inappropriate. Please watch your words.”

Beside him, the woman pulling the Emperor’s ear was the Empress, a magician who, despite her physical limitations, defeated countless enemies with her schemes.

“…Even without someone like me, the event wouldn’t be affected. In fact, it might even brighten up.”

And then there was me, lumped together with these heroes. Just grouped together, but in reality, my status was incomparable.

Someone like me should stay locked in a small darkness for everyone’s sake.

“Stop acting like a tragic heroine and come out.”

Camilla tried to pull my arm, but I was confident in resisting.

“Your fiancée would surely be captivated seeing you give a commemorative speech. Just let it all out today.”

“Captivated? More like she’d grab a whip.”

She, like everyone else, disliked me. Or rather, it had come to that. And I had no intention of judging the right or wrong of that sentiment.

Personal feelings should be entirely free, and no one has the right to dictate their form to others. So, I didn’t want to change the direction of her feelings with unnecessary talk.

And the reason she hated me stemmed from a simple fact. As a sinner, I had no right to speak.

“Then why not just break off the engagement? I could arrange a seat for you with my noble younger sister.”

“You lunatic, your sister is only 14!”

“…A scandal involving a 14-year-old girl isn’t exactly appealing. It would just be another drop in the lake of my infamy.”

“Your Majesty, please choose your joking targets more carefully.”

What meaning could such nonsensical jokes have? Discussing plans for something that would never happen is as light as it gets.

“There’s one thing I’m curious about.”

“Oh, have you taken an interest in my sister? She’s a bit temperamental, but she’ll grow into a beauty…”

“What is the meaning of marriage? Is it a ritual worth all the effort? Just living in the same space, changing surnames, and reproducing.”

I couldn’t understand the meaning of marriage, having children, or any related actions.

“Did this guy live in a mountain or something…”

“Given the state of his family, the mountain might be better, young lady. Environment greatly influences human thought.”

Of course, my so-called friends didn’t give proper answers.

“Raul. Your thoughts haven’t influenced the request you made, have they?”

“…I don’t know.”

“I want to advise you to be more cautious. Emotional decisions in life-altering moments always lead to regret.”

“Perhaps. But can decisions made without emotion avoid regret? Humans are creatures of regret.”

“Idiot. If someone worries for you, at least accept it.”

The Empress seemed quite worried about me.

“Such concern from the Empress. I’ve never received it before, so I’m almost jealous.”

“Would you like to die?”

“No, it’s not worth paying for. Please keep it to yourself.”

“Likewise, it’s not worth keeping. I’ll discard it too.”

…That was close. If His Majesty and I hadn’t ducked, we would have been bisected by the Empress.

“Today, there are many who attempt regicide. The problem is their outstanding abilities.”

“Regicide aside, I’m a bit sore about my coat’s hem being cut.”

“…Count. Are you saying that coat’s hem is more important than the Emperor’s life?”

“It’s a new coat I just got. If it were old, it might have been an equal issue.”

“An amusing joke, but a valid point.”

This was the relationship between them and me.

Exchanging attacks that could kill each other, I spoke seriously, yet they took it as jokes, and yet, none of it felt particularly special.

I couldn’t define the emotions I felt in this encounter, but I guessed they were on the positive side.

With them, I could lay bare everything I wanted to share. Emotions, plans, everything except what I couldn’t tell anyone. Because such things didn’t significantly affect my relationship with them.

“…Seeing as you’re still here, it seems you won’t leave until I leave this room.”

“Insensitive to human relationships, yet quick to notice this. Impressive.”

“I just dislike troublesome things. Human relationships or otherwise.”

“That’s a pity. It’ll only get more troublesome if you don’t leave.”

“Are you planning to punish me?”

“Sadly, I’m not that cruel. Just a hunt with me would suffice…”

I quickly adjusted my attire and grabbed the doorknob.

“Let’s go.”

“Such a colorfully disloyal brat.”

Going hunting with His Majesty would either lead to me killing myself or killing him. This is no joke but a certainty. And I didn’t want to do either.

And that sentiment led me to turn the knob and open the door.

“So, are you planning to tell people today?”

“That would be more efficient.”

“You really don’t consider the mood, do you?”

“Unpleasant stories don’t need a mood.”

Camilla chuckled as if such trivial talk was amusing.

“We should get going. A banquet like today would feel empty without us.”

“Actually, people prefer parties without their superiors, Your Majesty.”

“Hey, I’m warning you, keep the speeches short. If you fill another hour with speeches, I’ll skewer your tongue.”

“…Sometimes, an imperial banquet without the Emperor doesn’t sound bad.”

“Such colorfully disrespectful brats.”

After such meaningless conversations, we passed through the corridor and ascended the stairs, where the party hall came into view beyond the railing.

“Today’s banquet’s main event! His Majesty the Emperor’s address!”

“…”

Including me, three who knew His Majesty well decided to momentarily turn off our consciousness.

Essentially, there was no significant meaning to the flattery and rhetoric, and we didn’t have the energy to focus on such things.

“…Thus, the reason this Empire could withstand the demon alliance’s onslaught is entirely thanks to all of you here! I also hope for your great assistance in recovering from the war’s scars and reclaiming the golden age!”

Thunderous applause erupted, reigniting the consciousness we had momentarily turned off.

“And now, I wish to pass this stage to my friend and a war hero, the Count.”

His Majesty descended from the podium and yielded the stage to me.

“Speak boldly to those fools. As always, we’ll handle the aftermath.”

“…Yes.”

I stepped onto the podium and observed the countless eyes looking up at me.

Absurdity, disgust, contempt, betrayal… and someone’s endless hatred. Though overly familiar, these feelings would soon disappear. Not that I would miss them.

“I am Raul Berze, head of the Berze family, standing here recognized for minor merits in the war.”

Many might not know the meaning behind my name, but none would be unaware of the epithets that follow it.

Defeated general, incompetent commander, the demon who killed heroes, murderer, slaughterer… All sorts of bad epithets were mine, and they all stemmed from simple facts.

Even if there were excuses for them, no one would listen. And knowing that, I didn’t want to waste time on meaningless justifications.

“From today, I will pass the family headship to my sister and quietly retire to the countryside.”

Originally, shocking declarations bring silence instead of cheers.

“…That is all.”

I wasn’t the type to plead with lengthy explanations for circumstances no one would listen to. Nor was I talkative enough to speak of things no one asked.

I believe no one is at fault for this situation. If I had to pinpoint a cause, it would simply be that I am the kind of person I am.

“And thank you.”

All eyes turned to me, unified in absurdity. But to me, such things held no meaning.

Everything was too familiar, and because of that familiarity, I couldn’t breathe.

I just wanted to breathe. Even someone like me should have that right.