Chapter 100
Alter’s rehabilitation had somehow extended to about thirty minutes. I lost count of how many times he got up today. Even as his knees hit the floor and his shoulders slammed into the wall, Alter kept rising.
“That’s enough for today.”
Alter, once he starts something, never knows how to stop, so Lir and I had to repeatedly persuade him before we could finally send him back to his room.
After laying Alter down on his bed, Lir and I returned to the room.
“You might be catching a cold from me.”
I said as I wiped clear mucus from my nose with a tissue. Taking care of others when I wasn’t in top form myself was quite exhausting.
“The Master is, mostly, doing alright.”
Lir said as she looked at the closed door. It seemed that she couldn’t quite grasp that her mentor had become this weak.
“He’ll be alright. He always has been.”
I couldn’t tell if what I was saying was more of a prayer or speculation.
“…Take your temperature. You were already sick and stayed out for too long.”
After taking a deep breath, Lir approached me with the thermometer on the desk.
It was one that you bite down on, and when it touched my tongue, it left a faint metallic taste that I didn’t much care for.
I’d never tasted mercury before, but this coppery, cold taste had to be it.
“37.5. It should return to normal by tomorrow.”
Lir held up the oral thermometer and said that. I still don’t exactly understand how it works.
“It’s lasted a bit too long for a simple cold. Is it the fifth day today?”
I said, placing the cardigan off my shoulder as I stepped out into the corridor. It was hard work taking off clothes with my right hand not functioning properly.
“…”
Lir watched me struggle to remove the cardigan without saying anything.
“Er… why?”
“Your hand.”
Lir pointed briefly at my right hand.
“Huh?”
“Your right hand, when will it get better? A few days ago, you said it was just a sprain, right?”
“Er… It’s taking a bit longer. Given how abnormal my body is…”
“Shouldn’t you see a doctor or a cleric? It’s taking too long to heal.”
“No, it’s not that bad. Everyone’s busy; I don’t want to bother them with just a sprained wrist.”
“…Are you sure?”
Lir asked in a frosty tone.
I could have brushed her off, saying everything was fine, which would have been the safest option.
However, I didn’t lie.
I don’t know why.
It was just… because I was tired.
“How did this happen?”
“…”
I sighed deeply, having to finally lower my head.
If I’d simply kept up the bravado, that would’ve been the right answer.
Lir has suffered enough.
Her Mentor, Alter, was in such a state that he could hardly walk, as if he were her father.
I didn’t want to add to her worries.
But it was too late to just brush it off, so I shrugged lightly and began anew,
“It’s no big dea…”
“How did this happen!”
Lir repeated sternly, emphasizing her question with her cold and hard demeanor.
Maybe she’d known from the start that I was just faking toughness. After all, Lir is an elf with sharp eyes—her keen perception could see through my clumsy front. But she refrained from saying anything… it must have been because she was considerate.
It was pointless to keep hiding. It’s better to confess now.
“I messed with bio-electricity. Remember the topic we discussed before?”
I disclosed the truth.
It didn’t make my heart lighter, as confessing should. If anything, it weighed heavier.
The truth, as always, is heavier than falsehood. It burdens both the listener and the speaker.
“I—”
“I know, it was a crazy thing to do. An extremely risky job that could’ve easily triggered some errors. But since it only resulted in the nerves in one wrist burning out, I consider it lucky. Facing a Grand Marshal requires that kind of risk…”
I hastily cut her off and delivered an avalanche of excuses.
But interrupting wasn’t solely my privilege.
“You actually went through with it?! Are you insane? It was supposed to be far too dangerous! We agreed to leave it as a mere idea…”
Lir shouted, her voice cutting through my pathetic excuses as if they were paper-thin.
Watching her bright red cheeks and trembling hands, I felt as if I had committed an unpardonable crime.
“…”
Lir stopped raising her voice mid-sentence and bit her teeth hard, clamping her mouth shut. She looked as if she couldn’t bear her own incompetence and wanted to die.
“…It had to be done?”
With those words, she lowered her head. Her long golden hair draped like a curtain, concealing her face. Her voice was tiny, inconsequential, as if she was a young girl again who had a hard time making friends.
“Yes, it’s the Grand Marshal.”
I answered calmly. This was neither braggadocio nor excuse; it was the reality.
She carefully approached me and touched my right hand.
I felt absolutely nothing. It was as if my right hand didn’t exist at all.
From the elbow downwards, I had lost all sensation in the forearm.
No matter how hard I tried to move it, the muscles wouldn’t respond to brain commands. The nerve circuits had been scorched.
Naturally, this damage was caused by Maltiel.
In the battle against that monster, at the last moment, I stretched out my right hand and discharged a massive surge of current into Maltiel’s chest.
At that instant, the bio-electric currents carrying contradictory commands—”contract the muscles” and “extend the hand towards the chest”—collided at the fingertips.
The overlap in commands, which could never happen in an organism with just one brain, inflicted an unprecedented type of shock onto the nerve cells and muscles.
As a result, my right arm was ruined.
“…What about the Holy Maiden? Can’t she fix it?”
“The prayers of the clerics accelerate ‘natural healing.’ But they can’t regenerate severed limbs or repair damaged nerves, so… there’s nothing to be done.”
“…”
“Why are we talking about this? It’s just a hand, after all. So many people live without hands. Besides, I’m a mage, right? I can handle most things with magic…”
I repeated the words that I had already spoken to myself several times after gathering my wits back.
“…With magic, it can be resolved, so, you see.”
I managed to smile on my face, but it probably appeared awkward to Lir.
“I…”
She started but seemed to choke, swallowed, and then took a deep breath.
“I haven’t done anything. While Rex, Master, and Bin fought for their lives on the battlefield, I collapsed in the rear and lay there like an idiot…”
When she burrowed into the tunnel like that, I didn’t know how to stop her.
What words should I use?
“Lir’s lightning was amazing, the battle was much smoother thanks to that, so don’t feel too bad.”
No, that’s too cliché.
“Lir used up all her magic and couldn’t do anything else. Don’t worry about it.”
That sounds like an empty reassurance, it wouldn’t console her.
“Get stronger if you’re upset.”
That’s the worst one. That’s just a joke I toss out during magic practice.
“…Do you have some time tomorrow?”
Just, I don’t know…
“Let’s grab coffee in the evening.”
Let’s escape from everything for now.
*
The city was bustling in a way that the word ‘festival’ couldn’t quite encompass.
People walking the streets all seemed to have a blush akin to having had a drink, joyfully singing. Street performances by minstrels and musicians took place one after another. A few taverns handed out free drinks to the passersby. And among it all, the nobles would occasionally ascend to the square to praise the historical victory and their soldiers.
There were historical newspapers everywhere, announcing the unprecedented achievements of the Sword Saint who had personally dealt with three Grand Marshals. On the next page of the paper were pictures and descriptions of Rex and me who had dealt with the Grand Marshal Maltiel. Some fools had dyed their hair pure white trying to resemble the portrait described in the paper, a sight that made me snort involuntarily.
I… I’m sorry, but all this felt repulsive to me.
I just wanted to escape the noisy square and find a quiet café. It seemed Lir felt the same.
Had I known, I should have arranged to be dropped off at the outskirts from the get-go.
I wanted to forget bad memories and thoughts for even a while by enjoying the festival, but that plan failed unexpectedly.
After walking quite a while, we ended up in a small café located where the city meets the farmland. The lighting consisted of tiny lanterns only, and the chairs and tables were old and cracked, but it was the best option for tonight.
“…”
The owner, who had turned their back on the entrance, turned their head to greet us. He seemed to have some interest in the trade but had a lackluster expression.
“Are you open for business?”
“…If I wasn’t going to serve, why would I open the door?”
An extremely discourteous, rough voice.
I thought about leaving immediately after opening the door, but thought better of it considering how rare it was to find a decently cozy spot. I chose an appropriate table and sat down with Lir.
“Let’s have espressos.”
The menu was decided by the owner himself.
This absurd situation made me adjust my voice carefully and call out to the owner, who was heading back to the kitchen.
“I can’t drink coffee.”
“Then why come to a café?”
“Is there any kind of tea?”
“Tea? Hell, both of you will have espressos.”
“…What’s the problem?”
I asked sharply, continuing to probe the owner who was treating us so poorly. I was already in a bad mood—why were these kinds of situations piling up?
“…Problem?”
The owner, heading to the kitchen, glared at me as if my tone offended him. He fixed his gaze on my hair and burst into a bitter laugh before slowly approaching me.
“The problem is those clueless buffoons shouting like maniacs over a festival in the square. That’s the problem.”
The wrinkles on the man’s face under the lantern light were abundant. His hands were covered in burn marks and calluses, his hair filled with gray. He had a devilish look to him with deep-set dark circles, bloodshot eyes, cracked nails, and gaunt, bony extremities.
“Judging by that hair, you’re one of them, too, aren’t you? Why don’t you just leave my shop and join the party in the city? You can probably get some free beer and coffee.”
“Seems like you’ve many complaints. The victory that changed history was just a week ago, wasn’t it? Why not just enjoy the…”
“Funeral hasn’t even been held yet!”
Bang!
A bony hand slammed down on the table.
Lir, startled by the sudden impact, ducked her head into her shoulders, and I glared at the old man.
“Haven’t been held yet. Tens of thousands have died, and here they are celebrating, sharing drinks. Shove it, I haven’t even found the body of my son!”
The rough breathing from the old man was felt colliding against the table, spreading throughout the small café. The broken window frames allowed cold autumn wind to seep in.
“…Since you can’t drink coffee, you’ll have milk. One espresso, one milk.”
A while later, the man calmed down his anger and quietly turned back to the kitchen.
“…”
Lir leaned her head on the table, biting her lower lip. She gently placed her hand on my lifeless right hand, lowering her head and staying quiet.
I wanted to run away from the bad memories. But they wouldn’t let go.
No, maybe I wasn’t letting go of them.
If I truly wanted to escape the horrible memories just for a little bit, perhaps I shouldn’t have left the square.
“Maybe this wound is something I’ll never erase my whole life.”
“…”
Lir didn’t respond and kept staring into my eyes.
“There’s nothing we can do. Just wait to get used to it.”
She softly embraced my hand that had lost all sensation.
Looking at my arm, devoid of any feeling, made me even more frustrated, to the point I couldn’t stand it.
“I wish I could cry my heart out, at least that much, but even that isn’t under control.”
Composure.
Damn composure is the problem.
I just want to cry my eyes out, scream, and explode in anger like a lunatic.
I want to lose myself, but unfortunately, it’s not something I can do freely.
Realizing I couldn’t go insane made me understand for the first time how painful that could be.
I covered my eyes with my left hand and bit my lips.
The sound of coffee and milk being poured into cups from the kitchen could be heard.
“…Leaving Alter all alone like this isn’t right, what if he ends up never able to walk…”
Meaningless regret flooded in like a tide. My lips were dry, and a chill ran through my body.
Those trembling old hands and legs flashed before my eyes, and I felt my breath catch in my throat.
“But I said it already… Master is generally doing alright.”
Lir’s calm statement irritated me. Frankly, I didn’t know why I was annoyed.
“…Damn pathetic.”
Finally, the sharp emotions I felt towards her looped back onto myself.
My fingertips on the left hand trembled faintly. I let out a long sigh.
The sigh itself shivered.
…I don’t even know what I want to do anymore.
“I’ll get stronger.”
At that moment,
Lir’s completely random declaration reached my ears.
Lowering my hand, I looked at her.
Her large pupils reflected the faint moonlight coming through the dusty windows, and they gleamed softly.
“I’ll get much stronger than Master Bin.”
I didn’t quite understand what she was saying.
“After getting stronger like that, I’ll take everything Master Bin has, all the expectations, the fame… I’ll take them all.”
“Take them if you want. Expectations and fame… I never wanted those since the beginning.”
Without realizing it, I replied with a sharp tone.
Damn, why am I in such a state of pathetic annoyance?
“So… exactly.”
However, Lir stood her ground and looked directly at me without being intimidated by my sharp tone.
Which was strange. Normally, she would pull her hat down over her eyes to avoid looking at me in such situations.
“The pain Master Bin is experiencing now… is the kind only those who refused to back down until the end can experience. The pain of those brave souls who gave up everything for victory.”
She said this faintly, almost as if making a vow, with a trace of sympathy.
“I’ll go mad with power and take even that pain away.”
And it was only then that I could finally admit that I was scared.
“…Ha. Damn.”
It’s naturally a terrifying prospect to never be able to use an arm again.
Gridia said Rex would wake up in ten days, but I worried silently every moment in case he wouldn’t.
Lir firmly believed Alter would overcome this, but I assumed he’d never walk again and worried about his frustration.
This war was terrible. Too many people died right before my eyes.
“…Damn it.”
The lingering images of war still lingered in my eyes.
And yet, thanks to the aid of ‘composure,’ I could fall asleep deeply each night with no problems… which was actually kind of frightening.
But still, as she said, all of this was the pain and worry of surviving after having protected everything through the end.
Moreover, the war isn’t over yet.
“…Thank you.”
Finally, I felt a bit of relief.
Yeah, at least, we’re still alive, so that’s good enough for now.
