Chapter 55

“Since you asked me one, can I ask you one too?”

“As long as it’s not something weird, it’s fine.”

Akari responded as if it was okay.

As long as it’s not a weird question… I don’t know what the standard for that is.

Her expression was the same as the last time I saw Akari, but the despair spreading around was so thick that I couldn’t easily bring myself to speak.

If I were to upset her, I couldn’t guarantee my life.

“Are you a monster?”

“…”

Akari remained silent at my cautious question.

I was nervous, thinking maybe it was a question I shouldn’t have asked, but Akari tilted her head.

As if asking why I would ask something so obvious.

“Don’t I look like a monster at first glance?”

“No, at least you look like a human…”

“Just because I look human doesn’t mean I am human.”

Akari answered as if she was annoyed.

As if she didn’t like being treated like a human.

But since she didn’t attack or anything, it didn’t seem like she cared too much.

“Do you eat normal food too?”

“…Didn’t you say you’d only ask one question?”

“Then you must eat despair, right? Especially the despair of magical girls?”

“You.”

A growling sound came from Akari’s mouth.

A voice that sounded like a threat.

Yet, there was no change in the surrounding despair, so I quickly realized it was just an act to scare me.

You’re kinder than I thought, Akari.

‘…Not now, but since I used to be a magical girl, maybe I can help.’

I started to think of various things in my head.

The farewell with my senior, the first time I couldn’t save someone, people being eaten alive by monsters, and even the Doctor.

As I held onto these negative memories, I felt a stabbing pain near my heart.

If there had been hope in my heart, it would have hurt more, but thankfully, my heart was empty, so it ended there.

“So, are you going to feed me street animal food?”

“Not that, it’s a thank you. Thanks to you, I was able to give that Doctor a blow.”

“…If that’s the case.”

Her tone was blunt, but it seemed she quite liked my despair.

Seeing her like this reminded me of Peridot eating something delicious.

“Anyway, go back now. I want to be alone for a while.”

“Are you really okay being alone?”

“Do you see me as some pet that would die if left alone?”

“Absolutely not.”

If Akari were a pet, other monsters would just be flying insects.

But somehow, Akari was different from other monsters because she could speak.

Being able to speak meant she was a social being, and if she could communicate with humans, maybe she could belong to human society.

No, to be precise, she originally lived among humans and just recently separated.

“Then I’ll really go?”

“Go already?”

Just as I was about to leave, Akari spoke indifferently.

But as soon as I tried to step away from Akari, I was startled by the pain in my body and took a few steps back.

Uh, so…

‘I can’t seem to pass through this.’

The eye of the storm was calm, but the storm outside was a different story.

I swallowed hard at the despair storm that seemed to tear my skin.

If I threw myself into that, I wouldn’t come out unscathed.

“Can you really not turn that off?”

“Telling the same story over and over… If I could turn it off, I would have done it already.”

Akari sighed deeply, and I awkwardly smiled while looking at her.

I thought I should leave quickly since she seemed to really dislike me being around, but it seemed like I had to stay by her side.

“…Is it because there’s no hope that you can’t go back?”

“Don’t worry too much. It’s my choice.”

Using the last bit of hope in my heart was ultimately my choice.

I used it all to try to get revenge on the Doctor.

“No, it’s not that— Hoo, doing this kind of thing doesn’t really suit me.”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re alive.”

“…What?”

I tilted my head at Akari’s cryptic words.

Alive, who?

It couldn’t be about the Doctor.

I only wanted to hear obituaries about him from now on.

“White hair and rainbow-colored eyes.”

“…”

But what came out of Akari’s mouth was on a completely different level from what I was thinking.

The only thing I wished for.

The hope that my senior might still be alive, Akari was giving me a clue about it.

“Emerald saved her from the Doctor’s lab, and she’s staying at her house now.”

“…Really?”

“Do I need to lie? Of course, I don’t know if the person I know is the same as the one you know.”

No, there couldn’t be two people with white hair and rainbow-colored eyes.

The person Akari was talking about must be my senior.

And just that was enough to restore hope in my heart.

“Can you go now? You’re disgusting, so please disappear from my sight quickly.”

“…Thank you, Akari.”

“Don’t annoy me and just go.”

Looking at the newly found hope, Akari frowned as if disgusted and waved her hand.

I’ll go, I’ll go.

Now that I have hope to break through that despair, all that’s left is to go back.

But still—

‘—You must repay kindness tenfold, got it?’

“I’ll come back again next time.”

“Don’t ever come back.”

I gave a bitter smile at Akari’s cold words.

Well, at least she seems like she’ll be fine on her own, so I’m less worried.

With that thought, I threw myself into the storm.

***

Why on earth can’t I turn off the Despair Circuit?

I thought of various reasons in my head, but no clear answer came.

It was just a while ago that I could turn it on and off freely…

‘If only the Doctor were here, I could ask him.’

The person who threw me into Curs’s lab hasn’t shown a single hair, so it’s frustrating.

Ah, my happy despair parasite life…!

I finally managed to stick close to Emerald and create an environment where other magical girls wouldn’t notice me!

No, actually, wasn’t it Curs’s fault for pouring so much despair into the room I’m in?

Anyone could see that’s why the Despair Circuit won’t turn off.

‘Actually, in the original work, there was never a mention of Apocalypse turning off the Despair Circuit…’

Maybe it was designed not to turn off from the beginning.

When the Despair Circuit is on, power surges, and when it’s off, power drains.

“Were you here, Akari?”

“What’s with that tone?”

“Hmm, seeing you like this, I feel like my masterpiece is truly amazing.”

The Doctor, who appeared quietly, puffed out his chest and started boasting.

To you, it might seem like a masterpiece, but to me, it’s just inconvenient.

This way, all the plans I made for my life— no, my monster life— are going to be ruined.

Parents blocking their child’s path, is this really okay?

“So, why won’t this turn off?”

“What are you talking about? It’s supposed to not turn off.”

“It turned off just fine until now.”

“That was just because there wasn’t enough despair to keep it running. Now there’s enough despair, so there’s no reason for it to turn off.”

Then came the explanation from the Doctor, who holds a Ph.D. in Despair Studies.

The Despair Circuit of Apocalypse is like nuclear fusion in humans.

Below a certain level of despair, it could only operate temporarily, but once it passed the critical point, it would generate despair infinitely without needing additional input.

“…It feels like a living despair reactor.”

“How about it, isn’t it amazing? Your creator is such an amazing person!”

“Yeah, yeah, you’re really amazing.”

If that’s the case, wouldn’t it be better to just live off infinite despair power for life?

Instead of killing magical girls and all that, tsk.

“Ah, of course, it doesn’t operate infinitely. If you don’t feed it the despair of magical girls, it will stop.”

“So, it stops if it doesn’t eat the despair of magical girls?”

“Well, theoretically, yes. I didn’t know it would actually work.”

It’s my fault for expecting.

I thought if the Doctor came, there would be a way to turn off the Despair Circuit, but it seems even the Doctor isn’t sure.

So, I guess I have to live like this for a while.

‘I miss Tamako, Tamako…’

I’m not hungry for despair right now, but I could eat as much of Tamako’s despair as she’s fed me so far.

Ah, more than that… Garnet isn’t taking Tamako away, is she?

I told Garnet to go, but she wouldn’t really take her, right?

‘…Why do I feel so uneasy all of a sudden?’

Tamako is mine.

Taking a magical girl with an owner is theft, isn’t it?

I feel like I gave a robber the password to my safe.

My already bad mood got worse.