Chapter 274

A person cannot live without warmth, both physically and emotionally.

In the midst of a biting cold wave that feels like it could pierce through flesh, if you stand still without even a thread of clothing or warmth for too long, you will freeze to death. It is a simple truth of the world.

Then, what does it mean to lack warmth emotionally? Is it something that can be clearly defined?

It means there is no love. It means there is no affection, no bonds between people, not even a simple interest.

If there is no warmth connecting hearts, like a rabbit caught in a snare, it means one is dying. I remember the chill of not feeling warmth emotionally.

The feeling that no one loves me. Captured by petty guilt that only appears when I feel like it, wishing that everyone wouldn’t look at me, but simultaneously feeling suffocated by the coldness that is slowly hardening into a lifeless state.

Like being submerged in cold water, I felt as if I was slowly sinking while being robbed of warmth from everything around me.

The amusing part is that before reaching such a state, I had once lived well, surrounded by warmth.

Someone who has felt warmth for the first time must now live with a heart more cold than others if they lose it.

The person who first brought warmth to me was Helena.

Yes, warmth. All around me were cooling blood, cooling skin, cooling organs, rotting corpses, and a coldly frozen head.

Even in such circumstances. No, precisely because of them, I craved warmth even more. Helena had brought me good warmth.

Did I, too, transmit warmth to Helena?

That question has become an eternally unanswerable mystery. Even if I desire an answer, there is no one in this world who can provide it, so true peace will never come to my heart.

However, I can accept it.

I accepted Helena’s warmth just as it was. Not leaving even a trace behind, all of it.

And I stored it. I kept it in every part of my body, determined never to lose it. No matter what happens, I must protect it. I thought this to myself.

And now, I needed new warmth.

Not the faint residual heat of Helena that was quickly fading away, but warmth that someone else would offer me.

Because a person cannot live without warmth.

The first to approach me in such a state were Professor Esther and Sofia Sub-priest.

In the dark cold where not even a single step ahead could be anticipated, they were the first to extend their hands to me. I felt endless gratitude towards them. No matter what happened, I wanted to repay the warmth they provided.

Professor Esther was the first to impart warmth to me. At the time, it may have been nothing more than light interest and concern, but I was grateful for even that small warm gesture.

The next bearer of warmth was Sofia Sub-priest.

She was like a ray of light to me. With her bright smile, appearance resembling Helena, and her kindness attempting to embrace me warmly despite witnessing my shamed self up close.

Fearing there might be a price for such kindness, there was a time when I tried to distance myself from Sofia Sub-priest. But I soon realized how foolish that was.

Sofia Sub-priest is too pure. If ‘goodness’ were to take a form, it would probably be that of Sofia Sub-priest.

She simply wanted to help me. Sofia Sub-priest always appeared before my sorrow, trying to wipe it away, even knowing that she could not.

Yet, she didn’t just pretend. Every time, she sincerely tried to help me. The kindness she didn’t hide was far too bright for my eyes, which were veiled in darkness. Overtly so.

Thus, after gaining the conviction that there would be no price for her kindness, I attempted to distance myself from the glimmer of Sofia Sub-priest because I thought it wouldn’t suit me. Yet that intention quickly lost its meaning and vanished.

The final one to come for me was the heavy chain that was Helena.

She was the reason leading to Helena’s death, and here I was, living in happiness. Was I allowed to be this happy? Was I allowed to no longer suffer? Who decided that? Was it Helena?

The one who could free me from the pain of that guilt was ironically Helena, who no longer existed in this world. That’s what I had thought.

But that was not the case. Thanks to Sofia Sub-priest, I was able to free myself from the guilt of Helena’s death. The heavy chains that had held me down were ultimately unlocked by the true warmth from outside.

“I love you, even now.”

It was a moment almost like a heartbeat. The slight touching of our lips was fleeting.

It was a contact so brief that it could have been a mere accidental brush, yet it left a large mark in my heart. It was something that would never be erased for a lifetime.

“Umm… that was too short.”

To me, Sofia Sub-priest stepped a little closer again. I had no intention of pushing her away.

A moist sensation once again covered my lips. The scent of orange washed over me.

It was the scent from Sofia Sub-priest. She always smelled of oranges.

This time, our kiss grew to about ten seconds. The eyelids of Sofia Sub-priest slowly lifted, and her deep green eyes, which looked like they didn’t want to let go yet, seemed to be making a fuss.

“I love you.”

As if wanting to express just this, Sofia Sub-priest finally withdrew her lips with a dreamy expression. Close enough for our noses to almost touch, her strong orange scent mixed with a faint minty breath.

The words of love. Despite how much I had tried to deny it until now, I ached for Sofia Sub-priest, the person who was not Helena, and despite trying to shake off that yearning, I couldn’t cast away that feeling. Even as I looked at Sofia Sub-priest while overlaying Helena upon her.

“I love you.”

Sofia Sub-priest was unreserved. She told me she loved me. She said she would love me no matter what form I took. The distance, which had already been sufficiently close, was suddenly reduced to an uncontainable closeness.

Sofia Sub-priest, whose arms were tightly hugging just above my waist and slightly below my chest, looked at me cutely as I stood still, embraced. I placed my hand on Sofia Sub-priest’s shoulder and hugged her tightly as if I would crush her.

“Ugh…! Huh….”

A faint breath escaped from Sofia Sub-priest. It was the reaction from our tight embrace. As her lips neared my ear, they whispered while exhaling rough breaths.

“I love you. I like you.”

“……”

“I don’t know when this began, but every time I see the head priest’s face…. I feel a heat rising in my face, and my heart races. I, I…”

…Perhaps.

“Perhaps, it has been this way since the beginning. Hehe….”

Maybe we were instinctively drawn to each other from the start.

Me, bleeding and dying, and Sofia Sub-priest, who couldn’t just pass by someone in pain. And….

– Then, among the three people the merchant met, who would be the merchant’s neighbor?

My neighbor.

– The one who showed love and good hands to the merchant.

The one who has shown me love and good hands.

– You too, go and do likewise.

This time, it was my turn to give love.

“Sofia Sub-priest.”

“Umm…. Sofia.”

A warm sigh wrapped around my ears.

“Just call me Sofia.”

“…Sofia.”

“Yes, Head Priest….”

“I’ve never met anyone like you in my lifetime.”

Such a disastrous ability to articulate was unimaginable after sharing a serious confession. Sofia Sub-priest chuckled and hummed a tune.

“It’s a coincidence. I felt the same way.”

“……”

“I’ve never seen anyone like you at the Seminary. How can a person be so brazen, self-deprecating, and… pessimistic?”

“…Hmm.”

“Don’t get hurt. Because of those aspects, it made me want to take care of you even more.”

Already tightly embraced, Sofia Sub-priest took a step closer, burrowing deeper into my arms. I took a step back, eventually sitting heavily on the sofa behind me.

Even then, Sofia Sub-priest held me tighter as she nestled deeper into my embrace.

“At first, I hesitated. I wasn’t sure if I could feel this way.”

She conveyed her heart as if sending a letter. I stood there in a daze, holding that letter.

My chest tightened.

“Do you know how long I waited?”

I felt her voice becoming soaked. My clothes’ chest area joined in.

“How long did you wait?”

“The first time I had feelings for the head priest was probably last summer…. A whole half a year has already passed.”

Sofia Sub-priest, appearing to be happy, smiled broadly and kissed my lips once more. I closed my eyes slowly without avoiding it.

This time, it was even deeper. The kiss easily surpassed ten seconds and roughly estimated over a minute.

“Ah…. Head Priest….”

Helena was completely coloring me. Even though my heart had already been stained by her in the Holy Empire, now it seemed she was acting as if she would claim complete love from me.

I could not reject that. No, I never thought to from the beginning.

‘…If I don’t remember Helena, it would be a lie.’

It was impossible to completely erase her.

Even in the Holy Empire, I couldn’t shake off everything related to Helena; it ended with a secondary choice, remembering her without holding guilt. Sofia Sub-priest was steadily covering that hue of Helena.

Helena was surely everything to me.

However, I had to muster the courage to give up everything.

“Did my heart reach you, safely?”

Sofia Sub-priest looked up at me with misty eyes. Her eyes sparkled. The shining deep green of her pupils clearly captured me.

“Head Priest…. Huh….?!”

So this time, I took the first step forward.

The relationship between a priest and a sub-priest, a professor and an assistant, a person who has lost love and a person who gives love.

And it was a relationship where we would go shopping every weekend, sometimes going out together, and accompany each other to the hospital.

Before that, we were simply adults in an adult relationship, a relationship between the opposite sexes. I tightly embraced Sofia Sub-priest’s delicate body.

“Was that an answer?”

“…There can be no more definite answer than this.”

The feelings conveyed like sending a letter were definitely reached.

Naturally, the corners of my mouth were lifted.

How happy it is that the person to whom I opened my heart is equally opening theirs.

I looked outside. The spring rain was gradually stopping. It seemed to have been a brief passing shower.

At that moment, I wanted to stay just a little longer.