Chapter 87

Hot flames. The heat was enough to push you into death.

What I witnessed was you, clearly swimming through it. Your body twisted as instinct led you, struggling to escape from that hot slaughterhouse.

I saw the fire spreading to your body with my own two eyes.

I couldn’t find the corpses. Everyone inside that building was burned black, and those whose clothes had been scorched were practically unidentifiable.

“How, how….”

So, yes. I thought you were dead. Surviving that scorching inferno was close to a miracle, and since I stopped believing in miracles and luck.

“How, are you alive….”

But, how could you be alive?

My mouth was agape, lost for words. I stared blankly at Cesar standing behind me. My finger pointing at him trembled.

As I couldn’t say anything, Cesar glanced around for a moment, then carefully took off the mechanic’s cap he was wearing low on his head.

And I closed my gaping mouth. Cesar looked at me with a bitter smile.

No, was it really a smile? His face was so terribly changed that it was hard to read his expression.

Cesar’s face was cruelly melted. Most of his facial skin looked like it was about to boil, and the left eye, which had once shone bright brown, was now white and lifeless. His nose was no exception, with the left side too melted and obstructing his breath.

Naturally, the bright brown hair that had once shone brightly no longer existed. The only remaining evidence that he was Cesar Li was the one clear brown eye and the vaguely remaining features.

I looked at Cesar’s face, which had changed so much, and repeatedly opened and closed my mouth. It was hard to find the words to say.

“As you can see, this is how it is.”

Every time Cesar spoke, his facial skin pulled tight. I couldn’t even tell what expression I was making in response.

I firmly shut my mouth. It didn’t seem like the right time to offer comforting words or ask how he survived.

If anything I said wouldn’t help, it would be wiser to remain silent. As if sensing my intentions, Cesar forced a smile and sat down beside me.

“It feels strange to see you after a long time.”

“C-Cesar.”

Cesar sat down at a distance on the same bench, and that felt incredibly unfamiliar.

It was as if he was afraid to approach me. Hesitant to bring up a conversation, his only active right eye kept glancing at me.

That attitude was one I had never encountered from the confident and brash young man that Cesar once was. Between us lingered only awkward, long silence.

Usually, this would be the time to inquire about each other’s wellbeing, but the shrill sound of cicadas replaced that. Unable to bear the lengthy silence, I finally managed to open my firmly shut mouth.

“…It’s been a while.”

“Yeah, it has been. I don’t even know how many years have passed.”

Cesar’s voice was hoarse, as if he had phlegm stuck in his throat, probably a result of the burns. I swallowed dryly and continued talking.

“I thought you were dead.”

“You thought I was dead… huh? Hey, Lucio.”

In an instant, Cesar’s face contorted as he asked.

“Do I look alive to you?”

He wasn’t angry. He was trying to smile in his own way. It just didn’t match the appearance of his severely burned face.

I pondered over his words slowly before cautiously nodding.

“Cesar. You are alive. We’re having this conversation right now.”

“Well, that’s a very priestly answer….”

Cesar’s hat was still covering his head. He didn’t seem to want to expose his horrifically changed appearance for long.

“Lucio. I… I didn’t understand the words you said that day.”

“What do you mean…?”

“The words about wanting to die but being unable to. Not afraid of death, but unable to die because of someone named Helena.”

I closed my mouth. I had indeed said something like that.

Cesar’s vacant eyes stared at the ground. Following his gaze, I saw the body of a dried-up worm, common in the summer, lying on the soil.

“It was hot, suffocating, and I could hardly breathe… I wanted to live somehow.”

“….”

“And I survived. Unfortunately.”

Cesar was self-deprecating. It was unclear whether he was lamenting his situation or laughing at the fact that he fought so hard to survive.

“Ever since I was completely burned, my life has been nothing short of hell. It was basic to be in agony every night and unable to sleep, and I kept recalling the sights of the battlefield I tried hard to forget.”

The dried-up worm moved slightly. An ant discovered the corpse and bit it with its jaw.

“There were many times I wanted to die. I often thought about giving up. Even when I tried to make money, there was nowhere that would use me after seeing my condition.”

The ant, momentarily tugging at the worm’s corpse, soon seemed to decide it couldn’t carry it alone. As I watched the ant move away from the worm, Cesar continued.

“But I fought hard to survive. That’s why I’m here now, like this.”

Cesar pointed at his face and burst into an awkward laugh. I couldn’t force a smile back at him.

“I’m still alive, just like this, right?”

“….”

“Getting a job as a mechanic was fortunate. Well, I’m still a patient at the hospital….”

But still, surviving is what matters, isn’t it? Cesar said cheerfully, giving my shoulder a light pat.

“It’s too early for me to die. I have goals yet to achieve. I can’t die yet.”

“…The arsonist.”

As I spoke up, Cesar’s body stiffened. I asked in a trembling voice.

“Do you know who the arsonist of that fire is?”

“Haha… Lucio. Isn’t that a foolish question?”

Suddenly, Cesar’s expression changed. The contorted visage was no longer smiling.

“Maximilian von Adelheit. That bastard must have orchestrated it. It’s too obvious.”

That was a face full of rage. Cesar was angry.

“After surviving, I desperately tried to stay alive. It was the same for searching for the arsonist.”

“Are you sure the arsonist is the Adelheid Duke?”

“I don’t have conclusive evidence, but yes. I am certain. Adelheid isn’t the type of person to leave critical evidence behind.”

“….”

The arsonist. I had suspected it would be the Adelheid Duke, but I still lacked certainty. Though Cesar seemed to have a strong conviction.

“But at least I was able to obtain some small leads. It seemed that an agent from the intelligence department who was close to Adelheid was involved in the arson.”

“An intelligence agent…?”

“He must have been paid off. Those vile, dirty bastards. Adelheid played his cards well.”

“Does the intelligence department know about this?”

“I don’t know the details, but it seems they don’t. It’s likely that Adelheid has recruited them independently. It’s hard to pull off something so big in the heart of the city without making noise.”

Cesar’s clenched fist trembled. It was raw, unrefined, and full of smoldering hatred. It seemed that he had long been consumed by that hatred.

“That day, twenty-six members of the veterans’ association had gathered in the office, determined to protest with me.”

Yes. After the fire was extinguished, many corpses were reported to have emerged from that building, which had burned black. At that time, I was desperate to confirm Cesar’s survival, so I knew the facts well.

“They all died. Not a single one survived, everyone who was there.”

And they all died.

“They screamed in front of me, begging for their lives. Not wanting to die like this. Why must they endure such pain since coming into this world… screaming like that….”

The last appearance of those who were completely burned and screaming. Their mouths wide open.

“They all died, Lucio. I was the only survivor.”

Cesar’s melted flesh trembled. His only bright eye was now bloodshot, glaring at something.

“But the news of my survival never reached the world. Do you know?”

“…Yes.”

Yes. The news reported that everyone inside the building had died, and even that was written so small in the corner of the newspaper that it was hard to notice unless one read it carefully.

“Having survived after all that, I had become someone who was already dead. I was erased as a human being.”

Cesar spoke in a tone filled with anger. I could only listen in silence.

“Do you know how much I suffered? It wasn’t just physical pain. It was that emptiness of no longer being in this world. The sense of being denied my own existence. The society that treated me as a complete stranger overnight!”

“….”

“That was the most painful thing of all, Lucio.”

It was pain. The pain of not being able to kill Cesar.

Endurable pain might strengthen a person. But unbearable pain is a different story.

“But, yes… I didn’t die. I survived. I had to survive somehow.”

The average person would choose death in that pain.

Cesar could not.

“Do you wonder why?”

“…What is it?”

I asked in a tense voice. Cesar laughed in a deep voice.

“Of course, it’s for revenge, Lucio.”

Only then did I tear my gaze away from the worm on the ground and look at Cesar. Cesar was also looking at me.

In the depths of his hollow eyes, a primal rage burned intensely. It was not merely a long-standing feeling.

“Adelheid. That bastard ruined my life. Of course, I must take corresponding revenge.”

“…Corresponding revenge?”

“Well, at the very least, he should experience suffering at the same level I did.”

I couldn’t say anything. Though I didn’t choose silence hoping that Adelheid would be safe.

“Cesar, that’s too reckless.”

“Don’t worry. I have a plan.”

“A plan, you say…?”

“I can’t tell you the details. I’m sorry. Please understand my position.”

“….”

Cesar’s expression was so resolute that it looked like he was truly about to do something. I managed to open my mouth while gazing at that face.

“What’s the reason for telling me this?”

“…Lucio. I have a few colleagues who decided to join me. Most of them were friends of those who died that day.”

As Cesar’s blazing anger cooled slightly, he sighed and stood up. I followed suit.

“Honestly, I wanted to draw you to our side and observed you for a while… but you were already living your own life.”

“…Ah.”

The mechanic who had brushed past me at the Bruytni Branch School’s practice field suddenly came to mind.

Cesar and I had already met.

“I no longer wish to pull you in… but I wanted to talk to you after such a long time.”

“…Cesar.”

“Lucio. I want you to continue living your life as you are now. I don’t want you to end up like me.”

A person who has lost their life and is consumed by the desire for revenge is more than enough for me alone, Cesar murmured.

“But, Lucio. If you decide to join us, I will welcome you with open arms.”

“….”

“Can you decide now?”

I looked at Cesar. Though I couldn’t see it directly, my eyes must have been trembling uncontrollably.

Adelheid Duke. Join the plan for revenge against that man. I listened to that proposal and fell into contemplation.

“I’m sorry, Cesar.”

In the end, I couldn’t join. My promise with Helena held me back.

As I bowed my head and apologized, Cesar smiled bitterly and patted my shoulder.

“…Yeah. I think I made too unreasonable a request. I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s not.”

I couldn’t look directly at Cesar’s face. As I lowered my head, I spotted the swarm of black ants moving the dead worm.

We stood like that for a while. Cesar sighed deeply, gazing somewhere, while I stared at the corpse of the worm disappearing into the distance.

How long had the silence stretched?

“Whoo… Sorry, Lucio. I think I should be going soon.”

Cesar said as he pulled his cap down deep. Only then could I lift my head.

“…Be careful.”

“Yeah, take care of yourself too. Someday… when the time comes, let’s meet again.”

The conversation was long, and the farewell was short. Since Cesar decided to take a different path from mine, we had no reason to linger.

I had no idea what the “plan” he mentioned entailed.

“….”

I blankly stared at Cesar’s figure, which was starting to fade away with his back turned to me.

Facing the crossroads and choosing different paths, I thought how twisted our fates were.

I couldn’t take my eyes off the helplessly slumped shoulders of Cesar.