Chapter 89

Episode 89: My Hero

[Baek Harin SIDE]

‘How many days has it been since I couldn’t take my medicine…’

I can no longer calm my heart with self-harm.

Countless cuts, repetitive pain.

As I keep repeating the same actions, self-harm has become like a kind of homework to me.

Of course, the self-harm I’ve done has only involved cutting my wrists.

I could stab my stomach or undertake greater risks for a thrilling sensation.

But I want to avoid inflicting wounds on my abdomen.

I might not be able to receive the seeds of my loved ones later, so… I need to be careful.

That said… I thought about cutting my neck.

‘That might be a bit scary…’

Having already self-harmed once, I’ve become frightened.

There’s really nothing to be afraid of; what could happen other than dying?

I held the knife, which had always marked my soft skin, against my neck.

Maybe it’s because I’ve done it so many times, my hand didn’t tremble at all this time.

‘If I cut here… I can never go back again.’

When I first self-harmed, my heart raced and excitement filled me as I touched the blade to my skin.

Now it feels as if the blood flowing through my veins has stopped.

In the moment I threaten my own life, have I become a madwoman who stays even calmer?

– Bang!

As I pressed the knife against my neck, the door—the only exit from this room—opened.

“Hmm? Silly girl… Why don’t you go ahead? If you have the courage, that is?”

“… Who are you?”

A voice I’ve never heard before.

‘Is this getting tiresome…’

“Ah… So that’s why the attendant keeps changing. The state of this room is dreadful—”

“If you’re not going to answer my question…! Too bad… I have no desire to talk to you.”

“Right, that attitude and behavior is what drives people away.”

The reason why the attendants keep changing.

I didn’t really do anything awful.

What did I do?

Mero and Lina…

All the other attendants…

They all left.

Why does everyone… why are they running away from me?

“… I asked who you are.”

I tried hard to deny the thoughts in my heart and asked the newcomer their identity.

“Persistent, huh? Well… I came as a ‘final task’ as an attendant, so I guess I can tell you my name.”

The attendant approached and snatched the knife from me with impossible speed.

“First of all… my name is Triche. No, actually, it’s Beatrice.”

“Beatrice…? What brings you to see me?”

“What… I just returned to the mansion after driving the carriage and found no one here… Oh, except for three people.”

What kind of nonsense is this person suddenly spouting?

“Why does that matter now?”

“Anyway, you wouldn’t understand even if I told you… but among those three are the little master, another attendant… and it seems like your companion too. Judging by your expression, it seems you don’t want to hear it?”

‘Companion…’

Powerlessness.

I couldn’t think or act at all.

Like a princess who has become the captive of an enemy country.

‘… Even without eyes, I’m comparing myself to a princess—this feels particularly pathetic…’

“… Frustrating, I felt it even in the short time I traveled with that guy—”

“Where did you go?”

Did I just get abandoned here?

Please tell me it wasn’t some kind of date!

“Ah… Don’t misunderstand. I merely worked at the duke’s command for a bit.”

“Is that so…”

Thank goodness it wasn’t a date.

‘If it had been…’

“Anyway, I overheard them talking here.”

“Are those ‘them’ the three you mentioned earlier?”

“Yeah. While listening to what another attendant said, it seems that those who want to live should leave this place right now. All the attendants here have fled. If you don’t want to get caught up in death, you should leave too.”

“Are you going to take me out of here?”

“If you want.”

– Thud!

I heard something thud on the table.

“That’s quite a sharp knife. Isn’t it a bit dangerous to use at meal times?”

“I—”

“You’d better answer quickly. By now, that guy is probably reaching the cave to the west.”

“… I’ll stay here.”

“Are you serious? If you’re joking… it would be better to stop. I don’t have much time… there’s no room for useless jokes.”

“I’m not joking.”

“Those few cuts on your wrist… You seem to have had a pretty tough time?”

“That’s not something you should be concerned about.”

“Hmm… I see. I’ll go prepare for my work now… Just don’t regret missing your chance, okay?”

“I won’t… regret it.”

“That’s a shame. I thought you could have been a good means of intimidation…”

Intimidation?

I truly have no idea what this person is talking about.

“… To ensure you don’t get caught up in the duke’s business, I’ll change the chains so that you can escape anytime.”

They seemed to want to help me, so I didn’t think they were a bad person.

But I don’t know if it makes sense to leave with this person’s help.

… It’s not that I’m unsure whether it means anything.

‘In fact, if I were to awkwardly use this person’s help and reappear before him…’

I would be abandoned again.

If I’m going to get abandoned anyway, wouldn’t it be better to stay here?

If he doesn’t come to find me directly… there’s no real meaning in leaving this place.

Nothing would change; it would only repeat.

In the orphanage, forever unattainable.

‘Just like the promise of that day…’

**********

It felt like several hours had passed.

The space was quiet as a mouse.

Even the only exit had been locked shut again.

Not knowing the meaning of changing the chains to escape, I was alone, tasting solitude in the empty mansion.

‘This silence…’

The silence of the vacant manor brought me nothing but emptiness.

It felt as if time had stopped.

Moreover, it felt like the very space had frozen.

As I moved slightly on the bed, the sound of the blanket brushing against me echoed alone in the quiet guest room.

“Honestly, it would be a lie if I said I don’t regret my choice.”

Still, feeling his skin once more is probably the best option I could choose as a loser.

Was I being petty for my pride?

I can’t consult anyone or confide in anyone.

This only deepens the silence, making me feel like the tragic heroine.

… Heroines wouldn’t engage in self-harm.

This manor, where everything feels as if it has stopped, felt as though I was trapped in the cracks of time.

– Here…

– … Where is this steel chain… No, it is steel, but…

– I could probably break it by force?…

– Alright, since I’ve got permission… Hyaah!…

I heard voices talking outside.

– Crack!

Soon enough, I heard something breaking.

And the door—the only exit—opened.

“… Who is it…? Has another attendant changed? I didn’t do anything severe…”

No, it can’t be.

All the attendants in this manor had fled…

But why?

This feeling.

I sense a familiar sensation somewhere.

Even with my dulled senses from countless days of despair, I could feel it.

“No, this feeling… Could it possibly be you?”

“Harin?”

That voice gently calling my humble name.

More intoxicating than any drug or self-harm.

It’s euphoric.

I felt like my soul might soar away.

I could think of nothing else but his voice.

My mood lightened, and my head felt foggy.

I got up from the bed and moved toward the source of his voice.

“… You took a long time, didn’t you? You must have finished all your tasks?”

I walked slowly toward Shiwoo, my trembling steps echoing.

“Ah, I finished all I had to do here… all that’s left is to go back.”

I could feel my heart racing faster.

Would he hear the sound of my pounding heartbeat?

“I missed you… I thought you had forgotten about me.”

“W-Well… Of course, I wouldn’t forget you.”

My heart is really about to burst from pounding.

“Still, you’re late. I think I should punish you a bit…”

“Punish me?”

Thump, thump.

I relished the cute sound of my heart as I approached him closely.

I reached out and grabbed his wrist.

After such a long time, his skin felt warm against my touch.

I could feel it.

The sensation of his damaged skin and clothes.

He must have had a fierce battle.

Shiwoo, do you know?

I know you’re a D-grade hunter.

Even so, I need you by my side.

“Please kiss me for as much time as we spent apart.”

I already know you don’t dislike kissing me.

“… By my time here, it would be at least over 24 hours… Are you saying I should kiss you for over 24 hours?”

Just do it quickly. Kiss me.

“Is that so? Are you planning to make me pregnant?”

“Kissing doesn’t get anyone pregnant…”

Honestly, I hope you do make me pregnant.

“Of course, I’m joking… I’ll forgive you if we do it for three minutes…”

Deeply.

“Ahem!”

Someone cleared their throat.

Obliviously.

“… Ah, I wasn’t alone? My apologies.”

“I’m glad you figured it out.”

“Hey, Harin, did you receive any torture on that wrist…?”

I can’t let him find out I was doing self-harm.

“No? It’s just something personal that caused this injury.”

He shouldn’t see me as a crazy person.

“Really? My lady, we don’t have someone responsible for torture at our mansion.”

“Then… will you kiss me?”

“… Let’s discuss this after we go back.”

You’re not being honest.

“Yeah… I was going mad wanting to see you again, but… the priority is escaping this place first… Satisfying my selfish desires can wait… Got it?”

“Selfish desires? I don’t know what it means, but let’s hurry and get out of here.”

You know everything. I don’t understand why you’re acting so naive.

“U-Where do you mean to go… Are you talking about our mansion?”

**********

With his guidance, we arrived at a place he mentioned had a gate.

Of course, the sense-sharing still remained active.

As I walked here, I recalled a girl who had been following Shiwoo.

That noble-looking person who must have arranged for an engagement forcefully.

‘For some reason, it seems like she has physically grown a bit during that brief time when I first saw her…’

Why is she so trusting, thinking that it’s okay to stick around like that?

Bitch.

That fox-like girl.

Have our enemies increased again?

… But she obviously wouldn’t come out to the gate.

As I thought this, I tried to hide the overflowing sense of ease.

“The feeling I sense ahead is the gate that leads to the boss here… even if we can’t see it, I can feel it with my skin.”

I said.

“By the way, it seems there are no people from our side among those captured here?”

“Yeah… I think so too. Where on earth did the people who got out go? Even if it’s the same red gate, aren’t they different places? Let’s hurry out.”

I want to get out quickly.

“Ah, wait a moment.”

Shiwoo stopped me.

His gaze… was directed not at me, but at that little girl.

“… It seems I’ve grown fond of her after traveling together for a long time, so I’ll allow you to say goodbye… but keep it brief. I need to report above first. Expect something once I’m done.”

I’m not such a narrow-minded woman who cannot understand even this much.

I can be a generous adult, holding back my jealousy.

I gave him a brief moment to bid farewell before throwing myself into the gate.

Finally, we are returning to the world we originally lived in.

Once we step outside the gate, the sense-sharing will briefly be cut off, causing some anxiety.

But I believe you’ll be out soon enough.

If I don’t trust you, who else can I trust?

You’re the only one for me.

Shiwoo, do you know?

Sometimes love leads to poor judgment.

I know you’re a D-grade hunter.

I also know that I’m not your first love.