Chapter 67

“…I don’t want to.”

“Throwing a tantrum won’t change anything, Anne. You can’t just die like this.”

“I don’t want to! I don’t want to! I said I don’t want to! If I can’t see you again, how is that any different from death!”

*

067

Questioning (Part 2)

*

“Just now. That, thing…”

Why did the Pope summon me? I was already drowning in worries, and this midnight call only made my mind more tangled.

As I watched the scene he—or she—revealed, I felt myself evaporate into pure whiteness. Even after the brief vision ended, I stumbled over my words, unable to speak properly.

+”Sister Anne, you understand what this means, don’t you?”+

“Ah, but, this, this can’t be… No, I’m not denying what Ailim has shown, but…”

I rambled incoherently before lifting my head without realizing it. Though the roof blocked the sunlight, the space was still bright. Like the Reformatory.

Right above my head, He was there. If I stretched out my arm—no, not that close, but if I jumped, I might reach Him. Just realizing that made my already ragged breathing grow even heavier. It wasn’t just awe.

The time of humans and gods is different. He breathed and pulsed so slowly, His movements so vast and unhurried, His body so immense. Flesh throbbed, veins bulged, resembling humans yet incomparably flawless and perfect.

+”Look away, Sister Anne.”+

“…Huh!”

Only after the Pope covered my eyes could I finally break free. My vision had blurred, and when I wiped my eyes, my sleeve came away stained with red drops of blood, not clear tears.

+”It’s only natural that staring at the sun with bare eyes would blind you. Even if you possess the power of the Holy Body, there’s no need to push yourself.”+

“Yes. If He chose to withdraw and sleep, I dare not disturb Him.”

I forced my head to stay still, refusing to look up. But then I found myself face-to-face with him—or her.

A face that defied gender, age, or any human classification. Even the white tendrils swaying behind their head. More grotesque than any heretic…

Yet, it was so sacred and holy. I stared blankly at the most noble human in this world.

The one who became one with the sleeping god. A human of pure white, without a single blemish. That position originally belonged to François, but he created a flaw—me—and thus remained human.

+”Sister, the reason I called you is because an oracle has been given.”+

Though the Pope cannot leave the Cradle of God, leading the Inquisition Temple is the will of the Senate. Yet, the mission He carries is infinitely sacred and solemn. To show the human world to the sleeping god, and to bestow even a fragment of divine grace upon humanity.

The Holy Body I received must have been one of those gifts. But since the task of collecting and preserving the Holy Body in the Cradle of God falls to others, this was my first time meeting the Pope directly.

“An oracle…?”

+”Yes. As you know, Ailim no longer intervenes in the human world, but there are exceptions.”+

I bit my lip. The only adversary to the Almighty. Laube.

But Ailim doesn’t issue oracles for every heretic. Most are just small fry, crushed before they can sprout.

But if a heretic survives, hides in a human womb for years, and grows strong enough to breach even the Reformatory, filled with Ailim’s blessings—

—He still doesn’t act directly, for He remains asleep. He merely mutters a word or two in His slumber.

+”Ten thousand people, or one love, will uproot the evil.”+

Respecting the free will He Himself bestowed, He merely guides the way with a single beam of light to prevent needless bloodshed.

That’s why the Pope called me. Even in my current state, heavy with pregnancy. Ailim doesn’t force anything, but the oracle is absolute.

The content of the oracle is also clear, no need for riddles. The joy of directly meeting the god, the devastation of witnessing Louis’s atrocities—it all settled. It had been hard to control my emotions these past few months.

The moment I accepted the “mission,” all my emotions calmed and froze. Indeed, Verdo wasn’t wrong.

I mocked myself in my cold rationality. Not every human could remain so detached before an order to kill their lover.

“When should I depart?”

Perhaps because I had already vented, trampled, and hidden my emotions so many times, over so many months. Because I had adapted to all the tragedy and injustice. At the very end, could I save you?

…Or could I kill you?

I don’t know. Even my frozen rationality hesitated to answer that question. I wouldn’t be able to answer until I faced that situation.

So I am grateful for this oracle, even if it sends me to my death. At least, I can reach the moment when I meet Louis again. What happens after is up to us.

Only one thing bothers me. As I unconsciously caressed my swollen belly, the Pope shook his head with a smile.

+”Though I believe Sister Anne is the protagonist of this oracle… it doesn’t mean you must depart immediately.”+

“Huh?”

+”It is ‘one’ love that will bring down the evil.”+

And I am not one. At least, not now.

…So that means I must leave alone. Without the support of the Holy Army, I must walk into the heretic’s sanctuary alone. A fitting punishment for one who selfishly dragged the innocent to their deaths.

“I understand. I will prepare.”

There is no rebellion or resistance. Rather, it’s what I wanted, so I bow my head calmly.

Only emptiness remains in my heart, stripped of both praise and despair. Suppressing the urge to look up at where Ailim resides one last time, I turn away. No matter how narrow the space, it would be sacrilege for a mere human to tread too long in the divine realm.

As I reach for the door to leave, a voice calls from behind.

+”Do you have nothing to say?”+

“Huh?”

+”Even though you’ve come to where Ailim sleeps. Though you pray regularly, surely a direct plea to the god carries a different weight?”+

Is this another test? I bite my lip and answer.

“I fear my foolishness might disturb His sacred slumber.”

+”It’s alright. I am merely the mouthpiece for His will. Don’t you know that offering this suggestion itself is His will?”+

Yet, as I hesitated, the Pope leaned closer and whispered. Innocent like a child, yet carrying the wisdom of an elder who has lived countless years.

+”Would a merciful parent cover their ears to avoid hearing their child’s cries?”+

A real god. Not distant in the heavens, but existing under the same sky, yet unreachable.

But in this moment, I have stepped, even if only slightly, into Ailim’s domain. Even if it fades like a dream, my voice in this moment will surely reach Him.

I don’t have to fulfill the mission immediately. That thought melts the cold rigidity of my mind, like a frozen river flowing again in spring. My stiff tongue moves on its own, forming words.

“If that is so, then, great and sacred Lord. Parent of all things, who will one day awaken and guide all of this world to an ideal paradise…”

The role of a god is not to save humans or grant personal wishes.

Why do people turn to faith? Why did I, who lost Louis, become a fanatic? Because I needed something to lean on emotionally? Not entirely wrong, but not the whole truth.

Because an omnipotent being exists, all the world’s injustices and evils that He does not intervene in are not our sins.

“Why do You bring trials upon me? Did I dream too grand a dream?”

“I just wanted to love. I just wanted to be together. Even if I couldn’t be a hero, even if all the glory that shone on me faded, even if I left no mark in history and was buried in obscurity, it would have been fine. Even if my end was a humble grave, as long as one person was by my side.”

“What sin have I committed, that You take away the last thing I have? Was it a sin to desire? Was it because I, with my bloodstained hands, loved someone, leaving bloodstains on them too? Because I, who so recklessly stole, destroyed, and trampled on others’ lives, dared to dream of a peaceful life…”

I couldn’t raise my voice before the god. My passionate plea, rising in intensity, never exploded, sinking instead into sobs.

“…Am I being punished, Anne?”

Of course, no answer came. Of course not. Ailim is a merciful parent, but also a fair one. How could He favor one child and speak privately? I should be endlessly grateful that my voice reached Him at all.

Yet, the deep-seated resentment and regret welling up in my heart were unavoidable. Even knowing it’s futile, I can’t always be rational…

I waited until my trembling shoulders stilled, then lifted my head.

+……+

“Ah.”

The Pope was watching me quietly.

No, he—she—was no longer the Pope. White and radiant, □□ and □□□□□□. I stepped back, knelt, bowed. Trying to do all at once, my body twisted and I fell backward.

At the last moment, I twisted to land on my back rather than my belly, but the expected hard impact never came. Instead, it felt like I had fallen onto a cloud, soft and cushioning.

And He—She—was still at eye level with me, even as I lay on the ground.

The slow, ceaseless breathing and pulsing from above paused for a moment. White sparks crackled from the tendrils connected to the Pope’s body. Then, He—She—spoke.

+□□□ □□□□ □□□ □□ □□□.+

A second oracle, bestowed upon a single human. An unprecedented event.

Realizing this, I found myself clutching a white mass in my hand. But before I could comprehend it, divine words pierced my mind. A language too holy to understand or grasp, churning my soul and forcibly expanding my consciousness.

Yet even that was insufficient to fully contain the god’s words, and I screamed. The Holy Body’s protection shielded only my flesh, not my mind. Unlike the Pope, who was half-merged with Ailim, I was human. I would remain human to the end.

The merciful Lord, of course, had no intention of bursting His lamb’s head and killing it. The great words gradually softened, transforming into something I could comprehend. But even that was overwhelming.

My eyes closed on their own. Even as I fainted, I didn’t let go of what I held in my hand.