Chapter 65

“…Really? Can I really live?”

“Yeah. That’s what they say.”

“Hehe, what a relief…”

“…Huh? But Louis, why are you crying?”

065

Questioning (Part 1)

Every day felt like hell. So horrifying, long, and heavy that I thought it might take a hundred years just to close my eyes again after opening them. I even had childish thoughts like that.

Yet, time still passed. Confined in this small tower-like room, my only “hobby” was asking the priests who occasionally visited me to bring various records.

Strictly speaking, I wasn’t completely restricted from leaving. But every time I tried to step out of this small tower, the temple guards would mobilize in full force, so I gave up. The living facilities were well-equipped, so I didn’t really need to go out anyway.

Originally, this place wasn’t meant to be a prison like it is for me. It was probably where some elder who couldn’t leave the Inquisition Temple but wanted to live in quiet seclusion stayed.

“Haha…”

My eyes feel dry. I let out a weak laugh and put down the records I was reading.

Most of the records I requested fell under one major category: Heretics. The history of heretics, their habits, theological debates, hunting methods. I gathered everything I could from the Inquisition Temple’s archives. I even meticulously reread things I had already read, just in case I missed something.

Just in case there was something I didn’t know. Anything would do. A way to turn heretics back into humans, a way to save the soul trapped by Laube, a way to suppress heresy and fix them in human form. Anything…

“Please.”

I let out a sigh and lowered my head. Like a butterfly flapping its wings, the papers I had been holding fluttered and scattered in all directions.

Looking at the messy, scattered records, I bit my lip. In terms of results, it wasn’t completely meaningless. I managed to clarify things I was confused about and learned things I didn’t know before.

It’s just that among all that knowledge, there was no answer I wanted. On the contrary, the more I learned about heretics, the more negative the conclusions became. I thought the Religious Order was too lenient with sinners, but the knowledge they handed me was subtly, yet blatantly, telling me:

‘Give up.’

‘Don’t waste your heart on futile things, fulfill your mission.’

=You can’t save them.=

“No!”

I shouted as if in a fit and stood up.

The shrill scream echoed emptily. Of course, there was no one around. Yet, just a moment ago, I felt as if someone had whispered in my ear, sending a chilling sensation down my spine.

“Haa, haa…”

My body, which used to fly around like a storm in heavy armor, now feels heavy. My chest, which didn’t flinch even under the attacks of bizarre heretics, now pounds uncontrollably.

Now I know. How magical changes can occur in a human body. The Holy Body’s efficacy, which protects against all kinds of poisons and diseases, doesn’t stop the natural bodily functions. The weakness I’m experiencing now feels strangely unfamiliar.

The softened body, the fragile mind—it wasn’t entirely bad. It reminded me of when you took care of me as a child.

Above all, this was the weight of life.

“A relief, isn’t it, Louis?”

It’s not that there are no attendants to take care of me, but of course, I can’t expect friendly conversations with them. Talking to myself has become a habit in this place where I have no one to talk to.

I’ve lived like this for months. It was more than enough time to figure out whether I was pregnant or if it was all a delusion and a lie. Fortunately, there was a seed of life inside me, and I cried a little when I realized it.

I carefully caress my own body. My belly, swollen like the moon, my chest seems a bit bigger too. The changes happening in my body felt unfamiliar and scary, like the first time I had my period.

And sometimes, the small vibrations I feel from within.

“Our child…”

The only sound that comforts me in this space. A reminder that I’m not alone, that we’re together. As if to make sure I don’t forget.

My emotions go wild, up and down. In the end, I’m endlessly happy that I managed to preserve your last trace, but then I think about what comes next and get depressed again. What if I give birth to the child? Will I be happy then?

No, the execution was only postponed, not canceled. Of course, the Inquisition Temple won’t pass our sins onto our child. But there won’t be any special treatment either.

…Perhaps the child will be sent to the temple’s nursery. If François hadn’t secretly taken me away, I would have lived a life of abstinence from a young age, becoming a priest or a holy knight, just like the future I was supposed to have. Living with vague longing and disgust for the world outside the temple, never leaving the pure, white space.

I didn’t want to dismiss that life as entirely bad. After all, I too belong to the Inquisition Temple.

But just as I grew up in Yefrinse during my childhood, I want to show our child more colors, a wider world.

Even though many things I encountered there hurt me, it was also where I met the most precious connection.

“…Pfft.”

Another hollow laugh escapes me. It’s a meaningless worry.

In the end, can I even decide anything on my own? I should just sleep. I heard it’s not good for the child if I stay up too late… I’ll worry about it later, when my head is clearer.

Thinking that, I pull up the blanket. I close my eyes, and though my complicated feelings haven’t settled, I force myself to sleep.

Creak.

“…!”

The sound of the door quietly opening.

There shouldn’t be anyone coming at this hour… With a bad premonition, I instinctively held my breath and clenched my fists.

Sinister imaginations bubble up. Could it be someone with a grudge against me trying to harm me in secret? I’m ready to pay for my sins, but not like this. Not under the sun, not under Ailim’s watch.

Especially now, when I can’t even control my strength, it’s even more troublesome. As I fidget with my hands hidden under the blanket, a shadow approached with shuffling footsteps and spoke.

“Sister Anne.”

The familiar, yet now unfamiliar title made my body twitch uncontrollably. I trembled.

Pretending to be asleep was no longer an option, so I pushed the blanket aside and got up from the bed. A priestess had entered the room, holding a lantern that swayed silently.

“…There are still people who call me by that title.”

“You know, don’t you? As long as you don’t completely leave Ailim’s embrace, She forgives any sin.”

…I know. I’m still Her child. But hearing that obvious fact again, I felt like crying.

I didn’t cry. Even if the other person seemed friendly, I couldn’t show weakness so easily. As I silently stared at her, the priestess smiled faintly and gestured.

“Let’s go.”

“Where to?”

Ignoring my heightened wariness, she continued, as if confident I would follow.

“His Holiness the Pope is calling for you.”

That was a statement that made me get up, no matter how heavy my body felt.

*

At the very center of the Inquisition Temple stood a grand temple, rivaling the imperial palace in splendor. People called it the ‘Cradle of God.’

But the splendor was only on the outside; the interior was starkly simple. The palace-sized building had all its walls removed to form one vast room, with only one entrance. Considering the size of the building, it was an absurd design.

The path leading to it was also singular, so anyone crossing the Inquisition Temple had to take a long detour to avoid the Cradle of God. Yet, no one complained about it.

The most sacred place in the world.

The term ‘Cradle of God’ was no mere metaphor.

+……+

An empty space. In the very center, someone kneeling in prayer slowly opened their eyes.

Their appearance was strange. The soft curves of their body seemed feminine, but the strong gaze seemed masculine. Their head was not shaved but naturally smooth, as if they had never had hair. Their skin was as white and taut as a baby’s, but the slight frown between their brows hinted at the hardships of many years.

Male, female, old, young. Every trace of humanity was combined in them. Unlike Laube, who had all traces of humanity stripped away, they were saturated with an overwhelming, vibrant humanity, as if dozens or hundreds of people had been compressed into one.

Looking at them, some might feel repulsed, some might feel awe, and others might-

+That child is coming.+

But even someone as striking as them was nothing compared to what was behind—or above—them.

White tentacles, sprouting from the back of their head like hair, or perhaps descending from above, so dense and endless that they reached the ceiling like puppet strings.

They raised their head. What filled their eyes was a scene they had seen for decades, yet one they could never get used to. They probably never would, even until the day they died.

Even though they were already half-merged with it.

The Cradle of God was built so large for a reason. It had to be that big to contain it. The white things connected to Her, like tentacles, clumped together to form a massive mass. So enormous that it obscured the ceiling and sagged down to cover the walls. And it was still growing, bit by bit.

Flesh, heart, egg, cocoon. Describing it was easy, but nothing could capture its essence.

They bowed their head before the great form. Something flowed through the connected tentacles. A meaning so vast and sublime that a mere mortal like them could never comprehend. Yet, as if they understood, they lay flat and nodded in agreement.

Her thoughts were the will of God. The order didn’t matter.

A human who, in exchange for returning the only gift God had given—free will—had gained everything in the world except one.

+Yes, Ailim.+

The Pope was waiting. As God willed it.