Chapter 212

I have fully accepted the fact that I am a woman. So, not long ago, right over there, I buried the corpse of a man while crying. At least, that’s what I believe.

However, accepting it and directly voicing it are somewhat different.

It’s a confirmation shot. What Han Su-young asked me was exactly that. To establish an absolute proposition that leaves no foreshadowing or aftermath. It meant I had to admit that I had made an irrevocable choice.

She told me to stab the corpse I had discarded. Never to return again, no matter what magic existed; death alone is perfect and eternal, so to kill the corpse as well and end it all.

And I stabbed the knife into my corpse.

Now there is no way back. There never was, but until now, I could indulge in the delusion that there might be a path since I hadn’t looked back. But not anymore. Now behind me exists only a cliff, and my corpse will slowly rot below, stabbed by a knife.

This woman showed my back to me like a mirror, making me realize that there is no path behind me.

I am a woman.

I have become a woman.

“I couldn’t know everything from a single phone call, but seeing the news on the internet and seeing you now definitely makes it clear. Didn’t I say earlier? Do I look like a girl going through puberty? In fact, that’s true. I looked into it a bit, and this TS condition is fascinating. You have your period, right? Then you’re really going through puberty.”

“…Am I going through puberty?”

“Yeah, they say this TS condition really has the power to rejuvenate. The sample size is small, so it’s not a complete theory, but your body has genuinely reverted to youth, and you’re going through the process of becoming an adult again. How does it feel? A twenty-nine-year-old girl in puberty?”

“…It’s awful.”

I have no idea why Han Su-young is doing this to me. I can’t understand why she would mock me and confirm my death, only to say that it’s natural.

What does it mean to hear such things from her? What relation does my being a woman have with Han Su-young? Why is there a reason for this? Why must I be a woman?

Just a little while ago, you were wary of me becoming a woman.

Because of your pathetic jealousy.

“Your denial is quite cute. You know it yourself, in fact.”

“I don’t know anything like that.”

Han Su-young laughed. This time it wasn’t mocking. It was a laugh of disbelief, of exasperation. Mixed with contempt and a hint of hatred. It was fascinating how so many emotions were intertwined in her laugh and facial expression, and it was incredible that I could perceive that.

“I truly didn’t think I’d have to say it this directly.”

“What do you want from me?”

“Admit it.”

It was obvious that it didn’t mean to admit like a poet. Yet somehow, I felt like she had said ‘admit’ in that context.

And that illusion lasted only a moment.

“I want to know your true feelings.”

[You really like Hwa-won, don’t you?]

…Ha.

Haha.

Hahaha.

What on earth is she saying now? Hwa-won? Of course I like him. He’s a precious friend. There’s no way I wouldn’t like him. It’s obvious. But the ‘like’ that comes from Han Su-young’s mouth is not that kind of meaning. It can only be interpreted that way.

Moreover, Han Su-young was even disgusted. I laughed mechanically.

“Please don’t laugh. I don’t want to hear forced laughter. Honestly, it feels unpleasant.”

“You say you like Hwa-won?”

“Of course. Would a girl in puberty not fall for a good-looking older brother who treats her well?”

“I’m not some damn girl in puberty, and we’re the same age.”

“You’re just a kid. Should I show you proof?”

Han Su-young took out a hand mirror from her bag and held it up to me. The face reflected there was very…

Red.

It was brightly flushed.

Not just a little, but as red as a perfectly ripened apple.

“That’s impossible. I… I can’t be like that.”

“I feel like you missed your lines a bit. If the order had changed, I could have teased you about being gay. I would have told you that if you weren’t a homo, you wouldn’t wear clothes like that in under a year. It’s too bad, isn’t it?”

You trashy girl.

“That’s impossible. I can’t like Hwa-won… in that way.”

“I didn’t say anything about what kind of meaning it had.”

Cowardly seductress.

“What did you think it meant?”

“Let’s stop with the wordplay. In that context, anyone would have to interpret it that way.”

“Want to know something funny? Your face, while not exactly this red, was already heating up since Hwa-won’s name came up.”

“Lies.”

It can’t be true. It can’t be, yet I was disturbed.

“That’s a lie, of course. It was about this red already.”

It was just an ordinary provocation. It was clearly false incitement, just spouting nonsense. Maybe I was just resentful about being turned down by Hwa-won. Still, I couldn’t simply ignore those words.

“Are you trying to deceive me because I was turned down by Hwa-won? Are you trying to do something bad? How pathetic.”

“It hurt a lot. I didn’t know he could get that angry. He was somewhat attractive in his own way. If it were that way, I might have backed down willingly. Maybe I would have given up willingly. But, you know, Hwa-won, he’s changed a bit.”

“…How so?”

“He said he’ll stop his wild nightlife. I’ve heard the rumors. They say Gang Hwa-won has turned over a new leaf, stopped living a wayward life, and plans to take over his father’s company and marry his fiancée.”

Somehow, my heart sank.

“Why did he change like that? It’s not like all the rumors were correct, but it’s true that Hwa-won has changed. Then what caused him to change? Was it because of his fiancée, or was it because of you?”

“I’m not that kind of person. It can’t be because of me.”

“That’s right. You don’t have a figure that Hwa-won would like at all. You’re short, aren’t you? So, it must be because of his fiancée?”

This time, something rose up inside me in a rush.

“…There’s no way Hwa-won would like a clingy little kid like that.”

In the pictures, Yoo Seol-rin didn’t have that glamorous body. She was on the taller side, though. More than anything, she was just a kid who had yet to become an adult. Though she would soon be an adult, she was a small girl for being mixed with American blood.

“Ha, are you joking? If that’s a joke, I’ll give you full marks. I’m really dying to roll around laughing right here.”

…I shouldn’t be saying that.

“Anyway, you know, I’m actually angry too. I dislike the image she’s trying to put up now, her shamelessness in trying to clear her past, and the indifference of not caring whether it clears up or not, and of course, the Hwa-won who has changed because of another woman, all of it, all of it.”

I didn’t like it.

“Do you understand? Now you’re also a woman, right? You should know. You must know. Otherwise, your expression wouldn’t be so twisted right now.”

I should deny this, but I had no words to refute. Nothing came to mind about what to say.

Hwa-won was right. I shouldn’t have met this woman. The story in the letter must have been bait. A bait chosen to discuss this topic. Now I wasn’t sure if the proper story would indeed come out as described in that letter. Perhaps I was just called to be tormented.

I didn’t have the ability to deal with this woman.

“My cute Seol-guk. Why do you think I’m telling you this? I noticed it from our last call. It was definitely a woman’s jealousy. I really think this is noteworthy. In less than a year, you’ve become a heavenly woman? Your talent is outstanding.”

I bit my lip and looked at Han Su-young. I had no words to throw back at her mockery. Even if I did have some, I wouldn’t dare to speak them. At this point, I no longer believed in the story of the letter, but until it was revealed, it felt like I was a mere hostage.

“To be honest, I think it doesn’t matter to me whether Seol-guk acknowledges it or not. It’s just a matter of time. A matter of time. But, you see, you should think carefully. Alone, it’s just a matter of time, but with a competitor, it’s a time attack, right?”

“Hwa-won doesn’t like her.”

That’s a lie.

“Then why did those words come up in the first place? If you don’t like Hwa-won, then Hwa-won falling in love with his fiancée shouldn’t matter to you at all, right?”

Ultimately, those words came out.

Love,

The most hated word in the world. A terrible, disgusting, and filthy word.

It only offered me pain.

Even now, it wasn’t much different.

“…Why? Why are you trying to make me acknowledge that I like Hwa-won? What benefit does that bring you?”

“Because it’s fun.”

“You crazy woman.”

“Thanks. But what can I do? It really looks like it’s fun, watching you two. I personally support you both. That fiancée? I don’t know much about her, but she doesn’t seem fun at all. But you are different. This is a gift, didn’t I say? I hope you accept it happily.”

Gift, present, current.

“Recognizing that feeling is a gift?”

Then where is the revenge? What is the revenge? What is Han Su-young’s intended revenge?

“Just you two being together is enough.”

“Why… What do you mean by that?”

Han Su-young stated something not especially grand, just an obvious fact, as though she were reciting lines from a play, predicting my fate.

“It’s because if you both come together, you will definitely be unhappy.”

That was truly a… undeniable future.