Chapter 177

I had calmed down to some extent, but my condition still felt quite unstable. I could clearly acknowledge this through my conversation with Eun-a. My current state wasn’t just a little ‘unsteady’; if we were to quantify it, it might even be dangerously so.

For now, thanks to Eun-a, I was somehow able to endure, but the moment I was left alone, I feared I might revert to my previous state. In such a situation, I had to converse with Ham Yejin.

It was tough to do it alone.

Fortunately, Eun-a didn’t leave.

“Why would I go back when I’ve helped you? I’ll be sitting here for a few days, so treat me properly.”

“Stop messing around.”

Of course, it was just a way to hide my embarrassment. In reality, saying thank you wouldn’t have been enough. Fortunately or unfortunately, Eun-a seemed to understand that well and was making a teasing face at me.

“Your cheeks are red.”

“It’s because I’m cold!”

“Oh, is that so?”

Still, it was a bit infuriating.

“When I call, will you be around?”

“No, stay beside me.”

“As you wish.”

A chuckle escaped my lips. It was funny that I was momentarily relying so completely on someone much younger than me.

Yet, at this moment, she was someone I couldn’t truly substitute for, so I accepted it quietly. What? Weak me.

“I’ll call now.”

“Put it on speakerphone.”

I was weak, foolish, and utterly moronic. I was a bundle of irritability and annoyance, and when I had my period, it became tiresome to deal with. I had changed to the point where claiming I was a man seemed ridiculous.

I decided to acknowledge it all. All of it, every change, every weakness, every foolishness, it was all me.

Despite having changed this much, nevertheless…

The fact that I was still me.

The truth had died, but I still had to live as myself.

Within this name, Seol-guk.

“Yes.”

After a brief wait, the call connected. Ham Yejin’s voice carried a deep pain even in just a short greeting.

“Hello.”

“Yes…”

“I called because I have something to ask.”

“I…”

“I have a lot of questions. That day, we didn’t really talk, did we?”

“…But I…”

“Let’s have a conversation. Just like always. Like the time you hugged me when I was crying alone on the street.”

“Is it okay for me to do that?”

“I might not be able to forgive you. That day, I was in a lot of pain and shock. I couldn’t hold on, and I crumbled. However, I haven’t forgotten the kindness you showed me. So… at the very least, I want to hear your story.”

“I…”

Ham Yejin fell silent, and it took a long time for her response to come back.

“It’s a long story to tell over the phone. Would it be alright if I visited your house?”

“Isn’t it originally your house?”

“Thank you. But… there’s something I need to say beforehand.”

“Go ahead.”

“What Muk Ha-neul said…”

It’s all the truth.

The call dropped suddenly.

I kept chewing on her last words. That was… painful. Just as painful as when I first heard it. No matter what circumstances there were, no matter what stories there were, it was true that Ham Yejin had thought of me as a replacement for her child.

Hearing that, I couldn’t remain indifferent.

However, I… wasn’t alone now.

“You’re such a terrible person.”

“Right?”

“But you’ll hear me out, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, that’s good enough. I won’t say more.”

“Thanks.”

We were sitting together on the sofa. I had naturally leaned against Eun-a’s shoulder, and she didn’t refuse. After today, such moments wouldn’t happen again. That wasn’t the kind of relationship we had.

Yet, for today, I needed to feel this much warmth.

Eun-a shared a lot of stories that had nothing to do with the current situation. Whether she was being considerate or not, she didn’t mention anything crude. We talked about novels, school, and even about Im Mi-ra.

I heard that Mi-ra was currently preparing for her exam and that they were still seeing each other.

“It’s not just casual meetings; we study together. I’m tutoring her.”

“You’re the same age, though?”

“It feels like I’m tutoring someone of my own age? I haven’t seen that movie, though.”

“That’s a really famous movie.”

“It came out before I was even born.”

That was a bit shocking.

“Anyway… Mi-ra isn’t bad at studying; it’s just that it’s closer to spending time together than actual tutoring.”

“How is Mi-ra’s level?”

“If we assume I’ve shown my pure ability, she can aim for just below me.”

Eun-a was the type who only missed two questions on the Korean section of the college entrance exam. Even if it was luck, it was clear that she was good at studying if she spoke like that.

“By the way, she surprisingly confessed to you about retaking the exam.”

“Why’s that?”

“I thought she’d cut off contact and disappear. She was struggling a lot, and being compared to you, who had great luck with the exam, would have been tough. So when I was with you two, I didn’t bring it up.”

“She’s stronger than she looks.”

It seemed that, surprisingly, Eun-a had such thoughts about Mi-ra.

“The proposal for tutoring wasn’t from me; it was her idea. Oh, and I’m not taking any money for it. It feels a little weird to study for the exam again, like taking it twice, but… it’s not bad.”

“That’s impressive.”

What should I say? Suddenly, Eun-a looked incredibly admirable. Without thinking, I raised my hand and rubbed her head. Since we were both sitting, it wasn’t too difficult. Eun-a wasn’t surprised. Instead, she looked at me with a somewhat shocked expression.

“Oh, sorry. I did it without realizing… I’ll stop.”

“No, you can do it more. No, please do.”

As I tried to lower my hand, Eun-a held my hand and brought it back to her head. She tilted her head slightly to make it easier for me to rub her head. Seeing it develop this far made me feel awkward instead. While I rubbed her head, I asked,

“Doesn’t it feel bad when someone touches your hair without permission?”

“Of course, it feels bad. I take care of it, and I’ve styled it, so if someone messes with it lightly, it’ll be a mess.”

“Should I stop?”

“You’re an exception, oppa.”

“Why?”

“Isn’t it time you acknowledged the destructive power of your own looks?”

I immediately stopped rubbing her head.

“That’s harassment.”

“You’re a full-on woman now.”

“Ugh.”

We shared many unnecessary yet sometimes useful conversations like that. Time passed nicely. That was probably what Eun-a was aiming for—keeping me from falling somewhere alone, holding my hand.

I was really grateful for that.

But now, I could no longer simply hold that hand. It was time to either step into it and find whatever I had lost or leave behind something I needed to lose.

So, even if I couldn’t hold her hand, I hoped she would stay beside me.

“I was already thinking of that.”

Thank you.

The doorbell rang.

~

“…Are you okay? Is your period alright?”

“It’s over. A bit earlier than usual.”

“Is that so…?”

I’m not sure, but I’ve heard that suddenly changing or stopping menstrual cycles isn’t a good sign either. At my words, Ham Yejin seemed to worry even more. But even before that, her face had looked very worn out. The once-young and capable career woman, who sometimes seemed a bit robotic, now had just… a regular person’s face.

“What about Seo Eun-a?”

“Oh, just talk without worrying about me.”

“It seems like you helped Seol-guk… Thank you.”

Eun-a didn’t reply. Leaving Eun-a on the sofa, we went to the dining table and sat across from each other.

Neither of us opened our mouths. A very brief silence trapped us for a long time. Usually, in such moments, the first person to speak is often the other party. I was almost always in the position of listening first.

But I recalled what Eun-a had said.

And I opened my mouth first.

“I have a lot of questions.”

“Yes.”

“But I won’t ask first. I hope Ham Yejin will answer first. From the truth being that it’s all true, to what happened, and…,”

About things like an abortion.

“Of course, since it’s all your personal life, I won’t say anything if you don’t want to talk about it.”

“But then, that would be the end of it.”

I nodded.

Ham Yejin, with a tired expression, brushed her hair slightly. Then she took off the suit jacket she usually wore neatly, loosened her tie, and opened a button on her shirt, changing into a very… comfortable outfit.

“Phew….”

It was a wild look I had never seen before. It was almost shocking. Not just her outfit, but her expression and atmosphere seemed to have completely swapped to the opposite.

“Have you lost your respect?”

“For what?”

“For the story I’m about to tell.”

“I haven’t heard it yet.”

“It’s not any different from what I’ve already said.”

Ham Yejin began her story.

“I think I’ve done a good job hiding it somehow. I’m not really a polite person like this, nor am I a blunt person. But I believe my essence hasn’t changed. I… it’s quite embarrassing to say, but I used to be a delinquent.”

“Excuse me?”

Ham Yejin?

A delinquent?

She was a delinquent?

“It was normal to drink and smoke, and I hung out with bad kids. I was smart enough that I didn’t have to study hard to get decent grades, so my family just let me slide as long as I kept the bare minimum.”

Ham Yejin’s family was… an incredibly wealthy one.

“Of course, I could never have lived by those words. I lived as indulgently as I could. Morals? Those didn’t exist. My reputation was naturally the worst, and I even had rumors swirling around me among the rich idiots who only knew how to have fun.”

Ham Yejin smiled cynically. She was clearly referring to others, but somehow, I felt like I understood who she was actually pointing at. And indeed, it was true.

“I hated those kinds of people. So I tried even harder to act in the opposite way. Not knowing it was the same thing.”

Tragically,

“I was exactly that kind of rich, foolish, simpleton. I realized that when I was already over two months pregnant.”

I see.

That was… truly, that statement was the truth.

“I don’t even know who the father of the child is. I lived like that.”

She was trashy.