Chapter 175

A slight shiver ran through me. Seo Eun-a’s words struck right at my core. Right now, there was nothing inside me. I had emptied myself to protect who I was. I had become completely hollow.

I was feeling ‘a little’ anxious at the moment. Perhaps this anxiety was just an illusion. But the moment Seo Eun-a uttered those words, the unease became reality. It took shape and began to erupt from within me.

I did want to confide in someone. However, Seo Eun-a could not be that someone. Was I supposed to grab hold of a girl who had just barely become a college student and cry and vent my feelings? To burden her like that?

I couldn’t do that. It wasn’t right.

“Are you really okay?”

“I’m fine.”

“If you were truly okay, you’d probably be trying to kick me out by now.”

“Do you want to leave?”

“It’s not ‘do you want to leave?’ It’s ‘you’re asking if I want to leave?’ My state is not normal.”

What was it about me that wasn’t normal? It was you who made me feel this way. Before you came, I was running away hard. I had been disappearing all by myself.

“Did something happen?”

“It’s none of your business.”

“Do I seem like the kind of person who would poke into other people’s affairs?”

Not really. But this wasn’t genuine. I couldn’t let you know that you were being childish. That was simply not an option.

“If you tell me, I’ll go home right now.”

“…You can just stay here.”

“No, what’s so hard about it?”

She was persistent. I was angry. I was furious, but I couldn’t express my anger. So this was just bluster.

“Stop it before I get angry.”

That didn’t have any effect.

“Then just get angry already.”

Why are you sitting there like a dead person?

Right, I didn’t know either.

For a moment, silence hung between us. In any case, I had no intention of opening up. At least, not to her.

“…I’ll tell Hwa-won.”

“What did you just say?”

Who are you planning to tell?

“Hwa-won.”

“How would you even talk to him?”

You don’t even know his number. Even though you’ve met a few times, you’re not particularly close.

“He came to our house once to see my dad. We exchanged numbers back then.”

Hwa-won went to Professor Seo’s house? Why? No, that wasn’t important right now.

“Are you threatening me?”

“I’m just pointing out the right person.”

Seo Eun-a wasn’t the type to just talk. She didn’t stop there; she raised her hand. She took out her smartphone and began dialing. I had to stop her. I absolutely had to stop her. No matter what happened, I had to stop her.

I had said not to answer if Hwa-won called, and I didn’t want to say it in writing. I had been stalling contacting him with those words, but the truth was, it was all a lie.

There was no way she didn’t know. Hwa-won wasn’t the kind of person who wouldn’t pick up just because I told him not to. And the moment he heard my voice, he would come immediately.

That was just who Hwa-won was.

So, I had to stop her, Seo Eun-a.

I didn’t want to show her that I had given up on myself.

If I were to say it, then at least I had to say it myself.

“Stop it!”

I dashed toward Seo Eun-a, leaving behind all the fleeting thoughts. I pushed her down and immediately snatched her smartphone away. She fell backward, but fortunately, there was a sofa behind her. I realized that the screen of Seo Eun-a’s smartphone hadn’t yet dialed the number, and I felt relieved.

No, wait a minute.

“…This isn’t Hwa-won’s number.”

“Finally, you’re speaking like a person.”

“Are you seriously trying to…!”

“You thought that was real? What makes you think that brother would exchange numbers with me? Besides, who still types in numbers one by one nowadays? If the number is saved, you just hit it and that’s it.”

…That made sense. I was so flustered that I couldn’t think of such a basic thing. If I had thought about it for even a moment, it would have been obvious, but she didn’t give me a second to consider.

“Why… did you do that?”

“Because no matter how much I provoked you, you didn’t react, so I tried whatever.”

“Why Hwa-won?”

“Huh?”

“Why him out of everyone?”

What I was asking was not why she did it; I wanted to know why it was Hwa-won.

The target of her threats for a phone call couldn’t just be Hwa-won. Even if I was excluding Professor Seo since we had just had a fight, there were still Han-bom, Muk Ha-neul, and Ham Yejin. Seo Eun-a had met all of them and yet didn’t know the story of Muk Ha-neul or Ham Yejin.

So if she was going to lie about exchanging numbers, it could have been any of them. I couldn’t understand why she insisted on choosing Hwa-won specifically.

“…There’s no particular reason. I could have mentioned someone else. I just happened to randomly hit it right. It could have been that I picked based on a different gender than the others.”

“Is that true?”

“Is there a reason for me to lie?”

It seemed she genuinely had no reason to lie. But somehow I felt she was being dishonest.

…After thinking for a moment, I stopped pressing her.

I didn’t know why. But it felt like I shouldn’t know. I didn’t feel like I should be hearing this right now.

“Will you tell me?”

“Why would I tell you when I can’t even tell Hwa-won?”

“Then right now, you should go home, apologize to Dad, cancel your withdrawal, ask for Hwa-won’s number, and really tell me.”

…Seo Eun-a was serious. She was the kind of person who could act on that. But why was she going that far for me?

You fought with your dad and even ran away from home, but you’re just going to give it all up and go back? Simply for my sake?

“The runaway part was half a show, so it’s fine. It was just me protesting my way.”

“…Don’t use my house for your protests.”

“And what are we, just acquaintances?”

“If we’re not just acquaintances, then what are we?”

“People who watch dirty stuff together?”

“Come on, don’t be ridiculous.”

Although it wasn’t wrong, you were the one who wrote it.

“Because it’s precious.”

“Precious, huh?”

“I’m embarrassed, so don’t ask more.”

“…Alright.”

I didn’t know. Maybe it was because of that comment that I changed my mind. I wasn’t sure, but thank you.

“So is the negotiation over?”

“…I’ll tell you. But there’s a condition.”

“What’s that?”

“Fairly, you have to tell me everything you’re hiding too.”

“I will.”

I set the condition that Seo Eun-a should tell me what she was hiding about her withdrawal. And to my surprise, she accepted my proposal quite coolly. I thought she’d refuse a bit, but it seemed my judgment was wrong.

“Do you want me to go first?”

“…Yeah.”

“The part about killing and dissecting animals, I can’t bear it.”

“Dissect?”

She mentioned she was in veterinary school. So, it would be natural for them to do dissections there. But killing them? I hadn’t been aware of that. Would she have to kill the animals used for dissections herself?

“Since it’s veterinary school, it’s obviously part of the curriculum. But I just can’t do it. Until now, I’ve only done it with small animals like rats or chicks; I can’t handle anything more.”

“…What was the reason for going to veterinary school?”

There had to be a reason for choosing that path. It wasn’t like she went in without knowing.

“My sister—”

“Your sister?”

“My sister is a nurse, remember? I wanted to help people, but my grades weren’t good enough for medical school, so I went there.”

“I remember.”

“So I thought about going to medical school. With my grades, I could have possibly gone.”

“For your sister’s unfulfilled dream?”

“No. I wanted to go just to tease her that I got in but she didn’t.”

Crazy girl.

“…I have a lot to say, but I’ll let it go for now.”

“But I chose veterinary school because I was scared of cutting into people since that’s where I would have to do something too.”

“Then wouldn’t that mean you can’t tease your sister? She wanted to cut into people after all.”

“I realized that after enrolling.”

…Ah, I see. They are indeed sisters. After going to nursing school, the sister realized a nurse can’t cut into people either.

In any case,

“Why are you scared of dissection then? Didn’t you know before going?”

“It’s not fear. It’s disgust. There’s a huge difference between cutting into an animal to care for it, and killing a healthy one just to dissect it.”

“…That’s true.”

“I won’t deny the necessity of such sacrifices, but I still dislike it. I can’t do it. That’s why I’m quitting.”

It was true that Seo Eun-a was a bit unusual, yet she had only just graduated from high school. Legally, she was an adult, but she was still just a kid. For such a person to have that experience suddenly wouldn’t be easy. Even if she had prepared herself for it, it would still be a hard task. Moreover, Seo Eun-a’s choice of major seemed impulsive to some extent as well.

“I feel like I’m having a weird misunderstanding, but it’s not like I chose it thoughtlessly. I knew dissections were a part of the curriculum, and I also chose this major out of a certain affection for animals. It’s just that when I actually did it, it was completely different from what I had imagined.”

Killing a living animal directly to dissect it. It would definitely feel very different than just reading about it. Above all, Seo Eun-a was someone who loved the heat and joy of life more than anyone else. She wouldn’t have been able to extinguish that flame herself.

Seo Eun-a said,

“…Just because those animals exist, doesn’t mean they have to die. Of course, they were born for that purpose, but do they really have to die for it? If they were born, isn’t that enough of a reason to live?”

If they were born to die, what a cruel thing that would be.

Ah,

…I,

I…

“I see.”

Really,

I see.

For some reason, I felt a lump in my throat.

“…Are you crying?”

“No, it’s just… just something got in my eye.”

“What an old-fashioned expression.”

I wasn’t sobbing or crying out loud. I just sniffled a little. The faucet of emotions had just briefly opened a bit. Seo Eun-a paused to speak and waited for me to stop my tears.

“Anyway, that’s why I’m quitting.”

“Thanks for telling me. I thought you weren’t able to make any friends.”

It was a joke I made to hide my tears. I did feel a bit embarrassed for suddenly crying in front of her.

But then, unexpectedly, Seo Eun-a turned her head without saying anything.

“Seo Eun-a?”

“….”

“You said you’re not an outcast.”

“Being an outsider is different from being bullied.”

“Ah, uh… yeah.”

…It seemed better to drop this topic.

“Then now, please tell me. What happened?”

“…It might be a bit long.”

“I have enough time.”

As much as I need, it can flow freely.