Chapter 165

Two days later, early in the morning, Park Chan-wook came and bowed his head.

“…What is it?”

“I’m sorry.”

I had already heard from Han-bom that he would apologize, but I never imagined he would do it so fervently. His attitude of kneeling and bowing his head was surprisingly… burdensome.

“…Uh, okay. You can get up.”

Fortunately, Park Chan-wook did not stubbornly keep his head down. As soon as I finished my sentence, he swiftly raised his head. This was a bit awkward as well. His apology seemed sincere, though.

“I’m sorry. It was a slip of the tongue.”

“No, I also spoke without knowing anything. I should have listened to the story before speaking.”

“It’s natural for a plagiarist to get scolded. I was the fool for getting angry.”

“Um… I’m okay, so you don’t have to go that far.”

There was no need to go to such lengths of self-denial.

By the way, does he know that I heard the story from Han-bom? Did Han-bom tell him? She said it was okay, but it felt a bit awkward knowing I listened to the story without the parties involved knowing.

“I told him.”

“Uh, I’m sorry for overhearing.”

“It’s okay. It’s not a big deal.”

“Even if it’s not a big deal, it can still hurt.”

“That might be true.”

Park Chan-wook boldly acknowledged his wound. He was hot-tempered and had anger management issues, yet he was quite straightforward about this. What should I say to him?

“You wanted to go to the Department of Literature, right?”

“That’s an old story.”

“Right.”

But on that day, you were reading Gargantua and Pantagruel.

Until the publication of ‘Younger Sister’, author Park Sang-hwa wasn’t particularly well-known, and looking at the afterword of ‘Younger Sister’, he seemed to be the head of a rather poor family.

If that state had continued, going to college wouldn’t have been a problem. This country has a system of national scholarships and student loans.

However, with the success of ‘Younger Sister’, money came in. He could either go in and study hard or work hard to pay it back, but that initial deposit would have to come from the money he earned by selling that ‘younger sister’. Park Chan-wook wouldn’t have been able to accept that.

And because of what his father did, he probably also developed a sense of disgust towards the Department of Literature itself. That place is where one learns how to sell their own story.

According to Kurt Vonnegut’s fifth law, writing should sound like ‘your’ experience.

“Thanks to you, I sorted out my feelings. So, there’s no need to be so concerned.”

“Sorted out your feelings?”

“I’m going to quit. Until now, I’ve been half-hearted, but I’ll stop serializing it. I’ll also post an apology.”

…That was an unexpected statement. But Park Chan-wook must have been pondering this for quite some time.

“Are you sure it’s okay?”

“It’s something I have to bear.”

It won’t be an easy path. He will receive infamy, and it will solely be his responsibility. There are countless easy ways to go about it. He could simply continue serializing and perhaps let the problem die down unnoticed. Nevertheless, Park Chan-wook chose to bear the guilt.

“Anyway, it’s tanking, so I’m not making any money. Then I guess I should just quit and bow my head at least.”

“You just did bow your head….”

To me.

“Are you planning to start a new work?”

“I’ll be reflecting for a while. And…”

“Yeah?”

“Once again, I’m sorry. I didn’t really mean it that way. It’s not an excuse, but I guess I’ve built up some inferiority complex.”

“To me?”

“Yes.”

“Why me of all people?”

“Because you are brave.”

“Is that a compliment?”

“It is.”

“…Thanks. Even so, if you say that, what does that make me? I’m sure my income is not even one-tenth of yours.”

“Money isn’t the important issue here.”

“That’s true, but it’s a bit annoying.”

Neither of us cared what anyone else thought, and we shared a quiet laugh.

This was just right. I liked this atmosphere. We saw each other’s pain, and now we had mutual respect. It was a connection that could be continued thanks to the link that was Han-bom, and although it was an ongoing relationship due to an unexpected incident, now, what difference did it make?

“So what’s that next to you?”

“Strawberries.”

“Did you buy them to give to me?”

“Half of them.”

I didn’t say ‘what’s with this?’ Yes, if you’re going to apologize, you should at least show some sincerity. I could gladly accept this level of sincerity. I took a basket of strawberries that Park Chan-wook brought in a black bag.

“They look delicious. But why strawberries of all things?”

“They’re in season, and my older sister has been whining about wanting to eat them for a while now.”

“Am I a bonus then?”

“Would you like to take all of them?”

“What about your senior’s?”

“She told me to buy them for myself.”

Even if he said no, did he feel a bit upset talking about himself? Or was he trying to read my mind? Still, he shouldn’t be like that.

“Forget it. Be good to your senior. She’s a rare girl, after all.”

“…Huh?”

When I turned my head at his bewildered reply, Park Chan-wook had a look on his face as if he had seen a ghost.

“Did you take your medicine?”

“I’m serious, you brat.”

“…It’s not wrong, but I didn’t expect to hear that from you.”

“How do you perceive me—or rather, your senior?”

“Not commenting.”

If it had been any other occasion, I might have called him a mean-spirited brat right away, but it seems he’s somewhat cautious about my reactions. I wonder if he would be even slightly more polite under normal circumstances.

“Ah, don’t come here for a while. Not to your senior’s house, but to mine. I won’t be going for a while either. If your senior asks you to come over, you should refuse.”

“Is it because of the recent incident?”

“Not really.”

It’s hard for me to say.

Um… well, it shouldn’t matter.

“It’ll be that day soon.”

“You don’t need to say such things, really.”

“I was going to curse.”

“…I’m sorry.”

“That’s all I needed to hear.”

~

Why suddenly out of the blue are we talking about menstruation? Even if I heard it, well, there’s nothing I can do. This is something close to a natural disaster.

I tend to have pretty severe menstrual cramps. And whenever it’s that time of the month, my temperature would rise. It’s not a disease, but rather an issue with my constitution, and I often feel incredibly lonely during that time. My intelligence also feels halved. My mental age drops as well.

I feel depressed, irritable, angry—whatever, it’s just a terrible time.

So when my period starts, I usually block out any relationships with close acquaintances first. I tell them not to come because I’ll be suffering on my own anyway.

It all started when I first got my period, and the next month I sent messages to Hwa-won, Muk Ha-neul, Ham Yejin, and others. By now, everyone knew, so from the following month on, no one came. There were no issues. There were no problems, yet,

The issue was… I was the problem.

“Are you saying I should not come this time?”

“Haneul said she would come. You don’t need to come.”

“I never planned to go anyway. Last time you kept whining, so I went, didn’t I? You complained that I didn’t come last month. I told you not to come then too.”

“Shut up. This time it’s for real.”

I feel lonely and depressed. Naturally, I begin to call other people again. There have already been several instances, and the main victims were as I mentioned earlier: Hwa-won, Muk Ha-neul, and Ham Yejin.

Muk Ha-neul or Ham Yejin were fine. They didn’t seem to care much and even came over, perhaps out of concern. The atmosphere was a bit awkward when they came together, but…

However, Hwa-won was different. I didn’t want to show Hwa-won how I looked when I was on my period. Even though it was already embarrassing, it still felt humiliating every time. I hated showing my irritated and whining side. From the very first time I got my period, it was unavoidable, but afterwards, it still felt a bit off.

So I always told Hwa-won in advance not to come. The previous month, she didn’t come. The problem was, I didn’t remember well, but the next month I practically begged Hwa-won to come over. Like a brat.

After I snapped out of it and heard the story, of course, I denied it, but it turned out the conversation was recorded—such a meticulous brat.

“What did I say back then? Did I say I’d cry if you didn’t come?”

“I can’t hear you, can’t hear you, can’t hear you.”

“Should I play the recording for you?”

“Damn it, you still haven’t deleted it?”

“Am I crazy enough to delete this? It could serve as ten years’ worth of teasing material. Should I go this time too? I feel like I could find a hundred years’ worth of teasing material.”

“I’m going to die.”

At the café, we were waiting for the coffee we ordered together. I had taken off my hat and revealed my hair, which had recently been cut short at the salon, but it was still recognizable.

“Are you now walking around without your hat?”

“Not really, but it’s a bit suffocating indoors.”

I was getting tired of being conscious of the attention around me. I wasn’t even sure what changes meeting a fan had brought to my mind.

I didn’t explicitly bare my head. But I also didn’t try to hide it either. That’s how I’ve been lately.

“By the way, I’ve seen sightings of you on SNS.”

“What the hell are you saying?”

What kind of nonsensical talk is this?

“They’re treating you like a rare animal. If you find one, you’ll be lucky? There’s even a photo taken from afar where your face isn’t visible.”

“That’s just illegal filming, damn it.”

Have I been going out too much recently? Ever since I went to see Jin Seo-hye, I visited the salon, went out on a date-like outing that Muk Ha-neul invited me to, and went to the horse racing track because Han-bom asked.

“Have I been too active lately?”

“Even if Seol-guk is considered active, it’s still Seol-guk. Isn’t it just four times in the last month that you went out? Is that considered active? Give me a break. But what’s up with the horse racing track? Does that girl gamble?”

“No, she said she likes horses. I think she bought a betting slip, but not a lot. Maybe worth ten thousand won?”

“Did you win?”

“I’m not sure about the structure, but seeing her scream, it looked like she lost. I paid for dinner that evening.”

“Don’t hang out with that girl. Never gamble.”

“Are you kidding me? You think I’d want to gamble after seeing the scene at the horse racing track?”

“That girl seems a bit crazy. If she tries to offer you a drink, run away immediately.”

“She’s not that inconsiderate of a person.”

“Really?”

“…Maybe.”

I’m sorry, Han-bom. I’m not even sure myself.