Chapter 151

I wasn’t particularly fond of alcohol before. There were rumors that the drinks were strong, but I just drank until I was tipsy and nothing more. My actual tolerance never exceeded a bottle.

After becoming like this, when faced with difficulties, I found myself missing cigarettes more than alcohol.

However, whenever Hwa-won and I had these conversations, we would go to our regular bar and start with a glass of soju. But now, I was in no condition to do that.

Muk Ha-neul had recently stayed at my place for a while, so she wouldn’t be visiting anytime soon, and it wasn’t the day for Ham Yejin to come either. Seo Eun-a was too busy with university life, so the only person who could potentially visit me now was Han-bom from the neighboring house.

And Han-bom was never one to come over without letting me know in advance, so I had already sent her a message through chat telling her not to come since I had a friend over.

I didn’t have a full setting ready, but I had prepared a little. I had some spare money at the moment, so I splurged a bit and ordered expensive sashimi and jokbal.

By the way, the meat and eel that Hwa-won had previously brought were already gone, and Han-bom had eaten more than half of it. She didn’t seem to know how to refuse.

There were cold beers and soju in the fridge, and the food was about to arrive.

That was all I needed to prepare to talk with Hwa-won.

Last week, I heard that if I didn’t produce results, I would have to go to America, and a few days ago, the results of the contest came out.

Before the results were announced, I had comforted Hwa-won, saying everything would be fine, but after they came out, I offered no consolation. No words would resonate with her at that moment. We agreed to meet in a few days as usual, and that day was today.

It wasn’t specifically planned to drink, but when would we get the chance to do so? Even if I couldn’t drink, Hwa-won surely wouldn’t be able to hold back. She had already had beer at my place a couple of times, and it wasn’t a special occasion. The alcohol had originally been brought by Hwa-won anyway.

With a notification that the sashimi had arrived, the doorbell rang. Since I had already paid, I just told them to leave it, so I wondered why they had to ring the bell. Grumbling about the delivery person in my mind, I shouted, “Just leave it!”

“Really? Am I really going?”

But the voice I heard wasn’t that of a stranger. I immediately opened the front door. Hwa-won stood there with a plastic bag containing the delivered sashimi.

“That’s too much. Telling me to leave right after I arrive.”

“When did you start as a delivery person?”

“I just started because I thought it suited me better.”

Maybe she had coincidentally matched her timing with the delivery person’s arrival.

We all laughed at the self-deprecating joke. It wasn’t exactly a laugh-out-loud joke, but if we didn’t laugh at such jokes, they’d cease to be jokes.

I took the bag from Hwa-won and brought it to the dining table.

“The jokbal hasn’t arrived yet.”

“Even I wouldn’t be able to eat both this and the jokbal.”

“I’m here too, you know.”

“You don’t count.”

“You can handle two portions.”

“I guess I’ll have to make an effort.”

Since there was no need to wait, we immediately arranged the delivered sashimi and other side dishes on the table and took out the alcohol.

“What are you going to drink? Beer? Soju?”

“Soju.”

If it’s something light, I drink beer. If I need to get a bit drunk, I drink soju. I’m sure many people drink that way. In that regard, Hwa-won was no different.

I stopped Hwa-won as she tried to pour her own soju and took the soju bottle from her.

“Why are you being so stingy pouring it for yourself?”

“Is it okay?”

Hwa-won’s “Is it okay?” carried a complex meaning. She knew that I had been invited to drink with Lee Cheon. For her to pour my drink would probably feel a bit awkward.

In fact, when Hwa-won drank at my house before, she had never done that. She had drunk straight from the can.

“Why make a big deal out of this?”

Of course, I didn’t particularly like it either, but it was different when the other person was Hwa-won. Recreating that scene again was also uncomfortable, so I snatched her glass too.

As long as it wasn’t from someone else’s glass, I didn’t mind pouring. I filled a glass and handed it to Hwa-won.

“Here.”

“Thank you.”

Holding the filled glass, Hwa-won paused for a moment. She quietly stared at the glass. What was she seeing in that glass?

I also poured water into my small glass and lifted it in front of Hwa-won.

After a quick toast, Hwa-won downed her shot of soju.

“On an empty stomach right away?”

“I’m just doing a quick coating.”

Hwa-won packed perilla leaves with some flounder sashimi, two pieces of halibut sashimi, ssamjang, garlic, and chili and ate them.

“This place is pretty good.”

“Really? Isn’t sashimi all the same?”

“If I say it’s good, then it’s good.”

And with that, we devoured the sashimi while chatting. Hwa-won kept drinking soju, and I sipped water to match her pace. It was just mimicking, but sometimes, that can be a comfort to someone.

“By the way, why did you suddenly switch to soy sauce?”

“Now that I’ve turned into this, if I eat with wasabi and soy sauce like before, my nose gets too sensitive.”

“Oh come on.”

“Come on. I’m tall now, you know? Just wait. I’ll be back to my old height soon.”

“…If you grow back to how you looked before, it’ll be terrifying. But you grew taller? By how much? You look the same.”

“I grew 1 cm.”

“…Is that big? There can’t be more than that difference when measured in the morning and at night.”

“Shut up. A big change is a big change. I’ll be 150cm soon.”

“At this rate, I don’t think you’ll break 150cm for your whole life.”

“Are you cursing me?”

“I got caught, huh? Actually, I’m holding rituals to ensure you don’t grow taller.”

“Stop talking nonsense.”

“Seriously, you should expand your repertoire. This nonsense is getting old.”

“Really, it’s nonsense.”

As we continued chatting, the jokbal arrived, and we began to eat that as well.

“This price and half of it is bones. No matter how I think about it, ordering this doesn’t seem right.”

“You can’t even eat the remaining half by yourself anyway.”

“Eat up, then.”

We talked a lot, but there was hardly any significant conversation. Both Hwa-won and I were just waiting for the right moment. Who would speak first? It was a tricky question. In cases like this, it was usually the other person who opened their mouth first.

“Less than half a year… left, after all.”

“…Yeah.”

Hwa-won downed another glass of soju. She was already on her second bottle. For reference, Hwa-won’s tolerance for soju was three bottles. That’s an enormous amount, but even two bottles would have her feeling quite tipsy by now.

“Well, to be honest, I expected it to turn out this way. That’s why I quietly followed my father.”

That was something I knew as well. Hwa-won’s father hadn’t simply presented her with a year’s time.

“Come home and study to be a successor. Even if you don’t do it properly, at least show your face. Get engaged. Then I won’t cut off support, and for at least a year, I won’t say anything. But if after a year you produce no results, put down writing without any regrets. If you can achieve results that I can recognize, I will allow you to do as you please with your engagement, writing, and heart.”

In fact, Hwa-won could have refused her father’s proposal. It would have been simple. She could just give everything up and live alone. Without receiving any further support, completely severing family ties.

Support? Hwa-won is a strong person. Even if she cut it off, she could find a way to live. To be blunt, she wasn’t someone who would starve to death even if she had to do odd jobs. So that wasn’t a significant issue.

Even without speaking, despite her many complaints, Hwa-won respected her father and had a certain love for him as family. Ties are not something that can simply be severed. Not everyone lives their life like my mother.

And Hwa-won herself had, to some degree, thought about that.

She probably wondered if she lacked talent.

Maybe it was time to give up, realizing that it was no longer possible.

It was a thought everyone had. Before succeeding, everyone has such thoughts. If you buckle under the pressure, it’s over. Not buckling doesn’t guarantee success, but if you buckle, you cannot succeed.

Unfortunately, I was there beside Hwa-won.

I, who had debuted much quicker, received awards, and became an acknowledged writer.

I had sensed a while ago that Hwa-won felt a touch of inferiority towards me.

That wasn’t a bad thing, nor was it something that would lead to feelings of betrayal.

It was so obvious that it was hardly worth mentioning.

The fact that Hwa-won felt a bit of inferiority wouldn’t change our relationship. Hwa-won even regarded that inferiority with disdain. She didn’t deny it. She just laughed at it—at her own weakness and cowardice.

That’s why Hwa-won was more just than anyone else.

So I didn’t blame her for that inferiority.

However, that inferiority was ultimately gnawing at a corner of Hwa-won. It was eating away at her confidence and self-esteem.

In the end, Hwa-won compromised. She decided to accept her father’s proposal. That was tantamount to giving up. Knowing she couldn’t end it herself, she was pushing that role onto her father.

It was cowardly.

Cowardly, yet desperate.

Even in such circumstances, Hwa-won didn’t stop writing.

That wasn’t something I should feel guilty about. If I felt guilty for this, that would almost be an insult.

All I could do was support Hwa-won.

“I’m planning to revise the one I submitted to the contest again. And try one last time.”

“…Good luck.”

“Yeah, I need to try my best.”

Hwa-won took another drink. Soon she’d be on her third bottle.