Chapter 131

It felt somewhat inappropriate to say “alone again.” I had told the regular visitors not to come over, and Jae-Ah mentioned she wouldn’t be able to come from this week until next week due to some event. Hwa-won and Muk Ha-neul likely wouldn’t be able to come either.

So for a few days, there was no one expected to visit me except for Ham Yejin, who was worried about me. Even so, the phrase “alone again” still didn’t quite fit.

I was conversing just fine on my smartphone.

However, even in such a situation, I couldn’t just stay cooped up at home. It was because of the psychological counseling I had agreed to attend once a week.

I felt I should talk about what had happened recently, but it wasn’t something I could easily bring up. Ham Yejin listened to my concerns and told me that I still needed to talk about it. I had hoped to hear her say it was okay not to say anything, but instead, she suggested that she could accompany me if it was too hard for me.

I declined.

Still, following Ham Yejin’s advice, I brought up the recent incident during the counseling session. We talked about various things, but I wasn’t sure if it was helpful. I knew from previous sessions that such counseling doesn’t yield immediate results, but the fundamental question I felt didn’t disappear.

“Is this kind of conversation really effective?”

“It might be, or it might not.”

“That’s a rather irresponsible statement.”

“I’m just a counselor. My role is to help, and I’m not in a position to take responsibility. I can’t and shouldn’t do that. Some say that the most important virtue of a counselor is empathy, but I don’t really think that way. Forcing oneself to pretend to empathize with experiences one cannot truly understand can actually hurt the client.”

“What happened to me isn’t something easily relatable.”

“No, it’s not that hard. It’s definitely a somewhat unique situation. On the contrary, when it comes to Seol-guk’s situation, I’m purposely ‘not empathizing’.”

“Why is that?”

“Because we are still in the stage of getting to know each other. I believe that prematurely empathizing without adequate dialogue and reflection can be a form of gentle violence against the client. Sometimes, people just need comfort, but Seol-guk doesn’t exactly want that—more precisely, he doesn’t want just that, does he?”

…We had conversations like this.

Though the question of whether this was helping lingered as I had said, I also felt that I wasn’t quite ready to discuss things in that manner. It felt somewhat uncomfortable that this counseling teacher seemed to understand me better than I expected.

When I’m asked what I did while cooped up at home, there wasn’t anything special. Despite that incident, I surprisingly managed to live quite typically. Unlike before, I didn’t even need to try to forget; my memories were gradually becoming hazier.

Maybe something hit my head from the soju bottle, or maybe I had gotten a bit stronger.

I couldn’t conclusively say whether forgetting a wound means becoming stronger, but at least it seemed I had chosen that path.

Anyway, people are beings that get up again after falling and hurting.

During the days I tried my best to lead a normal life, there were no particularly joyous events, but there were also no events that were the opposite.

The only noteworthy thing was hearing from Seo Eun-a that the test scores for the college entrance exam had come out.

Seo Eun-a had said she would have gotten one wrong, but it turned out she had actually gotten two wrong in the Korean language section.

Given that this year’s exam was quite difficult, it was still a sufficiently good result, but it didn’t seem like a level that could be called a free pass. Seeing her deflated demeanor, I didn’t tease her and simply offered my sincere consolation.

I also casually asked about Im Mi-ra, but apparently, there had been no contact for the past few days. It seemed she still didn’t know anything about Im Mi-ra’s exam results.

I expected that, so I pretended not to know as well.

So it had been nearly a week since I had communicated with people mainly through my smartphone, and a few more days passed.

It was night.

I had dinner alone and was blankly watching some animation on the computer. It was an old children’s animation that I used to watch on a TV in the orphanage when I was young. There was no particular reason for me to be consuming the memories I had once tried to cut out.

In life, not every event needs a reason.

I just watched.

Things I hadn’t noticed as a child caught my eye, and there were various thoughts to ponder, but honestly, it was a rather insignificant work. Looking back now, it felt childish and wasn’t as enjoyable as it had been back then.

Yet even a mindlessly childish animation could present us with some meaning. I wasn’t quite sure what I was discovering, but I didn’t necessarily need to know every detail of what I found.

This animation wasn’t entertaining to me now. Still, reminiscing can evoke nostalgia in people. Everyone has at least one fragment that they believe they’ll return to, even if they don’t want to return to the past.

Finding fragments was somewhat enjoyable.

It felt too late for a journey of self-discovery, but with this exterior, perhaps it was just within the tolerable range. It was an age where such jokes felt necessary.

And then, the unexpected sound of the doorbell interrupted my humor.

I wasn’t expecting anyone, so I wondered who it could be. There were no notifications on my phone indicating a visitor was coming. I stepped out and checked the intercom, only to see a familiar face and a figure that shouldn’t be there.

“Please open it.”

It was Seo Jae-Ah.

~

Before I could think about why, I immediately opened the door.

The figure that shouldn’t be there was trembling without even wearing a proper coat, which was why I let her in.

Her face, shivering from the cold, was flushed. However, that redness was definitely not caused solely by the cold.

“Are you… okay?”

“I’m not okay.”

Without giving a proper answer to my question, Jae-Ah pushed past me and entered the house. It was rude, but her expression was so distressed that I couldn’t stop her.

“What happened?”

“…I’m sorry. Can I stay for a bit?”

“Is it something hard to talk about?”

“…I’ll tell you later. Right now….”

She looked so unwell that I ultimately dropped the subject. I first sat her down on the sofa and covered her with a blanket. I raised the heater a bit and looked for something warm to drink. Maybe I should make some coffee.

As I put water in the coffee pot and waited for it to boil, various questions flooded my mind, but there was no way to resolve those questions now. All I could do was imagine all sorts of strange scenarios.

However,

It couldn’t possibly be a simple matter if her face was beaten to the point of being unrecognizable.

I had some over-the-counter medicine and band-aids at home, but I didn’t know how to handle a situation where half of her face was severely swollen. At the very least, it didn’t seem like a situation that should be left unattended at home; should I take her to the hospital right away?

“Here’s your coffee.”

“Thank you.”

She took the coffee and held the cup with her hands, which had turned red, just like her face.

“Do you have to go to the hospital?”

“I’m fine. Is there any ice for compresses?”

“I don’t have any right now… wait a moment. I’ll go buy some.”

“You really don’t have to….”

“I’ll pick up some medication on the way too, so stay put. Just put a wet towel on your face in the bathroom or something.”

“…I’m sorry.”

I quickly threw on a coat and headed outside. I hadn’t been out for a few days, so I didn’t realize it was freezing. How did she get all the way here dressed like that in this weather? I first stopped by the grocery store to buy ice, then went to the pharmacy. I picked up ointments and patches based on what the pharmacist advised for facial swelling from getting hit.

After gathering everything I needed and on my way back home, my phone rang. I looked at the screen to see a name flashing on it…

Professor Seo.

“[Hello?]”

“[Did she go there?]”

“[What?]”

“[Did Seo Jae-Ah go there?]”

“[…].”

“[That place.]”

“[…What’s going on?]”

“[Ah, damn. I can’t even say it out loud. What exactly did I do wrong?]”

Professor Seo began muttering to himself without answering me. It was a voice I had never heard before. He was angrier and more tormented than I had ever seen him, filled with disgust.

“What happened?”

“Damn it… why me… my son….”

“Professor.”

“Why are you calling me?!”

“I’m asking about Jae-Ah. What happened?”

“I hit him.”

…What kind of reaction should I have shown here?

What reaction is appropriate towards a father proudly saying he has assaulted his own son?

Having never had a father, I didn’t know what to say. But could I have understood had I had one? I didn’t know that either.

Professor Seo, irritated by my brief silence, snapped.

“[Why the hell… why did this happen?]”

He kept raging, muttering to himself even when he wasn’t having a conversation with me.

From his voice and trembling, I could tell just how angry and tormented he was. He was even more furious and suffering than when Lee Cheon’s situation was disclosed.

And that suffering didn’t seem to manifest as guilt.

That suffering was disgust.

“[What on earth happened that would prompt you to do such a thing? He’s still a child…]”

“[Because he’s a child, I hit him. If he were a grown man, I would have kicked him out and given up on him.]”

“[What happened to make you act like this?]”

I still didn’t know how to respond. I had no knowledge of what had transpired, and even if something occurred that justified his violence, I couldn’t determine if that justification was right.

“[Did Jae-Ah say nothing?]”

“[No, she didn’t. She might not have been able to.]”

“[Shut up.]”

Still, Professor Seo seemed disgusted even by saying the words, delaying each thought with his curses. Yet eventually, he could not hold back the silence any longer.

“[…The clothes came out.]”

“[Clothes?]”

“[In Jae-Ah’s room, clothes came out.]”

“[…I don’t understand what you mean.]”

“[Women’s underwear and women’s clothes, damn it, just… anyway, that sort of thing came out.]”