Chapter 130

Life has not been easy.

Of course, there was never a time when I found life easy, but this year has truly been awful. Did I really have to be born under a star of misfortune?

I know there are countless people in the world who are more unhappy than I am. I consider myself to be pretty lucky. Even if I try to think that way, it doesn’t change the fact that it’s someone else’s story, not mine.

I didn’t want to be in a position where I was comforting myself by looking at the misfortunes of others.

I made some phone calls, had the police come over, and had a brief conversation with Park Chan-wook.

It felt a bit awkward to just call him out of the blue, so I left a text, and he called back immediately. As soon as I picked up, before even saying hello, I could hear irritation in his voice.

“Are you okay?”

“Ah… yeah. I’m okay.”

“Why the hell are you doing that there?”

“…Ah, I’m sorry.”

“Getting hit on the head with a soju bottle isn’t going to kill someone. If it were life-threatening, it would be more likely to happen to you than to me.”

“Maybe that’s true. But my body just moved on its own.”

“Are you thinking of being a hero or something?”

His tone definitely seemed sarcastic, but I couldn’t quite grasp the sudden reference to “hero.” Was he talking about a movie? Or was it about the idea of feeling pity? He didn’t seem like the type to read something like Mencius.

“Mencius?”

“Why are we talking about Mencius?”

“Wasn’t it about the feeling of pity? You know, like how even a hardened villain would instinctively try to save a baby about to fall into a well? That feeling is what Mencius called pity.”

“…Sorry, I think I might have said something foolish because I was a bit annoyed.”

“Ah, yeah.”

Based on his reaction, it seemed like it wasn’t really a discussion about Mencius. There was a moment of silence. I could sense his exasperation even over the phone, but there was nothing more to say about that. After all, the reason I called him was different. It was time to get to the point.

“What did the police say? Think it’ll be okay?”

“Don’t worry about it. They’ll handle it. Even if the police are just overpaid officers, they won’t arrest me for something they witnessed themselves. But what about that woman?”

“That woman?”

“Her tone is so stiff and unpleasant, yet the words she uses are strangely polite.”

Is he talking about Ham Yejin? It felt inappropriate to bring up that name here, but really, there was no suspect other than her.

“Ham Yejin?”

“Then that was her name.”

“I’m not sure if I should say this, but she’s just someone the government sent to help me.”

“For someone like that, she seemed… serious.”

“She’s also a friend.”

Bringing this up directly felt a bit embarrassing.

“A friend?”

“Is that strange?”

“No, it’s none of my business. But the way she spoke didn’t seem like that of friends.”

“How did it seem then?”

“A bit deeper.”

“Deeper how?”

“On the level of emotions.”

What kind of emotional story was Park Chan-wook referring to? Ham Yejin had shown me kindness without expecting anything in return. But I wasn’t so naive as to think that was purely altruistic.

Kindness without expectations and pure goodwill are completely different concepts. I was already aware that Ham Yejin felt guilty for looking at me. That was certainly far from pure.

The reason I didn’t delve deeper into her feelings was that I believed and respected what Ham Yejin had confided in me. However, looking at it from someone else’s perspective… I wasn’t sure. What kind of feelings had Park Chan-wook observed during that brief encounter?

It was probably an emotion I’d never show him or one he wouldn’t want to reveal.

I didn’t ask Park Chan-wook further. That was the respect I owed her. I had asked out of momentary curiosity but didn’t want to pry deeper.

“Anyway, I’m doing well, so that’s about it. Honestly, I’m really tired, so let’s not meet unnecessarily from now on. After this whole thing is over.”

“Okay. I’m sorry for dragging you into this.”

“Just with words?”

“Should I at least buy you a meal?”

“No thanks. That was just a casual remark. Without making money, what can I do?”

This guy.

“No, I actually earn enough. I’m a bestselling author.”

“I’m just saying that, so it’s fine.”

After a deep sigh, it took Park Chan-wook a considerable amount of time to speak again. Was he thinking about something? I didn’t feel the need to press him again.

“If I hadn’t caused trouble back then, none of this would have happened.”

“You realized you were causing trouble, huh?”

“With a personality like this, of course, I’m writing.”

“That’s disrespectful to other authors.”

“It doesn’t seem disrespectful to you.”

“It is disrespectful.”

Park Chan-wook was a strange guy. He clearly had a bad personality, yet he was aware of it. He would lash out like someone with anger management issues, then calm down in an instant. Our conversations up until now hadn’t been entirely pleasant.

Yet, it was clear that Park Chan-wook was still irritated. Even the jokes we exchanged carried an undertone of sarcasm.

But that meant half of it was sincere. And Park Chan-wook was someone who had helped me. Of course, I had also helped him, but as he said, that might have been something unnecessary.

So that was my meddling. But so what? Hadn’t Park Chan-wook also helped me because of his meddling?

I didn’t feel inclined to point out Park Chan-wook’s attitude anymore. We had fought and settled debts within a day of meeting. The pace of it all was too fast. And this was just about right.

For the time being, due to this incident, there might be occasions where we’d meet, but as Park Chan-wook said, we probably wouldn’t see each other again. A day was short, but it was enough time to realize how mismatched we were.

So now this call was more about the conversation between a meddling jerk and a fool than that of a debtor and creditor.

Including the moment I felt a fleeting fear of him, this was a conversation that could not go on any longer.

Thus, I pay my respects regarding the settled debt to him.

To the kind of person who asks if I’m okay but doesn’t say I look okay.

“Can I ask you one last thing?”

“What is it?”

“The book you were reading on the train, what was it?”

“‘Gargantua and Pantagruel.’”

“Right, thanks.”

The call ended there. There were no farewells. This last remark was sufficiently a farewell.

Gargantua and Pantagruel.

What a nostalgic name.

~

For the time being, I left a message telling Seo Eun-a not to come to see me. I asked Im Mi-ra to pass it along as well. I still didn’t have Im Mi-ra’s phone number. I worried for no reason that Seo Eun-a might make a fuss, but surprisingly, she accepted it readily.

Then, I felt a bit lonely. When did I start to fear solitude? It was bearable when I didn’t realize it, but once I did, it became unbearable.

Maybe Seo Eun-a wouldn’t realize it, but I might not see Im Mi-ra again. The time I told them not to come was around the announcement date of the CSAT scores.

I hadn’t heard what choice Im Mi-ra would make. She probably wouldn’t intend to tell me.

Regardless of what choice she made, tea time was over. It was past six. The moment children graduate from fairy tales, they become adults. And there are no right answers when it comes to adulthood.

Since no one knows why the raven resembles a desk, each person must seek their own answers.

I don’t know if Im Mi-ra will continue her relationship with Seo Eun-a. I hope they get along well, but the two were such opposites that saying they became friends felt awkward. Without me as a glue, I couldn’t definitively say that connection would continue.

I hope they get along well.

So, for the time being, I’ll be alone. Ham Yejin, who worried about me, might come to visit, but it would be difficult for her to make time often. It seems like things have returned to normal.

I take out Gargantua and Pantagruel, which had been stuck in a corner of the bookshelf. It’s a name unfamiliar to ordinary people, but it’s different for those in the literature department. Most literature departments wouldn’t skip this novel in their curriculum. Usually, it’s a book read in the first year.

Gargantua and Pantagruel is a fantasy satire of the Renaissance era in France. It’s one of the works treated very importantly in literary history, but personally, I didn’t find it that enjoyable to read.

Considering Park Chan-wook’s discomfort with pure literature, it’s a surprisingly mismatched novel. The genre of the novels he writes is closer to fantasy, but it wasn’t exactly a novel worth consulting for modern genres.

That doesn’t mean it’s worthless; it’s just that you usually don’t go that far. The values sought are different, and it was a story of opposing structures. Of course, this novel was treated as genre literature when it first came out, but literature is a living thing that grows with the times. The genres from back then are completely different from today.

I might be able to come up with plausible thoughts like that, but I didn’t see any need to, nor did I want to. As I said, I respect Park Chan-wook. Therefore, I didn’t want to interpret a story he hadn’t explicitly stated with my own opinions.

After skimming through the book for a moment, I closed it again and put it back on the shelf.

That was enough.

After closing the book, I am alone again. Of course, I was originally alone, but when I opened the book, I felt like I was with someone else. Fortunately, the world has become quite wonderful, allowing this small rectangle to connect me with others.

There were several messages from various people on my phone. It was a sight I never seemed to get used to.

I would probably feel this way for the rest of my life.

It’s not bad.